Home Health & Wellbeing
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Brain rambles

Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Posts: 1,376 Wise Owl

I'm trying to do everything in my power to not call crisis again. I have a mental health assessment on Tuesday but I still feel like I'm on the rocks. My medication stopped working a while ago and like an idiot I didn't do a thing about it as I didn't see the point.

I feel horrific in how I look and feel. All I want to do is cry and engage in unhelpful behaviours.

I stupidly bought a scale and been weighing myself a stupid amount of times but I feel like I can't stop. I can't purge because I have a huge cavity that I'm already paying just under & £500. Shits hard.

Life is seemingly good and I'm greatful to be living independently and financially stable but I can't seem to find the light. If I don't fix myself now then all of what I'm doing is pointless. I don't enjoy feeling like this, I just want it all to stop.
independent_ShaunieLaura_tigger82AislingDMames

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,562 Legendary Poster
    Hey Salix, I’m really sorry to hear that. It sounds like you’re having a really tough time right now.

    I don’t have much in the way of advice but just wanted to send you hugs and support. It’s ok to call the helplines etc if you feel you need to. Hope your assessment goes well and you can get some extra support <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Salix_alba_2019Laura_tigger82
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 516 Moderator
    Heya @Salix_alba_2019 , your pain and distress sounds beyond immense right now, I'm sure this is made even scarier by your meds not working anymore and your mind telling you to want to do less helpful behaviours. Working through these complex feelings and experiences must be extremely difficult, and so it's no wonder you're feeling like things are pointless. Thank you for choosing to talk to us about all of this, as I know this is never easy :( I know that you mentioned having a MHA on Tuesday, and if that's today, I'd love to listen about how this went for you <3 (if not that is more than okay too). Huge hugs xxx
    Salix_alba_2019
  • amesames Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Salix_alba_2019

    I hope that your mental health assessment yesterday went well! Sending love and support your way :)<3
    Salix_alba_2019
  • KatKat Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hiya @Salix_alba_2019

    Thank you for sharing how you are feeling with us, that's an amazing first step. It's great you have had a mental health assessment, I really hope that went well and should help you plan for the future.

    Please don't feel guilty for not being proactive about your medication. When you're going through such a tough time, these things can be really difficult to cope with. Try not to dwell on the past and just focus on what you can do today. What matters is what we do today, not what we did yesterday. If you feel up to it, maybe try to get in touch with your GP about your medication, as that sounds like it would help.

    Please never feel like you are not allowed to feel this way because you life is seemingly good. Everyone is allowed to struggle and deserves help along the way. You say that your trying not to contact the crisis team again but please remember they are always there for you. You might think that not calling the crisis team shows strength but actually contacting crisis services when you are in need is one of the strongest things you can do.

    You say that you want all of this pain to stop and that makes me hopeful because it shows that you have got the determination to fight through the hard times.

    I know you are in the dark at the moment but I promise you can find the light. Maybe try to write down one positive thing each day, like watching the sun set or seeing a beautiful bird. It can be anything no matter how small but it might help you to start seeing a little bit of light each day.

    Hopefully that can be some small comfort to you. Sending hugs <3
    Salix_alba_2019
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 516 Moderator
    Just thought I'd check in to see how you're doing @Salix_alba_2019 <3
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Posts: 1,376 Wise Owl
    AislingDM wrote: »
    Just thought I'd check in to see how you're doing @Salix_alba_2019 <3

    Heyyy I read all your wonderful messages and I really appreciate you all taking the time out of your day to message me. I'm doing a lot better too @AislingDM ☺️

    I got a letter through the post following my conversation with the crisis team so I ended up calling them to discuss some things in detail. It turns out that they didn't think that I wasn't deamed suitable for the secondary MH team and that I should go via IAPT and other charities or go over my DBT 😅. Which I think is fair enough but I wish they would have explained why they came to that decision to help me understand and not feel so rejected lol.

    Either way, I was able to express how I felt to the consultant and emphasise that I'm willing to work hard to maintain what I've been able to achieve so far. I want to stay well and I want to stay on top of things.

    Salix 😉
    AislingDM
  • RuhRuh Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Well done and all the best 😀
    Salix_alba_2019
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 516 Moderator
    That is absolutely no worries at all, you deserve to feel supported, and given that you deserve this, I cannot imagine how disappointing it was to be met with this response from the secondary MH team. Being turned away to alternative services can feel really alienating. Even with the amazing aspects of IAPT, it still does not feel nice to have spent time on assessments and waiting around only to be referred elsewhere :(

    The fact that you were so able to express your pain and challenges in such an insightful way to the consultant is simply amazing, and not an easy thing to do, so huge huge well done regardless of the outcome =) I really do hope that talking to IAPT is something you will feel comfortable doing, but equally it is super understandable to take some time before feeling ready again.

    Big hugs <3 xx
    Salix_alba_2019
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