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It's not just the cheating though is it. Its that psycho letter too.
Everyone makes mistakes. We all know that.
He really is twisting things a hell of alot, and kind of using your emotional wounds to make you think that you need him. Do you need someone who could do this to you that is the question?
Its not easy for you to make this kind of decision i know; your the one who loves him and your the one who has spent the last 17 months with him- not us lot on here, but look at it from a different perspective as if your not involved. Imagine it happened to someone else. His attitude is just not right.
You dont have to listen to your parents and if they think he is sorry or not. Dont let anyone else influence your decision. Just dont be taken for an idiot, you could end up getting alot more hurt in the long run.
:yes:
This is why you need to find out why he did it. You're absolutely correct when you say you have a right to know - there has to be a reason, you don't just suddenly have sex with someone else for the hell of it when you're in a long-term relationship and still love your girlfriend.
Were you both virgins when you got together? Just wondering.
Whatever you do, I think right now the best course of action would be to give yourself some space. Spend time with friends (and tell him to fuck off about them not making you as happy as he does, jesus), chill out a bit and let your feelings calm down. When you feel a bit more clearheaded it should be easier for you to see what you want to do with him whether you want rid or whether you want to make a go of it.
I've made shitloads of mistakes in my life. And I've paid the price for all of them.
As most people have said, it's not the mistake he's made. It's the way he's dealt with it. If that letter said, 'Look, I'm sorry. I majorly fucked up and I lied and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I really hope you will', I would have a very different view.
If you think he'll do it again, fuck him off.
If you think he won't and you can live with the mistake he's made, then work on it.
I've never ever cheated on someone, and I never ever will, if that's what you mean.
As kaff says he didn't say sorry, he didn't beg for forgiveness, and he has made no assurances that he can be trusted. He has said "look, I'm great, stay with me cause I'm so great".
That doesn't show contrition, and it doesn't even show that he's acknowledged he fucked up. If he doesn't even think he made a mistake then there is nothing to forgive.
The only think he cares about is that he got caught. That's what he's sorry about, that's why he's crying his little eyes out. He's not sorry he cheated, he's sorry his gf found out.
Chuck the cunt, and don't offer forgiveness. Forgiveness is earned, and the first step is being sorry for what you did and understanding it was wrong. He has done neither, and all the tears are simply because he got found out.
If you want him back (and I think you do) then you'll have him back. I personally don't think that cheating is ever excusable or forgivable, but there you go.
I can't stop crying when I look at him pouring his heart out to me, begging me for that second chance. He just looks DEVASTATED!! :crying:
I have to stay strong though and Im no where near going to say yes anytime soon. I have to make him see what he could possibly lose forever. Not to mention I have to think about a lot of things, and really truely see if I can carry on with the relationship.
He has said he will do absoutley ANYTHING to make it work. But what can I say to that? Nothing much really.
I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone whos replied, never thought I would get this type of response :crying:
But its not until it happens to you, you then udnerstand that if you love that person THAT much, its SO hard to give up on them.
So my frame of mind has changed when it comes to that within a day really. Madness
i think you'll find its the sisters dogs' aunt
I tend to think that there's something wrong in the relationship for cheating to happen. I highly recommend getting to the bottom of why he cheated before you consider taking him back. Good luck and I hope it gets easier for you soon.
if you feel you can move on and regain your trust for him then by all means give it a go.
I think you've already made up your mind, and if you're planning to take him back, that's fair enough, it's your life.
But I would suggest totally cutting him off for a little while first. Maybe a couple of weeks. Don't contact him at all, or let him contact you. Really think about the reality of what he's done to youTotally on your own, decide if you really do want to take him back, away from all his histrionics.
But if you do, just please be a bit careful about the whole deal from now on, cause I would be very surprised if he didn't try it again, now he knows all he has to do is cry a bit afterwards and boom - instant forgiveness.
and i would deffinatly cut him off so you can do stuff and think without him being a drama queen. I don't think you can take someone back just like that. You need time on your own to think properly. It's easy to take someone back in the heat of all the drama - you both need time to calm down and think properly.
But if you're not going to be friends with her and you're gonna take him back - then that's being hypocritical as i said before.
:yes:
I fell for all the crying, etc and what happened? He just did it over and over again.
Maybe he's being genuine darling but from my personal experience, its usually fake and its them feeling sorry for themselves because they have been caught.
If you really think he's being genuine, give it a go but to be honest, do you really want to put yourself through the pain of always wondering if he's being faithful or not? Do you really think you are going to be able to get that trust back?
I hope you make the right decision
And I'd be seriosuly pissed off if my parents were getting involved and he was trying to win them round.