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so what am I then ?
Yes I have smacked, so come on tell me what does that make me ?
Oh before you come out with any rubbish, I have 'smacked' or 'tapped'..........I have not 'beaten', theres a 'huge' difference !!!!
well erm not giving them their dinner as a punishment would result in hunger and alas you have a stomach ache!
and to the qurstion of why smack - different situations require different methods and levels of punishment, and smacking tends to be seen as a last resort by those who practice it so all fair
and the upbringing of a child is the responsibility of its parents, whilst the government is there to provide what parents cant like education and making sure parents arent abusing their kids, and theres laws to protect the right to not be abused as it stands
whilst the wife's life is not the responsibility of the husband, and if it used to be seen as that, its only because society/friends/family basically forced lots of women out of work into marriage without a choice, with children in this country, almost 100% would be unable to be independant up to the age of about 10 when chances of survival rise from zero to easily less than 50% whilst a woman could support herself quite simply
i get what your saying, your just not being very realistic at all and it is comparing apples and oranges!
do you not agree that the real problem is actually finding a way to better enforce current laws as they arent exactly lacking are they? instead of creating more technicalities
Nobody is perfect, not even our parents. I would say if my parents were in the wrong re smacking. I was smacked because I was a little 'shit', my gob forgot to shut up.
oh and its proven that children and people in general mainly think short term so if you say to a kid "you can have a choc bar now or 2 if you wait an hour" theyll take the one bar at that time, and theres very few short effective methods of punishment, obviously being a last resort
still amazed tony balir told the lords "dont vote complete ban we dont want to be intruding into the home"
though hed want statues of himself everywhere
1. Using violence, however slight, as a method of control teaches a child that violence is a suitable way to control people. Children learn from their parents, that is why the sons of wife-beaters often go on to be wife-beaters themselves.
2. Smacking is never used in a calm and rational manner- it is always used in the heat of the moment. This teaches the child that violence is a good way of dealing with anger. Alsom, because smacking is done in anger, it does not teach the chil;d a lesson, it teaches the child to not upset its parent. A tantrum at 9am after a good sleep for the parent will not result in a smacking, but a tantrum later will. Children need consistency, they are like animals in this respect, and any punishment needs to be consistent, not ad hoc. Angry punishment is ad hoc.
3. Children who regularly throw tantrusm are doing it for attention; depriving them of this attention is the way to deal with it. Smacking them is not depriving them of attention.
Nobody is saying you are a bad parent, they are putting forward reasons why they themselves do not agree with it. If you believe that they are saying you are a bad parent then by your reckoning they would make bad parents or indeed already are bad parents for choosing not to smack their children!
mr kermit youre going on aobut specific examples where id never smack my child anyway - as a supporter of the idea of allowing parents to smac their children - id never smack my child (if i had one) in a tantrum, its obivous tantrums are there for attention
i cant think of any really good examples of where id be willing to smack a child, best ones would be like smacking its hands if its goig to steal something in a shop, or if i stop them running into a road id give a gentle smack so they associate that particular action with pain
am i wrong?
i did, very rarely, never for misbehaving, only as to associate an action with pain as ive discussed previously
actually i did get smacked hard for misbehaving once but i was like 13 and bang out of order to my mum, as in i wouldnt even do it to my mate so alls fair really
So who here that got smacked as a kid....smacks adults and results to violence now they are grown up?
See when I was too young to go out on my own, the threat of a smack was the only way to get me to behave.
each to their own though isnt it
no-one i actually want to know, the only violent people i know of had a sh*tty childhood as whole, whose parents swear and everything in front of them - a pity really
As you said wifebeaters , we aint talking beating. Thats the difference, a gentle tap, little smack in my opinion does not constsitute abuse, theres a huge difference and the sooner people get the grasp of that the better.
I have to go now so will be back laters......just so you dont think im running away
yeh everyone seems to think we're on about beating and that being the only punishmnet, when we aint we just think a gentle tap or something like that as another way of punishment/warning sort of thing since id never smack as a punishment, more as a warning if they tried stealing and i smack their hand or something to warn them not to steal again
in a bit Bec
I never said it did. I used wife-beaters as an example; men whose fathers believed that a woman's place was in the kitchen tend to believe it too. The abuse aspect was just an example.
It does depend; a gentle occasional tap probably won't do much damage, emotionally or physically, but that isn't what's at issue. tappers aren't gonna be locked up for it.
What is being outlawed is using things like slippers and belts, and hitting hard and often. Can anyone sit here and say that physical punishment is the best way of punishing a child, and that to do it regularly is fine?
you either ban all forms of hitting a child or you keep it as it is
my argument is the lack of proper legal defintiaion in the law thats being rushed through, like people suffer different levels of redness, some people bruise more easily than others...
its just impossible to legally state what a limit on whats fair and whats not
this new law pleases noone!
No it's not, they are proposing banning anything that leaves any kind of mark. (as the compromise deal) or any contact whatever (as the full ban)
The first part of that is utter nonsense. My parents used smacking, I don't go around beating up on people to "control" them. Drawing parallels between wife-beating and smacking is also somewhat of a dubious line to take. They are not in the same league. You could perhaps say that children who are abused go on to abuse, but that is not the issue here, as child abuse is already illegal.
That depends on the situation. Smacking can be used in a controlled manner, it's not always an angry response method.
Hmm. Dealt with many of these have you?
If I have taken it the wrong way then I apologise but when someone says: that tells me that I am thought of as a bad parent because I have smacked.
For the record I dont agree with hitting/smacking frequently, I think praise and reward is a much better way to get a child to behave how you want them too (when they can understand things better obviously). Praise them and reward for the good behaviour and ignore the bad behaviour. Having said that again going back to the terrible two's its a lot easier said than done when you have a child who has been an obnoxious sod all day..............even some people here I beleive could be at the end of their tether if a child has been a litle toe rag all day.
Also as Mist said they are banning smacking where it leaves a red mark.
I got smacked, I got chased round the house with a slipper and I once had the belt (although it wasnt a big slap just a tap). I also had the cane at school.
I dont use violence infact id walk away or try to talk myself out of an argument. Ive never been a one for a full on fight.
I dont smack my Daughter all the time it was occasionally when she was littler.
Mist, go to Safeway on a Saturday afternoon and tell me that most smacking isn't done in anger.
Abuse and smacking are two different things, of course they are, but they are most definitely part of the same continuum.
On occasional smack is fine, but parents who smack frequently are bad parents, IMHO. If the only way you can copntrol your child si with your hand then you are doing something wrong- most "bad" behaviour is learned.
You're picking a biased example. That's a stressful situation, so therefore everyone would probably be on edge.
In any case, what that is saying to me is that, rather than anger, a smack is the quickest way to stop the child from having a tantrum in the middle of a shop.
To me that seems preferable to some people who exercise zero control over their kids in that sort of situation.
the parents that smack their kids in safeway, i wonder what theyre like at home?
the argument for not banning smacking gets highjacked by those who are like "its a quick punishment and beats no punishment at all"
whilst im just arguing almost every form of punishment has its place and i believe there is a place for smacking
like some of us have said already, theres a difference between a gentle smack and a beating
my only reason for arguing against this new law is that its a highly subjective law due to what constitutes a gentle smack, as if a parent leaves a gentle red mark as the kid has sensitive skin, then they could be prosecuted and what aobut kids with darker skin who dont get red marks etc
if a parent beats their kid theres already laws to stop it, so why not just enforce the laws better???
do you not agree with my previous points?
so are you saying that people who have been smacked as a child will be bad parents. i take offence. i personally think i would be a good parent and i intend to use smacking as a last resort with my children. smacking is not something i would employ *everytime* my children misbehave or whatever. that is not what im arguing, but as a last resort i see no harm in smacking.
wheresmyplacebo - i think you have it spot on