Home Home, Law & Money

Triggering - signed a historic abuse statement

2

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, I want to talk to people - I don't want to be ashamed for something that happened to me that wasn't my fault but there's such stigma around it, when I have tried people just don't want to know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe its best not to mention to those who judge you. You can talk to any of us about it on here if it's worrying u. I know what u mean and that u dont want to be ashamed but none of us would think that. You have had a hard time but being with ur mum and supporting each other can help u both. No one is saying anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm talking about how people react IRL not on here. I'm not saying anyone here is judging me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I were my saying anyone were lol. Why do u feel like this? What made this come along in ur life? There's no need to feel alone as u have us on the site to talk to and to listen and maybe it's good to talk go someone like a member of ur family or a close friend. I'm sorry that I got that wrong. I thought u ment people on the outside looking down at u. There's no need to feel ashamed cuz u haven't dome anything wrong. I'm here if u wanna talk. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    No, I want to talk to people - I don't want to be ashamed for something that happened to me that wasn't my fault but there's such stigma around it, when I have tried people just don't want to know.

    I wonder if people aren't sure how to react or what to say? I imagine the moment that you're in will make a difference too - I think people often say 'how you doing? in a casual way and don't expect always to hear how someone is really doing. That's not to say people won't be receptive to listening but perhaps it's about making sure you don't catch them off guard? Just thinking out loud here.. :chin:

    It's really good news to hear that things have progressed, thanks for sharing it with us. It's no wonder you're feeling affected by it all and wanting to talk and also to be able to be honest when people ask how you are.

    Perhaps it's about finding a way of telling people that allows them to more easily respond if that makes sense?

    Can you give us some examples of how the conversation tends to go?

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't spoken to that many people recently about it but when I was at uni I had people even tell me I must have done something to provoke him. I'm worried what people will say - I wanted to tell close friends of MrRiot on the weekend but the time wasn't right and I am worried about what they might say - I really don't want pity but they'll have to know at some point, partially because he'll be coming to court with me at some point and also he's going to need some support himself from someone. It's going to be really hard hearing all the things that happened to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He was arrested this morning and has been questioned all day. I've been told that the officer will call me in the morning. Feel a bit numb about it all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's good to know that u are sage indoors so try not to worry for tonight. Maybe have a nice bubble bath might do the trick or anything else what will keep ur mind at ease. Whatever happens will happen. They will update u in the morning, u can't do no more about this situation for now. I hope u feel better to face this tomorrow by having a good night's sleep. You have us to listen to and don't feel u got to go throughthis on ur own cuz u really don't have to. Good night x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Still no update, and they only have 24 hrs so it's possible he's already been released if they haven't extended his time. I was told that they won't be giving me an alarm, but they will put a CAD marker on my number so I will get a full emergency response if I call. I'm not that happy about that but I don't really seem to have a choice in the matter. Don't really want to leave the house today. He may have no idea where I am or he may be on his way here. I've no idea. He's broken restraining orders before I don't think he'll care about bail conditions.
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Community Manager
    That sounds pretty terrifying Miss Riot, especially as you haven't been given an alarm. At least you've got a CAD marker on your number, though guess that might seem like a bit of a compromise?

    Hope the officer calls soon to let you know what's happening. Not knowing the situation must be horrible.

    We're always here if talking it out would help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Must be horrible for u having to go through this at ur age and they should of put an alarm in case anything does happen as it's for ur own protection. It's all well and good that u got s marker on ur number so they can get to u straight away but still. I'm sure he won't come anywhere near u. Can't anyway and I know he's done it before but this time it's really serious so he needs to take that on board.I dont know wether this is true or not but is cuz he wants to see u as his daughter to patch things up with u the most? That maybe why he keeps breaking the law so he can come and see u? Sounds like to me he's not keeping away from u and I don't know if that's got something to do with it. I know u can't speak to him and he should respect that. Hopefully ur fine out what's going on with him being realeased and what's gonna happen for now on. Hope u get the answers u deserve, thats the least they can do. Don't answer the door to anyone or answer any unknown number. It's good they ur staying indoors, won't be like this for long. This has to come to an end eventually as u have suffered enough. We're here to listen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied really - I'm having a bad day anyway pain level wise anyway, so I'm staying in bed.

    I know it's got nothing to do with wanting to patch it up - there's no patching up that can be done. That's like asking a victim's family to be nice to the murderer of their son/daughter. He's had 15 years to say sorry it's not like it happened yesterday.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry that it's not just having an effect on ur mental heath but on ur physical abilry two which is also very important. It's good that ur doing everything u can to not the situation get any worse and that's good strategy to have. I didn't mean about u having to forgive him what he's done. I do know now what he's done but never said u should forgive him. Down to u wether u want him In ur life and by the looks of it u don't want him to part of ur life. That's fair enough but remember that whatever the relationship is with him u have to remember that he will always be ur biological father and that can't be replaced. May not be a farther figure to u anymore but remember he's ur real dad even if it don't make any difference as u already decided about him. I'm glad to u are safe and what he has done is unforgivable I think. You have us here. Let us know what happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the words fuck right off go far enough for that.

    Anyway, he's made bail until October so they have until then to go through all the evidence and then decide if they have enough to charge him with. I'm not happy with the fact that he's allowed to be out but heck I'm just hoping that he hasn't a clue where I am.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It must be an incredibly difficult time for you, and while I'm going to guess that looking at this in a rational manner isn't really an option for you - the police are going to be limited in what restrictions they can put on him from a bail perspective, given the time frame of the offence and the requirement to assume innocence until proven guilty.

    Have you got any reason to think that he might know where you are? Obviously you've moved around a lot in the last few years, so if you've had no contact with him or anyone he's close to then that's probably working massively in your favour right now.

    You've done a brilliant job dealing with this missy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well Atleast ur got that marker on ur number in case he comes back. The police went tell him where u are and now people started to know then they won't say either. Keep safe and if he does come back ring the police. Shouldn't be allowed to go against the law. I think he's done this all by his self. Have to wait till October. I can't believe he would do that. Best him to stay away. I don't know what will happen between u to but he's got to respect ur feelings. Hope ur ok?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't have much reason to think he knows where I am right now - but I know if you google me that if you looked hard enough you could possibly find something. He staked me and my mum for 6 months - he even crossed the country looking for us. I'm well aware they are stretched and these things take time but that doesn't make me feel any safer. Being around MrRiot will make me feel a bit better though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats terrible! You have no right to feel unsafe like that. No one should be allowed to stalk someone without getting caught. How did u know he was stalking u both? Six months is along time and wish something for u could of been done sooner then that. I'm sorry that u had to go through that. Luckily I've never been stalked so I can't imagine what it feels like u for. The fact is going abroad to even try and find u is the lowest of the low. Must of had some pretty good idea where u two were going, it should still not be allowed though. Don't know why he wouldn't just get the message. Caused u enough grief as it is and yh he may want u to know that hes deeply sorry what hes done but can't forgive anyone who has done something like that. It's unforgivable. I know he has lost everything and there maybe why he's doing this to get u to listen to him but it's not gonna work. Should of thought about that before he committed this crime and I wouldn't forgive my murders killer. No way! I don't know how others can forgive when they shouldn't have to. Keep safe and don't answer the door.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Am I right in thinking that even the following you bit was a fair amount of time ago now? Maybe you can use that gap as a slight reassurance to yourself that he's much less likely to turn up on the doorstep.

    I'd hope being arrested and interviewed will have shaken him, and he'd have the sense not to decide to try and find you again now.

    From seeing a different chain of events from a different angle, the whole thing seems to drag on and move incredibly slowly - which probably isn't a lot of reassurance right now. I'd guess the challenge for you for now, is to try and put a line under the event of him being arrested and get on with the life you've built for yourself now. If they've said bail until October then my guess would be that nothing will happen until at least then, if not longer.

    On the alarm front, having a marker will have basically the same effect - yes you'll have to phone rather than push a button but beyond that the two will get you the same response.

    Any plans for the weekend?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do keep being told that he's an old man now (late 60s) and he's not likely to come looking but it's bringing up the old triggers - I haven't been able to sleep with the light off, had to have my mum sleep in my room. Instead I have MrRiot all week now so that might help, he's good at keeping my mind off things...but watching the football hasn't helped tonight!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not surprising that it's rattled you, that's definitely to be expected - but sounds like you've got some good tactics there. If MrRiot is around this week then hopefully you can focus on the excitement ( and challenges) that that will bring, which will also give you time to start to get things back towards normal for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yh Scary Monster is right! Atleast u got Mr Riot there with u to keep u safe and sound so u won't feel on edge all the time. You know that when ur mum is out u will have someone who will be there with u. It's a good idea that he's moved in with u as I think having someone who ur close to can give u more of a confidence boost and hopefully take ur mind off things. How is it going with him being around? You getting annoyed of his bad habits or lol? You said about the football didn't u lol, that's something all girls can't stand like myself lol. You will get use to it. I dont know if the police had a point in saying he's turned 60 now and won't follow u around no more. I know how much pain he has caused u and ur mum but when will it ever go away! You said urself he can easily find u were u live. I'm not trying to scare u but it's best if u to keep a look out as if u go out now u may see him and I don't want that to happen to u. Anything happens u call that number straight away, he has been warned many of times so he's got to let u go and move on. I wish there was more of a happier ending for u two but he has let u down and can see why u don't want him back in ur life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Back at home and I feel so vulnerable. The police haven't put in a panic alarm or put a CAD marker on my phone number. I really wish I had MrRiot here. Riotmama is feeling about as crap as I am about it all. We're going to call the police again tomorrow and see what can be done. I'm feeling like pulling the plug on it all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there Miss_Riot,
    Sorry to hear that the police didn?t follow through with putting a CAD marker on your number. Do you know why they didn?t do this?
    It must be really hard to carry on with this process when you are feeling in the dark about everything and unsupported by the police. It?s quite natural to feel that you just want to end it all.
    However, I hope you can take some inspiration from the quote in your signature ? I hope that the feeling at the end of this process outweighs the struggle and pain you are feeling now.
    What did the police say when you contacted them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Contacted the police again today and they wouldn't say either way but she didn't seem hugely positive about going forward to the CPS :(

    Really don't know what to do now tbh...still got to wait until January to actually find out
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Community Manager
    Hey Miss_Riot,

    It must be really tough for things to still be so uncertain after all this time. Not to mention scary and frustrating I imagine?
    I can't really think of anything else to suggest at this point as it seems that there's not much more you can do for now.

    Do remember that we're still always here if you feel like talking about it, regardless of any developments (or lack of) :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spoke to someone at the local SARC and she called the police about my case and was told that all serious cases (including mine) go to the CPS and will be going to them before 6th January. So that's all good news!

    I am aware that I'm feeling like the only way I will be vindicated is if he is convicted. But I need to be very aware that the chances of that happening right now I'm not hugely high. We don't know if it will even get past the CPS. But I don't know what I can do if he doesn't go down, I really need to find some closure here. Any ideas how I can go about that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My case is still waiting with the CPS and has been for 2 months now. He who shall not been named has had his bail date extended.

    I'm struggling but everyone seems like they've got bigger fish to fry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you :( I don't know what to say but just wanted to acknowledge and offer you a big hug. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you...

    I just wished that Mr Riot was able to be there a little more than he can be right now...
Sign In or Register to comment.