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So so low

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    ElizabethElizabeth Posts: 93 Budding Regular
    edited June 2020
    Things sounds really tough for you, I’m sorry, sending hugs <3<3. Please don’t give up on support, there will be someone out there who can help although it may not seem like that rn. You deserve to be happy and healthy, no one deserves to be sad or upset. Maybe eating something will help and then getting some rest, make sure you give teddy lots of cuddles! 

    Always here if you need anyone XX 
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    joyajoya Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    sending you not only hugs shaunie, but a mountain of good and positivy vibes and energy too! you're so strong and i am very proud of you, 'cause you've pass for a lot of things but still here, with us, alive... you're amazing, sweet!!! keep fighting! everything always goes, believe me <3 ^^
    everything always goes ^^
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you @Elizabeth and @joya
    <3. Feel less sick now ive eaten something
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    Only just seen this shaunie, sorry. I hope you know I care about you and I just wanted to send some love your way xxx
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you jelly <3 i think there is still something wrong with me. I literally feel so light headed. I feel sick when i get up but when i sit down for awhile the sickness goes. I havent been in the heat that much today only to the hospital  but it might be because from crying so much but i hate feeling sick. 😓😓😓
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie, heeyyy girl try increasing your fluid intake if you think you might be a bit dehydrated. If your potassium is low then that can  sometimes it can make you feel funny. If foods are a bit too much try some citrus drinks/fruits or smoothies 😉

     Take it easy if you can and maybe some self care *hugs* ♥️


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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    @Salix_alba_2019 thats a good point didnt think about that. 

    I keep having thoughts that keep coming to do it again. But its not really to kill myself this time. Just to hurt myself. I used to do it a lot and never seek help for it (not to the extreme as i did it on tuesday) but they said because of my past of doing it a lot and my liver function test that one day id be doing it - not even to kill myself just to hurt myself and it will kill me. And i don’t know why they kept saying how dangerous it is to me when i am suicidal. They said it the thing was invented now it wouldnt get pass the system to be safe enough to sell and i its actually really dangerous no one just realises how lethal it is.  I felt like they was inviting me to kill myself too. And said because of my weight it wouldnt take a lot to just kill me. 

    @Ed_ that first question is interesting. They always ask me if i planed it or just did it. And i always say i just did it because i just feel more fed up than other times. But yeah reading that question "What are the early warning signs you might notice when you feel yourself heading towards a crisis? "my answer in my head was that i start planning it. Not exact details but i start buying stuff and thinking about when i can do it. But now i think about it thats probably why they dont take me seriously because theyre always kinda like oh BPD impluse. Youll be fine tomorrow then

    Teddy helps me to feel safe. I domt think much else. I guess in the moment i dont want to be safe so its hard to actively try to be safe. "Who do you think would be best/ who do you feel comfortable making aware of when you're feeling that way or you notice some of those signs?" Defo not my family so feels like no one really. Online supoort you cant use everytime you feel unsafe even crisis messenger they basically tell you off for doing so. So no one. 

    I will read the planning ones tomorrow lol my head just still feels like a mess to read a lot of infor sorry 

    today i am seeing bella ☺️ Will send pics. Shes grown bless her
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    My sister is moaning at me for looking miserable. Um probs cause i am miserable.but i just said i feel light headed still and she just shouting at me to eat but i cant even move. Shouting at me just fucking hurting my head
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Awww Shaunie, try and ignore her some people don’t understand we can’t just snap out of it ! 

    here’s another Photo of Louie enjoying his new cooling mat we got him today which will hopefully give you a smile ! 

    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you @Millie2787
     how do those cooling mats work? Just feels cool? I might get teddy and bella one. Does he like it?

     Just realised i could feel light headed because I've stopped taking my citalopram  and haven't done it gradually. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Im not to sure Shaunie I think they adjust to however hot the dog is , or dosent feel cool but Louie has been on it for 10/15 minutes and dosent seem to be panting anymore ... was only £5 for the small one from B&M
    which is the size Louie is on . Took him a few attempts to stay lay on it 🤣

    Ahh that might possibly be the reason I know sometimes that can happen when you go cold turkey ! May be worth starting them again :) 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Ah thank you. Might get teddy one!

     Ah yeah. I just emailed my gp saying I'm still so light headed and is annoying me. And asked is cause of antidepressants i doubt they will reply though
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie as somone who's missed 2 - 3 days of citalopram I can confirm that it made me dizzy and light headed lol
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Salix_alba_2019 said:
    @Shaunie as somone who's missed 2 - 3 days of citalopram I can confirm that it made me dizzy and light headed lol
    Ooh rightt. Its probably that then. I stopped taking it on tuesday tho so thought wouldnt feel it now. I've taken one citalopram to see if it helps me
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited June 2020
    Omg. Im so sad. My gp rang me and just take the citaporam but i bigger dose and if we dont give it a good chance will run out of optione because ive tried sertaline and floxatine and said this is why i feel light headed. But i havent taken citaporam since tuesday and now theyre suddenly wanting me to like take more than what i was already. Do they want me to throw up or what 🤢And now ive just got a text message to say i have an appointment on 3 rd and says a time and how am i even meant to know if thats over the phone or physical

    citalopram is clearly not fucking helping
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I feel really bad
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I didnt reply to my older sister after work for an hour. So she comes round runs into my room and starts crying and im just thinking what. And she said becaude my messages wasnt sending and she is crying because i am alive 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Got a 24 hour ECG for Thursday. Because I had heart atrial flutters On my first ecg in hospital. But my second one was okay. But they said a 24 hour ecg is needed. But I’m just thinking obviously my heart wouldn’t be that great when I did what I did. And returned to normal so not sure the point in ecg 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Hey Shaunie,

    Sorry to hear things still aren’t good, hugs <3

    In terms of the ECG, I don’t think they like to take any risks with the heart (understandably) so it’s maybe more cautious than anything? I’ve had a 24 hour ECG, they’re ok, from what I remember it’s just sticky pads on your chest and a small monitor which you can clip onto your clothes. Mine was a while back now though. 

    I hope it all goes ok <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah I guess so. I’ve have had an 24 hour ECG before cause of laxative use ages ago. 
    I just don’t think This time it needs doing And don’t want to use their time. But yeah guess their chioce
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I have my ecg on and I can’t stop over thinking how my heart is feeling lol
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I feel really unwell for some reason. My stomach is hurting so bad
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2020
    I handed in my ecg. Said will take 2 week for results that’s ages away. 
    Also have appointment over the phone with gp today. But I didn’t make the appointment but I’m guessing it’s just to check up on me
    i didn’t make the appointment but I bet they will still be like “hi how can I help” i don’t know i didn’t ask for your help 😒
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Aww Shaunie I’m sorry the appointment is so far away it will be because all the data has to be looked at but I’m sure there will be nothing to worry about 💜

    I hope the doctors call goes okay 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2020
    Thank you @Millie2787  <3
    im having bad thoughts to do it again. Not sure what to do with it:///// other than do it (just thoughts)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Aww no ! Can you do some more drawing/ painting maybe you could do one to represent what’s going on in your head it can be a really nice outlet 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Millie2787 said:
    Aww no ! Can you do some more drawing/ painting maybe you could do one to represent what’s going on in your head it can be a really nice outlet 
    Ah no finding it hard to find motivation:(. Not even for my jigsaws 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    What about just some doodles and scribbles ?
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Na:(. My gp ring me. To ask  about meds and just said yeah it’s fine In this dose. And he said how are you getting on. I said “no”. He said no you’re not getting on okay. I said no. He said what’s been going on. I said “no it’s okay”. He’s like I’m confused. And i say that’s fine. And he said okay you know where to ring if you need help. I’m like yeah. 
    Well if he isn’t stupid he would realise my family are around and I will only say yes or no things not how I feel 😂
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2020
    The thoughts of doing this thing again is becoming urges now 😶😶😶😶😶
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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