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Sexually frustated. So started speaking more to guys now feel disgusting

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Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I think I never tell my family cause my past stuff they wouldn't approve of the guy lol. Cause they're racist, fatist, and literally hate a lot of people. And they don't like chavs, people who are what they see as "weird" and all sort of people.  Basically anyone who is white, and similar to how they dress ect and is good looking they would approve lol. 

    Cause my sister would also be like
    "omg if you're seeing him you could do so much better- you're so deserpate" (not true)

    but my sister does know this guy as went to same school and I know once she said he is good looking. So I don't think she would think I am what she see as "desperate". But I still don't feel comfortable. As her past reactions to who she "thinks" I have been seeing was really rude and bad. I mean I am 20 so can go out and see guys lol. I don’t know just feels awkward
  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruPosts: 357 Moderator
    Sorry I didn't reply sooner.

    You're not disgusting. You're not dirty. 

    I understand that sex can be really confusing, especially if you've had previous trauma and if you find it difficult distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy relationships and behaviours. In a way, some people find that they end up in situations that they aren't sure about because it can sometimes feel familiar but also empowering in the hope that, this time, they are calling the shots as opposed to being used. 

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex, and I'm glad that the guy you had sex with was making sure you were okay with having sex. Even if you aren't sure you physically enjoyed it, it's good that you enjoyed the experience of having consensual sex. It's not messed up, and I understand it seems that way after you have been raped in the past. It can take time to enjoy sex after going through a trauma, but it is definitely possible. It also makes sense that you may feel you forced yourself to have sex and this might be why you are struggling so much with things. It's like a sexual kind of self-harm in that you want it to feel good and take away the pain but then later on, it just feels worse? It's okay though, you aren't messing up. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, not even yourself. Take things at your own pace. 

    I totally understand not wanting to open up to family about this guy and feeling conflicted about getting to know him better too. How would you feel about meeting up with this guy for coffee/lunch etc? Going to a public place can be 'safer' and can allow you more of a chance to talk and get to know each other better, without the expectation of sex? Maybe getting to know him might help you to make a decision about your relationship with this guy, purely casual or something more and then once you feel comfortable, you can work on telling your family. It does feel awkward when family make judgments about others and it can often be rude. But as long as you are seeing people who are healthy for you and respect you, then it shouldn't matter too much about what your family thinks :) 
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited February 2019
    Thank you @Maisy

    Have had lunch with him before in public which was nice & got to know him more. And then yesterday after work i invited him over cause had free house so we spoke for a few hours & we did some cookng & time went so fast & we didnt do anything sexual & i quite enjoyed it. 

    And he seems really nice and i like him in some way. It is just yesterday on text after we meet he said he loves me which a bit too much tbh. So i have just ignored it & replied to other stuff. 

    His birthday is on thursday & he is going out for a meal for it with his family & hes inviting me. I dont feel that important to go but i do actually really wanna go. But i dont know what to say to my family where id be. Since its at 6pm 

    But i feel like he thinks i am a bit of a loser for working only 8 hours a week. But i feel like everyone thinks that lool
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Think meeting up with him again today.

    stresseddd
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Lol i told him to pretend i dont exist because i cant keep any sort of relationship
  • MathsLilyMathsLily UKPosts: 24 Boards Initiate
    Hello Shaunie,

    I have just read your post and want you to firstly know that you have friends, the community of the mix and I will always be your friend and i will be in the chat rooms weekly. You are special and you are cared about. Everyone's comments are exactly correct, you deserve to be happy and what you are doing is legal and not hurting anyone! There is absolutely nothing wrong with hooking up, and you deserve to find someone who can provide with just what you feel like and you should never feel ashamed of this, sex is natural and a need which you should not feel ashamed of. I am sending you blessings and hugs :) x
  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruPosts: 357 Moderator
    I'm sure no-one thinks that you are a loser for working 8 hours a week. That's good going considering all that you struggle with! 

    Are you going for the birthday meal with him? It's okay if you don't want to go as it can be a bit nerve wracking meeting someone else's family (though I'm sure you are important to him). And if you do decide to go, maybe you can tell your family that you are meeting up with a friend? 

    It can be difficult to maintain relationships while dealing with mental health, but you are worthy <3 
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited March 2019
    Thanks

    but Um im feeling bad. I think he is a bit obsessed with me and maybe ive lead him on. I really like him but i cant keep any relatioship but thought id try but cant.

    I told him that its best he pretends i dont exist. But just this morning ive had 15 messages off him that i havent replied to & 4 missed calls. & the other days have just been as much 
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 971 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey Shaunie, hows it going with him now - did you/are you going to his birthday meal? 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Lucy307 said:
    Hey Shaunie, hows it going with him now - did you/are you going to his birthday meal? 
    No but did meet up with him. 

    But omg this is funny

    I have told me i have depression and can iscolate myself so wouldnt take offense that am ignoring you. 

    I didnt reply for three days. Spoke to him on text just now ... he said hes moved on hahahah. So i said wow glad i know now that youre despate. Hhahha. He said "we can still be friends". I said are you asking me to be your back up girlfriend for when it goes wrong hahahha lol fuck off. 
    NekolovesteaMaisy
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,276 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited April 2019
    OMGG

     I'm really concerned i could be Pregnant

    i may be over dramatic but i feel like things like being tired missing my period but discharge and other things that apperently are signs of being pregranat mean this. But tbh i know very little about it. And dk. Maybe over thinking



    & This is embarrassing but i had sex with him twice. Cant rememer specifcally when either And tbh i dont enjoy it & hes deserate so dk what is wrong with me. Or why. Guess im seflish & deserpate too.dirtyyyy
    First time was protected. But i dk why i have feeling he put a hole in it. Dk. Parniod.
    But second time we had condom but he took off half way cause said didnt feel comfortable. I said didnt mind. Stupid ik. But anyways im guessing he cumed in me


    Dk what to do
    but do have tendancy to think im pregrant when have sex & not. So probs ignore
    B ut really dont need any more stress
    Kathleen07
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey

    Oh my gosh, I'd be panicking if I was in that situation <3 You likely aren't pregnant, but I really understand the concern, and obviously I can't say whether you are or not.

    Remember that even if you are, you don't have to make any immediate decisions x

    Sorry I don't have much advice, I'm feeling rough, but just wanted to reply to show I read.
    Shaunie
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