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My parents and uni

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It doesn't really matter if they don't agree with your choice of Uni or course, it affects you, as it's your education, so it's your choice and it's also your choice whether to include your parents.
    Some people have a better relationship with their parents when they move away, living with the same people for about 2 decades can leave you wanting space, and when you get it you realise they're not all that bad after all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I go to uni and I would say that about 90% of my friends from school also went to uni. I don't know of anyone who had to consult their parents about where they wanted to go or what they wanted to study, at the end of the day most institutions will emphasise the fact that it is *your* choice, you have to live and study at this uni for at least three years so you have to be 100% happy with it. Of course it is common courtesy to talk it over with your parents, tell them why you have made the decisions you've made - just like you would talk it over with a friend.

    As has already been said if you want to get a loan they will want to know stuff about your parents, even if you decide to go for the unassessed loan (75% of the full loan). In my first year, my loan was £3050 and my accommodation was £3200, then on top of that I had to pay tuition fees. So you may need financial suport from your parents at some point unless you have a lot of savings.

    Good luck anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right, I'm going to go and tell them later tonight, we'll see what they have to say about it. I suspect they're going to doubt my reasons for telling them as soon as money is mentioned, but I shall see.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When you embrace things like an adult, they will have more confidence with your decisions.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You do make an awful lot of drama out of this. If you assume that money is all they're going to think of then that's what you will hear. It may not be what they stressed the most but you seem to have decided what they'll think/say beforehand.

    I told my friends and grandparents as well as some random people when I was applying for uni, people who have no say in the matter. At least not any more than my parents. It's not a huge secret, now is it?

    Stop assuming things. Being a drama queen is totally not cool.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Right, I'm going to go and tell them later tonight, we'll see what they have to say about it. I suspect they're going to doubt my reasons for telling them as soon as money is mentioned, but I shall see.

    then don't mention it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nicebutdim23 wrote:
    then don't mention it.
    He may have to to get a student loan, and if he doesn't, he'd have to get money from them. The loan people will need his parent's income details to work out how much is paid for.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Silverberg wrote:
    He may have to to get a student loan, and if he doesn't, he'd have to get money from them. The loan people will need his parent's income details to work out how much is paid for.

    i meant for the initial conversation
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nicebutdim23 wrote:
    i meant for the initial conversation
    Fair enough then
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why would anyones parents mind them going to university? Surely they'd have to be proud and excited for them?

    Me going to university didn't cost my mum a penny. I got the big loan as shes single and my fees paid, i worked before i went and whilst there and was sensible with my money. I never asked for nor recieved a penny from her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you're making this sounds all very one-sided. perhaps your parents "meddle" because its the only way they will find out what's going on in your life. i mean, applying to college and university without telling them is a good example of this.
    you should have a more grown-up relationship with them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux wrote:
    Stop assuming things. Being a drama queen is totally not cool.
    yeh you are a bit of a drama queen stargalaxy
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My parents poke their noses in and drive me insane but its only coz they care and they wanna know and be involved. Ok sometimes they don't like stuff, but at the end of the day they'll recognise its your choice not theirs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    yeh you are a bit of a drama queen stargalaxy


    just what i was going to say but you beat me to it! :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please dont take this the wrong way, im not being nasty. Some people make problems for themselves because they feel that they dont deserve good things to happen to them, they want someone to blame for the fact they cant do, have or acheive what they want. I think you should be more positive about yourself and your ambitions, explain to them why you would like to study elsewhere, it could be because a certain uni has better facilities than your local one or that you feel you should broaden your horizons and would like a new challenge. Approach them with your well thought out plans and reason with them and im sure they will respect you more for it. Im sure that your parents are interested and love you but because you dont communicate they will find it hard to express this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I told my mum about it last night. I started by saying "I want to go to university". Not much of a reaction. So, I went on to say what I wanted to do and where I might be going to do it. All she had to say was "well, it looks like you've got all this in hand. I'll let you get on with it then.". I got the idea she was feeling apathy towards the idea. :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It could be that they are treating you like an adult and letting you get on with it, unless you tell them that you would like some help. Its hard for parents to do the right thing, if they want to get involved they are interfering, if they leave you to it then they dont care. If you care what they are thinking why not ask them what their thoughts are about it ?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I spoke to my ex-girlfriend about this subject earlier, and she seemed extremely enthusiastic about the idea. It may partly be because she's going through a very difficult time right now, but it was nice of her to say it. It was nice to know someone had an opinion on it all, unlike my parents.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    I spoke to my ex-girlfriend about this subject earlier, and she seemed extremely enthusiastic about the idea. It may partly be because she's going through a very difficult time right now, but it was nice of her to say it. It was nice to know someone had an opinion on it all, unlike my parents.
    woah confused... now you WANT your parents to have an opinion on it??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    woah confused... now you WANT your parents to have an opinion on it??
    I never said I didn't - I just want to know if they actually think anything of it at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    first you don't want them to have a say in the matter, make a big song and dance about telling them. and then when you do tell them, you're disappointed because you didn't provoke the reaction you wanted.
    :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Damned if they do, damned if they don't. :P

    For most of this thread you were assuming your parents would meddle in and now that they aren't you seem to be just as displeased with them. If you want to know what they think of it, why don't you just ask them in a non-confrontational manner? Communication usually only requires somebody to say something.

    My parents weren't that outspoken when I was deciding on unis. They'd have their say if I brought it up, but otherwise it was mainly my own headache to figure out where I wanted to go. That helped me make a decision based on my desires, not anybody elses. My brother was applying at the same time and it was the same with him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose me telling them now would make it easier when it comes to my sister applying this time next year. I'll have another word with them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just coz he didnt want them to meddle doesn't mean that he didn't want a non-reaction.

    im guessing he was kind of looking for " well done, we are pleased for you, make us proud " type of thing rather than no interest at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nicebutdim23 wrote:
    im guessing he was kind of looking for " well done, we are pleased for you, make us proud " type of thing
    Are you reading my mind, Kim? :):love:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As other ppl have said, tell them. You are like, 21 or something. You are old enough to decide to go to uni or not. Your parents should support that no matter what, you are, after all, trying to better yourself.

    You can't just hide it from them, it's better they find out sooner rather than later. They should be proud of their son.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mystifymysoul wrote:
    You are like, 21 or something. You are old enough to decide to go to uni or not. Your parents should support that no matter what, you are, after all, trying to better yourself.... They should be proud of their son.
    True, I'll be 21 at the end of December. But why the proudness? Should parents be proud of their kids no matter what?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my dad told me he thought i was aiming to high in wanting to go to uni. my mum supported me but said i could do what i like. it really doesn't matter!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm just gonna get on with it now. If they want to say something, they can, but there we go.
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