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Underage Sex

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LacyMay wrote:
    Walkindude is trying to make out its bad if your 13, but not when your 14. I dont see much difference myself.

    I think he was trying to make a similatr point as me- that age is irrelevant, and you will ahve sex when you're ready, not when the law says you can.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    I think he was trying to make a similatr point as me- that age is irrelevant, and you will ahve sex when you're ready, not when the law says you can.

    That might have been what you were saying, but i don't see thats what hes saying :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Coming from a teenagers perspective, underage sex obv isn't as shocking, or immoral to us as it is for the older generations. This doesn't mean to say, however, that we feel all underage sex is acceptable.

    Still, underage sex is really common amongst my group at school. I'd say, about 1/2 to 3/5 of us have had sex, and of that, 1/2 of us were in a serious relationship at the time. We're all pretty mature, though. None of us have gotten pregnant so far. But it varies amongst the certain friendship groups - to a lot of people in my year, sex seems a long way off.

    I, myself, don't agree with 11, 12 or 13 year olds having sex. It does happen a lot around here, but its entirely exclusive to the chavvy, boozy lot, who sleep with guys my bfs age and above. I'm not sure whether to pity them, or enjoy witnessing their demise (they don't like me much, see).
    At 14, I thought myself mature enough, and in a loving enough relationship with my bf (who I've now been with for a year and a half), to go through with it. His foster parents seem to know about it, though. I suspect his sister told them. They won't allow me in his room, or around their house when they're out, because they said that if we broke up, I would have him prosecuted for forcing me into it :mad:. They won't even let us watch tv alone.

    There is a trend to teenage motherhood. There are currently 2 teenage mothers in our year (year 11), and a couple more through the years above and below. Both were pretty much, er, promiscuous. One had her baby when she was 13, the other last year. The latter is pretty much a normal girl - clever and with ambition, but she slept around, and had apparently already had 2 or 3 abortions :no:.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the age of consent is mainly actually for people older than it, so that they don't take advantage of younger people or pressure them into anything. I think it works largely, but of course there's exceptions. It's funny the number of girls that suddenly become attractive on their 16th birthday because men can't be seen to say that a girl under 16 is attractive, which is probably a good thing. I would be interested to know the age of the partners of people having sex underage. Is it mainly with people their own age, or is it older people (late teens/early twenties) having sex with younger partners?
    I agree with this. The age of consent just prevents younger people being taken advantage of. Personally i think the age of consent should be raised to 18, you're not going to be able to stop two 15 year old having sex, and nor should you, but you could stop a vunerable 17 year old having sex with a 30 year old.
    (long time lurker's first post, hi all)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well I don't think 14 and 15 years olds should be encouraged to have sex. Hell even 16 and 17 year olds probably should be encouraged ot have sex but......

    a 14 or 15 year old having sex is not the most terrible or unusual thing in the world.

    a 13 year old having sex though, is unusual and not a great thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *havent read whole topic*

    I lost mine before i was 16 - i was in love with the guy and he was just about to go to live in another country and i knew if i didnt do itwith him id regret it my whole life. We did it twice and im so glad i did it. It was the perfect way to say goodbye even though i was ultra sad when he went but i wuda been anyway.

    Basically imo, i do agree that 11 year olds is a bit wrong and they cant be ready at the age, but i think 14 is an apporpriate age as long as its ok for both parties, they are using protection, and it aint harming anyone else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think 13 and 14 is scarily young to be having sex also. Whatever happened to going to the mall and looking at earrings from Claires or something.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    I think 13 and 14 is scarily young to be having sex also. Whatever happened to going to the mall and looking at earrings from Claires or something.

    "The Mall" lol so American. Teens still do that shit
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think 13/14 year olds are generally considered to be more, er, innocent in America than the UK, because of the higher ages for drinking, sex etc, am I right? I mean, is it more shocking for a 14 or 15 year old to get drunk in America than in the UK?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes!

    Children should be educated BEFORE receiving condoms. It's like giving a teenager a car, without them knowing how to drive it.

    I believe children are missing out on the most basic of education.
    They need to know about morality, and ethics and emotional stability looong before they start sexual relationships. That's where I think education is seriously lacking and why there are so many teenage pregnancies.

    Well, obviously they should be taught about how to practice safe sex.

    Morality and ethics are individual beliefs which vary from person to person. Schools can't teach standards for sexual morality because it's pushing what is effectively a religious doctrine. There is no sexual moral standard.

    What have ethics and morality got to do with teenage pregnancy when all a girl needs to do use the appropriate contraception?
    I also agree with Kermit and how little there is to acheive if you're not lucky enough to live in an area with opportunity round every corner.
    But, it's also said that children are growing up with no ambition, because they've not been taught to be ambitious. Schools cater for the masses, not the individual and therefore stamp out any individual ambition a child might have. It's ridiculous.

    The whole of the education system needs shaking up. What do kids learn at school these days? How a volcano errupts and how to speak a foreign language - when they haven't a clue what a 'spatula' is or how to look after themselves.
    It begs the question 'what should schools be teaching children?'.

    The education system could do with a shake up, but the roots of teenage pregnancy are poverty and little else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Why is abstinence childish?

    For the record, I don't think saying "don't ever have sex" constitutes a healthy and helpful education.

    Because sexual relationships are intrinsic to the adult human experience. Abstinence promotes the continuance of childish innocence which is not how widespread respect is derived from peers.

    On a sidenote I can't believe people are suggesting raising the age of consent to 18. That's totally fucked up!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, I think I can understand your perspective. I also think you're wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Ok, I think I can understand your perspective. I also think you're wrong.

    How so?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree with kermit :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    How so?
    Because I think feeling adult desires in terms of sex, but being too young to really be ready for a sexual relationship and realising that requires a lot of maturity. Also beyond that, as an adult wanting more from a relationship before having sex, while still having those desires isn't actually an easy thing to do. It's not the cop out you're making it out to be.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a.manda wrote:
    I agree with this. The age of consent just prevents younger people being taken advantage of. Personally i think the age of consent should be raised to 18, you're not going to be able to stop two 15 year old having sex, and nor should you, but you could stop a vunerable 17 year old having sex with a 30 year old.
    (long time lurker's first post, hi all)
    I think you're underestimating 17 year olds to be honest. If you're old enough to get a job, get married and move out of your parents' house, then you're old enough to have sex responsibly. Obviously some people are going to be more mature than others, but if we're going on maturity, then plenty of people in their 20's shouldn't be allowed to have sex either.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think in society as a whole, underage sex is seen as unacceptable.

    I think in the teen world, underage sex is seen as no big deal.

    I think that going soely by numbers, maturity, looks etc that sex at 14 or 15, while isn't something I'd encourage, its not unusual or that terrible.

    I think sex education does need to be improved, but they need to discuss sex itself and make sure its all clear. Make sure they know that sex isn't an easy thing, make sure they know you can have hang ups from it, you can get std's from it, you can get pregnant from it, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. They should empthaise that as well as saying its a ntaural thing, its doen for pelasure and can be great fun and is oten best when in a relationship of love.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the laws that are currently in place are pretty much fine as they are and reflect how it should be well. Pretty much. For instance, while 16 is the legal age, the Home Office has its own policy of non-prosecution unless there is an age gap of above 3 years between the consenting couple. That seems fair, to me. People do develop differently in regards to sexual maturity and the flexibilty in place I think helps with that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At 14 I was still playing out in the street and going on bikerides and picnics. I wasn't having sex.

    Sexual maturity is obviously subjective, but I don't believe ANY 14 year old is truly mature enough for sex no matter how much they say they are/were.
    Sex is for adults, not for children.

    Ilora x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was...doing something. I cant remember actually, so it probably wasn't that fun. Either way, it wasn't for me either. But thats not to say its not for everyone. I'm not prepared to make that leap in the reasoning.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in hospital being operated on and then having a painful reovery.

    Doubt I could have had sex if I wanted to!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex is for adults, not for children.

    Ilora x

    Indeed. This is why I think it should be raised to 18, however it won't stop 'children' from having sex though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    Indeed. This is why I think it should be raised to 18, however it won't stop 'children' from having sex though.

    But why? :confused:

    I haven't seen one rationale why this should be so.

    16/17 year olds aren't children for fuck's sake! As you say it won't stop anything so what's the point?

    You pay taxes...can smoke and get married...yet should be criminalised for having sex? Get real. :rolleyes:

    Too many teenagers are molly-coddled enough as it is without passing sickeningly moralistic and unnatural laws against people who finished puberty years ago.
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    SkiveSkive Posts: 15,286 Skive's The Limit
    At 14 I was still playing out in the street and going on bikerides and picnics. I wasn't having sex.

    Sexual maturity is obviously subjective, but I don't believe ANY 14 year old is truly mature enough for sex no matter how much they say they are/were.
    Sex is for adults, not for children.

    Ilora x

    What a load of bollocks.

    At 14 I was having sex, I was ready for it, I've never regretted it and I was doing it safely. What's wrong with that?
    Weekender Offender 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was no where near ready for sex at 14, i lost my virginity at 16 and looking back it was a big mistake. I did it so I wasn't the last one of my friends to have sex- immature and totally not ready.

    Lowering the age of consent will make people like me when i was a teenager feel more pressure.
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    SkiveSkive Posts: 15,286 Skive's The Limit
    Lowering the age of consent will make people like me when i was a teenager feel more pressure.

    If your pressured into sex it's not the law at fault. Have sex when you want, when you getthe urge - whether it be when you 14 or 40.

    Don't deny your urges, only a fool does that.
    Weekender Offender 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was no where near ready for sex at 14, i lost my virginity at 16 and looking back it was a big mistake. I did it so I wasn't the last one of my friends to have sex- immature and totally not ready.

    Lowering the age of consent will make people like me when i was a teenager feel more pressure.

    Maybe. Don't think anyone's suggesting that it should be lowered though (the main problem being predatory balding men) but certainly for many people it's perfectly fine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was 14 when i lost my virginity and don't regret it at all, i'm still with the guy and i'm 18 this year! I felt ready to do it, i didn't feel pressured and i didn't do it because everyone else was, i did it because i wanted to.

    I think the age of consent is fine as it is, you will get problems if it's lowered or highered you can't win either way if someone wants to have sex they will do it.

    Also in response to ilora-danon you mentioned something about children having sex and insinuated that parents encourage them by giving them contraception because they feel if the kids are gonna do they might as well be safe, in my opinion if my daughter (not that i have any kids) was having sex in a stable relationship and she was only 14-15 i would rather her be using condoms rather then risking pregnancy.

    At least it shows that teenagers are taking some responsibility in trying to practice safe sex after all not all teenagers have underage sex and get pregnant or get stds what about the ones that do practice safe sex. Just 'cause you don't hear about them only the bad ones doesn't meen there aren't teenagers enjoying sex responsibly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My first time was with 15, she was 16. I think it was ok of age, age difference and everything, no regrets.

    Last year in summer I was 19 and attracted to a 15 year old. This was scratching roughly on my ethic border so I did not pursue.

    I know a girl which is 17 now, and I have been attracted to her, when we were 18/15. Which was perfectly ok for me. She is the most mature girl I know for a girl in her teens (really amazing. Looking up to her pretty often.) Maybe this stems from her having a lot of BFs already and many sexual experience.

    Atm. I am attracted to a girl (I should say woman), a bit older then me :blush:
    It seems to be more ok than originally expected, even tho she stands fulltime in joblife etc. Cannot predict the future, so this will be a 'learning by doing' experience.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was 13, and the reason it happened? I knew sod all about it, it was dark, and I didn't realise how far he'd gone until I felt the pain. So I was effectively raped through being completely naive, unbelievable as it may sound. I don't know whether that's my fault? Should a 13 year old be expected to know what happens in sex, or when too much is too much? I definately wasn't interested in full blown sex, and if I had realised how far he was going, I'm not sure I would have had the confidence to stop him. "Sex ed" in school came two years later, when I'd just started having sex with a boyfriend, and when I was actually ready.

    I think that it is unacceptable for anybody who is not completely comfortable with the idea and their partner, no matter what their age. But I think there are under 16's that are mature enough to have sex and to do it safely and responsibly, and that they shouldn't all be written off as slags.

    An girl at my school who is now doing her GCSEs gave someone a blowjob in the toilets when she was 11. She has a label of a slag, and 4 years down the line people are still talking about it and everybody knows who she is. I wonder if that would be any different if she was 12, 15 or even 17 when it happened.
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