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Shall I forgive him? :(

2

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    i take it all of you who are saying never forgive, hes evil etc etc have never made a mistake in your lives then?
    In my current relationship there have been mistakes on both sides and there is still a lot of mistrust from both sides, we still love each other though and are trying to work around these mistakes - we seem to be doing a pretty damn good job so far!

    It's not just the cheating though is it. Its that psycho letter too.

    Everyone makes mistakes. We all know that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as others have said, dont fall for the crying. It doesnt necessarily mean that he regrets anything; he probably just feels sorry for himself that he just may not get away with it, or that his arrogance isnt working as well as it normally does.

    He really is twisting things a hell of alot, and kind of using your emotional wounds to make you think that you need him. Do you need someone who could do this to you that is the question?

    Its not easy for you to make this kind of decision i know; your the one who loves him and your the one who has spent the last 17 months with him- not us lot on here, but look at it from a different perspective as if your not involved. Imagine it happened to someone else. His attitude is just not right.

    You dont have to listen to your parents and if they think he is sorry or not. Dont let anyone else influence your decision. Just dont be taken for an idiot, you could end up getting alot more hurt in the long run.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LacyMay wrote:
    It's not just the cheating though is it. Its that psycho letter too.

    Everyone makes mistakes. We all know that.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you know he won't do it again? (with anyone I mean; not just her)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    How do you know he won't do it again? (with anyone I mean; not just her)

    This is why you need to find out why he did it. You're absolutely correct when you say you have a right to know - there has to be a reason, you don't just suddenly have sex with someone else for the hell of it when you're in a long-term relationship and still love your girlfriend.
    Naomi_UK wrote:
    I mean how could I ever sleep with him again, knowing his dick was in some other girl and his hands and lips all over her. That thought makes me sick.

    Were you both virgins when you got together? Just wondering.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I were a virgin. He wasn't
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:

    i take it you won't be friends with her anymore? so i don't see what makes him to special to be forgiven and taken back. If you get rid of one then get rid of both.
    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The words 'I'm sorry' don't appear once in that e-mail. :chin:

    Whatever you do, I think right now the best course of action would be to give yourself some space. Spend time with friends (and tell him to fuck off about them not making you as happy as he does, jesus), chill out a bit and let your feelings calm down. When you feel a bit more clearheaded it should be easier for you to see what you want to do with him :) whether you want rid or whether you want to make a go of it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    i take it all of you who are saying never forgive, hes evil etc etc have never made a mistake in your lives then?

    I've made shitloads of mistakes in my life. And I've paid the price for all of them.

    As most people have said, it's not the mistake he's made. It's the way he's dealt with it. If that letter said, 'Look, I'm sorry. I majorly fucked up and I lied and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I really hope you will', I would have a very different view.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    It's not something anybody else can answer. You know him better than any of us.
    If you think he'll do it again, fuck him off.
    If you think he won't and you can live with the mistake he's made, then work on it.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    i take it all of you who are saying never forgive, hes evil etc etc have never made a mistake in your lives then?

    I've never ever cheated on someone, and I never ever will, if that's what you mean.

    As kaff says he didn't say sorry, he didn't beg for forgiveness, and he has made no assurances that he can be trusted. He has said "look, I'm great, stay with me cause I'm so great".

    That doesn't show contrition, and it doesn't even show that he's acknowledged he fucked up. If he doesn't even think he made a mistake then there is nothing to forgive.

    The only think he cares about is that he got caught. That's what he's sorry about, that's why he's crying his little eyes out. He's not sorry he cheated, he's sorry his gf found out.

    Chuck the cunt, and don't offer forgiveness. Forgiveness is earned, and the first step is being sorry for what you did and understanding it was wrong. He has done neither, and all the tears are simply because he got found out.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    I wouldn't listen to anybodys adive on here to be honest. You have to do what will make you happy and only you'll know what that is.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh definitely, the main reason why you shouldn't is because you won't listen to us anyway.

    If you want him back (and I think you do) then you'll have him back. I personally don't think that cheating is ever excusable or forgivable, but there you go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this isnt a black and white issue here, ok there is a chance that his mail was total bull but imagine the chance that he meant it, we are all only human and people make mistakes, i dont agree with cheating by any means and im not suggesting you kiss and make up, put him through his paces a little make him work for your trust, if he really wants you back and is serious he will do what you want to prove it, if not then cut the bastard loose.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im talking to him on MSN right now. Hes got his webcam on and the look on his face each time I say something upsetting is just heart breaking. But no excuses for what hes done!! *Stays strong*

    I can't stop crying when I look at him pouring his heart out to me, begging me for that second chance. He just looks DEVASTATED!! :crying:

    I have to stay strong though and Im no where near going to say yes anytime soon. I have to make him see what he could possibly lose forever. Not to mention I have to think about a lot of things, and really truely see if I can carry on with the relationship.

    He has said he will do absoutley ANYTHING to make it work. But what can I say to that? Nothing much really.
    I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone whos replied, never thought I would get this type of response :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its funny, I were just thinking the amount of times I've wastch 'Trisha' Or 'Jeremy Kyle' and you get these people who have cheated and Im shouting at the TV saying "WHY DONT YOU JUST BLOODY LEAVE THE CHEATER!!!"

    But its not until it happens to you, you then udnerstand that if you love that person THAT much, its SO hard to give up on them.

    So my frame of mind has changed when it comes to that within a day really. Madness
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, but the people on Trisha have usually cheated on thier partner with their sisters dog or something.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, but the people on Trisha have usually cheated on thier partner with their sisters dog or something.

    i think you'll find its the sisters dogs' aunt :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find when im cheated on, and they say they love me or what ever, give them one chance, but as soon as they do it again get rid of em. everyone makes a mistake like that sometime and if they regret they wont do it again. Of course you might not actuall ybe able to forgive, you'll still be angry and paranoid and what not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Naomi_UK wrote:
    But its not until it happens to you, you then udnerstand that if you love that person THAT much, its SO hard to give up on them.

    I tend to think that there's something wrong in the relationship for cheating to happen. I highly recommend getting to the bottom of why he cheated before you consider taking him back. Good luck and I hope it gets easier for you soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id have got rid of him for good, just for the arrogant way he talked to you in that email thinking he was gods gift to you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    don't go back with him just because you feel sorry for him 'cause he's crying.

    if you feel you can move on and regain your trust for him then by all means give it a go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Naomi_UK wrote:
    But its not until it happens to you, you then udnerstand that if you love that person THAT much, its SO hard to give up on them.

    I think you've already made up your mind, and if you're planning to take him back, that's fair enough, it's your life.

    But I would suggest totally cutting him off for a little while first. Maybe a couple of weeks. Don't contact him at all, or let him contact you. Really think about the reality of what he's done to youTotally on your own, decide if you really do want to take him back, away from all his histrionics.

    But if you do, just please be a bit careful about the whole deal from now on, cause I would be very surprised if he didn't try it again, now he knows all he has to do is cry a bit afterwards and boom - instant forgiveness.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    I think you've already made up your mind, and if you're planning to take him back, that's fair enough, it's your life.

    But I would suggest totally cutting him off for a little while first. Maybe a couple of weeks. Don't contact him at all, or let him contact you. Really think about the reality of what he's done to youTotally on your own, decide if you really do want to take him back, away from all his histrionics.

    But if you do, just please be a bit careful about the whole deal from now on, cause I would be very surprised if he didn't try it again, now he knows all he has to do is cry a bit afterwards and boom - instant forgiveness.
    :yes: but if he does it again - you've only got yourself to blame tbh
    and i would deffinatly cut him off so you can do stuff and think without him being a drama queen. I don't think you can take someone back just like that. You need time on your own to think properly. It's easy to take someone back in the heat of all the drama - you both need time to calm down and think properly.
    But if you're not going to be friends with her and you're gonna take him back - then that's being hypocritical as i said before.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    don't go back with him just because you feel sorry for him 'cause he's crying.

    if you feel you can move on and regain your trust for him then by all means give it a go.

    :yes:
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i meant to say 'like skive said....'. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    I think you've already made up your mind, and if you're planning to take him back, that's fair enough, it's your life.

    But I would suggest totally cutting him off for a little while first. Maybe a couple of weeks. Don't contact him at all, or let him contact you. Really think about the reality of what he's done to youTotally on your own, decide if you really do want to take him back, away from all his histrionics.

    But if you do, just please be a bit careful about the whole deal from now on, cause I would be very surprised if he didn't try it again, now he knows all he has to do is cry a bit afterwards and boom - instant forgiveness.
    Definately.

    I fell for all the crying, etc and what happened? He just did it over and over again.

    Maybe he's being genuine darling but from my personal experience, its usually fake and its them feeling sorry for themselves because they have been caught.

    If you really think he's being genuine, give it a go but to be honest, do you really want to put yourself through the pain of always wondering if he's being faithful or not? Do you really think you are going to be able to get that trust back?

    I hope you make the right decision
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah basically, if he isn't genuinely sorry about what happened, then all he will learn is that he can do it again, and put on a bit of a sob story, and he'll get you back. Only you can tell whether he's genuine, but I would say that he should have to be desperate for you to forgive him before you consider taking him back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i personally think every1 deserves a second chance but it up to you to make that decsion
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you should take him back for various reasons mentioned.
    And I'd be seriosuly pissed off if my parents were getting involved and he was trying to win them round.
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