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20 y/old virgin

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ou say thre's no-one to go out with - but where do you go out?

    And don't go out with the intention of 'ulling' someone. It will happen when you least ecpct it to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what is wrong with your keyboard? lol.
    but where do you go out?
    it applies to wherever I do go. cinema, pub, you name it. no friends remember.
    It will happen when you least ecpct it to.
    nothing like it has happened for a long time though. it's kind of agonising, the sort of holding one's breath and so on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stop thinking about it. The more you think about it, the less likely it is to happen.

    You must have friends surely? And stop making up excuses. Like Ballerina says - people who are alone are the easiest to approach.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why dont you join a club or society, you can use this as an oppotunity to make new friends, become more confident and maybe even find someone you like.

    Choose something your intrested in; Football, Swimming, Chess, Stamp Collecting, whatever but join a local club and use this as a start for making some changes in your life.

    Take things one step at a time.

    :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    these aren't excuses that I'm making up, they are genuine concerns that I think should be addressed.
    You must have friends surely?
    No it's no lie, I do not have one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do something about it then. Join a club, get a new hobby, etc.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    Do something about it then. Join a club, get a new hobby, etc.

    I totally agree - you must have some interests at least? You have to go and make friends, once you have friends and start socialising then you'll start to meet girls...

    If you have no friends now - do you go out often? If so, do you not make the effort to talk to people? Cos, that's simply where your problem lies - it's not that you're a virgin, that's almost irrelevant (cos psst we all were at some point and some of us were virgins at 20+ too) if you meet the right people - you make friends and you'll be happier, that'll reflect in your personality and people will start to notice you.

    79
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been in a similar position to you, hornet. No friends and little socialisation. I lost some friends through stupidity and retracted to the online world for some company for a while. These are years I will never get back. It's taken me about four years now for me to feel at ease around people and I'm still polishing my social skills. I probably always will be.

    Can you tell us what you are willing to do about your situation? How far do you reckon you're willing to stick your neck out?

    It's easy to emphasize on the lack of kissing/sex/etc aspect, but I can tell you now that once you finally reach that stage, it isn't as significant anymore as you thought it would be because you'll usually have gained the self confidence you need in order to be content with who you are as a person.

    NOTHING we say will help you if you are not going to take some risks and step out of your comfort zone.

    You can do this if you want to. :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good god, I can't believe this thread is still going on!

    hornet893 wrote: »
    I mean, show me where these mythical "don't care if you're a virgin" people are and I will go forth.


    I see you ignored my suggestion of going to a thesite meet a few pages back Hornet. Well, I am showing you where all these (very real) "don't care if you're a virgin" people are, are you likely to go forth?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I second the go on a The Site meet.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can't believe this thread is still going on. need to stop arguing with what everyone else is telling you, because your way of thinking is obviously getting you no where.

    Don't come back with the "it's stopping me getting shit on", you're already getting shit on by being too scared to do anything about it, just denial.

    :yes:

    What's the point of you moaning about something and not bothering to do anything about it? If you have no friends, then get out instead of sitting around moaning about it.

    As for you being a virgin - who cares? It's only an issue because you make it out to be one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Je Suis Bovered .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    deceelpool wrote: »
    Je Suis Bovered .

    what? shush unless you have something useful to contribute.:wave:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    2 months on, and what have you done?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay Andy, since you asked...

    I tried to address it, by going to counselling at college, but they have a limit to the number of sessions one person can have, so that one didn't get far. To be frank, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with this meaningless life, everyone out there is still the enemy and probably always will be and I'm scared of all that the future has in store. I just can't do this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Has the counselling helped you in anyway at all?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why don't you talk to your GP about getting a referral for councelling?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This thread has actually got me very worried. A few years ago, I did a thread entitled "Depressed and lonely". It went on forever, because I refused to take anyone's advice. Basically, I was too scared to do anything about it. Listen to me for a moment. You sound pretty much the same as I did at the age of 20. (two years ago now) Life seemed too scary to bother with. Everyone else seemed to know more about life than I did, so I saw it as all the more reason not to bother. See how much we've in common already? However, unlike me, you do seem to have a few more avenues open to you. For example, you state that you're working. What kind of job do you do? It might surprise you, but I only started my first job at the age of 20. By some amazing coincidence, I also met my first girlfriend there. I never planned it, but it was very welcome. Not only did I get to know an incredible woman, but my sex and relationship worries disappeared very quickly!

    I can also understand why such a "routine" in your life is so disillusioning. A few years ago, I got up, went to work, came home again. Much like yourself. I think that work is a good way to meet up with people. As for college, what do you study? There's bound to be somebody out there who'd be interested in you somehow. Take it from someone who had no confidence at all at that age, and now at the age of 22, is getting nearer and nearer to being the life and soul of the party! The suggestion of going to a TheSite meet is very alluring - for me, it was the first time I'd ever gone to the pub for a drink, the first time I'd ever been away from home, in a mighty city like London. I strongly suggest you try it. Who knows, I might be able to meet you there, I haven't been to any for a while now.

    However, please make sure that you do at least try something. I was, for quite some time, a living testament to what happens when you do nothing with your life. It's still something that is around in a different form today. Please don't waste your life. Any questions, feel free to ask here or via PM. Good luck to you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    what? shush unless you have something useful to contribute.:wave:

    What?

    People are giving you shit because you're not helping yourself.

    You can't just sit and whine and moan at crap, you have to take the bull by the horns.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    toth8 wrote: »

    You can't just sit and whine and moan at crap, you have to take the bull by the horns.

    :yes: Hornet, get out there and experience life. Nothing will change otherwise.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Excellent post! and i remember that thread too Stargalaxy! good things come to those who wait
    If the original poster is reading this, I'd like to add one thing to that comment. Don't go out there expecting everything to change overnight. I've managed to get into a fairly stable situation, and it's taken nearly three years to get there. There were a few knock-backs on the way, but don't let them stop you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This thread has actually got me very worried. A few years ago, I did a thread entitled "Depressed and lonely". It went on forever, because I refused to take anyone's advice. Basically, I was too scared to do anything about it. Listen to me for a moment. You sound pretty much the same as I did at the age of 20. (two years ago now) Life seemed too scary to bother with. Everyone else seemed to know more about life than I did, so I saw it as all the more reason not to bother. See how much we've in common already? However, unlike me, you do seem to have a few more avenues open to you. For example, you state that you're working. What kind of job do you do? It might surprise you, but I only started my first job at the age of 20. By some amazing coincidence, I also met my first girlfriend there. I never planned it, but it was very welcome. Not only did I get to know an incredible woman, but my sex and relationship worries disappeared very quickly!

    I can also understand why such a "routine" in your life is so disillusioning. A few years ago, I got up, went to work, came home again. Much like yourself. I think that work is a good way to meet up with people. As for college, what do you study? There's bound to be somebody out there who'd be interested in you somehow. Take it from someone who had no confidence at all at that age, and now at the age of 22, is getting nearer and nearer to being the life and soul of the party! The suggestion of going to a TheSite meet is very alluring - for me, it was the first time I'd ever gone to the pub for a drink, the first time I'd ever been away from home, in a mighty city like London. I strongly suggest you try it. Who knows, I might be able to meet you there, I haven't been to any for a while now.

    However, please make sure that you do at least try something. I was, for quite some time, a living testament to what happens when you do nothing with your life. It's still something that is around in a different form today. Please don't waste your life. Any questions, feel free to ask here or via PM. Good luck to you.
    I agree, excellent post. A lot of it was indeed familiar, especially the part about everyone else seeming to know more about it than me. My problem is that I feel at age 20 it's too late to start opening up and let people know about all my shortcomings. I hate those people who for sex and relationships are normal everyday things, and yet they're bloody younger than I am.
    Hornet, get out there and experience life. Nothing will change otherwise.
    Good point, but the question has to be asked, am I missing out on anything? Words can't convey how thoroughly sick I am of people these days. From what I've seen of people so far, I'm not missing out on anything.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    A lot of it was indeed familiar, especially the part about everyone else seeming to know more about it than me. My problem is that I feel at age 20 it's too late to start opening up and let people know about all my shortcomings. I hate those people who for sex and relationships are normal everyday things, and yet they're bloody younger than I am.
    Nonsense. You are never too late to start living. Imagine that you are a man who's about 70 years old. He's worked hard all his years to earn his daily crust. He's worked for over 50 years, and now it's time to retire. Does that mean the end of his life? Should he just think "oh, it's too late now, I might as well sit here in this chair and wait to die"? No, of course not! They are still trying to enjoy themselves, for that is what life is about. Whether they are going on holidays with Saga, or merely going to the bingo on a Monday night, they are living their lives. Ask yourself this question - if a pensioner is able to enjoy life, despite the fact their health may be failing, or they may not have much money, then why can't a 20-year old man do the same?

    As for your point about sex and relationships being new to you, that's actually a potential advantage. You've never been in a relationship before, so you have no idea what to expect, you go into it without any prejudices and thoughts from previous relationships. As for the sex, if you're with the right girl, when she finds out you're a virgin, she will be more than happy to corrupt you! :naughty:
    Good point, but the question has to be asked, am I missing out on anything? Words can't convey how thoroughly sick I am of people these days. From what I've seen of people so far, I'm not missing out on anything.
    You're missing out on life itself. And that is a terrible tragedy. You're missing out on the lows and highs of friendships, the lows and highs of relationships. You're missing out, full stop.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Good point, but the question has to be asked, am I missing out on anything? Words can't convey how thoroughly sick I am of people these days. From what I've seen of people so far, I'm not missing out on anything.

    In 10 years if nothing changes will you look back on your life and say that was worth it. What little time we have on this planet should be cherished. I suffer from anxiety and know that fear can control us. But it's only by pushing on and trying to overcome the fear of the unknown - meeting new people, saying hello to a stranger, taking up a new hobby or job - that we can experience life, so in 10 years you can look back on the good times and the bad and say that was worth living.

    I spent many teenage years doing nothing and I regret it, and I look back and regret because I'll never be a teenager again, and all those discos and proms I refused to go to because I was worried about people I will never get another shot at. Embrace life, if you only have 5 minutes left of life it's still worth taking a chance because you've nothing left to lose so it's never too late.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Good point, but the question has to be asked, am I missing out on anything? Words can't convey how thoroughly sick I am of people these days. From what I've seen of people so far, I'm not missing out on anything.

    You tell us. You're the one who seems to be on the website asking for advice. Obviously deep down you do feel you're missing out, or you wouldn't be here. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's partly a matter of mental condition. I think I might be having some sort of depression, you know. I think it's only like that when I'm at home and there's nothing to do. It dosen't seem to be there when I'm out somewhere, doing something, keeping busy seems to be a temporary remedy that holds it off for a while.
    As for your point about sex and relationships being new to you, that's actually a potential advantage. You've never been in a relationship before, so you have no idea what to expect, you go into it without any prejudices and thoughts from previous relationships. As for the sex, if you're with the right girl, when she finds out you're a virgin, she will be more than happy to corrupt you!
    I haven't met anyone like that, ever and I'm 20. So you'll forgive me if I say that such a person does not exist. This is all on the off-chance that I'll meet someone who'll understand me for what I really am.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so go to the doctor and get yourself checked out. there's no need to have to cope with depression especially if you don't have the support of friends around you. if you do have depression or a similar thing then beginning to tackle it will change your life, i promise.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    I think it's only like that when I'm at home and there's nothing to do. It dosen't seem to be there when I'm out somewhere, doing something, keeping busy seems to be a temporary remedy that holds it off for a while.
    Again, a feeling I recognise. Boredom does not help feelings of depression. Interests outside of work and college are the answer to this.
    I haven't met anyone like that, ever and I'm 20. So you'll forgive me if I say that such a person does not exist. This is all on the off-chance that I'll meet someone who'll understand me for what I really am.
    Well, I did. I never went into it thinking "bloody hell, there's a shag in this", I went into it thinking "here's a great girl that I want to get to know". This constant focus on sexual aspects does not help things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey I just read a few pages of this thread, but as I'm at work in my lunch hour, and don't have superhuman reading speeds, I haven't been able to read all 24 pages. This is an awesome thread tho, and I'd like to give some input if you are still around.....Hornet? Btw it may make you feel better to know I'm 23 yrs 6 months old and still have my shiny golden V card firmly in my pocket. But I don't care anyway :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    23..damn. feel free to pm me if you want, a few others have too.
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