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Trying to cover as much as my struggles as possible (very long post)
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,280 Boards Champion
I'm trying to talk about every worry I have because I’m dealing with a lot of different issues right now. I’m worried about my future and career, and financial concerns are adding to my stress. My financial situation isn’t great at the moment, and with the rising cost of living, I’m really worried about how I'll manage in the future. I believe that finding stable employment will help improve many of my issues, but finding a job has been my biggest challenge. I’ve faced setbacks, and nothing seems to be working out. Times just passing fast and im trying but nothing i hs changed yet. I’m terrified of being long-term out of work or even permanently unemployed; if that were to happen, I don’t know what I would do. I've even been worried about being homeless which would be terrifying.
My health is something i worry about, particularly because I’ve had a lot of takeaways and junk food during my birthday week, which is making me anxious. I’m celebrating with different people, but the indulgence is causing me to worry. I find myself overthinking almost everything, including every little mistake I make and things I did in the past. If I can’t do something a certain way or if something doesn’t go as planned, I overthink it and get caught up in negative thoughts. I also tend to overthink if I’m in an awkward situation or if people get frustrated or upset with me, replaying it in my mind and stressing over it. Even the smallest mistakes can become sources of overthinking.
I often get negative thoughts about myself during times when I’m supposed to be relaxing or enjoying myself. I struggle with boredom a lot, which only adds to my stress. I worry about relationships too, especially because I’m a short guy, which adds to my insecurities. Worries about what others think of me only make things harder. I’m a bit sensitive about work-related topics, although I used to be really sensitive about them. I’m troubled by the fear of being seen as a bad person and not reaching my goals. On top of that, I’m scared of failing in life and feel stuck, especially with my low moods and the challenge of making progress both at work and personally. I often feel ashamed of myself, like a failure, a disappointment, and sometimes like an embarrassment. I also worry about losing people, being unhappy, being alone, and my living situation. Even though there are things I enjoy, my low mood makes it hard to engage in them.
I tend to compare myself to others a lot; for example, I remember when we had builders round and one of them was around the same age as me. He was living with his partner, possibly his wife, had a baby, and was saving for a house, while I’m not currently working and still living with my parents. I’ve even seen people younger than me who have comfortably moved out. I’ve also seen people my age working really hard, and it feels like I’m not doing much. I worry that most people would be disgusted if they knew my situation. I’ve told people I’m looking for work and seemed fine about it, but that was months ago, and they’re probably thinking, “Why is he still looking? Is he actually looking for work or just being lazy? Is he putting in the effort? Does he have a future?” I’ve had people doubt me recently and a lot in the past, and I’ve faced setbacks. I do have support, and it helps, but shortly after these support sessions end, I often find myself feeling down again.
I also worry often that I’ll look back in the future and feel ashamed of myself. Even though I am trying, there was a point when I wasn’t doing enough, and I’m worried I’ll resent myself for it. I think I need therapy or counseling, but it's daunting and takes a lot of courage, which I’m struggling with at the moment. I also fear that people around me might think I’m being weak or like a “pussy” for feeling like this, and that they might dismiss my feelings by saying things like “everyone gets depressed” or use it against me. I’ve had that happen before, and it makes the idea of seeking help even more intimidating.
Despite all this, I do have good days too, which is a positive. But even on those days, the negative thoughts and feelings are pretty much on my mind 24/7, lingering in the back of my mind and making it hard to fully enjoy or appreciate the good moments. There are times when I do sleep, but I can have bad dreams due to the stress, which only adds to my anxiety and makes it harder to feel rested. The recent heat hasn’t helped with my sleeping issues either, making it even more difficult to get a good night's sleep and adding to my overall stress.
My health is something i worry about, particularly because I’ve had a lot of takeaways and junk food during my birthday week, which is making me anxious. I’m celebrating with different people, but the indulgence is causing me to worry. I find myself overthinking almost everything, including every little mistake I make and things I did in the past. If I can’t do something a certain way or if something doesn’t go as planned, I overthink it and get caught up in negative thoughts. I also tend to overthink if I’m in an awkward situation or if people get frustrated or upset with me, replaying it in my mind and stressing over it. Even the smallest mistakes can become sources of overthinking.
I often get negative thoughts about myself during times when I’m supposed to be relaxing or enjoying myself. I struggle with boredom a lot, which only adds to my stress. I worry about relationships too, especially because I’m a short guy, which adds to my insecurities. Worries about what others think of me only make things harder. I’m a bit sensitive about work-related topics, although I used to be really sensitive about them. I’m troubled by the fear of being seen as a bad person and not reaching my goals. On top of that, I’m scared of failing in life and feel stuck, especially with my low moods and the challenge of making progress both at work and personally. I often feel ashamed of myself, like a failure, a disappointment, and sometimes like an embarrassment. I also worry about losing people, being unhappy, being alone, and my living situation. Even though there are things I enjoy, my low mood makes it hard to engage in them.
I tend to compare myself to others a lot; for example, I remember when we had builders round and one of them was around the same age as me. He was living with his partner, possibly his wife, had a baby, and was saving for a house, while I’m not currently working and still living with my parents. I’ve even seen people younger than me who have comfortably moved out. I’ve also seen people my age working really hard, and it feels like I’m not doing much. I worry that most people would be disgusted if they knew my situation. I’ve told people I’m looking for work and seemed fine about it, but that was months ago, and they’re probably thinking, “Why is he still looking? Is he actually looking for work or just being lazy? Is he putting in the effort? Does he have a future?” I’ve had people doubt me recently and a lot in the past, and I’ve faced setbacks. I do have support, and it helps, but shortly after these support sessions end, I often find myself feeling down again.
I also worry often that I’ll look back in the future and feel ashamed of myself. Even though I am trying, there was a point when I wasn’t doing enough, and I’m worried I’ll resent myself for it. I think I need therapy or counseling, but it's daunting and takes a lot of courage, which I’m struggling with at the moment. I also fear that people around me might think I’m being weak or like a “pussy” for feeling like this, and that they might dismiss my feelings by saying things like “everyone gets depressed” or use it against me. I’ve had that happen before, and it makes the idea of seeking help even more intimidating.
Despite all this, I do have good days too, which is a positive. But even on those days, the negative thoughts and feelings are pretty much on my mind 24/7, lingering in the back of my mind and making it hard to fully enjoy or appreciate the good moments. There are times when I do sleep, but I can have bad dreams due to the stress, which only adds to my anxiety and makes it harder to feel rested. The recent heat hasn’t helped with my sleeping issues either, making it even more difficult to get a good night's sleep and adding to my overall stress.
Post edited by TheNightmare on
5
Comments
And I don’t think you need to worry about eating junk food around your birthday, it’s a special occasion! I hope you have / had a good day
@AnonymousToe I thought you were going to say you don't know what to so as I keep posting for a second then lol but I hope whenever you do come to job searching it's easier for you. I agree like it's not a race and everyone takes their own time. Thanks a lot genuinely for your support and kind comments too.
Thank you for opening up about your worries with us - while reading your post, a quote from one author i like came to mind: "At times you might feel like you're lost and the only thing you are is young". To me this means that being worried about a future that appears hazy and overwhelming is a very common and normal feeling, especially when you're young and the future is open. I second what @AnonymousToe said about everyone developing and doing things at their own pace, sometimes we can get stuck in our own head and believe that we should be like other people in order to feel fulfilled but the only way out of this overwhelming dread towards the future is through.
I understand that there is a lot of stigma around therapy and I think that being afraid of being considered weak is a very common fear. What kind of resources do you think might be helpful for you at this time?
In the meantime, here is an app which might be useful for stress management
-The Feeling Good app has a range of audio programmes designed to increase your wellbeing and resilience to stress. The NHS approved app incorporates breathing, positive reappraisal and visualisation techniques to help you manage the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety. To find out more you can visit https://www.feelinggood.app/ or download the app from the Apple or Android app stores
sending hugs
Let us know how you're doing
Hi @genderless_fungi
Thanks for your reply. It helps to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way, and that these worries about the future are something many people go through.
I appreciate the suggestion of the Feeling Good app and will have a look. I'm open to exploring different resources, and it sounds like it could be really helpful for managing stress and anxiety.
As for therapy, I'm starting to consider it more seriously. There's still a part of me that's hesitant because of the stigma and it not working then ending up back to square one but I realize it could help and I could try different services if it doesn't work as expected. I'm trying to get counseling here on the mix.
Thanks a lot again for your support. It means a lot to have a community to turn to during these times.
Every part of this would need to continue to go wrong for you to be unemployed permanently or even homeless, I think at that point you would start doing things you may hesitate to do now such as volunteering etc to get those things on your CV. There are definitely still options if you feed further down the line that you truly have been getting no-where with it all!! I don't think you will end up like that, I don;t think your family would let it happen either despite how inconsistent and harsh they can be
It's your birthday week, you're allowed to overeat and indulge! Weight isn't gained that quickly, after this week or so you can get a bit more back on track or maybe go for some extra walks etc so it feels more like it's evened out. As for the overthinking every tiny thing, I completely feel you. One thing that I've tried to train myself to do is a technique of putting it in a box, I give myself 15 or 20 mins of the day to worry about absolutely everything, but after that, it's done with. My repetitive thoughts don't change anything so they can go in the box. Of course it's different if it's something that needs to be done etc but if it's overthinking an interaction or regrets then it goes in the box until the next day (I appreciate it's a lot harder to do in practice and takes a lot of time to get better at)
It's very normal to compare yourself to others and I know it only gets harder in some ways as you get older because people have more freedom and opportunities and will obviously post them everywhere etc, bt it doesn't mean they have it all together - I think they'll have similar crisis further down the line for one thing or another. Some people do just work at a different pace, you can never compare to others because they simply haven't lived your life with your family, your brain, your experiences etc. All of it comes together to explain things like that, and no-one but you has the expertise to judge all of that on your own life, but even then you're going to be biased against yourself
As for therapy and how you'll be perceived,by your friends and family there may be astigma but you don't have to tell them much if you don't want to, but by your actual therapist, they're meant to be the least judgemental! That's what they're paid to do, they will have seen basically everything under the sun. Can be hard to take the jump but when you do the first step, the whole process becomes more natural
sorry for the delayed response, I just saw your message - I'm glad the resource I shared could be useful to you.
If you do want to start therapy, here are some more resources that only require you to donate what you can to be able to start your sessions. The service is provided online as well.
-Connect Counselling is a service offering help, support and counselling to individuals, couples and families experiencing a range of problems, such as anxiety, depression, an inability to cope, relationships, bereavement and more. They can offer a regular, weekly 50 minute sessions with an appropriate counsellor for as many times as needed. There is no fixed charge for their counselling, but they do ask for a voluntary monetary donation for each session, if possible, but they will never turn anyone away through lack of funds. Sessions can be delivered face to face in Surrey or remotely via Zoom or telephone, Monday-Friday in the daytime or evening. If you want to book in a session, phone 01276 24210 between Monday and Friday from 9:30am. Their website is https://www.connectcounselling.org.uk/
-Wilfred Faber offers counselling and supports people on a wide variety of challenges, including anxiety, depression, relationships, bereavement and more. Their counselling is available on a donation-basis and you pay what you can for the sessions, but they suggest a small fee per session. If you would like to be seen by a Catholic counsellor, this is something that they will try and accommodate where possible. Counselling can either be received online or in person in London. To receive some counselling you can complete the online form which can be found on their website https://www.wfcslondon.org/
@genderless_fungi thanks a lot for this information. I'll check it out and no problem about the late reply.