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Man of Kent - it's pretty unfair for you to bring in my mums moral decisions into this! ok, she didn't encourage me to have sex so soon, and she had plenty of issues with it when i first told her, but then again, she can't physically stop me doing anything, and its better i'm on the pill and safer than most irresponsible teenagers out there.
Erm... I didn't bring your Mum's decision into this, you did. I just commented on what you had said.
You're right it is better that you are on the pill. Of course, it would be so much better if you weren't having sex at all. Shame you miss that part.
And you are right, she can't stop you from having sex. Doesn't mean that she should - according to you - be okay with the idea. Still respect for her doesn't seem to be very high of your agenda.
You are lucky that you have a parent who isn't reporting your BF to the police. He is a sex offender.
harsh but true. i dont think theres alot you can do. its been done and she wont forget that. The only thing you can do is make it up to her by giving some respect back. You obviously have no respect if you shagged in your parents bed. You also must have a strong stomach; it makes me feel sick at the thought of doing that near where a parent has done it! :yuck:
It's better she's in a long(ish) term relationship than slagging around like a lot of other 14 year olds. Not saying it's perfect, but nothing is perfect in the world, everything's in moderation. They're not stupid, they're using contraception and more importantly they care about each other. I know what you're saying, but it's the lesser of many evils. It's her decision to make and she's made it, I doubt anyone will change her mind.
I'm a sex offender too, technically, since I started flirting more physically with my girlfriend when she was 15. It's not that uncommon these days - I don't see why at 16 you suddenly become legal whereas 15 and 364 days isn't.
Anyway, I can understand how things can get out of hand, it happens
I don't dispute any of that, and I'm sure that her Mum is relieved that she is using contraception. Her Mum is showing respect.
Shame it is just thrown back in her face.
Because there has to be a limit, a marker. Society has decided that it's 16.
But we aren't talking about someone close to that limit. This girl is well under it.
Like it or not, it is an act of paedophilia, although consenting is taken into consideration. For this child to then use her parents bed... Shit, no morals at all. If I was her Mum I'd think that I'd failed in some way.
She is, rest assured your Mum will stand by you. We parents have a habit of wanting our kids to be happy.
About time you respected her really.
14, and shagging. Sooo wrong.
In all fairness though, yeah you were bang out of order to do it on her bed. But you know that and obviously regret it now. That's Good. Your mum seems VERY understanding to even let you still see your boyfriend even though she knows you are having sex under age. That just shows how much she trust and respects you. Probably why your mum is really angry at the moment as you basically abused that trust. Though she will get over it. Just, don't whatever you do, deny it. As she obviously found out some how. no idea how though. I'm baffled on that one meself. But denying it all will not make you look any better as you mum will start to lose her trust in you. Just apoligise to her when you get her on her own and explain how deeply sorry you are for disrespecting her and you promise you would never do that again and mean it. She will soon come around.
It's mad that you're having sex at 14, I'll have to say but at the same time at least you're being careful. Not many teens even 16+ are ever good in being responsible with contraception.
Good Luck with your mum.
Maybe her mum feels the same vice versa. I know I would.
Trouble is she really doesn't look like she feels very guilty when she says things like, "it was nothing to do with disrespect" and "it's no different to me than if we did it in the lounge" and "but we didn't get in!" (like that makes it better or something. :rolleyes: )
As for the silent treatment and not being allowed to see her boyfriend for a week - well, I think she's getting off lightly tbh. I have a son of 14 and I know he would be in more trouble than that. But then he learned pretty young to stay right out of my bedroom.
well why should she believe you? you did it!
In your situation I'd just face the music and be honest with mum, and apologise. Get her some chocolates or something.
Oh, I missed this one. Yeah. Thing is you still have to learn that just saying sorry doesn't make everything alright. Words are cheap.
my bed used to be my mums and stepdads and then it was my sisters.
Try not to think so harshly and try to see she is desperate to get back in her mums' good books as she feels bad how angry she has made her mum. If she didn't care, she would just drop it; after all she will see her boyfriend again in a week with her mums permission as she said. Getting off lightly.
Why you arguing with me on that point? I didn't say her punishment was fair.
I wasn't meant to be arguing with you, more stating my opinion to her. Somehow, reading it back, I seem to be saying it to you. Oops.
It's not to do with paedophilia, it's sex with a minor. They are actually quite different
Why OH why are you defending her? She's only feeling bad because she's been found out, and she should have thought about the consequences when she took off her knickers. There are other places to shag elsewhere. But she didn't. So, she has to deal with the scrutinizing and judging if she'll post on here. Too bad.
Awk stop being so bitter by judging the girl so harshly.
The girl screwed up. She's been told enough times on here that it was bang out of order with what she did. You can see she's desperate in wanting her mums trust again, even though she already knows what her punishment is and getting off lightly as you see.
People make mistakes. So long as she learns not to do something like that ever again.
I can't believe I've just read that! How exactly would we formulate law if we don't lay down, well, laws!! That's like saying you don't understand why you can drive at 17 but can't at 16, or why you can buy porn at 18 when you can't at 17. There has to be a limit!! Without rules and limits, society turns into a free for all.
My own view on this is that whilst you have made a mistake, I don't think your mum has clean hands as such either. If you are on the pill, with her blessing, at that age then she has made a mistake too. I know that a lot of people would say 'well at least you're being responsible' etc etc. To say that it's 'sensible' or 'responsible' to be on the pill and sexually active when underage is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. It is illegal behaviour!!
See how the 'oh but come on, everyone's doing it at 14 thesedays' stands up in court. I have a feeling that line of argument will not proceed too far......... :rolleyes:
You've made a mistake but then again we all have at one time or another. You'll just have to ride out the difficult times ahead but at the end of the day she is still your mum, still loves you, and time will pass.
Its only a bed. Why is it worse to do that than have sex in her own bed?
he will have.
lots of times. :yes:
I concur. If she's happy for you to have sex anywhere when you're underage, I don't think she can really claim the moral high ground here, put it that way.
Hence I can't accept that a parent accepting that their kid is going on the pill is alright. What's the difference between that and, for example, a parent allowing their kid to step in a car at the age of 16? The argument that 'everybody's doing it' doesn't justify going on the pill. In the same way, the fact thousands of people steal and commit all manner of criminal offences doesn't make them right either. Just because loads of people do it doesn't mean it is justified. Would a parent buy their child a getaway car to assist their robbing a bank? Whilst that is an extreme example, the same logic applies i.e. they are impliedly condoning/consenting to a crime.
As a male I also think it's important to point out that, whilst girls do get the rough end of the stick with certain things (think periods and childbirth!), engaging in sexual activity with a guy over 16 places the guy in a dangerous position. It's the guy who is commiting and offence and whilst if everything remains rosy the matter will never come to light, it has been known for girls to turn around when things go sour and drop their man in it. Anyhow, this isn't just a thread about underage sex but I feel this is important.
Obviously its not ideal because its illegal, and I understand why those laws need to be there, but that doesnt mean that everyone who breaks that law is automatically doing something terrible.
I don't think it's about the physical object that is the bed itself to be honest. I can't speak for Filfthy chav's mum, but from my point of view it's something like this; when you've got kids (and this is more when they're older, not when they're little) you've got very little personal space cause they take over the whole house. My bedroom is MY space, MY stuff is in there and no-one else apart from Mr M has any business being in there at all without my say so. It's my last refuge, the last bit of privacy I've got, the last place that's mine. If my 14 year old son decided to go in there for a quick shag I'd feel very angry that he'd violated that tbh.
Also, in the same way that most people don't want to be confronted with their parents having sex, I don't think most parents want to be confronted with their kids having sex. It's just something you prefer not to have shoved right in your face.
if I had family or friends staying over for instance, I would give up my bed, and when Ive stayed round peoples houses, theyve offered their beds. Ive slept in other peoples beds, Ive had sex in other peoples beds and they probably have in mine. As long as I dont have to sleep on the same sheets, I dont give a stuff about the mattress.
Maybe my family and friends are weird, but I honestly havent given it a second thought until now.