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Why would you be confused about that?
They aren't compulsory or part of any cirruculum, it's the schools discretion whether you do them or not.
Self-harm was the only ultimate release for me at the time. I used to panic a lot and mainly through relationships and the lack of control in situations around me, I didn't know how else to control myself. Despite bad things happening to me, I didn't care to hurt anyone else. Once whilst walking down a lane, arguing with my bf of the time, I walked away and thumped a wall. I felt an immense feeling of satisfaction. I felt lighter in my head, I couldn't cry - it was almost euphoric - I was smiling, relaxed, calm and collected once again. My knuckles were mashed but that just reminded me of that sense of gaining back a feeling of control.
When I used to actually cut my arm I used to cry. At the moment where I longed to do it - I felt trapped and isolated. There was nothing 'outside the box' in my mind. I didn't see myself a couple minutes from that moment, let alone days, years. At that point I wanted to make a cut, release the pressure that used to feel so heavy across my head and in my stomach, making me feel sick. All brought on from panic at the thought of loosing someone I'd loaded all my precious secrets and thoughts into. I didn't trust anyone else, or felt I had anyone else. I felt like the pressure, was under my skin and the feeling I got once I'd done it - well the pressure went away.
I was incredibly defensive over my arms. No one ever saw them, and if they even tried to reach for them I'd go apeshit. I wanted no-ones help and I wanted no one to know. I know of other self-harmers who are the same. I know of one who shows everyone, tells everyone. Makes everyone aware. I don't know what I consider her. She's genuinly unhappy in someways, but my way of dealing with it was so far removed from her ways, that I'm not sure if I take her seriously, whethre I take it as attention seeking as her nature is very in your face and she brags of the fact she needs to be the centre of attention. Or maybe I'm bitter cause she's got counselling and she's got all these friends who are aware...and yet talking to them in confidence, they tell me that they don't understand it and find her constantly talking of her problems as attention seeking and self-involved.
There's me tuppence.!
Teachers pressurise pupils into doing well, because its their job on the line if the pupils don't do well. The more senior the teacher, the stronger the pressure they put on.
That teachers seriously told me that GCSEs are make-or-break makes me laugh now, it's so comedically ridiculous. But they did, and the pressure was put on us to do really well. I couldn't be arsed, so I got all Bs, which would obviously make me an academic failure for all eternity. Erm.
The causes of depression are tough. Some people can cope with huge amounts of shit, and some people can't cope with much without getting depressed. Depressive behaviour certainly has its basis in genetic, of that I have no doubt, but what makes it complicated is that a lot of depressive behaviour is learned. Early childhood really makes a difference as to how a person can cope with life, and the slightest trauma can warp someone's character quite badly. When I was a little boy we moved several times around Australia, my mum was homesick, and my grandad died suddenly one afternoon. That definitely made a difference to how I behave now- I learned the behaviour of everyone around me.
For some reason at GCSE (I'ver just finished mine) I didn't get put under much pressure to do well (despite being predicted mainly Cs, a BB and Ds) and got put under alot more pressure whilst doing SATs in Year 9. I'm sure that some teachers thought that your life depended on SATs...
GCSE and then in turn A-Levels are just a key that you get given (or not) at the end of your current educational level. It allows you to unlock the door to the next tier. Once the door is unlocked there is no need for the key anymore, it becomes utterly redundant.
You need a car, a house, to be able to afford to eat in an increasingly competitive job market.
That certainly was the case when i went to 6th form college. I got A's, B's and C's across the board and the guy at admissions told me i could pretty much do any course i wanted to.
What makes a person stop cutting themselves once they've started? I'm not talking about a recovery period but rather about a "cutting session" as it were. The cutting makes a self-harmer feel better so when is it time to stop? Also, does the deeper the cut or the more pain inflicted directly relate to the release or pleasure experienced during the "session"?
The amount of damage caused has no reflection on the power of the feelings.
I guess i should explain the motives for re-opening the thread. I suspect a friend of mine is doing this. In fact i'm pretty sure she is. I'm going to confront her about it over the weekend and want to make sure that i'm as well informed as possible.
So you saying the amount of pain caused bares no relation the relief / release felt?
I was going through a difficult time back along, really stressed money worries, college problems family problems went to the doctor about my asthma came out with antidepressants, yeah i was depressed feeling very bad, did feel like there was no point in anything and wished i did not exist! hated myself, started crying in front of the doctor about how i hated my part time job and didnt want to go back, she signed me off and gave me antidepressants. walked out told my cousin she told me NOT to start on that path and to see her for a chat, after a chat and a little TLC about everything and an offer to talk whenever I liked I felt the world of good, sorted things out on paper what i didnt like what i needed to do. Joined a union at work so people wouldn't walk over me and treat me like shit protection from the abusive customers, sorted family issues, sorted my work so it didnt seem too much and when i realised how to save a bit of money each week i felt so much better, sometimes you just need a rational/unbiased talk to sort things out!
A lot of young people have got a lot of stress mine was mainly because i want to make dad proud and could never do it i felt bad and with a one way ticket to failure. Today there is so much pressure to do well, be a popluar person all kids/teenagers need is someone they can talk to to help rationalise things if this fails then drugs may benefit.
Don't.
It's hard to explain.
Different people harm themselves in different ways. Me taking gouges out of my arms and chest doesn't mean I hurt far more than someone who just scratched themselves.
When I felt worse I tended to cut more and deeper, but not always. Sometimes my worst cutting was when it wasn't that deep a depression.
Devil - *yawn*
Doctors don't hand them out like sweets. If you get given ADs it is because the doctor considers you to be depressed. If you don't want to take them then don't- your choice- but just because you don't want them doesn't mean that they are the wrong thing to offer.
I'm not going to carry on as if i'm not aware that something's wrong. Surely ignoring the problem or pretending it's not going on does no one any favours what-so-ever? If there's something that she needs to talk through then i'd like her to know that i'm there for her to talk to about whatever it is that's troubling her. She's obviously not thinking straight and cutting herself isn't going to solve anything at all.
I appreciate the information and honesty. I can't imagine it's all that easy to talk about.
If you think there's something wrong, ask her if there's anything she wants to talk to you about (or something). Don't ask her outright, ffs, if she wants to tell you she'll tell you when she's ready.
Although i'm male you can still credit me with a modicum of tact.
It needs to be brought up. I'm not going to avoid the issue so in the mean time she can carry on disfiguring herself trying to treat the symptoms of her anguish with a pair or scissors or a razor blade, no way. She's not well at the moment and evidently is not thinking straight. I can't allow it to continue with the vague hope that at somepoint the mess that is her head at the moment is going to come up with some rational thought that isn't detrimental to her condition. I'm not going to be soft, understanding and sympathetic with her because she needs it. I'm not going to pretend it's not happening though.
I can.
But you mention the SH at all and she will feel defensive, got at, and guilty that she is upsetting you.
My mum found my cuts, she was brilliant about it, but I still felt about 2mm tall.
I felt like I'd failed. I felt like I'd failed her, and I felt like I'd failed at hiding it. I felt like I'd hurt everyone because I was too fucking stupid to hide it. So I cut more to help the feelings.
The cutting doesn't, and the cutting shouldn't.
That is what you should do, and if you care about her that is what you will do.
It's hard to see it if you've never been there, but "confronting" her about it, and trying to get her to "talk about it" will make it worse for her. She will tell you if she wants to tell you, not because you asked her about it.
Nobody is asking you to.
Don't ask her or try to talk with her about her self-harming.
Seriously, I've been there, Franki's been there, and we're both saying for you to not do it. You think you're being helpful, but you don't understand, and in your efforts you make things worse. People who don't understand it always do. I don't blame them- if I didn't do it I wouldn't get my head around it- but you have to listen to those of us who know.
Make sure she is keeping her cuts clean if you can, but don't try and convince her that she shouldn't do it. It's a coping mechanism, and you telling her to stop it won't make her think her coping mechanism should be stopped.
I stopped cutting because my coping mechanism didn't work, but talking about it with my therapist did. So I abandoned by coping mechanism.
What can i do then? Do i just ask how she's she doing and let her know that if she wants to talk i'll be there to listen?
In my opinion the whole thing is a self destructive cycle that needs to be broken. Cutting herself won't solve anything at all; she's trying to treat the symptoms of her anxiety with self harming and not the cause of it. At best it sounds like it gives her temporary relief, yet it solves nothing at all. I can't let it go on indefinitely.
Make it quite clear that she's your friend, and that you are there for her if she ever wants to talk to you about anything. But don't make a big issue out of her SH, because most SHers are actually quite ashamed of their behaviour, and would be gutted if anyone found out. They wouldn't want to talk about it without broaching the subject themselves.
I don't want to say that how I felt is how everyone feels, she may really appreciate you asking about it, but my experiences with other SHers is that this is uncommon amongst those who SH because of genuine and serious depression, as opposed to for attention-seeking reasons.
It's hard to sit on your hands, you just want to slap some sense into her, figuratively at least. But this is her way of coping with her feelings, and what you say does not have as much sway over her as her own coping mechanisms do. I haven't cut myself for years now, but when I've had a shite day I still want to do it to make myself feel better.
To me, changing the way I thought helped me stop... That and I turned to art, writing and photography to deal with difficult emotions. The scariest thing about depression is not the thought of dying... It's the thought of trying to get better and failing... failing at something else.