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Advice, if you may

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
A new partner commenting on how “fit as fuck” someone is on TV and also mentioning other famous girls that they fancy and calling them beautiful etc?!
Why would he think I’d want to know things like this and talk about girls he likes etc?
I do have friends that talk about people they fancy on TV and stuff but they are long term partners and obviously both agree on talking like this. But we have just got together and he doesn’t know if Id take offence or not. I guess I just feel like he doesn’t see me in the same light as the other women yet he tells me I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen and he compliments me a lot on all sorts of stuff..
I probably won’t say anything until he keeps doing it, pisses me off to the extent I flip my lid and say/do something I’ll later regret. I don’t want to come across as a jealous freak but it really hammers my self confidence when a partner says things like this, in fact it infuriates me and I get all paranoid about my looks!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its bad form to compliment another woman infront of your current partner I think, at least in a overtly sexual way like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it came up in "getting to know you" conversation then it's alright, but if it's constant then it's well cheeky.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We were just watching TV and he probably made about 4-5 comments during the day. He's never said anything like this before but I have only been seeing him a month.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote: »
    We were just watching TV and he probably made about 4-5 comments during the day.

    No wonder you feel a bit off about it, that's going to be wierd. I cant really think of any good advice though because even if you tell him to stop it and he does, this is going to be at the back of your mind (or would if you were me).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm its probably something i'd do, its pretty harmless as he's obviously got no chance of meeting these people.

    i agree it is probably bad form in a new relationship tho!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it depend how he said it.
    Id proably be a bit annoyed if someone kept saying stuff like that. It doesnt bode well really and comes across as a bit lecherous.
    Id be less bothered about mine saying they thought someone was beautiful rather than "fit as fuck" but thats maybe cos im a snob and it sounds like something only a sun reader would say, but id still be pissed off if he KEPT saying other people were beautiful. Really bad manners.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is the kind of thing that would get to me a bit if she kept doing it, especialyl if the type of blokes she was commenting on were the exact opposite of me or whatever.

    I think if he does it again then you should make a really sarky comment :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote: »
    I think if he does it again then you should make a really sarky comment :yes:

    If in doubt, use sarcasm :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, I'm defo going to have to say something. It pissed me right off yesterday, I was going to say something but I thought I'd think about it first. I do usually lose my temper and say things I regret in situations like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just start giving him a taste of his own medicine!
    Comment on guys you fancy and see if he takes offence or says anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whats it like apart from that?

    Is it something you could overlook, or are you looking for a reason to dump someone whos not quite perfect in other ways.
    Will the perfect person who never pisses you off EVER come along, and would that not piss you off a bit if they never did anything annoying?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's nothing else wrong, I wasn't over keen on him at first but these last 2 weeks I've really started to like him.
    I'm not just looking for problems. I've always had this little jealous streak! Obviously men like women, men like to look at and admire women, I'd never chastise someone for that. It's just the blatantness of it.

    What you reckon his reasoning behind it is? Why would he think I'd be interested and do you reckon he could be doing it on purpose to get a reaction?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote: »
    What you reckon his reasoning behind it is? Why would he think I'd be interested and do you reckon he could be doing it on purpose to get a reaction?
    sounds like it! i don't understand it otherwise :confused: unless he's just an inconsiderate nob.

    if its making you feel shit then you need to tell him! but then you don't want him saying "oooh jealous are you?". argh how annoying!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote: »
    What you reckon his reasoning behind it is? Why would he think I'd be interested and do you reckon he could be doing it on purpose to get a reaction?

    He may just not really realise what he's saying sounds a bit off, if he's used to talking to the lads, and you make him feel totally at ease, there maybe no thought behind it at all, he thinks it, so he says it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    alasia wrote: »
    Just start giving him a taste of his own medicine!
    Comment on guys you fancy and see if he takes offence or says anything.

    yeah, that's great! if you take offense to something, just counter-offend.
    I don't think this is the key here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    sounds like it! i don't understand it otherwise :confused: unless he's just an inconsiderate nob.

    if its making you feel shit then you need to tell him! but then you don't want him saying "oooh jealous are you?". argh how annoying!
    That's the thing, I don't want him to think that but I want him to stop!
    budda wrote: »
    He may just not really realise what he's saying sounds a bit off, if he's used to talking to the lads, and you make him feel totally at ease, there maybe no thought behind it at all, he thinks it, so he says it.
    It could be that, ya see, we are dead comfortable with each other and I can be a bit of a lad. We talk about footy, cars, I go drinking out with him and some of his lad mates etc. Maybe he just doesn't realise I am a woman inside!!!!



    I did think about commenting on men I like but then I thought that's just playing games. I don't usually comment on men in front of partners, it might fuel him to say more things thus both of us being pissed off or he might not even be bothered at all, think it's acceptable and then I'm in an even worse situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    He may just not really realise what he's saying sounds a bit off, if he's used to talking to the lads, and you make him feel totally at ease, there maybe no thought behind it at all, he thinks it, so he says it.

    i think this is a good shout, ive called my other half "buddie" and "queer" before, without thinking...needless to say i got pulled up on them both
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote: »
    I did think about commenting on men I like but then I thought that's just playing games. I don't usually comment on men in front of partners, it might fuel him to say more things thus both of us being pissed off or he might not even be bothered at all, think it's acceptable and then I'm in an even worse situation.

    After he said something crude I'd say something along the lines of 'well why dont you ask her to sleep with you tonight, because I'm certainly not'.

    Or just point out to him that he's not on the piss with his lads down the pub.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    After he said something crude I'd say something along the lines of 'well why dont you ask her to sleep with you tonight, because I'm certainly not'.

    Or just point out to him that he's not on the piss with his lads down the pub.
    Yes, I think that's what I'll do. I'll wait and see if he comments again first and then put him straight - with the risk of looking jealous, it's better than being pissed off though and letting something like that fester so soon into the rel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote: »
    Yes, I think that's what I'll do. I'll wait and see if he comments again first and then put him straight - with the risk of looking jealous, it's better than being pissed off though and letting something like that fester so soon into the rel.

    Exactly, have it out nice and early, dont let it run and run, otherwise one day you'll snap and stab them with the kitchen knife and have to bury under the patio, and that's one hell of a job I can tell you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    Exactly, have it out nice and early, dont let it run and run, otherwise one day you'll snap and stab them with the kitchen knife and have to bury under the patio, and that's one hell of a job I can tell you.

    In the past I've always paid my dodgey mate Dave to sort it.........
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote: »
    In the past I've always paid my dodgey mate Dave to sort it.........

    Its always worth investing in an professional when it comes to situations like this, but I didnt have the time, and that time I hadnt planned it.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Some people wouldn't mind if whoever they're with did this kind of thing. Others, like you, do.
    If he doesn't know which of the two groups you're in, he might as well try and think that if you don't like it you'd tell him so. Not unreasonable, is it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people wouldn't mind if whoever they're with did this kind of thing. Others, like you, do.
    If he doesn't know which of the two groups you're in, he might as well try and think that if you don't like it you'd tell him so. Not unreasonable, is it?

    No it's not, really. And the fact I didn't say anything may make him think it's OK to say these things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people wouldn't mind if whoever they're with did this kind of thing. Others, like you, do.
    If he doesn't know which of the two groups you're in, he might as well try and think that if you don't like it you'd tell him so. Not unreasonable, is it?

    What? Some women like their partner to sexually objectify celebs on TV?

    Its clearly bad form and he shouldnt be doing it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a bit rude but like others have said, maybe he just does it with everyone and has just never thought it may offend/bother you.

    I don't really mind a guy telling me which famous women he likes, it gives me some insight into their tastes (if they say Jordan or Jady Goody it's never going to go far) but they can too far when talking about how sexy such and such is.

    I wouldn't have it out with him so early on, just stop watching so much TV with him and have conversations about other stuff so it doesn't come up.

    You may need to work on your confidence a bit if it bothers you so much. If someone did that to me I would simply think they were being rude, not that I was ugly.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Some people wouldn't mind if whoever they're with did this kind of thing.
    budda wrote: »
    What? Some women like their partner to sexually objectify celebs on TV?

    I politely inform you that people generally won't like it if you twist their words.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I politely inform you that people generally won't like it if you twist their words.

    Fair point, I was just surprised that you thought this might be acceptable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PussyKatty wrote: »
    You may need to work on your confidence a bit if it bothers you so much. If someone did that to me I would simply think they were being rude, not that I was ugly.

    I know what you're saying here chick but it's a part of me I know I cannot change.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    budda wrote: »
    Fair point, I was just surprised that you thought this might be acceptable.
    I'm sure that, as I said, some won't mind.
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