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My parents and uni
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
I'm not 100% certain where to put this subject as it both concerns relationships and students. It's about university, and how it changes things. Now, my relationship with my parents is... extremely difficult, to put it mildly. I feel I can't talk to them about pretty much anything. You may remember my thread a few weeks ago considering estrangement. I've decided I'm not going to do that, but I still do wonder.
At the moment, I'm trying to apply for university. My parents know that I'm considering the idea, but don't know that I've actually started doing it. I don't feel I can tell them. And a side of me doesn't want to. I just know they're going to meddle in it. They won't understand why I'm only applying to universities around England, I'm doing it to get away from where I am now. Or maybe they'll worry I want financial assistance. Well, I wouldn't accept it if they do offer it. It doesn't help in the slightest that they're focused on my sister, who'll be applying next year. Should I tell them that I've started doing this?
And one other question. Once at university, how does your relationship with your parents change?
At the moment, I'm trying to apply for university. My parents know that I'm considering the idea, but don't know that I've actually started doing it. I don't feel I can tell them. And a side of me doesn't want to. I just know they're going to meddle in it. They won't understand why I'm only applying to universities around England, I'm doing it to get away from where I am now. Or maybe they'll worry I want financial assistance. Well, I wouldn't accept it if they do offer it. It doesn't help in the slightest that they're focused on my sister, who'll be applying next year. Should I tell them that I've started doing this?
And one other question. Once at university, how does your relationship with your parents change?
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
Post edited by JustV on
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Comments
2. It's probably a better idea to get their help during the application process than not.
3. Don't let them meddle in it. Be firm, and tell them where you are applying to- and that isn't Bangor.
4. They will be focused on your sister if she is applying and you (to their knowledge) are not.
5. You stop being so dependant on your parents, and so hung up about what they say. I still talk to my mum once or twice a week on the phone, but she doesn't make any decisions for me, and doesn't meddle. Not that she ever did, but I am very much independent now.
6. I expect you'll ignore all this anyway as you seem to think I hate you.
How did you know Bangor was my nearest uni?
And will I ignore you? Surprisingly not, Kermit. "Mum, Dad, I'm going to apply for university, you don't get a say in where I go, you don't get a say in what I'm studying."
Don't think they're gonna like that.
I still phone my Mum and she phones me once a week, however my father hasn't contacted me at all other than replying to a text message (my parents are divorced). My Dad doesn't seem nterested in what I do and when I used to try and strike conversations... He'd brag himself up for all the 'big' things he's done.
Maybe you should talk to your parents, maybe you should do more things and have more news to tell. Tell them you're considering university, tell them what course you're on but don't strange them... Because you always need backup if things go bad.
I agree with Kermit about financial assistance. If they do offer, why turn it down? It's all well and good to be independent but there's no reason why they can't help out. Even with loans and a part time job it will be hard to manage.
Since being at uni, my relationship with my mum has got better i'd say. I talk to her about more things, I enjoy talking to her 2 or 3 times a week, I enjoy going home to visit. I think once you move away you definitely appreciate your parents and what they do for you much more. However, if you don't have a very good relationship to start with I guess it would be easy to drift further apart. But it's up to you to stop that. Or let it happen.. Depending on what you want.
don't be a prat :rolleyes: . u know there are better ways of phrasing.
Well, my parents didn't get a say in where i went or what i studied and they were fine about it because it's my life. they're not going to tell me where i should go or what i should do... isn't that the same for most parents? i guess there would be some who'd like their sons/daughters to stay close to home or whatever but i don't really know of any who tried to tell them where they should go or what they should be doing.
stop thinking about what you think they're going to say and just tell them. you're a big boy now you can think for yourself.
it's not your fault they had children a few years apart!
When I was about seven, I was home one afternoon, couldn't go to school, was ill. She started talking about university, of all things. She'd made plans about where she wanted to go and such. She told her parents about it. They stopped her from doing it. They told her where she could apply for, and that was that. She went on to tell me she wouldn't do that for anyone else. I hope she sticks to her word.
As for my dad, he didn't go to university. He went to work for the council aged 16 and is still with them thirty years later.
why does any of that matter?
i'm sure many people's parents didn't go to uni, it's much more common for people to go now than say 30 years ago. my parents didn't go to uni, nor did either of my sisters. why should that have bothered me? if you want to go to uni, go to uni. to hell with anyone who tries to get in your way.
Then why are you doing it again?
I swear it seems like you want to cause a big arguement so you've got a good reason to leave.
have to agree with bong here. you are frightened to let them into your life in a sense.
and there is no reason why they should have anything negative to say about it if you drop the confrontational front.
The Students Loan Company want to know about your income; it determines how big your loan is.
You will need extra income from somewhere, that's all I'm saying. Principles are only any good when you can afford to have them.
You've said where you work before, and my UK geography is very good.
I'd also agree with Bong. I think you want to provoke arguments, for reasons only known to yourself.
You're going to have to talk to them about it, don't be confrontational, say you want to go to uni and this is where you are applying. Say you want to move to a bigger city and try life there.
Stop dressing it up as this big thing, its just a conversation, you're not coming out or telling them you're secretly married to Uncle Frank.
Telling your parents you wish to go to uni and have been looking at a select range of uni's in England doesn't mean they will dictate where it all goes. People nearly always move a fair distant from home when going to uni. I know I'm not far from home, but even that doesn't draw me in to going home.
Uni has changed my relationships with my rents, merely because they see me as more mature and independant, which is truely. Though financially I am very dependant on them.
When applying for aid with tuition fees and your student loan (which will cover accomodation and living expenses), you have to include the information regarding the amount your parents have earned, so that the company knows your finanical circumstances and give you a loan amount according to that. If they don't know your situation, then they may give you the bare minimum and you won't be able to afford to go to uni.
It does feel your kicking up dust with your rents, because whatever you do will effect them. My parents would be pretty peeved if I hadn't made them aware of the uni process I went through as it does concern them, and also..it's just nice to know so if I need help, they are there. Don't up the friction between you and your parents unneccessarily. Talk to them, with appropriate phrasing and not with a 'stuff you I'm doing what I want' attitude because...well in it's inappropriate. Talk to them like the adults that you all are.