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that doesnt really help....hes just frustrated because people aren't giving him the pity he wants, instead theyre treating him like a person and giving him decent advice, he'll accept it eventually.
Nope still not believing you, describe the circumstances to me where people of those proffessions have called you it. All were pluralised too so evidentally there has been more than one of each...you dont need to use hyperbole for people to help you, just tell it like it is.
Reading the post you are referring too i think i'm going to have to agree with you.
Why and how would a waitress drop into conversation whilst serving you a meal, oh are you a virgin btw?
It wasn't meant to help. I was pointing out how mad he comes across as.
Hes acting like the world is at fault. Judging by this thread, and the things he says, i wouldn't wanna be anywhere near him let alone fuck him. Self pity is such a turn off.
Too true, and going on and on about insecurities.
Confidence is the key.
Very true.
Everyone is insecure to a certain degree, but half the time other people won't pick up on it unless you go out of your way to make it obvious. You standing on the roof tops going "i'm a virgin, i'm weird, you all have sex and therefore mock virgins" is bound to make people think yeah hang on he is a bit odd. Not because your a virgin, but because you make out it's such a big deal.
:yes: Exactly.
I knew this guy and yes it was evident he had a larger nose than average which wasn't an issue and still h e looked fine. However all he ever went on about was how it made him insecure how he feels it affects his chances with women and it's like hang on a minute i never thought this at all but now you mention it it stands out so much more and your begining to sound a bit of a geek. Which for me is a turn off.
Being a virgin is something you should be proud of not ashamed of.
We should so write a book on this
I don't know why anyone would make fun of a virgin. I expect if someone did it'd be due to their own insecurities and to be honest if they were that immature you probably wouldn't wanna know them anyway.
Went to a bar last night. Girl comes up to me. First thing they ask is "Hey, what's your name?", second question was "How many girls have you slept with?". This 1) name 2) ppl slept with pattern is extremely common, I've had it frequently for 5 years.
Later last night I went to a club. Was dancing in circle of male friends. A girl started dancing with me, acted like she was all interested, then said to me "You're a virgin aren't you?" then ran off laughing with her friends.
I thought this site was for helpful advice, for me to say actual experiences and for people to give advice, not for my every comment to be treated with cynicism, "you're lying" style remarks, I think I'll just have to leave here and seek professional help.
:crying:
On the slight chance that what you've said is true then sorry, but it really does seem like you are exagerrating it.. People don't just know by looking at you whether you're a virgin, so why on earth would randoms ask you unless you told them first or something... it has NEVER happened to me, or anyone I know.
Sorry but what? thats the kind of thing that happens in pre-school... so you'd never met the girl before? None of your friends had spoken to her? YOU DONT HAVE TO EXAGERRATE TO GET HELP! People want to help you here....
Seriously? I think you need to find some other social groups, because I can honestly say this has never happened to me in my entire life.
What club was this? Are we talking about a real club, or one of those teen clubs where they don't serve alcohol because noone is old enough to drink it legally?
I really have a hard time believing that that sort of behaviour takes place anywhere outside of a teen movie. Or maybe something like Porky's where it was a running joke. But in real life? I think the people making that joke would be pitied and scorned for their shite sense of humour.
If you think that is best for you, do that.
But I think what people are trying to say with the "I don't believe it" comments are that this sort of thing is not common. It is not normal for people to ask about your sex life as an opener. It says more about them than it does you, and your best bet would be to ignore that sort of questioning, rather than treating it as something that's the be all and end all.
My advice to the OP is to listen to the advice people have giving you. If you are going to ask for peoples opinions and advice then don't go off on one because you don't like it. The real reason you are getting so defensive and angry is because you know the problem is your attitude and you don't want to admit it. No one can make your life for you unfortunetly and believe it or not everyone here who has friends or a social life had to make the effort themselves. Not everything will be handed to you on a plate so just grow up and get on with it just like everyone is
im sorry i know thats harsh but its true
I for one has never asked anybody if they're a virgin, I've never asked about other people's sex lives, I've been asked once since I was in secondary school if I'm a virgin and I told him where to go. People who ask you that sort of thing aren't worth the time of day to be fair and anybody who respects you less obviously has issues themselves.
Maybe the way you present yourself is the problem? If you come accross as insecure, then people will be more likely to pick you out and take the piss, mainly because they don't expect anything back.
And by the way, next time somebody accuses you of being a virgin, wink, grin and say "ask your mother".
But if people really are saying "you're a virgin aren't you?" within seconds of meeting you, you're in a very strange crowd. Maybe you should join a reading group or something, i guarantee you it won't happen there.
I just honestly can't understand why people thinking you're a virgin is reason to lock yourself away. That's only going to exacerbate your problems isn't it? To say that someone called you a virgin haunted you months really shows more about you then it does about them. If it really is as you say, then the sooner you rise above it, the sooner you'll look a whole lot more attractive to women anyway.
Finally, you should really try and open up to what Matt is saying since he seems to speak alot of sense.
Well said!
My thoughts exactly. And for the record, I have been asked if I am still a virgin but it wasn't one of the first things people said to me.
Indeed. I think some of it is slightly harsh, but what everyone has said is basically true. Stop making a big deal out of nothing.
I can believe someone asking this if they actually knew you, but a stranger? Hmm i don't buy it.
And I've walked past some of them in the street after that course was over, and the look in their face says quite clearly "you're a kid, you've never done the nasty, I have, therefore I'm more of an adult". And these girls were like, 16, 17 younger than me and yet you cannot imagine how intimidating it is to be in the same room as them.
I am taking on board everything that's being suggested, when I get all narky it's simply because, I'm generally angry and resentful at all people in general. I will not pretend everything is chill in my life when it isn't. It's more than those two or three incidents, you know. Heaven knows what they've been saying about me behind my back as well.
And I'm sick of the smartarses herewho keep saying things like "they must have been 10 years old if they said that". Jomery is trying to tell us how he's been hurt, seemingly far worse than I have by the looks of it, and all of you idiots are coming out with these stupid remarks that are of no help. He dosen't need to be told to grow some balls either, for fuck's sakes.
One sentence and I'm a psycho? No, fool, it's just venting, I am recalling a time when I was hurt and it makes me frustrated and mad to think about it; after all until this thread there was no one else to talk about it to. I didn't ask for pity. We all have frustration that needs to be vented at some point. I am normally never this mad. I am taking on board all the advice people are giving here but at the same time I think one of the steps to solving this is to speak in a very frank way what's on my mind, rather than bottle it all up, which is what a lot of other people are doing as they give me their (very good) advice on how to cope. I am not normally this ill-disposed.
Why? I've never known anyone to do that. Or it could be the type of people you hang around with.
You should just learn to ignore them.
They're only trying to help you...
Some of you say I should ignore them, some of you say I should get to know them.
If you recall some of the previous stuff I said, I don't "hang around" with anyone.
Great post. Not.
You can't possibly know what they are thinking. You are putting these thoughts into their minds for them.
Why would anyone be saying anything about you behind your back? I mean, even if I had a massive ego, I'd be hard pressed to imagine that the best thing that other people had to do in their spare time was to ponder over whether or not I was a virgin.
People are saying it as they see it. The sort of person who would make a joke out of someone being a virgin is probably your average 10 year old or similar. The idea behind pointing this out is to show how little you need to be caring about this sort of thing. Rise above it, like.
I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship or had sex. However, when talking with girl-friends, they're all so surprised that I'm a virgin when I tell them. It's because I'm confident and I don't let it rule my life. I don't wear a banner on my forehead that says 'immature little girl who wouldn't know what to do with a cock if it hit me in the face' - no one does.
If anyone mocked me for being a virgin (which has actually never happened before - most people are surprised and respectful) I'd simply say 'I'm a virgin and that's my choice - you're ugly and you can't do a thing about it' :hyper:
Matt I respect your advice, you know what you're talking about, but don't put me into that particular bucket. I never stated I had a problem or I needed help with anything, nor did I infer anything like that in my posts. Just because I am able to relate to the original post and concurrent concerns doesn't mean I'm part of the same group of people. I am not. I'm content with my situation and should troubles ever arise I will solve them myself.
I am here as a reply to the original poster, offering advice and situational examples in order to better lay out a step-by-step stateful process (examples) to which someone could relate. If I wasn't clear on something, ask me to repeat it more clearly because I'd rather not be misinterperated.
Being a male virgin after high-school isn't the end of the world
It's totally awesome, you will thank me for mentioning it. Don't worry, it's not some crap telling you not to care when obviously you do, more a list of reasons why you shouldn't get too messed up about it... you'll see.
Your main problem is that you can't see beyond your sexual status and it's making you paranoid, which isn't going to help on the getting friends front, let alone the girlfriend front. You just need to relax ad enjoy yourself. There's more to life than sex!