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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How was it an opinion? It's long because lots of people use it, people benefit from the advice and experiences of others, and from the support we give each other. Yeah it's sorta sad that so many people are suffering, but there are pages and pages of advice, support - RELEVANT posts that benefit people.

    Yours didn't - so don't bother.
    Took the words right out of my mouth.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear. I think i'm going into the hyper :hyper: bit of my bi-polarity today. Thought i felt it coming on this morning watching Jeremy Kyle, lol. Not been hyper for a few months now, so appologies for the randomness of my posts to come :D Off to Sainsbury's in a bit, think i'll take Bert and Ruudy and surprise some old lady by the broccoli :D:D:D:D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote:
    Oh dear. I think i'm going into the hyper :hyper: bit of my bi-polarity today. Thought i felt it coming on this morning watching Jeremy Kyle, lol. Not been hyper for a few months now, so appologies for the randomness of my posts to come :D Off to Sainsbury's in a bit, think i'll take Bert and Ruudy and surprise some old lady by the broccoli :D:D:D:D
    RubberSkin, that made me giggle - thanks! Please take a picture of an old lady being surprised by Bert and Ruddy. You can do a whole series... a whole new screen saver...

    I'm feeling better today. Work and feeling shit are still quite overwhelming though :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ruudy surprised a chubby lady with a courgette, by the plum tomatoes :D Even though i'm a tad hyper i do feel quite good today, hurrah :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does that happen a lot buds? I'm not really up on my bi-polar knowledge
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The down side happens a lot, far more than the hyper side. Last time i was up was about August, when i went to the pet shop and bought 96 tins of cat food because i'd convinced myself i was going to get kittens later that day (i didn't) :) Shop were nice about it though and refunded my money. Also my ups don't last very long, day or 2 at the most. The downs can last for weeks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How was it an opinion? It's long because lots of people use it, people benefit from the advice and experiences of others, and from the support we give each other. Yeah it's sorta sad that so many people are suffering, but there are pages and pages of advice, support - RELEVANT posts that benefit people.

    Yours didn't - so don't bother.

    It is a long thread though. 190 pages can't really be classed as anything else when most threads are <3 pages long. He's entitled to his opinion, as are you. Fine, his post may not have been useful to anyone on the planet, but he's done little wrong here, has he...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And the reason we're still talking about this is?

    Ok, so post whoring isn't a crime. but it was an annoying interjection. Almost accusatory in fact. How dare we, the great self-inflicting mass, have the biggest thread in thesite?!

    Can we drop it now and return to the actual point.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    who cares

    self harming is a way off life for me when things get too much i dont talk to anyone bottle it up then cut/burn/stab myself, the thing is theres no pain when icut myself no pain atall,but the feelings i had go away,trouble is they return in a few days if memory joged so bottle it up till carnt take no more and do it again .
    ill hide the cuts till they heal wont go to doctors/hospital to get them seen too no mater how deep ,or how much blood is lost and if anyone hapens to see them well im a builder it easy to cut yourself in work ,lie after lie to hide wots going on ,until about 3weeks ago that was my life things have changed resantly im now on meds for depression and am seeing a mental health team every week,
    carnt say i havent cut myself since cos i have ,i have parts off my life missing remember cuting ,then theres a gap

    anyway if anyone feels the same way let me now cheers,,,:banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My job got really bad in the summer it was really demeaning for me and really depressing and boring so i started scratching my wrists which i told anyone who noticed i did falling over when i was drunk and my dad was really snide about it which made me want to do it more i dont know why im doing it now i left my job to go back to uni all i know is that i havent felt right in a long time and there not really anyone i can talk to because no one really has the patience to listen to me whinge on and on about all the little things all i know at the moment is that i want to scream and scream for a long time and then find a new place to live and go back to being the old me, but i think the old me is gone, im not sure she ever really existed she was just who i always wanted to be, not the quiet shy person i am that everybody likes but nobody really wants to get to know.
    i really miss my sister at the moment aswell ive been blocking it for nearly three years now, but now its starting to feel like she was just an imaginary friend like she was never real like she was never meant to be here, but i just miss her i want her to be real again.
    (sorry im not trying to get attention i just needed to get that out of me i think)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :( almost did it this morning.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Back to the Old Ways

    I'm relieved to have found this site that lead me to this discussion board. Putting this thread up was a good idea. I wanted to talk to others and listen to others who have went through this. I don't know anyone I can speak to in real life who can understand and relate to what I'm going through at this time. Only my mother knows I do this and only one of my friends knows. It's hard to talk to them about it when they can't relate, so they tell me.

    I haven't cut in a while until recently. I've become numb. You know something is there inside but it won't come out. It's being in a secluded area (in a bubble if you will) that won't burst open and allow you to accept feelings/emotions that are there. It's gotten to where I think of a death in the family that happened recently, and nothing comes up...no sadness or anything. I don't know any other way to stop feeling numb inside other than feeling some kind of pain. After feeling a little bit of pain, I'm back to "normal" and able to go on and do homework or something like that. I understand the self-harming can be dangerous, but it helps when the writing and exercising no longer does.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feeling pathetic and unsure how to articulate my thoughts.
    I've been feeling rotten for a few weeks now. I have absolutely no idea why. First of all - I feel like some sort of fraud. Unhappy? No reason? Rubbish. Surely I should need a reason to feel so sad.
    I don't like the word depression. It sounds so clinical, so pharmacological... I don't really think it explains exactly how I feel. I much prefer sad. I feel sad. I know it's semantics... but I don't really care.
    I've booked up to use the counselling service in the SU... and i'm going to see my GP... and my best friend is the welfare officer... but basically it makes me feel pathetic. I'm normally the life and soul of my uni, being miserable is sad. I'm trying to put a brave face on... smiles on the outside... inside i'm crying.
    Worse thing is - medical students get all sorts of questions asked when they talk about depression... people start questioning whether depressed doctors are a danger to patients... alcoholism comes up...grr
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she was supposed to be home this week and now shes gone forever. fuck. 5 funerals in 2 years is wearing on me :(

    it's shit, isn't it. i lost both of my nanna's within 6 months of eachother.

    it is however a fact of life - happens to all of us.

    i'm not trying to take away from the fact that it's sad but don't let it ruin your life. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haven't been around a lot recently, people reading my lj prob have an idea why. Sorry to hear that people aren't doing too good, hugs to you all. Sorry, would address people, but don't have a lot of time.

    Update on me: Saw a mental health nurse, being refered to a youth counsellor. How that's different to the counsellor I saw before I have no idea!! Due to see dr next week about the anti-depressants, they've made me feel quite sick recently and shaky, but :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she was only 19.... its a lot harder to understand than if it was my grandparents. (which in fact I lost this year also) blah.

    know the feeling my sister died when she was 22 which was so much harder to deal with than my granda who died this summer not that that wasnt awful enough its just worse when you assume theyr gona be around almost as long as you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    .
    Hey you.

    I guess there are benefits to have this thread as the only one where replies are emailed to me, huh.

    Hope you're ok.

    You know where I am if you need to chat about anything, yeh?

    <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's what it's there for. Moan away. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    I just feel like I'm moaning.

    Nothing wrong with that. :)
    sophia wrote:
    I feel like a dick for doing it here when there are people here with real, genuine problems

    A problem is a problem. Just because yours seem smaller in comparison to others shouldn't put you off letting it out :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you suffered from depression before ? or suffering now ? One of the things that really pisses me off is not knowing why it happens when i go on a downer. It's so frsutrating. I think's it because i'm trying to look for the cause so find a cure but the cause can't be found and that makes it worse. Like you i can just feel it slowly creeping over me and there's sod all i can do about it, except ride it out and hope i come out of it, and it's a bloody horrible feeling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, you're dealing/combating it in a positive way. I don't think you're 'self-indulgent' at all. SOmtimes it's good to have a rant/moan even if it's on the boards. :)
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    sophia wrote:
    God, I'm embarrassed to be posting this, I shouldn't be feeling this way :(

    Why? Everyone feels this way at some time in their life. It's only natural :)

    Anyway, I ain't gonna patronize you or anything about how you are feeling and stuff but I am just going to remind you that my door is *always* open. You've been there for me in the past and I will always return the favour if you ever need it.

    :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    suprised to see you here sophia. (not meant in a bad way :))
    hope you feel better soon though. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really know what to say, I'm new to all this and guess I'm here coz I feel lonely and as if no-one understands what I'm going through or how I feel. I don't even know why I feel so down all the time, I feel so selfish and stupid feeling like this when there isn't really a reason. I haven't cut in 3 weeks which I'm pleased with coz my boyfriend, who's the only one that knows, hates it and so he's happy but I just feel so trapped and not being able to do it makes me just want to give everything up coz I don't know how else to cope with things. Does that make me a weak and selfish person? I'm so fed up, I just can't be bothered anymore, I'm tired of pretending to be somebody I'm not and always putting on an act. I miss my friends like crazy too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Liv wrote:
    I don't really know what to say, I'm new to all this and guess I'm here coz I feel lonely and as if no-one understands what I'm going through or how I feel. I don't even know why I feel so down all the time, I feel so selfish and stupid feeling like this when there isn't really a reason. I haven't cut in 3 weeks which I'm pleased with coz my boyfriend, who's the only one that knows, hates it and so he's happy but I just feel so trapped and not being able to do it makes me just want to give everything up coz I don't know how else to cope with things. Does that make me a weak and selfish person? I'm so fed up, I just can't be bothered anymore, I'm tired of pretending to be somebody I'm not and always putting on an act. I miss my friends like crazy too.

    Hello Liv and welcome :wave:, feel free to express yourself here, we're not here to judge, just to help.
    I think what you're saying makes a lot of sense. I used to cut when I was unhappy and my boyfriend of the time was the only one who knew and hated it and asked me to pledge to him never to do it again. I did it for him admittedly although I did backtrack at times, I didn't find it helped, infact made me worse. My problem, and potentionally yours as I see it, is that self-harm is your means of getting control and helping you cope with the way that you feel. When I used to cut, all the tension, fear, feelings that I wasn't in control left me and it gave release and relief. I think this can be said for a lot of people. The only problem is that if you want to stop cutting, you need to find an alternative means to help you cope. I used to write personally - in my livejournal, a lot of poetry and thoughts I wrote down. This didn't feel as effective but I could sort of patch together why I felt the way I did and that gave me some sort of reassurance and helped me see what was making me feel so 'weak' and defeated.

    Have you seeked help from your doctors, this is a step forwards. If you're missing your friends, the emotional support and such you'd get from them must also be making you feel down.

    http://www.thesite.org.uk/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/selfharm
    http://www.thesite.org.uk/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/stopselfharming
    http://www.thesite.org.uk/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/minimisingselfharmdamage
    http://www.thesite.org.uk/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/selfharmlinkspage
    http://www.thesite.org.uk/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/supportingaselfharmer

    The above links are offered by the site, to help you and your boyfriend maybe understand what you're going though. I think it can be hard for someone who has never selfharmed or never wanted to, how integral it feels to handling your emotions and the way you see life.

    If I can help anymore feel free to pm or write more up here. xx
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