Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

Former Member · March 2006

Rachael wrote:

When its done I just feel stupid. Today I squirted cleansing cream over my desk. Go me

Yep, I either just feel stupid after cutting, or ashamed of myself.

Former Member · March 2006

i feel incredably ashamed after.

i usually do it because i deserve punishment for being such a pathetic excuse, but then hate myself all over again because im so ashamed afterwards!!

Former Member · March 2006

Sikorah wrote:

i feel incredably ashamed after.

i usually do it because i deserve punishment for being such a pathetic excuse, but then hate myself all over again because im so ashamed afterwards!!

It's complicated. I feel the urge to cut, I do it, and then I feel ashamed, usually crying my eyes out thinking I've failed.

Former Member · March 2006

yeah, i dont feel the failure bit because ive never set myself any aim to not cut.
I have phases where ill do it alot for a few weeks then gor another few weeks without even having urges.
I dont think it helps to put pressure on yourself to not do it.

Former Member · March 2006

stargalaxy wrote:

In frustration, I tend to do one of three things. (1) Just grin and bear it, if possible; (2) Smash something to smithereenes - my last target having been a defective CD-R disk last Friday, or (3) self-harm. For me, it's not just anger, it's frustration too.

Likewise. Usually frustration at myself.

Former Member · March 2006

Sikorah wrote:

yeah, i dont feel the failure bit because ive never set myself any aim to not cut. I have phases where ill do it alot for a few weeks then gor another few weeks without even having urges.
I dont think it helps to put pressure on yourself to not do it.

My cutting's been very sporadic in its timing, it always has been. As for setting targets about "I will not cut for this and this time", what happens when that time is up? I want to stop doing this.

Former Member · March 2006

Sometimes when I'm really mad I'm scared to be alone but I cant have a carer 24/7. My mum threatened to take me to the hospital tonight. Luckily I'm still here

Former Member · March 2006

Rachael wrote:

Sometimes when I'm really mad I'm scared to be alone but I cant have a carer 24/7. My mum threatened to take me to the hospital tonight. Luckily I'm still here.

Mum's threatened to take me there as well, they usually do it out of desperation not knowing what else they can do.

Former Member · March 2006

stargalaxy wrote:

Mum's threatened to take me there as well, they usually do it out of desperation not knowing what else they can do.

I did think it weird though. What would the hospital do?

Former Member · March 2006

Rachael wrote:

I did think it weird though. What would the hospital do?

Desperate times, desperature measures, that's what stance the parents take. What could the hospital do? Nothing really, parental panic at not knowing what they can do to help.

Former Member · March 2006

stargalaxy wrote:

Desperate times, desperature measures, that's what stance the parents take. What could the hospital do? Nothing really, parental panic at not knowing what they can do to help.

Yeah I dont think she would have. But her saying it was enough for me to feel embarassed. What would you have done if she'd have dragged you to the hospital?

Former Member · March 2006

I've been threatened by the psychiatrist I see, but never my mum. I guess if you end up in A&E you just have to be honest, but really what can they do unless there's a specific wound that needs stitching?

Former Member · March 2006

Rachael wrote:

Yeah I dont think she would have. But her saying it was enough for me to feel embarassed. What would you have done if she'd have dragged you to the hospital?

I just felt frightened when she threatened to cart me off there. What would I have done? I'd rather not think about it, to be honest, the thought petrifies me.

piccolo wrote:

I've been threatened by the psychiatrist I see, but never my mum. I guess if you end up in A&E you just have to be honest, but really what can they do unless there's a specific wound that needs stitching?

My therapist's never threatened to do that, not once. She seems to have her own way of dealing with these things. I'll be seeing her tomorrow.

Former Member · March 2006

piccolo wrote:

I've been threatened by the psychiatrist I see, but never my mum.

That's a strange thing for a psych to do really, but then again, a lot of people need scaring into reality.

I've never been threatened by anyone. Closest was when I didn't feel up to going to tharapy for a week, I got a letter telling me off for it.

Former Member · March 2006

Maybe it was just the way she/he came across. If they feel you are a danger to yourself/someone else they have to take action. Some people may view that as a threat.

Ive been told im not allowed to kill myself if i want my therapist to continue with me.
Figure that- i dont need therapy when im dead!

Former Member · March 2006

Rachael wrote:

I did think it weird though. What would the hospital do?

if you are thought to be a risk to yourself, you can be sectioned

Former Member · March 2006

It was said as, if you try that again the chances are you'll end up in hospital. So I did try again, but this time I didn't admit it.

Former Member · March 2006

It is all just one big vicious circle. I do it though out of self-loathing. I want to do it to myself because I hate myself so much. Then when I do it, I hate myself for doing it, so I cut more until my hate just exhausts me and I feel too weak to do anymore.

It scares me, because I've attempted suicide a few times in life and I've only pulled out at the very last vital second.

Former Member · March 2006

piccolo wrote:

It was said as, if you try that again the chances are you'll end up in hospital. So I did try again, but this time I didn't admit it.

In a sense, it's almost like the system forces you to keep quiet, but I'm not sure whether there's any alternative. If someone tries several times to commit suicide, and they succeed, the hospitals could be asked questions later about why something had not been done sooner.

Anyway, I've been feeling slightly better until a little while ago. My moods are up and down a fair bit today, but I'm managing to keep away from anything sharp.

Former Member · March 2006

Former Member · March 2006

I've got a mix of things on my mind. I'm meant to start work next Tuesday, but more about that shortly. I'm meant to have two days training. Unfortunately, therapy is also on Tuesday. As a result, I've managed to agree that they'll be on Monday morning for next week, but I haven't a clue what I'll do after that. It's going to depend on my working patterns, I suppose. Maybe I could request Tuesdays off for a few weeks. That's something I'll have to sort out myself.

I should be excited to be starting back. I just feel dejected about it. I should be happy that I'll be going to university in five months time. But again, I just feel dejected about it. It's almost as if I haven't got any motivation at the moment. I don't know what I'm doing.

Former Member · April 2006

I'm so fed up of smelling of vomit and getting my clothes stuck to my arm when I've hurt it. I'm fed up of not being able to go swimming because I have open cuts. I'm fed up that even when I've healed everyone looks at me like a freak and treats me like public property because of my scars. I'm just flippin' well FED UP.

Former Member · April 2006

The smart ones in life look upon everyone as being a freak - because we're all freaks, one way or another.

There will come a day where the scars on your arms are a reminder of what you have overcome, of what you have beaten. Not that you are, or were, a freak or loon, or anything else.

People will think whatever they want, regardless of whether you have scars or not. I think the real trick in life is to not give a damn about what they think.

Chin up

.

On a seperate note, this thread hasn't been terribly active lately. I don't know if the majority of people are feeling better able to cope with life, or whether they are so miserable that they daren't talk about it.

I hope it is the first.

Former Member · April 2006

Click to see more wrote:

The smart ones in life look upon everyone as being a freak - because we're all freaks, one way or another.

There will come a day where the scars on your arms are a reminder of what you have overcome, of what you have beaten. Not that you are, or were, a freak or loon, or anything else.

People will think whatever they want, regardless of whether you have scars or not. I think the real trick in life is to not give a damn about what they think.

Chin up .

On a seperate note, this thread hasn't been terribly active lately. I don't know if the majority of people are feeling better able to cope with life, or whether they are so miserable that they daren't talk about it.

I hope it is the first.

:yes:

Former Member · April 2006

I don't really know how to put this into words. Starting to feel like a fraud. I have to act a certain way, or no one will like me. I have to try, emphasis on the try, to be funny,witty and clever, or everyone will start to hate me. Even on here, I feel like I have to hide behind this non-serious bluster because if I dare act serious, people won't want to know me. It's just another way for me to keep people at arms length, so I don't get hurt again.

Tears of a clown? I'm such a fucking cliché.........

Former Member · April 2006

Infinite wrote:

I don't really know how to put this into words. Starting to feel like a fraud. I have to act a certain way, or no one will like me. I have to try, emphasis on the try, to be funny,witty and clever, or everyone will start to hate me. Even on here, I feel like I have to hide behind this non-serious bluster because if I dare act serious, people won't want to know me. It's just another way for me to keep people at arms length, so I don't get hurt again.

Tears of a clown? I'm such a fucking cliché.........

i feel like that too.
i find myself keeping people at arms length,because then i won't get

when they turn on me.
i think mostly its better to keep strangers at arms length and just keep a couple of close friends,but even close friends can piss you off ,so i only confide in family and my girlfriend.
some people on here can be brilliant though,just post your concerns in the correct forum if you want a propper answer.

Former Member · April 2006

DEANO MAC wrote:

i feel like that too.
i find myself keeping people at arms length,because then i won't get when they turn on me.
i think mostly its better to keep strangers at arms length and just keep a couple of close friends,but even close friends can piss you off ,so i only confide in family and my girlfriend.
some people on here can be brilliant though,just post your concerns in the correct forum if you want a propper answer.

I'm kinda trying to be more open and let people close but gahhhh, it's a fucking nightmare.

Cheers man. I wasn't really expecting any replies, I suppose I was just letting off steam.

Former Member · April 2006

Why try and be someone you're not. You're better off being yourself, it'll satisfy you and people will accept you for who you are.

Bunnie · April 2006

Infinite wrote:

I don't really know how to put this into words. Starting to feel like a fraud. I have to act a certain way, or no one will like me. I have to try, emphasis on the try, to be funny,witty and clever, or everyone will start to hate me. Even on here, I feel like I have to hide behind this non-serious bluster because if I dare act serious, people won't want to know me. It's just another way for me to keep people at arms length, so I don't get hurt again.

Tears of a clown? I'm such a fucking cliché.........

be yourself hun, people here wont judge you, i know i wont!

Former Member · April 2006

Bunny_0_ wrote:

be yourself hun, people here wont judge you, i know i wont!

me niether!

Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

Comments