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Finding things difficult again

Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
Hey so,

I thought I was getting better, i don’t know why but everything’s just hit me again. All the thoughts and feelings are back, the darkness and panic...is trying my hardest to stay afloat and not slip too much but it’s impossible right now. I’m doing all the right things but nothing is improving 😔

Very stressed about finishing college like I don’t know how I’ll cope, my attachment to someone is really upsetting me at the minute and I feel like there going to leave me like most people do in the end 😭

Keep thinking about everything, tired myself out from thinking tonight, I’m exhausted yet I can’t sleep cause my thoughts are too loud. I still have hope that things will get better, I suppose it just takes time for that to happen. 

Thank you everyone for the support 💗 means a lot to meee x

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    HarryTHarryT Community Manager Posts: 320 The Mix Regular
    Hey @Butterfly23! Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you, and we're behind you all the way!

    Remember things in life are very rarely straight forward. Recovery isn't a linear paths, there's often lots of bumps along the way - and that's okay. It doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, it just proves your human! Have you tried finding a release for those thoughts? I often find journaling or writing helps, others can prefer expressing through art or music. Remember we're here for as long as you need us. The light is at the end of the tunnel, and you'll reach it eventually!
    Hello amazing human (yes, that's YOU). I wish that you could see the amazing person who I see within you  ✨
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you @htwohig2412

    I do exercise a lot but it’s just not helping, nothing seems to be that’s the problem. I know recovery isn’t linear but it hardly feels like I’m even in it 😔💗
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Hey butterfly !

    Thank you for sharing, i hope it was helpful rather than keeping it to yourself. I can really hear how stressed you are. Really well done for doing all the right things and trying that out and trying to stay afloat - shows youre a really strong person and shows youre determination Its not always easy. <3 to me that does show youre in recovery. 

    Can also hear about your attachment with this person. Would you be able to keep in contact with this person when college is finishing?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    edited June 2019
    Thank you @Shaunie

    I’m just slipping more and more 😔I can’t keep in contact which is hard, work have her as a teacher next year but I just feel awful and I’m worrying that she is leaving, and I don’t know why I think that but I don’t know what to do 😭😭😭😭😭
    Post edited by TheMix on
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    JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @butterfly

    Would just like to reiterate @shaunie sentiment that everyone here is grateful for you sharing what is on your mind. 

    It sounds like you are very aware of what is going on inside your head, and it's understandable to be frustrated and exhausted by not feeling like you have agency over those thoughts. 

    How has it felt sharing what's on your mind with the Mix community? Is there a close friend, family member, or colleague who you think you might be able to talk to about, and who might be able to help with, what's going on? 

    You said in your initial post that you're stressed about finishing college. Why do you think this is? Are there any previous examples from times in your life, when you have had to deal with points of significant change, that you might be able to use as blueprints for dealing with this period of change? 

    Hope that these questions help tease out any ideas you might have been having. We all care so much about you and just want to help in any way possible <3 keep communicating 
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hello @JamJar

    It feels good sharing what’s on my mind but out of the mix I don’t have any support now I’ve left college for summer as the support I had was there and I think that’s why I’m stressed about finishing. Maybe also because I’m not good with change and struggle with not having structure.

    Last year, I had to deal with something in terms of change and it was really difficult but I can’t really remember what I did to overcome it. I think I just took things a day at a time and tried to not think to much into the future.

    Thank you! 
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    JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @Butterfly23

    How has this last week been? Have you asked anyone at college if they have any advice, tips, or people you can talk to, for when college comes to an end? 

    You mentioned that the prospect of losing the structure that college gives you is slightly stressing you out. Would you want to try starting something new that might provide a little structure to your summer?

    Are you arty - could you join a painting class? Or are you sporty - could you join a yoga class? Or perhaps you want to try learning a new language? 

    I appreciate that adding more change into the mix may actually be the complete opposite to what you want to do right now. I have only suggested it as an idea because as well giving you some structure, it might also allow you to meet someone who you might feel comfortable enough with to talk to about what you feel able to talk about on the mix...? 

    Sending positive thoughts your way :) 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Hey butterfly. 

    I think taking one day at a time sounds like a really good idea!
    how are you feeling today?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Shaunie

    Thank you for checking in on me <3 , I'm okay struggling a little bit trying my best which is all I can do :)
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @JamJar

    This last week hasn't been too bad, still struggling a lot but I'm slowly getting there <3 I have talked to someone about tips and advice about leaving and they mentioned hobbies, distractions and structuring my day which I have been trying to do (it's hard though cause my anxiety is really bad at the moment). 

    I'm looking into doing some volunteering over the summer, so if I can sort that out then it'll be really good and I will enjoy that. Also currently making a book which I'm going to put lists of distractions in to use when I'm struggling. :) 

    Thank you for the advice!
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