how come girls never approach...

Former Member

ok personallly for me.. unless its someone insanely attractive i never come on first... im physically attractive and i like catching their eye if they are staring when im not looking.. they turn their heads prtty fast ... OK now anyways... see ok this is how my situations are usually are:

a girl sees you..
they think that your attractive and start displaying subconcious body language
tell their friends how much they like u
tends to shy away from eye contact
*ok so now i get the point*
so i wait for the girl to approach me....
*a month or two later*
still no frikn approaching... just the same body signals conversations but varied

i see this as this... girls can send messages to a guy that they want him.... and the guy picks it up.. the guy approaches her or not.... but ultimately... girls have the grasp and final say of every greeting or acceptance... generally speaking

Former Member

I agree 100%! Girls honestly never approach the guys its always up to us to do the work and in most instances embaress ourselves.

Former Member

edit, take a look in your other topics :chin:

Former Member

I don't agree, i'm the opposite, if I like a guy, if he seems to be flirting with me and likes me back........ I just go over and either a) chat or b) when i'm drunk, grab and kiss!!!!

Former Member

yea course girls approach guys!! ive seen it happen with my own eyes! quite a few times. you must just be doing the wrong things

Former Member

I think it's a lot down to the expectations on either sex, historically. The girl wants to feel 'protected' and wants the guy to take control, and the guy wants to protect etc. Of course, that's just historically, but it still does play true in a lot of situations today.

Former Member

I like it when a bloke makes an approach on me. Shows a confidence and you can tell in some respects in the way they saunter over to you and say hi whether they're nice or just about to cough up a cheesy chat up line that'll embarrass you both and put you off..plus I'm a timid little thing and sometimes a tiny bit old fashioned in the sense that I like to be approached and 'courted' if you grab my meaning...:)

Malt xxx

Former Member

Ha, well at least you get that far!

Teh_Gerbil

Becasue Girls like to force us into awkward situations, hence us shy guys never get girls.

Nah, as above, it dates back to the old theory of the Man being dominant and doing the work, whil the woman is there to be seduced and overcome by the man. What a load of twaddle...

Former Member

Personally, I am too shy. I would rather the guy made the moves, as long as he isn't too forward. I hate to say it, but its probably down to traditional ideals. I mean, I hate doing the chasing. Plus, I totally suck at reading signals...

Former Member

I recommend you all watch Hitch. There's a scene when he's in a speed dating place; and the girl says to him why did he come up with all these extragavent ways of courting her, and he said it was because he was scared and that he couldn't just go up to her and say 'I like you', then all the other guys repeated that because you just get shot down by girls if you do . Whereas the girls just wait to be told 'they're liked'.

Former Member

The simple answer is that girls don't approach because they can get away with it. If you're a man and you don't approach women then you end up permanently alone, but if you're a woman, well, there's no NEED to approach when you have plenty of men presenting themselves to you. Since approaching someone is pretty terrifying, they therefore decide to do without the bother. Men do not have the luxury of this choice. My old housemate used to have men hurl themselves at her on a regular basis, so she never bothered making any effort herself. I personally have never been approached in my entire life. Possibly because I'm ugly, who knows. Such is life.

Former Member

i approach guys if im feeling confident and like them but that aint often i personally like guys to approach me incase i get rejected

Former Member

Corvidae wrote:

The simple answer is that girls don't approach because they can get away with it. If you're a man and you don't approach women then you end up permanently alone, but if you're a woman, well, there's no NEED to approach when you have plenty of men presenting themselves to you. Since approaching someone is pretty terrifying, they therefore decide to do without the bother. Men do not have the luxury of this choice. My old housemate used to have men hurl themselves at her on a regular basis, so she never bothered making any effort herself. I personally have never been approached in my entire life. Possibly because I'm ugly, who knows. Such is life.

The problem with that for girls though, is that if the girl doesn't get approached a lot, then she is even more stuck than a guy with no confidence because she apparently 'cant' do anything about it, whereas the guy can ask someone. At the end of the day, a guy can be asked out, or a girl can ask a guy out, but most people feel more comfortable with it the other way around. I know when I asked my girlfriend out I definately preferred it being me, same as with if I ever propose, I would like that to be something I do, not being proposed to, if you get what I mean.

Former Member

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

The problem with that for girls though, is that if the girl doesn't get approached a lot, then she is even more stuck than a guy with no confidence because she apparently 'cant' do anything about it, whereas the guy can ask someone.

Yes, but it such a situation the girl is creating her own problems by refusing to ask a guy out. Most people with normal emotions are afraid of rejection, the difference between men and women isn't the level of fear, but that men do it anyway whereas women often choose to opt out. Besides, I don't know any women who are never approached. Even my short, chubby friend with a moustache had men approach her on a semi-regular basis. Some men, out of a sense of masculinity perhaps, want to be the ones that 'take charge', but I think that's a minority view.

Former Member

Would be nice if some of us got these 'signals' either i'm not getting them (which is what i am betting on) or i am getting them but don't notice as i don't know what they are.....

Still going with not getting them though! (What do you girls look for in a guy)?

Former Member

i always find the problem is the girl sometimes has friends around them so if u can find a time when shes alone then go up to her and ask if she wants to maybe go out later. and for the fact that girls never approach guys thats retarded bc at my school the girls are the ones to come up to the guys.

Former Member

I think school is a bit different. You'll find once women get past a certain age they will rarely ever make any kind of 'move' at all.

Former Member

You girls all fancy a guy with supreme confidence. What you always forget is that those are the ones that always cheat on you.

If you wanna bag an nice and honest guy start doin the approaching yourself!!

Former Member

I think you need to play it by ear. If you have rigid ideas like the man MUST approach then you'll create problems for yourself. A lot of girls I know think it isn't their 'place' to make any effort or even to show interest!

Former Member

TheCure wrote:

You girls all fancy a guy with supreme confidence. What you always forget is that those are the ones that always cheat on you.

If you wanna bag an nice and honest guy start doin the approaching yourself!!

I disagree. I think people with low confidence are often, not necissarily 'seeking' a girlfriend, but would jump at the chance. And it is off putting. People who aren't looking for a relationship normally look more relaxed, and thus more easy to talk to. I have confidence talking to people and yet I don't cheat on people lots.

Though there are a lot of people with such low confidence that they go out and cheat on their girlfriends to get an ego boost 'I can pull' etc etc.

If guys are going to mope in a corner peeking glances at girls they are not going to get approached, simple as unless you're gorgeous like me

Former Member

J wrote:

This is subconscious body language too, and even if they are not consciously aware of it they are at some level.

:yes: Body language is always a big clue.

Former Member

I think that's the intial problem that started this thread, that as a man you have to be the confident one that does all the approaching, and if you aren't that confident guy then you have no hope.

Former Member

Well I get approached a lot. I think it is so sexy when a woman takes control.

Former Member

Then you must be very attractive. I've seen a guy approached by a girl once in my entire life.

Former Member

i find it ridiculously hard to approach women. when they keep staring at you it makes one somewhat nervous. :crying:

Former Member

Fit and I Know It wrote:

i find it ridiculously hard to approach women. when they keep staring at you it makes one somewhat nervous. :crying:

If they're staring at you they either like you or are a bit weird. Or are thinking of the best way to mug you

Former Member

Fit and I Know It wrote:

i find it ridiculously hard to approach women. when they keep staring at you it makes one somewhat nervous. :crying:

I rather agree. Best thing to do (as I learned in college) is just to stare back at them and smile. Worked a treat!

Former Member

I'm crippled by a fear of rejection, which is why my ass is planted firmly on my seat when Im out, if not on the dancefloor!

Quite sad really, especially when its supposedly "sexy" when a girl takes control.

Former Member

For fucks sake . . . you can't whinge about how hard it is to approach girls and then moan that they don't do it!

If you wont do it why should it be any easier for them?

Whether women should approach or not is irrelevant anyway - there are always gonna be guys who will which means girls don't have to.

So lads, you can either get in the game yourself or wait patiently until you meet someone where things just happen . . . either way it IS your choice. If you're really so struck by a fear of rejection that you can't even tell a girl you think she's fit then perhaps you're taking life too seriously and need to think about whats important in life . . .

Honestly, the very worst she can do is laugh in your face - hardly the end of the world, just say something sarcastic wander back to your mates and take the piss out of yourself. And to be honest that is not gonna happen . . . honestly!! Its never happened to me and i'm far from being the most attractive lad in any bar - at the very worst i've approached girls a bit up themselves who were plainly uninterested so i chatted to them for a bit,
told a joke or something to make them laugh and left them to it.

Get over yourselves and go approach the next hot girl you see!!!!! :mad:

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

For fucks sake . . . you can't whinge about how hard it is to approach girls and then moan that they don't do it! If you wont do it why should it be any easier for them?

This thread is rather reminding me of an episode of Faking It shown recently. This guy was told, in a confidence boosting exercise, to go into a trendy bar in the centre of London, go up to some girls you could safely define as hot, (!) and convince them he was a magician. Not only did he manage it, but he's now far more confident with women. Maybe it's a case of practice makes perfect?