Home Sex & Relationships
Want to discuss Coronavirus/COVID-19? Head to the dedicated subforum .

20 y/old virgin

2456711

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pah1986 wrote: »
    Have you yet realised that we are also all those people you sit next to in college? Most of us are of higher education age, sex is mentioned all over the boards and not limited to the sex board itself, we drink, take drugs and have idle gossip. Why is that you have asked here for advice? Is it perhaps that you cannot see us and therefore cannot fully appreciate our flaws? Perhaps you dislike us aswell but hope that there may be one person who will be able to tell you what you want to hear?

    What is it exactly that you don't like about people? I wasn't a big fan of today's society either - I was a virgin until I was 18 which by todays standards is pretty late. I hated the stupidity of people, the obsession with mindless sex and so on. But I've come to accept that's the age we live in, and that there are lots of people out there who do have opinions, ideas, morals and beliefs.

    I have stayed in my house(s) most of my life, afraid to venture outside and mix with the people I so detested. But I was also jealous of their communities and realised that it was just my low self-esteem that I needed to sort out. Whilst I'm still not perfectly happy, I've made friends and being in the company of people you can talk and laugh with is one of the best forms of happiness.

    I really would not know what to advise without actually knowing you more. I'm certainly interested in what it is you find so unappealing about people and making friends.

    i think that's what i wanted to say. You are a scholar sir, a scholar.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with pretty much everything Andy (real name? :p ) but I'm in Huddersfield if you fancy a pint.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that's what i wanted to say. You are a scholar sir, a scholar.

    :blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep, sorry man, I hate to be rude, but you're the problem....

    I'm in the same boat as you:

    20 yrs/old?...Check
    Virgin?...Check
    Geek(and proud of it)?...Check
    go to school with people that make fun of me and neither of us like the others?...Check
    No Social life?...Check

    Let me tell you a BIG secret that I've learned: NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE IN THE END!

    See they make fun of you beacause you're insecure, I used to be. Frankly focus on what you enjoy if it's gaming then get out start playing tournaments, organize a lan party whatever, if it's cats then join a cat club, if it's ferret legging (google it) then find a ferret legging club and GET INVOLVED. Whatever you choose make sure that it's something you're interested in, your passion will show....

    Frankly I haven't "pulled" yet (apoligies if I misused the slang people, I'm canadian) as I have very limited social skills (I never went to school until grade 12, the final year before graduation from high school) but I'm happy, and enjoying life, I'm no longer focused on "getting laid" as I know someone will come along eventually...

    If you remember one thing it's this: You came to us for ADVICE. That means you have respect for the community here, if you don't like the advice you don't have to take it. But shooting people that are spending their own time helping you down and then continuing to complain is not cool. Theres a LOT of good advice on this board, step back and look at it objectivly....

    I know my last statement was harsh but I wish someone had smacked some sense into me before I fifgured it out for myself 6 months ago....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I believe it's a bit more complicated than saying any one thing is the problem. If you could, I don't really believe that the individual is as much of a problem as society is. Take this thread for example. Someone is honestly disturbed about his own situation enough to seek advice on here, all the while getting people telling him (albeit partially justifiable) that he's the one source of his dilemma. Meanwhile someone else will inevitably create a thread moaning how their partner doesn't do this that and the other thing, or how they just broke up and everyone throws rose pedals at their feet with little *hugz for you* signatures at the bottom of the post.

    It's a little jaded. I think that as a whole no one really seems to realise how twisted that is. From my personal point of view, at least those people who did break up with somebody actually had the chance to be with them in the first place, so from that perspective there is nothing to complain about.
    Now I can easily understand why someone would be upset over something like that. I hope everyone can. But it seems that most people don't get why people like hornet encounter this problem, and instead of offering something realistically helpful; it's more like "buck up and get over it" and "you have to do it for yourself" (both of which are a bit redundant). Well, people who say that have no justification thus far to be able to tell him off like it's no big deal. You can't tell someone to "get over it" when you can't understand what they're talking about, i.e. been in the same position (and actually pondered about why you're there, as opposed to sulking in your self-induced pity party). You don't know that situation. All you know is success in that field. You can't justifiably say "get over it" to someone when you find it an immature problem and haven't spent time with it personally. That is incredibly elitist and doesn't make you look like a very open person.
    Also: "I lost my viginity at __". O RLY?! Not helpful. People seem to have to interject a bit of their own pride into something that doesn't lead to a point.

    Here is one of my suggestions: I would go out every chance I had that seemed like a comfortable time to do so. Let's say I wanted to eat something because I dunno, I'm hungry. Now I could stay at my house and waste time trying to make something good and end up eating some bread, or I could go out to a nice, tasty restaurant that has something random that will taste good and fill me up. Ok so there's my reason for leaving my abode. At this point my goal is pretty much set: time to shunt the spasms of hunger. Anything that happens before, during, or after that time will be an unplanned, natural occurance. There could be a nice, attractive waitress there and you're one of her last patrons and she blatantly looks tired. I figure, what the hell, why not ask her to join me after getting acquainted? She looks like she could use a cup of coffee or some tasty soup, and whatever happens, happens.

    That's just one example, but if you see what I mean then that's enough. What I am basically outlining there is a situation that you don't will yourself into. It's not unnatural and forced; it's a smooth, transitional occurance. You don't want to try and force anything. In my experience, that has only lead to me getting my hopes up and focusing only on that one aspect, and when it didn't happen I would be that much worse off because my unrealistic, artificial goal had failed.

    Just to outline myself, I am also a 20 year old male with his nice, shiny V-Card still tucked away, so I know exactly what this thread is about. There are only two other people I know that have their card as well. Correction, one other person (who happens to be male). So yes, it's in the minority. It's not fun, but I have other things that are important to me. It would be nice to have someone else there so I could at least maintain my sanity or have conformation that I exist, but I don't. I don't focus on it that much anymore, but when I saw this thread, I doubted there would be many people in the same position as hornet here. So I figured I'd deposit some opinions and suggestions in here as it seemed fit.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Perhaps you reckon I should go to the pub on my own and walk up to some stranger and tell them how I am 20 and do not drive, still live with my mum, have never smoked cannabis, have technically only been drunk once, (!) don't drink alcohol often, don't have even a single friend or a social life, don't smoke, don't go out anywhere, have not kissed a girl since I was about 8 years old, have never travelled abroad on my own, have not been on a holiday since 2001, etc etc. Now how do you think people will react to finding all of this out? THEY WILL SIMPLY NOT UNDERSTAND.
    How about, just saying "Hi there" instead of all that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Listen to Matt, he gives some good advice :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I empathise with the OP about people's obsession with sex, it really doesn't help, just makes you more depressed. The number of girls I've met whose second question after "what is your name?" is "are you a virgin?" or "how many people have you slept with?" really does take the piss. Thought it'd be just at school where everyone's suddenly exploring new territory, but applies to professionals in their 20s too. I couldn't possibly lie as it'd make you look pathetic when the truth is later exposed, they just laugh at you and move onto the next person, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If people have an issue with how many grls you've slept with, it's their probem. Tbh I'm 23 and don't even care if my mates are virgins or not, probably because I actually have things going on in my life and am literate enough to have a conversation on more than just sex.

    I really wouldn't care what people think about you being a virgin, anybody who's worth it won't really care either. But you have to stop pitying yourself and treating it like a disability.

    if you act like a victim, you'll forever be a victim.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    I empathise with the OP about people's obsession with sex, it really doesn't help, just makes you more depressed. The number of girls I've met whose second question after "what is your name?" is "are you a virgin?" or "how many people have you slept with?" really does take the piss. Thought it'd be just at school where everyone's suddenly exploring new territory, but applies to professionals in their 20s too. I couldn't possibly lie as it'd make you look pathetic when the truth is later exposed, they just laugh at you and move onto the next person, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    What women are you talking to??? :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people are trying to empathise with you..

    When people say it's YOU that needs to sort it theyre not saying the ppl taking the piss ouf of you are in the right, theyre saying there are a few people like that in the world but not everyone is... FACT, you cant argue against this like you are trying to so just dont bother wasting your time on that.
    But it seems that most people don't get why people like hornet encounter this problem, and instead of offering something realistically helpful; it's more like "buck up and get over it" and "you have to do it for yourself"

    That proves you haven't properly read some peoples advice. Noone has just told him to "get over it", ppl know its hard for him but we can't write that in every sentence, he should just take it as a given. They say stuff liike buck up because he needs to change his attitude, then he can eventually be happy... what do you expect them to say? "oh you might aswell fuck off and die then"? :eek2:

    And yes his problem is probably partially to do with the way the media portrays society, THAT ISNT GONNA CHANGE so wanking on about it isn't gonna get him anywhere. Noone said he has to change his personality, he just needs to change his attitude and outlook then he'll get better over time. Theres some totally reasonable and helpful advice people have taken time to say and he has just dismissed it all with his pessimism.
    1, etc etc. Now how do you think people will react to finding all of this out? THEY WILL SIMPLY NOT UNDERSTAND.

    How about when you refer to yourself, instead of thinking of every single negative you can (then again the majority of stuff there isn't considered as a negative by 95% of the world), think of positives and stuff you enjoy or are good at. Maybe you can't think of it atm but everyones good at something...

    I'm sure you'll come back with yet another reply of "ohhh but you don't know what it's like, it's too hard everyone is different to me"....Nope they're not, you've just given up on them because its easier to, but at the same time you have asked for help so you're clearly not happy with your situation. People are trying to empathise with you from their experiences, noone can feel exactly the same as you but don't dismiss peoples advice because you think they dont know what you're going through or are saying it to make you feel bad or something.

    So look at some of the advice given - im telling you its not all pointless and a waste (before you say it), and try to change your outlook to a more positive one step by step (YES, ITS HARD).

    good luck with it, hope you start taking advice instead of spitting it back in peoples faces (I know thats part of the way tour attitude has developed, but if you just take a step out of that self pity for a sec and be positive you'll see the advice has a lot of worth).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I believe it's a bit more complicated than saying any one thing is the problem. If you could, I don't really believe that the individual is as much of a problem as society is. Take this thread for example. Someone is honestly disturbed about his own situation enough to seek advice on here, all the while getting people telling him (albeit partially justifiable) that he's the one source of his dilemma. Meanwhile someone else will inevitably create a thread moaning how their partner doesn't do this that and the other thing, or how they just broke up and everyone throws rose pedals at their feet with little *hugz for you* signatures at the bottom of the post.

    It's a little jaded. I think that as a whole no one really seems to realise how twisted that is. From my personal point of view, at least those people who did break up with somebody actually had the chance to be with them in the first place, so from that perspective there is nothing to complain about.
    Now I can easily understand why someone would be upset over something like that. I hope everyone can. But it seems that most people don't get why people like hornet encounter this problem, and instead of offering something realistically helpful; it's more like "buck up and get over it" and "you have to do it for yourself" (both of which are a bit redundant). Well, people who say that have no justification thus far to be able to tell him off like it's no big deal. You can't tell someone to "get over it" when you can't understand what they're talking about, i.e. been in the same position (and actually pondered about why you're there, as opposed to sulking in your self-induced pity party). You don't know that situation. All you know is success in that field. You can't justifiably say "get over it" to someone when you find it an immature problem and haven't spent time with it personally. That is incredibly elitist and doesn't make you look like a very open person.
    Also: "I lost my viginity at __". O RLY?! Not helpful. People seem to have to interject a bit of their own pride into something that doesn't lead to a point.

    Here is one of my suggestions: I would go out every chance I had that seemed like a comfortable time to do so. Let's say I wanted to eat something because I dunno, I'm hungry. Now I could stay at my house and waste time trying to make something good and end up eating some bread, or I could go out to a nice, tasty restaurant that has something random that will taste good and fill me up. Ok so there's my reason for leaving my abode. At this point my goal is pretty much set: time to shunt the spasms of hunger. Anything that happens before, during, or after that time will be an unplanned, natural occurance. There could be a nice, attractive waitress there and you're one of her last patrons and she blatantly looks tired. I figure, what the hell, why not ask her to join me after getting acquainted? She looks like she could use a cup of coffee or some tasty soup, and whatever happens, happens.

    That's just one example, but if you see what I mean then that's enough. What I am basically outlining there is a situation that you don't will yourself into. It's not unnatural and forced; it's a smooth, transitional occurance. You don't want to try and force anything. In my experience, that has only lead to me getting my hopes up and focusing only on that one aspect, and when it didn't happen I would be that much worse off because my unrealistic, artificial goal had failed.

    Just to outline myself, I am also a 20 year old male with his nice, shiny V-Card still tucked away, so I know exactly what this thread is about. There are only two other people I know that have their card as well. Correction, one other person (who happens to be male). So yes, it's in the minority. It's not fun, but I have other things that are important to me. It would be nice to have someone else there so I could at least maintain my sanity or have conformation that I exist, but I don't. I don't focus on it that much anymore, but when I saw this thread, I doubted there would be many people in the same position as hornet here. So I figured I'd deposit some opinions and suggestions in here as it seemed fit.

    Wow, every word there is so utterly and resoundingly true! Especially that part where it would be nice to have someone there to keep your sanity and feel like you exist. Sterling post. Far more useful than "get out". The part where you were talking about going out was an interesting one, make no mistake, but the idea of going out in that way by one's self is a worrying one. There's bound to be nothing but couples and groups of 3 in any place where you go out to eat. Wherever I do go, it will be by myself.
    Have you yet realised that we are also all those people you sit next to in college? Most of us are of higher education age, sex is mentioned all over the boards and not limited to the sex board itself, we drink, take drugs and have idle gossip.
    Hmm...no, I had no idea. Good grief, how ignorant do you think I must be?
    Why is that you have asked here for advice? Is it perhaps that you cannot see us and therefore cannot fully appreciate our flaws? Perhaps you dislike us aswell but hope that there may be one person who will be able to tell you what you want to hear?
    No, no, and no. I don't want to be told what I "want to hear", as you put it. I am taking in and reading every scrap on this thread, and replying with why it is not that simple, I'm not dissmissing anything. Also, to answer your Q about why did I have to come here and piss in your pond, to be blunt I came because of the anonymity and I thought that revealing so much of this stuff about myself on here would not come back and bite me later on. Unlike opening up to folks in person, for example those at college. Now that really would be digging my own grave.

    On reflection I think perhaps I could have had a dialogue with people, but never as an equal, because of the aforementioned flaws I listed. Only as perhaps as a subject of ridicule, to be treated with nothing but sarcasm and picked up then thrown away at will when not needed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    What women are you talking to??? :eek2:
    A very diverse variety - bankers, lawyers, teachers, nurses, waitresses, students. In different towns/cities of the UK, whether at house parties, nightclubs, bars, birthdays, the same question always crops up, the whole country is obsessed with whether people are virgins or not. :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    A very diverse variety - bankers, lawyers, teachers, nurses, waitresses, students. In different towns/cities of the UK, whether at house parties, nightclubs, bars, birthdays, the same question always crops up, the whole country is obsessed with whether people are virgins or not. :banghead:

    Riiight :yeees:

    Nobody has ever asked me that and I know plenty of women who don't ask that sort of thing. "Are you a virgin?" on a first meeting? Either you're grossly exagerrating, or making it up... I just don't see how anyone would ask that (unless you turn up at swingers nights).

    People aren't all like that, in fact hardly anybody I know over the age of 17 really cares. Really... I don't know what sort of crowd you spend time with, but they don't sound very mature.

    It isn't anybody's place to ask you questions about your sex life, step away from that kind of person because they can't have a whole lot of respect for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being a virgin is only a problem if you let it rule your life. If you carry on being so negative and too hung up on the supposedly negative things you'll never get anywhere. It's true that you're the only person that can change your life. I'm 22 and a virgin but I'm more interested in getting out there and just having a bit of fun. Life is too short to sit around worrying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    Being a virgin is only a problem if you let it rule your life. If you carry on being so negative and too hung up on the supposedly negative things you'll never get anywhere. It's true that you're the only person that can change your life. I'm 22 and a virgin but I'm more interested in getting out there and just having a bit of fun. Life is too short to sit around worrying.

    For some reason thught you were in a long term relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    A very diverse variety - bankers, lawyers, teachers, nurses, waitresses, students. In different towns/cities of the UK, whether at house parties, nightclubs, bars, birthdays, the same question always crops up, the whole country is obsessed with whether people are virgins or not. :banghead:

    because that is one of the most absurd things I have ever heard, i'll take the step to say that now you're just lieing to keep wallowing in your self pity... if you dont wanta help yourself then why ask for help?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    For some reason thught you were in a long term relationship.
    I haven't been in one since 2005 what made you think that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Perhaps you reckon I should go to the pub on my own and walk up to some stranger and tell them how I am 20 and do not drive, still live with my mum, have never smoked cannabis, have technically only been drunk once, (!) don't drink alcohol often, don't have even a single friend or a social life, don't smoke, don't go out anywhere, have not kissed a girl since I was about 8 years old, have never travelled abroad on my own, have not been on a holiday since 2001, etc etc. Now how do you think people will react to finding all of this out? THEY WILL SIMPLY NOT UNDERSTAND.

    What a load of rubbish. I don't drink that often (and when I do, it's only a few cans of beer or something) and no-one has a problem with it and I have plenty of friends. They understand that if I drink, it won't be that much or that often. I also don't smoke either. (neither do most of my friends)

    You really need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

    Stop making such a big deal about sex and stop acting as though you're the only one who's in this situation. (which I'm in, but I'm slightly younger and don't care)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sadness is not negativity. I don't see much of a connection between two threads described. You judge on merit.

    I tend to disagree. Sadness and negativity tend to flow quite easily into one another. They're not the same thing, but where one exists you're bound to find at least a trace of the other. It seems to me when someone is sad about being alone they get ripped for being a pitiful wuss, meanwhile when someone is sad about being alone after the fact, they're flourished. Seems a bit like a double standard to me.

    Can I ask if you have experienced a bad breakup?

    No, I haven't.
    I can tell you for certain, getting a girlfriend is easy, entertaining a relationship is a lot harder.(not a great description I know)

    Well, I would imagine the latter to be the more difficult of the two, but I wouldn't describe something as "easy".

    Wrong, you can't say people like me have not been in that situation. You don't know me and to clarify, I have been there.

    No I can't say that about you, but I wasn't directing that statement at any one person. To add, your previous diction didn't give me any reason not to.
    You know what else? all that pussy talk "oh it will be ok" "you will find someone one day" does fuck all but make the person go deeper into a rut and end up getting bullied by normal people for be literally inferior to the human race, yes INFERIOR!

    I agree it doesn't help at all. It's what people in society say to get someone off of their back.
    You have to hit that point with you stop blaming everyone else, get your fat ASS off the chair and go and do something about it because no one can do it for you, the world will not change around you. If all you can see is the bad in the world might that point to the fact that you are different from everyone else? negative people draw negative comments, it's time to stand up and deal with it, you are a no body, shit in fact but once you reach rock bottom you can begin to climb and become something, do something with your life instead of being the guy down the road who hibernates in his bedroom on his pc, walks the shop in summer with a hood over his head because he's so self concious what others may think of him, so frightened of intimidation.

    Oh yes I have been there, let me tell you junker, you should give hornet all the therapy he wants, talk to him aobut how he hates the world and everyone is so bad to him, it will only stimulate his current feeling about the world, because if he doesn't have to face the world, he doesn't have to deal with it.


    It's up to him and him only to sort himself out, until he realises that he has internal problems, negative sticking points and general wrong view of people he will never be able to free himself from the rut he is in.

    There is a great world out there to be discovered, but you have to open yourself up and first, just be happy to breath in fresh air and be alive. Life is good, but you have to discover that yourself.

    This is a better section although it could do away with the motivational speaker tone and be a bit more down to earth.

    Yes there is a point where you need to do something about it if you really care about it. I believe my suggestion was a fairly good example on how to do that.

    There are some things a person can't let go of that easily. Some people are a bit more self-conscious than others, or some people don't like being in crowds, or being in hot places. Once you see your "problem" so to speak it's easier to work with it.

    That being said, society doesn't give us a fair view on the planet. I find the world most fascinating. There are many different aspects, a diversity of feelings and thought.

    People unfortuantely are quite similar. At least around here. Everyone is a clone. Now, granted, I can't take all of that and base my judgement of humanity on it. That would be ignorant. But people like mainstram things. They like mainstream "music" (the perversion and rape of which is one of the reasons I quote the word and keep away from a lot of people), mainstream thoughts, clothing, articles, and ideas. There's little independent thought anymore and it's dull.

    So basically you gave up when you got into a problem.

    No. I created an impossible and quite unrealistic goal, and I would only focus on that. When it failed, I would fail. It's kind of like sending your entire army into a meat grinder as oppsed to taking things one step at a time.

    So really, you you don't know what this thread is about, because you're just the same as the OP and havn't snapped out of it yet and you're still full of self pity it seems. You havn't progressed, you've just shifted the blame and admitted defeat.

    Not necessarily, I just shifted my priorities back to something I found meaningful and interesting. I personally don't like to waste time, in fact I get extremely anxious about it. So in my logic I could keep tring to enter relationships where there are many variables determining my success, or I could use that time and focus to work on something more productive and meaningful with more certainty attatched to it. I haven't blamed anything, admitted defeated, or taken the pity route. I don't know where I've connotated that.


    On another note...

    It's interesting how we can't have a civil, logical discussion on this topic. Everyone has accuse everyone else of something, and that seems to be closing doors. Some posts on here are a bit illogical and out of the blue, but this thread shouldn't be an argument. Personal pride should not get in the way of helping someone.

    Hornet, I do see your cause for concern when going out that you addressed after my suggestion. My initial intention was that situation to occur only for you. Just you going out to eat because your body was compelling you to put something inside of the stomach. Now because you need to do that, it is now your reason for leaving and going out. You don't need a group of friends to go get something to eat at a restaurant. I find it easier to talk to strangers when I'm not around friends or other people that I know. There's less distraction and more you can focus on. Plus, the closer to close you go to the restaurant, the more likely a situation like that will occur.

    Another point is pubs. Pubs are probably some of the best things around. Here's what I would do for instance: I like good beer. A nice, tasty, hoppy IPA usually does the trick for me. Mmmm yes. So, I will go down to my nearest pub and maybe they have something on tap that is quite excellent. And you know what? I'm kinda hungry. I think I'm gonna get something to eat there too.

    See? My reasons for going there aren't people. They're not uncertain reasons full of variables and doubt. "I like tasty beer, I think I'll try this one". I personally don't get hammered. In fact it's been almost two years since I was adequately drunk. I like the taste and the formulae that some brewers put into their beers. It's quite interesting to me. Beer's been brewing for about 5,000 years and I'm a history kind of guy.

    Anyway, continuing the scenario: I'm sitting at the bar, right next to the tap, just casually drinking a nice hoppy beer. There's a lady who walks in and sits a couple of seats away from me at the same bar. She gets a similar beer, but I couldn't hear what she ordered. I'm going to go find out.

    There you go. Instant talking point. She could have done other things that would've given me an incentive to spark up a conversation (like take out a sketch-pad, mathematic paper, a small caprice, etc). It's not as complicated as it may seem. My reason for being at the pub was already accomplished, so anything else that happened would be the result of me being there and doing the task I set out to do: in this scenario, get some tasty beer and some food. Scenarios like this aren't guaranteed to happen every time, but as you can see it's not unrealistic. If anything about that is confusing, just let me know. It's harder to express ideas in text than it is to express them with tones and gestures.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    I haven't been in one since 2005 what made you think that?

    *shrug* I dunno, just did.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please don't think that some of us cannot relate to your situation. Most people on these boards are here because they've sought help at some point.

    I'm sorry, but i'm pretty sure i have never been asked if i was a virgin in my whole life. I'm not sure what sort of girls some of you talk to, but their probably not the sort of ones you'd want to be meeting. I don't think society laughs at virgins. This is a fallacy. As someone else posted, there's so much else to do in the world, letting this consume you would just be stupid. Especially as is being stated so often, instead of wallowing in virginal pity, actually ignoring it and doing other stuff will eventually lead to losing it anyway.
    There are some things a person can't let go of that easily. Some people are a bit more self-conscious than others, or some people don't like being in crowds, or being in hot places. Once you see your "problem" so to speak it's easier to work with it.
    This is exactly right. I really dislike being in crowds of people, but at the end of the day, that doesn't mean i'm never going to leave the house.
    People unfortuantely are quite similar. At least around here. Everyone is a clone. Now, granted, I can't take all of that and base my judgement of humanity on it. That would be ignorant. But people like mainstram things. They like mainstream "music" (the perversion and rape of which is one of the reasons I quote the word and keep away from a lot of people), mainstream thoughts, clothing, articles, and ideas. There's little independent thought anymore and it's dull.
    What is wrong with people being similiar and mainstream? If so many people like something it must be for a reason.

    Now don't get me wrong, i'm not a fan of everyday culture; but that's no reason for one to turn oneself into a recluse. Especially musically. Most of my friends are into DIY punk music, i however prefer Swing and Jazz, that hardly means we can't be friends, or that i should have written them off before i knew them. Variety is the spice of life, i go to their gigs and they come to jazz nights. We probably wouldn't have tried either otherwise.

    I can't believe you say there's little independant thought, like somehow you're elevated above us? Reading Bukowski, or listening to a particular type of music is hardly cause to say that everyone is the same. You call these people insular - all the same, but to say there's little independant thought in people shows true world ignorance.

    Besides the fact you are different from people is no reason to dismiss or judge them..

    I know it's hard, i spent pretty much sat back at the age of 16 and watched my friends walk one by one into relationships. They all seemed to treat the girls like shit and of course eventually they fell apart. Meanwhile i was one of the last ones, looking from the outside at these and thinking if i could just meet someone i'd treat them so well and would never let the same things happen. It took 3 years....but y'know...

    i think this whole thread can be summer up like this:

    Socialising + time - negativity = relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    junker, you remind me of that shaft of golden sunlight that breaks through the clouds...haha.
    So really, you you don't know what this thread is about, because you're just the same as the OP and havn't snapped out of it yet and you're still full of self pity it seems. You havn't progressed, you've just shifted the blame and admitted defeat.
    That was below the belt and totally wrong. Let's not turn this discussion into a bad game of space invaders or something.
    I'm sorry, but i'm pretty sure i have never been asked if i was a virgin in my whole life.
    That's absolutely incredible. The first time someone asked me was my first day at a new high school after moving to a new region of the UK, I must have been about 15. There was this girl who seemed to have taken a particular interest in me, and she was asking me various stuff, getting to know me and so on, it seemed fairly innocuous and I was fairly ok with it. Then she asks me I am a virgin, I felt uncomfortable to an extreme, and just answered yes. I felt from then on as though I was surrounded by a load of people who had seemingly never been virgins, who smoked pot and drank too much for their own good, and thus began the whole "I'll hide in my bedroom for the rest my life because I don't smoke pot, de-virginise underage girls and drink too much, and every person out there does" spiel.

    Second time I believe was at college, I was 18 then, there were a bunch of girls whom after watching I believed them to be bullies, bad news and to be avoided, I ended getting partnered with them on some work and they started to ask me questions such as, how old are you, where do you live, etc. I decided for some reason to answer their questions or risk looking bad, but privately I was sure they were taking advantage, trying to flatter me, etc. The virgin question came up, it must have been about the 9th or 10th question, and this time, I lied, I said "no", because this time I was not 15, I was 18 and felt I could not get away with it. I couldn't imagine how they might have played on it if they had found out. I had no choice but to lie.

    Also, there was on other instance where some girl whispered to her friends about me, and the word virgin was audible followed by a lot of laughter from that quarter of the room. Now that one hurt me to my core, I cried went I went home, I tried to say to myself "there's still hope. this is just an inconsequential one-off, you'll be fine in the end". It was no good. I dwelled on it for months, it totally filled my head every moment of every day. It took a while to get over. So DONT FUCKING TELL ME ITS MY FUCKING FAULT, DON'T TELL ME I OUGHT TO GET OUT AND GET TO KNOW THOSE VIRGIN BATING HYPOCRYTE BASTARDS.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What is wrong with people being similiar and mainstream? If so many people like something it must be for a reason.

    Now don't get me wrong, i'm not a fan of everyday culture; but that's no reason for one to turn oneself into a recluse. Especially musically. Most of my friends are into DIY punk music, i however prefer Swing and Jazz, that hardly means we can't be friends, or that i should have written them off before i knew them. Variety is the spice of life, i go to their gigs and they come to jazz nights. We probably wouldn't have tried either otherwise.

    I can't believe you say there's little independant thought, like somehow you're elevated above us? Reading Bukowski, or listening to a particular type of music is hardly cause to say that everyone is the same. You call these people insular - all the same, but to say there's little independant thought in people shows true world ignorance.

    Besides the fact you are different from people is no reason to dismiss or judge them..

    It's an observation, not a judgement. I know it's hard to decipher tone with text, but don't proceed to make me out as someone who thinks they are above the whole. I am human. I'm not better than anyone else.

    There's nothing wrong with people liking the same thing, but to put it to an extent to where people wear the same type of clothing to benefit in society, or listen to the same type of music to benefit in society is perverted. There is no reasoning behind it besides conforming to society. For instance there's no reason to buy an expensive long sleeved shirt when the same kind of shirt can be bought for a fraction of the amount, just not the same brand name. The functions are equal in value, so there is no logical reasoning why one would purchase one over the other, except for looking acceptable in that particular clique. There's little independent reasoning. That is what I am saying. Remember, this is my opinion based on obervations, experiences, and discussions. Yours can be quite different.

    Because I am different that is no reason for me to dismiss or judge them, true, which I don't believe I ever said that I do. I observe people before I interact with them and I am usually quite accurate. I don't form my own opinion on one person until after I am acquainted.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    I dwelled on it for months, it totally filled my head every moment of every day. It took a while to get over. So DONT FUCKING TELL ME ITS MY FUCKING FAULT, .

    The original incident maybe wasn't your fault. However, your obsessing over this one thing and building it up in your own head so that it's way more of a big deal than it should ever be is, I'm afraid to say, enitrely your own fault.

    When it comes to your life, there's two ways that you can see things. You can choose to see yourself as a victim of everything else in the world, and believe that things happen to you, not because of you. Or you can take control of your life, accept that once in a while you will meet some schmuchs and that bad things will happen, but realise that only you are in a position to make things better for you. Other people will not do that for you.
    hornet893 wrote: »
    DON'T TELL ME I OUGHT TO GET OUT AND GET TO KNOW THOSE VIRGIN BATING HYPOCRYTE BASTARDS.

    Clearly noone is going to suggest that you make friends with people who you don't like or get on with. However, I think what people are trying to say is that it is a big world out there, and, from the personal experience of a large number of people, not many of them care whether or not someone is a virgin, and they certainly don't tend to ask it as a conversational-opener. Not once you get passed age 10, at least.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Only a couple of examples from your whole life eh?

    Listen mate, I was aggressively bullied in school (once I ended up in hosptal with stitches in my head), a lot of people on thesite have experienced bullying, it's not a nice ordeal but wallowing in what other people tell you and what you percieve people think of you and in self-pity is not the way to go.

    Bullies tend to just be insecure with themselves and channel this insecurity outwards to victimise other people. Maybe it's the only time they feel powerful, maybe other people tag along with it because they're scared of being victimised next. Who knows?

    But the point is you can't live your whole life based around a few mean things that some people have said. Most people are too busy with their own lives to care about whether or not people are virgins, whether they're gay or straight, whether they're a barrister or a cleaner.

    I remember telling a mate I was upset about bullying, he said to me "bloody ell love if I listened to everything people told me, I'd never leave the house".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't sound like your helping yourself mate. Just chillax. I was almost 20 when i lost mine and i thought it would never happen for a long time. Then i just stopped thinking about it and i met someone and well...you get the idea.

    (Oh God, I used the phrase chillax!)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    muse- wrote: »
    because that is one of the most absurd things I have ever heard, i'll take the step to say that now you're just lieing to keep wallowing in your self pity... if you dont wanta help yourself then why ask for help?
    Don't accuse me of being a liar, I don't lie, I'm on this site for help. The experiences of the OP are exactly the same as my own. It's a big country, just because you haven't experienced it in your own region / social circle doesn't mean it's not rife elsewhere.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't see what is wrong with being a virgin. You seem to be making it out to be something that it isn't.

    Firstly i have a friend who is 22 and a virgin. I don't laugh at him for it, i respect him. It's much better than being someone who goes out every weekend and sleeps with another girl (no offence to those who do).

    Secondly like someone else has said don't let what other people say to you get you down. You are who you are and you should be proud.

    Fuck what people say, get on with your life and live it to it's full potential. Your time will come trust me, but it's not something to beat yourself up about.
Sign In or Register to comment.