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I'm not quite sure where it came from, really. The anger directed towards myself, and the desire to hurt myself, was very strong. It started off by dgging fingernails, or by scratching myself with compasses, and it steadily progressed into literally carving myself open with blunt scissors and razor blades.
The persistence of it. The hopelessness of it.
It's really hard to explain to someone who isn't depressed, and hasn't been. Every day is literally black, nothing to look forward to, no enjoyment in life. I was always on the verge of tears. I don't think that is the case with those who are merely dysphoric.
Definitely. Those who are confident and extroverted and chirpy are less likely to get depressed because they don't see the bad in things so much. They can look on the bright side of life, they can socialise with success, and both of those things are intrinsic to not being depressed.
Persistent bullying will destroy most people's confidence, so there is no fault in this. But bullies don't pick on strong, popular and confident people. Bullying causes depression and self-hatred in many people. Those people are already a bit more vulnerable, which is why they are bullied. It's easy to see how quickly life is just filled with despair. It's really hard to explain wanting to go to sleep and never wake up, and mean it genuinely.
I don't belive that there is now any more pressure on teenagers to be thin and pretty than there was 10 or 15 years ago - it was just the same if anything these days there are more scares about how dangerously thin some celebreties are.
Hum i did exams at 11, at 14 at 16 and at 18 - so not wildly much more to do plus doing A-levels in modules surely means you dont' have to learn 2 years worth of work in just one go - surely that makes it slighlty easier - certainly potential employers (ie the CBI and the companies they represent) seem to think that they don't really show a persons true abilities.
Children are still being bullied at school or so i'm told i dont' think thats wildly different to even 100 years ago. But you know at least you have a place in a school to go to and the opportunity to get some education.
Do you think the anger comes from your own percieved inability to deal with the depression or to change your state of mind?
The way i'm trying to empathise with it is when i have a few days or weeks where i do feel low and have no idea why. There usually is a reason for it but i'm sometimes not sure what it is and have a feeling of helplessness. It being hard to explain to someone why you feel down when you're not sure yourself.
I do, genuinely.
It's not something that i've personally experienced either directly or indirectly and i'm trying to get my head round it. I work very much on the idea that a problem shared is a problem halved and that bottling up anything is only ever destructive.
I've been browsing through the "Health" forum and it sounds like there are quite a few young people that are in a similar situation to Ballerina. When i hear people talking like that i want to put my arm round them and tell them that it's not just their problem anymore. I don't know how to explain it really.
The line between success and failure is finer. The divide is wider. If you don't like academia you are thrown on the scrapheap.
There is more pressure in schools, even from when I was there five years ago. There is no breather at all, what with SATS and modular A'Levels. You can't switch off for a bit. Children are being driven to burn-out.
I'm not belittling the experiences of others. Life now is a lot easier than 60 years ago- there are no bombs and you don't have to go down the mines to put food on the table. The pressure is harder in a lot of ways now, but that doesn't mean the pressure is a new thing.
That was so for a while, but actually I think it is changing, you can make a better wage doing something manual these days than most graduates.
And the divide in the 50's and 60's was huge, either you wore a suit and worked in an office or you were a lacky, a menial worker under horrid conditions.
Kind of, and kind of not.
It came from my inability to deal with social situations, my inability to have any sort of life, and my feeling of utter helplessness. Everyone bullying me and isolating me made me feel worthless, and I basically just felt rage at myself for being such a pathetic lump. Being depressed made all the bottled-up feelings of worthlessness and helplessness stronger, but they were there anyway.
It's quite often hard to tell the difference between depression and dysphoria. If it's only a few days every so often then that is just dysphoria, a natural part of life. Depression is persistent and debilitating.
Sorry bit of a rant there, but that's the sort of stuff i went through - there was alot more aswell. I know some people have had it alot worse, but it doesnt make it any easier. I became suicidal at 9 years old because of bullying.....sad isn't it?
People always say this but most people I know who went to uni didn't do it to 'better themselves' or to improve their job prospects, they just did it because it was expected and because its an easy way to avoid real work.
I like to think hugs, tea and a sympathetic ear would solve most of the worlds problems.
Not quite, but dam close and so did all the people I know, I dont think anyone takes Student Loans seriously at all, they're funny money, not real at all.
I'll be in a similar amount of debt when i leave university. I went to university equally for escapism and an education.
Did you say you're taking medication for the panic attacks at the moment? Is this helping the depression any?
That happens a lot of the time with the teaching profession.
If you become quiet and introverted because of the bullying the teachers just think its your fault, you should go and play with the other children and stop thinking that you're better than everyone else.
Teachers are worse than useless when it comes to bullying. Schools deny that it happens, "We don't have any bullying here", and ignore the pupils who are being bullied at their school.
Not everyone does get good service, because resources are finite, but people who need the services get it. I was bumped right up the queue because I was considered to be at serious risk, and others will be delayed because of that, but I needed it more so I got it first. I was incredibly lucky, yes, but I got treated promptly because I needed to be.
I owe my life to fluoxetine, and will never slag off ADs. ADs don't agree with everyone, they are hit-and-miss, it can take a long time to get the AD that works for the person. People give up after a bit.
Most people need ADs and a bit of counselling, so they get put on ADs. Those who are serious get the treatment, I think.