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Finding things difficult again

Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
Hey so,

I thought I was getting better, i don’t know why but everything’s just hit me again. All the thoughts and feelings are back, the darkness and panic...is trying my hardest to stay afloat and not slip too much but it’s impossible right now. I’m doing all the right things but nothing is improving 😔

Very stressed about finishing college like I don’t know how I’ll cope, my attachment to someone is really upsetting me at the minute and I feel like there going to leave me like most people do in the end 😭

Keep thinking about everything, tired myself out from thinking tonight, I’m exhausted yet I can’t sleep cause my thoughts are too loud. I still have hope that things will get better, I suppose it just takes time for that to happen. 

Thank you everyone for the support 💗 means a lot to meee x


  • htwohig2412htwohig2412 Posts: 124 The Mix Convert
    Hey @Butterfly23! Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you, and we're behind you all the way!

    Remember things in life are very rarely straight forward. Recovery isn't a linear paths, there's often lots of bumps along the way - and that's okay. It doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, it just proves your human! Have you tried finding a release for those thoughts? I often find journaling or writing helps, others can prefer expressing through art or music. Remember we're here for as long as you need us. The light is at the end of the tunnel, and you'll reach it eventually!
    "I know what I have to do now, I’ve got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
    Cast Away

  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Thank you @htwohig2412

    I do exercise a lot but it’s just not helping, nothing seems to be that’s the problem. I know recovery isn’t linear but it hardly feels like I’m even in it 😔💗
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,083 Supreme Poster
    Hey butterfly !

    Thank you for sharing, i hope it was helpful rather than keeping it to yourself. I can really hear how stressed you are. Really well done for doing all the right things and trying that out and trying to stay afloat - shows youre a really strong person and shows youre determination Its not always easy. <3 to me that does show youre in recovery. 

    Can also hear about your attachment with this person. Would you be able to keep in contact with this person when college is finishing?
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    edited June 2019
    Thank you @Shaunie

    I’m just slipping more and more 😔I can’t keep in contact which is hard, work have her as a teacher next year but I just feel awful and I’m worrying that she is leaving, and I don’t know why I think that but I don’t know what to do 😭😭😭😭😭
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 175 Super Moderator
    Hey @butterfly

    Would just like to reiterate @shaunie sentiment that everyone here is grateful for you sharing what is on your mind. 

    It sounds like you are very aware of what is going on inside your head, and it's understandable to be frustrated and exhausted by not feeling like you have agency over those thoughts. 

    How has it felt sharing what's on your mind with the Mix community? Is there a close friend, family member, or colleague who you think you might be able to talk to about, and who might be able to help with, what's going on? 

    You said in your initial post that you're stressed about finishing college. Why do you think this is? Are there any previous examples from times in your life, when you have had to deal with points of significant change, that you might be able to use as blueprints for dealing with this period of change? 

    Hope that these questions help tease out any ideas you might have been having. We all care so much about you and just want to help in any way possible <3 keep communicating 
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Hello @JamJar

    It feels good sharing what’s on my mind but out of the mix I don’t have any support now I’ve left college for summer as the support I had was there and I think that’s why I’m stressed about finishing. Maybe also because I’m not good with change and struggle with not having structure.

    Last year, I had to deal with something in terms of change and it was really difficult but I can’t really remember what I did to overcome it. I think I just took things a day at a time and tried to not think to much into the future.

    Thank you! 
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 175 Super Moderator
    Hey @Butterfly23

    How has this last week been? Have you asked anyone at college if they have any advice, tips, or people you can talk to, for when college comes to an end? 

    You mentioned that the prospect of losing the structure that college gives you is slightly stressing you out. Would you want to try starting something new that might provide a little structure to your summer?

    Are you arty - could you join a painting class? Or are you sporty - could you join a yoga class? Or perhaps you want to try learning a new language? 

    I appreciate that adding more change into the mix may actually be the complete opposite to what you want to do right now. I have only suggested it as an idea because as well giving you some structure, it might also allow you to meet someone who you might feel comfortable enough with to talk to about what you feel able to talk about on the mix...? 

    Sending positive thoughts your way :) 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,083 Supreme Poster
    Hey butterfly. 

    I think taking one day at a time sounds like a really good idea!
    how are you feeling today?
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer

    Thank you for checking in on me <3 , I'm okay struggling a little bit trying my best which is all I can do :)
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer

    This last week hasn't been too bad, still struggling a lot but I'm slowly getting there <3 I have talked to someone about tips and advice about leaving and they mentioned hobbies, distractions and structuring my day which I have been trying to do (it's hard though cause my anxiety is really bad at the moment). 

    I'm looking into doing some volunteering over the summer, so if I can sort that out then it'll be really good and I will enjoy that. Also currently making a book which I'm going to put lists of distractions in to use when I'm struggling. :) 

    Thank you for the advice!
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