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Is My Mum Being Unreasonable?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was talking to my mum on Wednesday and she said that she'd get me a new phone for my birthday. I spoke to her today and she said that she's changed her mind, will give me £40 for my birthday and I can buy a new phone out of that. I also told her that I want to change to pay as you go adn she said that was fine adn she'll phone up the company and sort it all out for me. She said that because I'm not at school any more, I'm also going to have to buy my own credit - yet she said that because my sister is at school (and working and earning almost £100 per week) she won't have to pay for her phone bill - mine is roughly half the cost of hers. I'm not working, so have no form of money coming in and can't do anything until I know wherther or not the hospital are willing to allow me to do volunteering with them.

She also moaned at me last year bexcause I'm wheat intolerant (which is my fault, apparantely:rolleyes: ) and it's going to cost her extra money to feed me - yet has no issue with my sister being a vegitarian and therefore, having to buy extra food for her. And she's stopped buying me some food, so I'm forced to either starve or eat what everyone else eats and become ill. She knows about this (because I told her last week) and is refusing to do anything about it. It seems that it's alright for my brother anbd sister to not eat what everyone else eats (by choice) but it's not alright for me to eat food that no-one else eats. (not by choice):rolleyes:

She's also trying to talk me out of moving away for uni - the course I want to do, I can't do down here adn the closest uni that offers it is in Bristol.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think the phone thing is unreasonable if you're neither at school or work. Could be her way of giving you a kick in the ass if she reckons you're not trying hard enough to earn your keep.

    How old are you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 18, nearly 19. It's not my fault I'm not at school or at work. (getting a job is impossible and I gave up with school because I never got the support I needed)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why is getting a job impossible? Have you tried applying at places like grocery stores that normally have high staff turnover? Just keep at it, and a job will happen.

    You don't come across as very independent from your post which is understandable up to a point but I kinda get the feeling that you're always painting yourself as the victim. Maybe going to university will help you learn to stand on your own feet. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Getting a job is impossible because almost every job around here involves driving, which I'm not legally allowed to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And theres no supermarkets or anthing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    She's also trying to talk me out of moving away for uni - the course I want to do, I can't do down here adn the closest uni that offers it is in Bristol.

    Dont let her do it. Parents will try and talk you out of moving for uni/college courses but if its something you want to do then you have to show her that whatever she says isnt gioing to stop you going.

    As for your food intolerence, can you get your dad to talk to her about it all? I can see why it can be a pain for her to cook seperate meals for you, your sister and the rest of the family, but you cant eat food that will make you ill and will effect you condition. You could try to plan meals so that it doesnt leave her with loads to do, learn to cook some basic meals yourself (good for when you go to uni), and stick to your guns. Dont go jumping through her hoops for your health.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You dont really have to buy extra food for vegetarians mind, i had an entirely meat free meal tonight. And im a carnivore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dont let her do it. Parents will try and talk you out of moving for uni/college courses but if its something you want to do then you have to show her that whatever she says isnt gioing to stop you going.

    I know that. And I'm sure my friend is also trying to talk me into going somewhere else as well.
    I can see why it can be a pain for her to cook seperate meals for you, your sister and the rest of the family.

    Half the time, I have whatever everyone else had, but usually just end up with a slight alternative. (like wheat free pasta or wheat free pizza)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Getting a job is impossible because almost every job around here involves driving, which I'm not legally allowed to do.

    I find that hard to believe.

    The phone thing, she's not being unreasonable. She is with the food.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    You dont really have to buy extra food for vegetarians mind, i had an entirely meat free meal tonight. And im a carnivore.

    Omnivore surely. :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GhostGirl wrote: »
    And theres no supermarkets or anthing?

    The closest supermarket that sells wheat free food is quite far away.
    I find that hard to believe.

    I'm not allowed to drive and have other physical problems, so getting a job isn't that easy. Also, there's no point me looking for a job now as I'm doing some volunteering soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am fairly sure that GhostGirl was refering to supermarkets as a place to work.

    And wouldn't applying for a job be more useful than volunteering at this time in your life??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like I've already said, it's impossible to get a job.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Melian, If volunterring is something that you really want to do, or need to do for experience then fair enough, but if you can get to a place of work to volunteer surely you can get to a place of work where they will pay you also. At the age of 18, if your mum was still paying your phone bill I would be surprised and even go so far as to say she's not teaching you the ways of the world, in that you need to be supporting yourself.

    Also I am wondering if your wheat intolerance effects your health in a major way? I know this may seem a silly question, but I have an intolerance to some food types, but I eat them anyway, because all that happens is a mild discomfort. If this is like you also, then maybe asking your mum to cook 3 types of meal each time, is a bit excessive. When you go to uni you can eat what you want. Untill then either cook for yourself, or just eat what she makes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IMHO you are both being unreasonable.

    I get the feeling that you want her to keep you in food and phone calls so that you don't have to get a job and that is unreasonable. I don't believe the "impossible" comment - there are very, very, few people for whom that could be said - and it sounds like "don't want to". Hell University doesn't seem to be an issue for you and that isn't going to be easy either.

    Whereas she seems to misunderstand tha concept of "intolerance" and that it isn't a choice issue, it's a health one. She should be looking out for you in this instance, from what you have said here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't have to volunteer full time either.

    Maybe you'll find this patronising but you could always start small with a paper round - that's £10 in the bank every week, which should at least see to your credit. Whenever I've found it impossible to find work it's because I've not really been looking.

    Just ask around, there's normally something going even if it's only small or part time - if you're doing nothing you're pretty flexible so could do dog walking or babysitting even in the meantime. I know it seems a daunting task though.

    Mum's can be a bit funny about money sometimes, but I guess you just have to get on with it. I don't remember when my mum was paying for my credit. Obviously it's different for everyone but at least me and most of my friends were all paying for our credit out of pocket money at GCSEs / A level (15/16).

    Tip: little sisters are generally spoilt :p so ignore if she gets it...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well... I don't know...
    If everything you say is 100% as you say, then at some point she may seem unreasonable, but I guess not everything is like you see it...

    Well, about phone I can understand, if there are foods that really make you ill... then you are right, but again the biggest mistake I see for her is that she didn't care to make independent person from you :-)

    Sorry I don't want to be rude or something, just my opinion...

    I am 16 years old (becoming in 4 days) and I have much more freedom given to me at home by mom, because she knows I can't be under her wing for all time and I need to be independent.

    So just try to show her, that you're the man already, you're adult person, 18 years old and you can care about some things for your own...

    Also I can't bileave there are not places to work for you at all, I just think you haven't tried hard... So try hard...

    I think you're just a person who is giving up to fast, so don't give up and show you're family you are more independent, and if you will show it, then your mom will become more tolerant to you too because beside the love, that she have now, she will also have respect...

    Seems now, she just loves you, but as you are weak person, don't have that much respect
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you're able to volunteer then you can work
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why don't you get a job working from home on your computer, data input or something
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    if you're able to volunteer then you can work

    Clearly you're well aware of what's wrong with me then?:rolleyes: TBH, it's a bit difficult trying to work when I've only got 40% of my eyesight left.
    I don't believe the "impossible" comment - there are very, very, few people for whom that could be said - and it sounds like "don't want to".

    Clearly. That's why my dad also found it impossible to find a job when he wasn't allowed to drive. (which I'm not allowed to do either)
    Also I am wondering if your wheat intolerance effects your health in a major way?

    It makes my IBS worse, which causes stomach cramps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Clearly you're well aware of what's wrong with me then?:rolleyes: TBH, it's a bit difficult trying to work when I've only got 40% of my eyesight left.
    Yeah but you're able to volunteer with 40% eyesight, you can obviously travel there and do whatever it is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Which doesn't always mean I can work because of all the physical problems I have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Which doesn't always mean I can work because of all the physical problems I have.

    Well the only difference between volunteering and work is that you don't get paid. What are you going to be doing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's in a hospital. It would be more like work experience. 9which would help me more than working in a supermarket, tbh)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    It's in a hospital. It would be more like work experience. 9which would help me more than working in a supermarket, tbh)

    Yeah but the supermarket earns you money - and it would be easier if you worked at the till. Don't have to move around much and its fairly straightforward. When you volunteer you get given all the crap (and generally manual) jobs to do. They don't say that but it usually ends up that way. Why not work part time and volunteer part time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JaffaCakes wrote: »
    If this is like you also, then maybe asking your mum to cook 3 types of meal each time, is a bit excessive.

    Which she doesn't always need to do.
    Don't have to move around much

    Which would mean being in loads of pain.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Clearly you're well aware of what's wrong with me then?:rolleyes: TBH, it's a bit difficult trying to work when I've only got 40% of my eyesight left.



    Clearly. That's why my dad also found it impossible to find a job when he wasn't allowed to drive. (which I'm not allowed to do either)



    It makes my IBS worse, which causes stomach cramps.

    Melian, you are giving people little information about yourself. You keep telling us it's impossible for you to work, we write 2 pages of comments and you've only just coughed up the reasons why. Have you tried speaking to a job company i.e. connexions who maybe in touch with jobs that are based on your capabilities. What gives you the capacity to volunteer in a hospital and the incapacity to get a regular job? A lot of industries these days will go out of their way to make sure you can do your job with ease. It feels like you are using your condition to dodge regular work. Why should she pay for you phone? My family have never paid for mine - I have 2 jobs here at uni which I need to sustain myself, working at a till point wouldn't be too difficult for you and every shop has one of those.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [QUOTE=malteser monkay;2115914Have you tried speaking to a job company i.e. connexions who maybe in touch with jobs that are based on your capabilities.[/QUOTE]

    Tried them and the job centre and they're both useless.
    A lot of industries these days will go out of their way to make sure you can do your job with ease.

    I know, but it doesn't mean that I can still do the job.
    Why should she pay for you phone?

    Well, she pays for my sister's phone, which is double the cost of mine adn she gets money as well. (which I don't)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did you see my suggestion of doing something like a paper round? They're dead easy to pick up, or even just delivering leaflets. If push really came to shove I'm sure you'd find something - not trying to be accusative but most people do.

    If you're not *that* fussed about getting a job (fair enough, you're headed to uni) then money is going to be tight, you just have to budget better.

    Hell, go round with a bucket and sponge and offer to wash people's cars on their driveways. £3 a pop. I used to do it when I was little for the neighbours as it saves them going out to have the car washed. Where is it you live if you don't mind me asking?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Well, she pays for my sister's phone, which is double the cost of mine adn she gets money as well. (which I don't)

    a) your sister is still at school so your mum probably still sees her as a dependent but you've left to do independent stuff and so may be cutting you loose

    b) should your sister be penalised for getting a part time job alongside her studies for spending money?
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