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Autism and ADHD
JJLemon18
Community Champion Posts: 1,926 Extreme Poster
I've wrote this in the 'I need a hug' thread and wanted to ask a bit more about it so I thought I'd start a new thread.
Today I talked with my GP a bit about this and she said Autism and ADHD are two "opposite" disorders and its not possible to have both... is that true? I've done a little bit of researching and apparently its pretty common to have both. I'm confused...
She said I don't have either (and was surprisingly confident about it) even though I clearly relate quite a bit to some of the symptoms and stuff. At this point I kinda want to know I have these cause that would explain why I've been behaving like this for all these years and why I find everything so hard to understand and everything. But she said it just anxiety... now I kinda just feel stupid
I asked her if I could get referred for some diagnosis to check and she sent me a link to a website where I could "self-refer", but the website says this:
"Unfortunately due to the complexity of this condition and or the need for supporting documentation from your GP it is not possible to do a self-referral for ADHD. Please see your GP who will be able to refer you." (Says the same thing for Autism)
Maybe I really am just overthinking it and I have neither, but I need some validation as to why I'm so 'different' to everyone else. I always knew I think differently and this seems like the perfect explanation. I really don't know what to do or even think about this.
I just decided to take two online quizzes and turns out theres a high likelihood that I have both autism and adhd... Idk if thats a good or bad thing
Today I talked with my GP a bit about this and she said Autism and ADHD are two "opposite" disorders and its not possible to have both... is that true? I've done a little bit of researching and apparently its pretty common to have both. I'm confused...
She said I don't have either (and was surprisingly confident about it) even though I clearly relate quite a bit to some of the symptoms and stuff. At this point I kinda want to know I have these cause that would explain why I've been behaving like this for all these years and why I find everything so hard to understand and everything. But she said it just anxiety... now I kinda just feel stupid
I asked her if I could get referred for some diagnosis to check and she sent me a link to a website where I could "self-refer", but the website says this:
"Unfortunately due to the complexity of this condition and or the need for supporting documentation from your GP it is not possible to do a self-referral for ADHD. Please see your GP who will be able to refer you." (Says the same thing for Autism)
Maybe I really am just overthinking it and I have neither, but I need some validation as to why I'm so 'different' to everyone else. I always knew I think differently and this seems like the perfect explanation. I really don't know what to do or even think about this.
Believe in me - who believes in you
Post edited by JustV on
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And now I feel even less inclined to join
No where will accept a self-referral (believe me I've tried) unless you go private and then sadly the NHS tends not to recognise private diagnoses (this is what I am aware from family who have done this).
Only thing you can do is read the NICE guidelines, speak to family about when you was younger look for patterns of behaviour, for ADHD there is a scale thing (I'll try finding it later) take the evidence written down so you don't forget and relay why you believe having this diagnoses will help and the impact these 2 conditions INDIVIDUALLY has on you and your day to day life. Expect to wait, expect knock backs, expect being told your referral has been sent when it hasn't, expect being told the waiting lists are closed at this time. But just try different GP in your surgery. I've been through 3 GPs in 3yrs and I'm still waiting for my ADHD paperwork to be accepted my a clinic, ive been lied to multiple times about this which is why I know all this.
If the society at your university is anything like the one I help to run at my uni - then we really aren’t bothered on if people have a official diagnosis or not , as we recognise in the current climate how hard it actually is to get that diagnosis
As for having both an ADHD and autism diagnosis - whilst it’s hard to get a diagnosis of both as there’s a big cross over of similar symptoms and traits between them , it’s not impossible so I’m not really sure why the Gp said that to you
Look into whether your university offers a diagnostic service - I know mine does and whilst it doesn’t give you an “official diagnosis” to be able to access things such as medication- it does provide you with a report that means you can access support through your university.
I don't want to imagine spending thousands of pounds for a private diagnosis for it to turn out to be useless...
From what you said, no thank you. I don't think I'm ready for all this trouble right now.
@Millie2787 so do you think it would be worth just asking them if it's fine that I join? I'm worried they wouldn't want to tell me "no you can't" so it might make the situation kinda awkward.
As I said, I just don't want to ruin a chill community, I know I can be pretty annoying at times.
It just seems like a place where I can feel comfortable and understood. A place I can belong in a way.
Or maybe I wont belong at all, I'm starting to be very doubtful. I'm literally going off of "I think I have adhd" and no actual proof.
I havent heard of my uni offering such service. I'll try to look deeper into it though.
Here's the thing, they call themselves the "Autism Society" but do mention that other neurodiversities are also welcome, so I'm not sure.
I'm probably overthinking it as usual. I think I should just ask and either they say 'sure' and it will be great, or they'll say 'no' and I won't have to worry about it anymore.
Thank you all so much for the advice, I appreciate it!
The society I help run are called the Neurodiverse society and most of our members do have autism - but again we cover others such as ADHD , Dyslexia , dyspraxia etc
They said that I'm welcome to join the society and mentioned that if I strongly believe that I have autism/adhd then it means I probably do. They used the word 'strongly' twice. But that's the problem, I don't believe it strongly at all. I'm just suspecting it.
What if I join and later realise that I'm not neurodivergent at all?? Do I just leave and pretend I never joined? Then feel bad about all the time I spent there?
I'm terrified of squeezing myself in a place I don't belong. I don't want to go there and feel like I'm fake.
I'm probably overthinking all this, and who knows, maybe they'll be happy that I join. But again, I'm shite at socialising and behaving like a normal human being so I'm here panicking that I'm doing something wrong and I'll get embarrassed or something
Now tho, how do I tell my parents all this... They arent gonna like this idea. I asked my mum a few days ago if she thinks I have autism or adhd and she straight up said "no", that it's not possible otherwise we'd know it by now. Plus they definitely don't like the idea of having an autistic child and I'm not sure why...
That being said, the reason they'll mention "strongly" believing it to you is just so you'll feel like you can relate to others (for example, some people use the word "autistic" to describe themselves for the sole reason that they like routines. In reality, being autistic means much more than that! So the society probably isn't the right choice for that person because the space isn't really meant for that situation). The reason that society is set up is to provide a space for those who experience neurodiversity, so they want to make sure that those that join are best placed to be a part of that community.
The fact that you've gone to the GP and considering diagnosis options suggests that it's not just a casually-used term for you. And the society is likely to be a good choice for you if you want to feel understood - talking about your experiences with others who may resonate with how you feel is validating! But if you find that you're not neurodiverse while you're there - that's completely fine. Part of going through the diagnosis process is that not everyone will meet one condition's criteria, and it may be that you find that it's something else entirely - finding a diagnosis isn't always a straight path. At that point, it'd be right to leave because the space isn't right for the support you're looking for, but that doesn't mean it was wrong to be there at all. At the moment, it's your best guess so it's the best support space for you. Talking to others and seeing if you relate to them is a helpful pointer as to whether you might be neurodiverse as well
And on talking to parents, remember that the best placed person to decide if you're neurodivergent is someone who's spent their career working on it and understanding it - the doctors are more likely to know than anyone else! I think parents often don't want to accept that their children might be neurodivergent, not because of any malice, but because they fear how being neurodivergent and having that label might affect them negatively in life (social, career etc). Often times, it's out of love and fear, not out of hatred. I hear how it's a difficult conversation to have with them, and you should talk to them if and when you feel comfortable to do so. If that means waiting until you have more information and answers, that's completely fine, there's no rush!
@Azziman Thank you so much for the advice!
As for telling parents, that's a tricky one. Since parents are older, they may have old fashioned views of autism and so may genuinely think that you can't be autistic. Or they may feel that it's just a trend these days given how we have access to the internet growing up while they didn't. Equally, and depending on your parents, whether they are also neurodivergent and their own life experiences, they could potentially be in denial (if they are neurodivergent) about themselves, seeing as it's likely you share traits with them which they may relate to. To have you diagnose with autism, may make them question themselves, and sometimes it's easier to shut it down by going into denial instead. And Azziman said, parents often just want what's best for you. Being diagnosed with autism can lead to a lot of stigma if other people don't understand autism, and your parents wouldn't want you to suffer as a result of that.
It's easy for parents to think that if their child was autistic, they would've been diagnosed a lot earlier in childhood. But actually, this isn't true at all. There's a combination of autistic masking (hiding autistic traits), plus professionals (e.g. teachers) not knowing much about autism (can't get diagnosed if teachers don't see it and refer for diagnosis), plus it takes years for research to improve and make it's way into the community (it's only in the last decade that we've realised girls are often not diagnosed with autism and get missed until later years) that will affect when someone gets diagnosed. It's not as simple as saying that parents would've known when their child was younger.
Regarding being slightly autistic...that depends. Medically, you will either get diagnosed with autism (and a functioning level...1 being higher and 3 being lower) or you won't. But that doesn't mean that you don't necessarily have autism. Some of the criteria used to diagnose autism has been criticised over the years. Equally, functioning levels have also been criticised. And I think some people have proposed that it's possible to have autistic traits but to not hit the criteria for diagnosis, leading to a 'broader autism phenotype' (this is just a theory though). But what many people can agree on is that autism is a spectrum. So there will be things that you find easier than other autistic people, and yet there will also be things that you may find more difficult than others. This might be why you may find that you aren't as 'autistic' as others, and yet still relate to autism. And equally, other things like ADHD, life experiences, plus your own personality may also affect how much or little someone relates to autism. Whatever you feel, it shouldn't stop you from accessing autistic communities and support.
It's really good to hear that you joined the society though! You've been really brave to take that step and I hope that it also helps you to realise that all your worries about joining the society were unfounded
Really? Thats interesting to know. I never thought of my parents as being autistic, and I still don't tbh. Is autism often something that gets passed on to your children?
Thank you so much for all the insightful advice @Maisy, I found it super helpful! I don't know what else I could say. Thank you
Autism/ADHD can run in families. It's entirely possible to be the only one in your family, but I believe that this often isn't the case. So it's possible that your parents and other family members may have traits of autism and/or ADHD but it's also possible that might not be the case. It's not really known for sure how genetic neurodivergence is. At the very least, I've heard other people not knowing they might be autistic until a younger relative got diagnosed.
You're very welcome- I'm glad I could help