I need some advice

Starlight · June 2021

I wouldn’t usually ask for advice on this sort of stuff because it’s something I like to hide away because I don’t usually like the answer myself but... there’s this lad I’ve met through a show I’m in this week, he’s part of the stage crew and he has a crush on me. It all feels a little primary school to me but yesterday during our two show day someone told me about how attractive he finds me etc. and then the other lads in the stage crew were teasing me about it from there on. And then on my way home he messaged me on Instagram, I let him know about wasn’t interested in a relationship at the moment but he still wants to “get to know me” and he seems like a lovely lad (just not my type and as I said I’m not looking for a relationship right now) and I wouldn’t mind having a chat with him. BUT!! I don’t want to lead him on or give him false hope and hurt him anymore than I have to. So would it be best to just not message him back? The last show is tomorrow so I probably won’t see him again after tomorrow. That’s my dilemma, either message him back and hopefully not lead him on or just not reply again? I really don’t know what to do anyone got any advice?

lovemimoon · June 2021

Heya! I think you should be straightforward with him and tell him that you are strictly interested in being friends, and you have no intention of taking anything further than that!

Hope that helps!

m3gan04 · June 2021

I agree! I think you should definitely reply to the message but in a way which is clear and straightforward

Starlight · June 2021

Thanks both of you!! I’ll try that, hope it works don’t want to hurt anyone

Riley · June 2021

I don't think you need to worry too much about leading him on @Starlight , you've already been very clear with him that you're not interesting in dating him and that's really all you can do. Like @lovemimoon and @m3gan04 mentioned as long as you're clear and upfront with him there's no reason for anyone to get hurt.

Hope this all works out for you though it's understandable that these situations can be pretty stressful, feel free to keep us all updated with how things are going and if you need any more advice.

Zay · June 2021

Hi! @Starlight
I've been in the exact same situation as you and I agree with the others that you should message him otherwise he would be overthinking and spamming you with messages. But talk to him upright that you don't want anything more than a friendship with him and that you are taking this strictly and seriously, and that you are not interested in being in a relationship at all. And hopefully, he will just see a friend in you as well.

Starlight · June 2021

Thank you so much @Riley and @zaynab_5 for the advice I really appreciate it! It didn’t quite work out in the best way unfortunately, felt a little down about it at first but I’m fine now, I just hate to upset people and I know I definitely hurt his feelings but it was the best thing for me and I’m glad I didn’t hurt him more and that it’s over now

AislingDM · June 2021

Bless your heart @Starlight it's never nice to be put in a position like that. I'm glad to see you talking about it, because you shouldn't have to face dealing with stuff like this alone. Really big well done for taking everyone's advice !!! But from the sounds of it things weren't as smooth as you were hoping

I just want you to know it's not your fault at all for his feelings being hurt and you being straightforward with him was the kindest and best route you could have taken

You've done amazingly with it all, I reckon, and we're here if you wanna talk some more about it x

GeorginaHereToHelp · June 2021

I agree with everyone else! If you aren't interested in him it is best you being straightforward and upfront with him. Everyone gets crushes, but they come and go. You should be proud of yourself for being this strong with your choice

jemuzing · June 2021

Starlight wrote: »

I wouldn’t usually ask for advice on this sort of stuff because it’s something I like to hide away because I don’t usually like the answer myself but... there’s this lad I’ve met through a show I’m in this week, he’s part of the stage crew and he has a crush on me. It all feels a little primary school to me but yesterday during our two show day someone told me about how attractive he finds me etc. and then the other lads in the stage crew were teasing me about it from there on. And then on my way home he messaged me on Instagram, I let him know about wasn’t interested in a relationship at the moment but he still wants to “get to know me” and he seems like a lovely lad (just not my type and as I said I’m not looking for a relationship right now) and I wouldn’t mind having a chat with him. BUT!! I don’t want to lead him on or give him false hope and hurt him anymore than I have to. So would it be best to just not message him back? The last show is tomorrow so I probably won’t see him again after tomorrow. That’s my dilemma, either message him back and hopefully not lead him on or just not reply again? I really don’t know what to do anyone got any advice?

1st of all, he didnt take no for an answer which to me isnt ok. He thinks that if he keeps talking to you even "as a friend" he can change your mind and more than likely if you agree to this you would be leading him on even if it was his idea and under the guise of friendship, someone is bound to get hurt or guilted into being in.a relationshipyou arent ready for...you set a boundary and said you arent interested and its wrong of him to not accept your answer, in this way heis manipulating you. I either wouldnt answer him back or id tell him that when i said i wasnt interested in a relatiknship right now, i meant any kind of a relationship, and if he cant accept that then you probably wouldnt want a relationship or friendship with this type of pushy person...i think men do not know how to take no for an answer and many times find when they push it they het thier way...that women just play hard to get...but its a respect thing...if he isnt respecting your boundaries now what makes you think he ever will respect them?

I need some advice

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