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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I came close to doing it for the first time in months, I've been pretty good for ages and not had much of a problem but yesterday, I don't know it just hit me and I think it was partly that it had been so long, I am proud of myself that I didn't do it and I've been wearing a elasticy wrist band on my wrist which I pingged a few times which helped.

    I feel better today but the thoughts are still there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really need some new distraction methods as nothing seems to work at the moment. I havent slipped up yet, but I dont think I'm that far off.
    Ok, some distraction methods which I find helpful for me:
    *Write a distraction list of things you can do when you get urges.
    *Give yourself a time limit- eg 'Ok, if in 30mins/two hours/next morning etc, I still feel like this, and still have urges, then I'll consider SHing.
    *Have a contact list, either on MSN, or on your phone of people you can ring/text/chat to on MSN, by contacts I mean supportive people.
    *Go out for a run/walk- Ive found it helps me.
    *Check out a support website, not sure if I can put the hyperlink in here, if you want it, PM me, n I'll PM you it, I've found that this particular site was amazing.
    *Squeeze ice.
    *Ping an elastic band whislt wearing it.
    *Write a diary entry.
    *Write a 'pretend' letter to someone, but don't actually send it.
    *Make someone a happy box.
    *Make a list of songs you like, which bring back memories for you, listening to them may help you feel slightly better.
    *Write an 'I love you because' letter, can be for anyone, including yoursellf.
    *Colour/scribble over pretty stick thin women in magazines.
    *Eat choc!
    *Try to do something new/ good every day, as then you can look back on it.
    *Get into PJ's and just veg out.
    *Pop bubble wrap.
    *Look up at the sky.
    *Have a hot shower or relaxing bath.
    *Play with playdough, or modelling clay.
    *Tearing up old smelly socks you don't want anymore.
    *Hit pillows.
    *Ripping paper into little pieces.
    *Make a list of blessings in your life.


    Don't know if any of those will help you, or anyone else. :)
    Take care. x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow!! That's the best list of ideas I've ever read!!!

    But...what's a happy box?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    Wow!! That's the best list of ideas I've ever read!!!

    But...what's a happy box?
    A box full of little things - photos, memories, random stuff - that will make them smile.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow! That sounds awesome...

    I gotta start making some of those! =)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    Wow!! That's the best list of ideas I've ever read!!!
    :) Good, I'm glad! Thankyou!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you your-babe for that list! I'm going to print that off and keep that! Their some new ones on thier I hadn't thought off. I just have a really stressful few weeks until I get my exams done mid-june (what with working 4 full days a week and not having as much time to revise as I've like). Plus if my boyfriend gets the job hes going for tomorrow I'll be even more unhappy.
    So anything to stop me cutting will help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you your-babe for that list! I'm going to print that off and keep that! Their some new ones on thier I hadn't thought off. I just have a really stressful few weeks until I get my exams done mid-june (what with working 4 full days a week and not having as much time to revise as I've like). Plus if my boyfriend gets the job hes going for tomorrow I'll be even more unhappy.
    So anything to stop me cutting will help.
    Aww, no prob :)
    I know about the whole stress things, I have my exams soon too :( It truly sucks. Don't cope well with stress either :(
    This will be my first lot of exams since GCSEs with no cutting, that's a horrbile thought. Gawd.
    Take care, Kirsty x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cut today for the first time in about six weeks, gah. in a new place too
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did. I told the guy I'm seeing that I used to self harm.

    He told me that he guessed that I had self harmed, but he said he didn't have any idea up til how recently (My last time was in February).
    He then said that he's glad that I feel I've got over it, and that he hopes that I don't have to ever go back to it again.

    It was awesome, because he was really supportive of me. I'm glad and lucky.

    Thanks guys for helping with the courage to do it! =)

    xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats superb and amazing news, best of luck with it *hugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rant by moi

    So i no this thread has been up since 2002 so i havent exactly read everything and i no theres nothing anyone but myself can do, i just want to let stuff out and here seems like da perfect place.

    So iv self-harmed too (so everyones gona b going 'well duh' thats why im on this forum). Im ment to be in my third term at Rambert school of dance but im at home now cos im depressed 2. i hate giving it that name becuase it sounds so ... depressing.

    its so great that sooooo many other ppl understand, becuase OMG trying to explain it 2 most friends is a total nightmare, they dont understand and just freak out n say 'stop it, stop it now, im gona take all sharp stuff away from you, snap out of it' blah blah blah. As is i give a shit?

    Anyway, i no that i need to sort this out so i can get back to dancing (and i really shouldnt be taking all this time off cos in dance training your supposed to dance EVERYDAY), its just i have no idea how to!!! I might try counselling, and iv seen the GP she was really nice about it but i totally dont feel like im going forward and part of me just doesnt care anymore.

    Rant over.
    Its katie by da way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dancin_k8i wrote:
    So i no this thread has been up since 2002 so i havent exactly read everything and i no theres nothing anyone but myself can do, i just want to let stuff out and here seems like da perfect place.

    So iv self-harmed too (so everyones gona b going 'well duh' thats why im on this forum). Im ment to be in my third term at Rambert school of dance but im at home now cos im depressed 2. i hate giving it that name becuase it sounds so ... depressing.

    its so great that sooooo many other ppl understand, becuase OMG trying to explain it 2 most friends is a total nightmare, they dont understand and just freak out n say 'stop it, stop it now, im gona take all sharp stuff away from you, snap out of it' blah blah blah. As is i give a shit?

    Anyway, i no that i need to sort this out so i can get back to dancing (and i really shouldnt be taking all this time off cos in dance training your supposed to dance EVERYDAY), its just i have no idea how to!!! I might try counselling, and iv seen the GP she was really nice about it but i totally dont feel like im going forward and part of me just doesnt care anymore.

    Rant over.
    Its katie by da way.

    Councelling might be a good thing to consider, talking is always good, but it will help depending on the reason why you do so? What is your reason? (I know it's not easy to state, but maybe you have some kind of idea why) And yes I know it is mainly depression, what I meant is what depress you?

    I have SH for 10 years and managed to stop, was fucking hard and urges can still come back once in a while, but always manage to fight them...

    There is a part of you that doesn't care anymore, because if you have been doing it for a while, it become an habit, fells somehow normal, a bit like an addiction would do...

    And btw don't expect most of your friend to understand cos they won't, not lot of people understand unless they have a good knowledge of it or have been/are in the same kind of situation...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    I did. I told the guy I'm seeing that I used to self harm.

    He told me that he guessed that I had self harmed, but he said he didn't have any idea up til how recently (My last time was in February).
    He then said that he's glad that I feel I've got over it, and that he hopes that I don't have to ever go back to it again.

    It was awesome, because he was really supportive of me. I'm glad and lucky.

    Thanks guys for helping with the courage to do it! =)

    xx

    Yay! That's great :) He sounds like a great guy! I hope all continues to go well *hugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ohhh dear. Could well be 9weeks down the drain for bugger all. Just another disaster for me to add to the things I've mucked up recently.

    Have so much revision to do, and exams soon, but I've done hardly nothing. I give up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Ohhh dear. Could well be 9weeks down the drain for bugger all. Just another disaster for me to add to the things I've mucked up recently.

    Have so much revision to do, and exams soon, but I've done hardly nothing. I give up.
    In the last few days your post has inspired a number of people. That's a huge achievement. Not cutting for nearly 9 weeks is a huge achievement. Even contemplating sitting exams when you're depressed is a huge achievement.

    Like fuck you're a disaster.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A happy message.

    My brother has been depressed for years, with drug induced psychosis. He quit smoking weed five days ago and today he came over to my house, helped me mow my lawn and talked about going back to college He even came out in my car, and he's been paranoid of cars for soo long now. It's only the second time he's been round since september, and then it was only because I had a migraine and NEEDED him for a few things. Today he came, because that's what he wanted to do. I could cry, we used to be best friends and I hope things keep getting better for him. Maybe my brother's coming back...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    A happy message.

    My brother has been depressed for years, with drug induced psychosis. He quit smoking weed five days ago and today he came over to my house, helped me mow my lawn and talked about going back to college He even came out in my car, and he's been paranoid of cars for soo long now. It's only the second time he's been round since september, and then it was only because I had a migraine and NEEDED him for a few things. Today he came, because that's what he wanted to do. I could cry, we used to be best friends and I hope things keep getting better for him. Maybe my brother's coming back...

    This is a happy message... I'm glad for you and hope you will get your brother back as he was when you were best friends... Seems like it's going that way so it should be good...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    In the last few days your post has inspired a number of people. That's a huge achievement. Not cutting for nearly 9 weeks is a huge achievement. Even contemplating sitting exams when you're depressed is a huge achievement.

    Like fuck you're a disaster.
    Didn't harm at all last night, which in itself, is a miracle. I apologise for my post last night. Just went to bed after posting, at least I can't harm whilst I'm asleep.

    Thankyou for post Piccolo, reading it this morning made me smile. I'm really glad that I've inspired people. 9 weeks also, like you have said is pretty good, I just fail to give myself any credit for things I've done. This is something we're appartnately working on with the counsellor lady. As for sitting exams, I don't really have a choice to be honest. I want to sit them, I'm just worried about failing them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Didn't harm at all last night, which in itself, is a miracle ... Just went to bed after posting, at least I can't harm whilst I'm asleep.
    :hyper: Wahey! Great news.
    your-babe wrote:
    I apologise for my post last night.
    Just don't! All people care about is that you (and everyone who posts in here) is safe.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    10 years? wow well done for managing to stop :thumb: I no that i need to think about all of that and work out why I started and stuff but its alot easier (although it doesnt help I no) to not think at all and just do. But i think it was just one thing after another that gradually made it worse and worse, i dont live at home anymore and Im in dance training so theres lots of pressure and i wasnt handling anything. And I lack self-confidence anyway.

    Its might sound crazy but I dont see why I should stop. I dont feel like I need to, the cuts are deep and its no danger to my physical health. It just doesnt seem like a big deal at all. And yeah it kind of is a habbit and almost feels normal.

    Anyway thanks for replying
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dancin_k8i wrote:
    10 years? wow well done for managing to stop :thumb: I no that i need to think about all of that and work out why I started and stuff but its alot easier (although it doesnt help I no) to not think at all and just do. But i think it was just one thing after another that gradually made it worse and worse, i dont live at home anymore and Im in dance training so theres lots of pressure and i wasnt handling anything. And I lack self-confidence anyway.

    If you lack of self-cofindence stopping will only boost it, it will be a hard and long journey, but when you are done with it for good, you will get some proud of yourself... of course the proudness will not appear after stopping for few days or few weeks, but with time when you look back and realise what you have been through and what yu manage to fight... Also if you are in a dance training, i know make-up can cover scares but I think the way you look is a bit important (just assuming here as I am not an expert in dancing) and SH if done strongly will leave scares... Believe I know I have plenty...
    dancin_k8i wrote:
    Its might sound crazy but I dont see why I should stop. I dont feel like I need to, the cuts are deep and its no danger to my physical health. It just doesnt seem like a big deal at all. And yeah it kind of is a habbit and almost feels normal.

    Anyway thanks for replying

    The reason you should stop it is because deep dow you know it's not normal, otherwise you would say it is normal and not it almost feels normal... And as I stated above, you will gain in self-confidence which from what you say would be really great for you to gain... Gaining self-confidence will help you in every other aspect of your life... for example if you manage to stop the pressure of the dancing will look tiny next to the urges of SH and if you can fight those urges you will be able to fight anything...

    Also you might tink there is no danger to your physical health, but there is always a risk of infection and few years down the line when you see the amount of scares you will have you will not like it... those scares might also not cos you physical damages, apart from the scares, but will act a lot on your mental and one the way people see you... And the big danger for you health is that SH can also lead to more extrem acts... If you ever need distraction or someone to talk too about it, feel free to PM me or cntact me via msn (msn stuff is in my profile)... Anyone else that need an ear to listen or someone that has been there to talk to and that can understand feel free to do the same...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dancin_k8i wrote:

    Its might sound crazy but I dont see why I should stop. I dont feel like I need to, the cuts are deep and its no danger to my physical health. It just doesnt seem like a big deal at all. And yeah it kind of is a habbit and almost feels normal.
    Thats your brain trying to rationalise it. Ive had bulimia on and off for 14 years, in a way its similar and thats how I used to rationalise it to myself too. It didnt seem to make me ill, all I could see were positives and I just got pissed off with people who tried to make me stop.
    You do know that its not something that can go on forever though. You must do?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its all true.

    I already have a scar and i really dont want anymore, Ill never be able to hide it all the time (cos dance you have to wear tiny leotards n stuff) and its so true about the mental perception.
    And the extreme acts...also very true;even now im doing stuff (and thinking stuff) that i NEVER thought i would do, partly because it feels like i have no control anymore and partly because i dont care if its shocking or 'wrong'.

    Yeah i do no deep deep deep down i no i should fight it cos it cant go on forever and it is just my brain trying to rationalise it but my brain does that very well! When im ready i will try and stop and no doubt gain a much needed confidence boost.


    Thanks so much for the support and advice, it does help alot. Ill be in touch. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope you do manage to stop before things get any worse. As Suzycreamcheese (argh I keep going to type "Rainbow Brite"!) says, you do end up rationalising even the things you know are wrong and really wish you could hate.

    I'm waffling a bit but I know that I really, deeply regret my self-harm at the moment and I really want to try to persuade other people that it doesn't help. You might get more sense out of me, if you need it, via PM. It's too hot and I have Latin on the brain.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ohhh bollocks...

    Going away on 2 holidays possibly (1 def!) this summer, only problem being... if I'm going to be swimming- means I'll be wearing a swimming costume... my thighs aren't too bad, but the scars are still there, and noticeable... anything I can do about it?! I'm already rubbing in cocoa butter once a day.
    Thnkuuu
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I go swimming, which is very very rarely, I wear trunks or shorts over my swimming costume. Hide a multitude of sins :p Dunno if it's really what you were looking for though. Dunno what else to suggest. Although it shouldn't matter too much if you're going to be in the water. Wear a sarong or something when you're on dry land.
    Where are you going?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    A happy message.

    My brother has been depressed for years, with drug induced psychosis. He quit smoking weed five days ago and today he came over to my house, helped me mow my lawn and talked about going back to college He even came out in my car, and he's been paranoid of cars for soo long now. It's only the second time he's been round since september, and then it was only because I had a migraine and NEEDED him for a few things. Today he came, because that's what he wanted to do. I could cry, we used to be best friends and I hope things keep getting better for him. Maybe my brother's coming back...

    Thats great, hun! I hope things keep going well for him.

    My little brother's been taking drugs since he was 10. That was 10 years ago. I don't know him without them. There's times when I see the real him for a second but it's always gone too fast. Seeing as the last time I saw him drug free was when he was a child it's hard to know. Hopefully one day he'll sort himself out aswell.

    I'm glad one of us got their brother back! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^^ He's on day eight now. I have no idea what changed though, what made him quit. He had a mental health nurse visiting him a couple of times a week for about a year but that didn't seem to help.. He just decided to do it. Hope it lasts, although he was in a major strop yesterday- maybe a spliff would chill him out *joke*. Maybe one day your brother will just 'decide' to do it too... Sorry I have no usefull advice, it's soo frustrating to watch though and I can definatly sympathise with you.

    x
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