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Is My Mum Being Unreasonable?
![Former Member](https://us.v-cdn.net/6030621/uploads/defaultavatar/nJHX7Z3NJVPO4.jpg)
I was talking to my mum on Wednesday and she said that she'd get me a new phone for my birthday. I spoke to her today and she said that she's changed her mind, will give me £40 for my birthday and I can buy a new phone out of that. I also told her that I want to change to pay as you go adn she said that was fine adn she'll phone up the company and sort it all out for me. She said that because I'm not at school any more, I'm also going to have to buy my own credit - yet she said that because my sister is at school (and working and earning almost £100 per week) she won't have to pay for her phone bill - mine is roughly half the cost of hers. I'm not working, so have no form of money coming in and can't do anything until I know wherther or not the hospital are willing to allow me to do volunteering with them.
She also moaned at me last year bexcause I'm wheat intolerant (which is my fault, apparantely:rolleyes: ) and it's going to cost her extra money to feed me - yet has no issue with my sister being a vegitarian and therefore, having to buy extra food for her. And she's stopped buying me some food, so I'm forced to either starve or eat what everyone else eats and become ill. She knows about this (because I told her last week) and is refusing to do anything about it. It seems that it's alright for my brother anbd sister to not eat what everyone else eats (by choice) but it's not alright for me to eat food that no-one else eats. (not by choice):rolleyes:
She's also trying to talk me out of moving away for uni - the course I want to do, I can't do down here adn the closest uni that offers it is in Bristol.
She also moaned at me last year bexcause I'm wheat intolerant (which is my fault, apparantely:rolleyes: ) and it's going to cost her extra money to feed me - yet has no issue with my sister being a vegitarian and therefore, having to buy extra food for her. And she's stopped buying me some food, so I'm forced to either starve or eat what everyone else eats and become ill. She knows about this (because I told her last week) and is refusing to do anything about it. It seems that it's alright for my brother anbd sister to not eat what everyone else eats (by choice) but it's not alright for me to eat food that no-one else eats. (not by choice):rolleyes:
She's also trying to talk me out of moving away for uni - the course I want to do, I can't do down here adn the closest uni that offers it is in Bristol.
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Comments
How old are you?
You don't come across as very independent from your post which is understandable up to a point but I kinda get the feeling that you're always painting yourself as the victim. Maybe going to university will help you learn to stand on your own feet.
Dont let her do it. Parents will try and talk you out of moving for uni/college courses but if its something you want to do then you have to show her that whatever she says isnt gioing to stop you going.
As for your food intolerence, can you get your dad to talk to her about it all? I can see why it can be a pain for her to cook seperate meals for you, your sister and the rest of the family, but you cant eat food that will make you ill and will effect you condition. You could try to plan meals so that it doesnt leave her with loads to do, learn to cook some basic meals yourself (good for when you go to uni), and stick to your guns. Dont go jumping through her hoops for your health.
I know that. And I'm sure my friend is also trying to talk me into going somewhere else as well.
Half the time, I have whatever everyone else had, but usually just end up with a slight alternative. (like wheat free pasta or wheat free pizza)
I find that hard to believe.
The phone thing, she's not being unreasonable. She is with the food.
Omnivore surely. :razz:
The closest supermarket that sells wheat free food is quite far away.
I'm not allowed to drive and have other physical problems, so getting a job isn't that easy. Also, there's no point me looking for a job now as I'm doing some volunteering soon.
And wouldn't applying for a job be more useful than volunteering at this time in your life??
Also I am wondering if your wheat intolerance effects your health in a major way? I know this may seem a silly question, but I have an intolerance to some food types, but I eat them anyway, because all that happens is a mild discomfort. If this is like you also, then maybe asking your mum to cook 3 types of meal each time, is a bit excessive. When you go to uni you can eat what you want. Untill then either cook for yourself, or just eat what she makes.
I get the feeling that you want her to keep you in food and phone calls so that you don't have to get a job and that is unreasonable. I don't believe the "impossible" comment - there are very, very, few people for whom that could be said - and it sounds like "don't want to". Hell University doesn't seem to be an issue for you and that isn't going to be easy either.
Whereas she seems to misunderstand tha concept of "intolerance" and that it isn't a choice issue, it's a health one. She should be looking out for you in this instance, from what you have said here.
Maybe you'll find this patronising but you could always start small with a paper round - that's £10 in the bank every week, which should at least see to your credit. Whenever I've found it impossible to find work it's because I've not really been looking.
Just ask around, there's normally something going even if it's only small or part time - if you're doing nothing you're pretty flexible so could do dog walking or babysitting even in the meantime. I know it seems a daunting task though.
Mum's can be a bit funny about money sometimes, but I guess you just have to get on with it. I don't remember when my mum was paying for my credit. Obviously it's different for everyone but at least me and most of my friends were all paying for our credit out of pocket money at GCSEs / A level (15/16).
Tip: little sisters are generally spoilt
If everything you say is 100% as you say, then at some point she may seem unreasonable, but I guess not everything is like you see it...
Well, about phone I can understand, if there are foods that really make you ill... then you are right, but again the biggest mistake I see for her is that she didn't care to make independent person from you :-)
Sorry I don't want to be rude or something, just my opinion...
I am 16 years old (becoming in 4 days) and I have much more freedom given to me at home by mom, because she knows I can't be under her wing for all time and I need to be independent.
So just try to show her, that you're the man already, you're adult person, 18 years old and you can care about some things for your own...
Also I can't bileave there are not places to work for you at all, I just think you haven't tried hard... So try hard...
I think you're just a person who is giving up to fast, so don't give up and show you're family you are more independent, and if you will show it, then your mom will become more tolerant to you too because beside the love, that she have now, she will also have respect...
Seems now, she just loves you, but as you are weak person, don't have that much respect
Clearly you're well aware of what's wrong with me then?:rolleyes: TBH, it's a bit difficult trying to work when I've only got 40% of my eyesight left.
Clearly. That's why my dad also found it impossible to find a job when he wasn't allowed to drive. (which I'm not allowed to do either)
It makes my IBS worse, which causes stomach cramps.
Well the only difference between volunteering and work is that you don't get paid. What are you going to be doing?
Yeah but the supermarket earns you money - and it would be easier if you worked at the till. Don't have to move around much and its fairly straightforward. When you volunteer you get given all the crap (and generally manual) jobs to do. They don't say that but it usually ends up that way. Why not work part time and volunteer part time.
Which she doesn't always need to do.
Which would mean being in loads of pain.
Melian, you are giving people little information about yourself. You keep telling us it's impossible for you to work, we write 2 pages of comments and you've only just coughed up the reasons why. Have you tried speaking to a job company i.e. connexions who maybe in touch with jobs that are based on your capabilities. What gives you the capacity to volunteer in a hospital and the incapacity to get a regular job? A lot of industries these days will go out of their way to make sure you can do your job with ease. It feels like you are using your condition to dodge regular work. Why should she pay for you phone? My family have never paid for mine - I have 2 jobs here at uni which I need to sustain myself, working at a till point wouldn't be too difficult for you and every shop has one of those.
Tried them and the job centre and they're both useless.
I know, but it doesn't mean that I can still do the job.
Well, she pays for my sister's phone, which is double the cost of mine adn she gets money as well. (which I don't)
If you're not *that* fussed about getting a job (fair enough, you're headed to uni) then money is going to be tight, you just have to budget better.
Hell, go round with a bucket and sponge and offer to wash people's cars on their driveways. £3 a pop. I used to do it when I was little for the neighbours as it saves them going out to have the car washed. Where is it you live if you don't mind me asking?
a) your sister is still at school so your mum probably still sees her as a dependent but you've left to do independent stuff and so may be cutting you loose
b) should your sister be penalised for getting a part time job alongside her studies for spending money?