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Triggering - signed a historic abuse statement

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's completely understandable. Do you talk to him often about it? I assume he's being as good of a support as he can be? Is there anyone else close to you that you may be able to lean on a little more than usual at this moment in time?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I talk to him often about it but he doesn't seem to get that telling me to just calm down doesn't help and I would be so much better off if he just held me. My mum is struggling with this all as it is...and my friends all have other stuff tbh!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Still waiting. I'm calling the officer in charge tomorrow and probably the CPS too. I'm struggling to cope with all of it, it's made me worse and it's not bringing closure just prolonging and churning up all this shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds so, so difficult - I'm really sorry you're going through such hell. It's completely understandable that you're struggling to cope, that doesn't dismiss the fact that you are coping though. This entire experience will make you even stronger than you already, very clearly are. I know that probably feels like absolutely nothing right now but you're hanging on in there, I've every faith that you will continue to do so and you'll come out of this feeling so proud of yourself for being utterly brave for this amount of time - I really believe that. You're an inspiration, Miss_R.

    Let us know how the phone calls go. How is Mr Riot being at the moment? Huge hugs *hug* *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Got woken up by a call. His bail has been extended a further month because it's had to go to "the boss's boss" of the CPS in that county to have two things reviewed. I told her what's going on for me and she said that she will have an answer within a month for me but my thought is if they're reviewing something again doesn't that mean that we're clutching at straws?

    I just want this to all be resolved one way or another. So tired of all of this bullshit, it's making me ill.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All u can do is wait and see what happens. You did the right thing by reporting this to the police in the first place and now it's gone to court u cant do no more apart from sit and wait and see what happens. You got Mr Riot and ur mum for support if u need anyone to talk to.

    You shouldn't over think things as its not happened yet. I know this is hard for u to not worry but if u I've wiry its not gonna help u. Your already suffering enough and u don't need it. Try and think more realistic if u can.

    Remember were here for u and if u need anyone to talk to then u can talk to us. Please try and not worry if u can. Also arrange that appointment to see the GP as soon as possible. Maybe get an emergency appointment straight away.

    Your not on ur own

    Hugs x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We have a meeting next Monday with the officer in charge. It's in the police station, and I'm so freaked out that she's going to tell us it's going no further. I'm not sure I can cope with that prospect.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, i was young when my dad abused me (about 2 or 3) i am remembering things now and i am finding it really hard. one day i would love to do what u have done, i think ur amazing. i am soon changing my last name, not that he knows it. I am still seeing him because he doesnt think i remember anything but i do. When i was little they said my mum was making everything up but she wasnt, because i was so young they didnt believe me or mum. I really hope one day i will be strong enough to say 'i dont want to see u any more' but i am so scared. I am even more worried about taking him to court but i keep thinking that if people know what hes like he cant do it again to anyone else.

    i know its hard but just remember, you were strong enough to get through that, u r strong enough to get through this :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your kind comments, I did the same as you but I stopped seeing him shortly after the whole thing happened.

    I'm really worried about tomorrow. Knowing the CPS decision isn't going to make how I feel any better on a day to day basis. I'll still have PTSD, I'll still get the nightmares and the flashbacks and the night terrors. I kind of don't want to know and just walk away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The CPS have made the decision to take no further action. I'm angry and confused about what to do next, I could ask for the decision to be reviewed but I don't know what could that will do. This really hasn't give me much closure but a lot of unanswered questions and A lot of anger towards the original police force that I gave my statement to you when I was 10 years old. There was a lot of things they should've done then that they didn't which would have had a major effect on how the case could've gone. I'm feeling a bit numb right now to be honest and I really don't know what to do next.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    The CPS have made the decision to take no further action. I'm angry and confused about what to do next, I could ask for the decision to be reviewed but I don't know what could that will do. This really hasn't give me much closure but a lot of unanswered questions and A lot of anger towards the original police force that I gave my statement to you when I was 10 years old. There was a lot of things they should've done then that they didn't which would have had a major effect on how the case could've gone. I'm feeling a bit numb right now to be honest and I really don't know what to do next.

    There's nothing I can say to make things any better - I'm so sorry that you were given this news.

    *hug* You know where I am if you need anything x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you lovely, really appreciate the offer.

    I think I'm going to get it reviewed, it doesn't hurt I guess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're right, it won't hurt. Do you have time to think about it and let this initial shock and hurt ease slightly?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think so. I might contact them tomorrow and see what they say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That must be really difficult news to hear.

    I don't know much about the case, and these aren't questions that I suggest you answer on here, but more something to think about.

    If you try and step back from the emotions, is there a reasonable chance of a conviction? Factoring in that a conviction needs a jury to get 'beyond reasonable doubt'. I would guess that with it being so long ago - there's little evidence other than personal statements, and if it comes down to your statement vs his, or possibly yours & your mums vs his then its basically one persons word against another. If that's the case, then chances of getting beyond reasonable doubt are slim.

    It might be worth considering drawing a line under the case and getting more therapy options.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Miss Riot, I'm sorry to hear that.

    You could always get it reviewed but not sure wether that will be any success or not. You got nothing to lose so can try and see. Only if it they say no further action does need to take place then you know that nothing more can happen.

    I know you have done everything you needed to do and that's good. I think now you know from them that they cant anything further shows a lot of reasons to why they can't so you gonna think different things. It's good that they got back in touch as you needed to know.

    Hopefully you can decide whats best and that's all you can do. Could you ask them to put it in the writing and send it off to you? At least then if anything you got that we evidence.

    Crazy Cat x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'd echo what Scary Monster said.

    If you can, it might be worth finding out why they decided that. I'd imagine it is, as you think, evidential issues thanks to the old police force. If there are big evidential issues then they're going to come out at trial, even if the CPS change their mind. Think carefully about whether you want to keep fighting this or whether you want to go back to therapy and draw a line under everything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh, i think I want to go back to the first police force and find out why they did so little. I'm writing a formal complaint, just not sure if I have to send it directly to them or to the IPCC?

    I have asked for the CPS to give me more details on their decison anyway
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sodding CPS still haven't gotten back to me! I know I'm not a high priority but I feel like a lot of historic cases are being viewed as - there's no physical evidence so we don't care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I totally get why you feel like that, but seeing it from the other side I can understand their decision making. Without evidence, other than your word, it's really hard to secure a conviction. I can understand why they don't think there's enough evidence, especially if the first police force fucked up.

    https://www.ipcc.gov.uk/complaints
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I talked it through with the CPS and theres little point in me going any further with it all because of what was said when I was 10. So, I guess I have to start all over again and try to work out how I can leave as much of it in the past without causing myself further damage and how I can heal a bit. I have no clue!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Now you're not going through court proceedings, you'll find that psychological services will be able to offer you much more. I know Dr Roll isn't really supposed to see patients who are going through court, for many reasons.

    Go back through them and see what's available. It's going to be around acceptance for you: that's it is ok to be angry and hurt, but to stop that taking over.

    Good luck!
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