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Not ok

13

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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Butterfly23 said:
    Hugs @GreenTea <3

    Thank you butterfly. Really appreciate the support
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Psssssp

    Just wanted to pass by and offer some hugs 🤗



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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you @Salix_alba_2019 appreciate it.

    I'm so just doing drastic things because I get the urge and impulse to do it. Past few hours I've had the urge to just cut my hair...so I did
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I wonder how many more things are going to tip me over the edge
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Just wanted to pile on the hugs here :heart:

    How do you feel about having cut your hair? Do you want to talk about any of the things tipping you over the edge?

    You did really well with phoning the GP for an appointment. It's understandable feeling angry about how long you'll have to wait. I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad and that they didn't give you an earlier appointment :heart:
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited August 2019
    I'm frustrated and on a downward spiral
    I have no energy, constant headaches and constantly anxious. 
    This is so difficult
    Post edited by TheMix on
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    edited August 2019
    Hey GreenTea

    Just wanted to pop on to send you some hugs and to let you know we are here for you, :heart:

                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thanks. 
    I'm doing a little better today, not brilliant but I guess itsnsomeh
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hello,

    I'm glad you are feeling better today! 

    Butterfly x
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Just gonna curl up in to my bed and die. Sound cool? Yep.

    Am safe but it's whatever
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Anxiety attack. 
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    I get you Sometimes the environment where we need support can make things worse by also contai ING topics that might be a little close to home. 

    Hey how did you end up doing your hair BTW? Nikki from holby city has seriously been tempting be to get an undercut lol
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Sat crying shaking and struggling to breathe because I can't handle much more shit. So much Is going through my head. So much is happening, I'm relapsing with eating and depression and just about everything I worked hard to get better from and i can't handle it 😭😭

    @Salix_alba_2019 I cut about 2 inches off my hair but tempted to just shave it all off. I washed it the other day then felt guilty and like I didn't deserve to. The smell of my conditioner was stressing me out so much
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Hey its okay

    Just take a few minutes, slow things down and allow it to pass ❤️ some times I find watching the rain fall helpful when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

    Take one thing at a time and right now we need to work on getting you to a calmer state 😉

    I bet your hair looks fab, you deserve to do nice things for yourself because we all need some self care just to unwind every now and again. 

    Relapsing is part of the journey, it's okay to stumble, we're only human and it doesn't mean that you have to start all over, you just need to pick yourself up from where you were and take smol steps again, I know you can do it 🤗

    You deserve to be happy, and your feelings and thoughts are absolutely valid ❤️
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    My hair is horrible but then I hate everything about me anyway. 
    I just want to get back into bed and be forgotten about
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    My body hurts and feels so weak, I have no energy and my head is killing me. I'm struggling to feel comfortable to eat, I catch myself in the numbers of full length mirrors and see how disgusting I am.
    I can't go a day without anxiety taking over at the moment and it's too hard. Depression is sucking all hope out of me 
    I am disgusted. I am a disappointment. I am worthless. I am nothing 😭
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I think I might cut my hair shorter 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Gonna cancel my doctor appointment and just suffer. Don't deserve the support anyway apparently 
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Aww, you truly do deserve the support. There's no pressure either way, but please don't cancel the appointment if you want it :heart:

    I don't think of you as nothing, disgusting or any of the things you're saying about yourself. It must be horrible to feel that way. You don't deserve to hate yourself.

    I'm sorry you're struggling so much, you sound really troubled :frown:
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I give up. What's the point anymore? Can't go a day without anxiety taking over, constantly thinking about food and calories and how disgusting I am, constantly carrying out eating disorder behaviours and my weight is dropping.  I'm tired. I'm fed up. 
    I've gone 24 hours without sleep. Everytime I tried to sleep last night anxiety took over. I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing and I couldn't stop crying. I am tired. 
    I hate myself so much and it sucks knowing nobody loves me but I guess that just makes it easier for me to hate myself.
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    Mia_mooMia_moo Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @GreenTea we don't think you are disgusting at all, we all care about you very much. Do you think referring for therapy may help with the anxiety? Xx
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    How are you doing today ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    @Mia_moo I want therapy but it do hard to come by unless you go private. I tried counseling with the mix but it really really did not work out and it just made me feel anxious about even trusting someone who is supposed to help.
    I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel completely hopless and I feel I've never be ok again
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited August 2019
    Del
    Post edited by GreenTea on
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    RileyRiley Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi there @GreenTea sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time lately. You mentioned in your post before that you want to try therapy but it's hard to come by, have you spoken to your GP about what kind of therapy options they can offer you? There are usually a few options covered by the NHS that they can refer you to, though they're not always right for everyone.

    You also mentioned that you tried The Mix counselling but your anxiety flared up, are there any alternatives that you've considered? There are a lot of different services out there that can give you someone to talk to anonymously about how you're feeling and what you're going through. Feel free to let me know if that's something you'd be interested in and I'd be happy to share some links to different services like that. :)
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    @Riley . The mix counseling kept screwing me over (won't discuss how as the mix are aware) left me feeling  anxious around reaching out to people who are supposed to help. Just wanted to correct that.
    I can't use kooth because they don't take my age in the area I live so that's out the question.
    If you read further posts I did make a GP appointment Hoping it would be an emergency appointment but I was ignored and given an appointment for next week now however I cancelled it as I feel like they don't care.
    I feel like friends are giving up on me. Services are giving up on me. I feel like I'm just being left to to deal wit this all alone.

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    RileyRiley Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    Well I can say you're definitely not alone since I know a lot of people on the boards care about you a whole lot. It's understandable that you feel like everyone is giving up on you, it can definitely feel like that when things keep going wrong.

    I'm sorry to hear that your appointment got delayed so much, I know that can be very upsetting. I can't speak for your GP myself but it's not necessarily that they don't care about you but just that they're very busy at the moment and can't fit you in earlier. I know that doesn't help when you're feeling bad though so whether you end up visiting your GP or not is totally up to you.

    As I mentioned earlier there are several services out there that offer anonymous support or someone to talk to, if you want to talk about how you're feeling it's something you can keep in mind. Beat https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ offer services specifically for eating disorders while Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org/ and Mind https://www.mind.org.uk/ are more general mental health support.
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Not many people on the boards care about me actually..
    I use elefriends and that helps but it's not therapy.. 
    I just hate everything and want to die (I wont). But it's whatever. I'm just nothing
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    You may find this link helpful

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

    Ive heard In some areas Mind offer some therapy and that number you can ring and they could see what else you could do. You said you feel services aren't listening to you. It says they can also help you to think about having an advocate with you & how to find advocate  -so feel listened more. 


    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    How are things today? :heart:
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