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Opening up to more extent (Trigger warning mentions of suicide)
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,134 Boards Champion
I've really struggling the past few months, I had a setback at the start of the year which most of you probably know what it is now. Atm I just want a job that will give me a consistent income that is do able for me, I dont think it's too much hard to ask for. It's just I have not found anything yet so its really affecting me. I have been feeling so down today just not happy at all at times today, its often I feel like this things have been really tough for me. I have been thinking will things get better, will I ever get settled or will things just stay like this long term or even permanent and will I ever get rid of this low mood. I have has this low mood and have worried about my future for several years. I think they're both related then leaving school I haven't known what to do, I have just been to college where I was unhappy then setbacks its made the worries worse like not knowing what I want to do. I just been unhappy.
Trigger warning mentions of suicide
Trigger warning mentions of suicide
To be honest for a few years, I have not shared these thoughts to anyone in real life because Im scared to, Ill get seen as crazy and everything but I have had thoughts go through my mind like if I am going to be this unhappy long term or even permanent then is it worth carrying on with life like now just not having a job sorted just at home, down, stressing, society pressure, struggling for money etc. I'm really unhappy atm like, I just want to work, get money, work towards goals etc. I just don’t want it to be like coming across as like im job dodging, there's been points where I have wanted the right job straight away but I don't think I ever said or planned to just never get a job an do nothing, I just have previously wanted something suitable. Wanting to do nothing and not get a job is definitely the opposite to what I want like I want a job where I could earn a living, have a purpose, get nice stuff etc. I need a job to afford to live etc. Doing nothing is my fear atm just things not going better heading into my mid 20s, late 20s, early 30s etc, that's what's making me if I do get to that stage maybe I might consider if its worth going onif I need get to that stage and believed things werent going to improve. I have had these thoughts for a very long time but today I have been really scared of getting to that stage because things dont seem to be getting any better atm, I have not found my feet after leaving school. I was feeling miserable earlier today about everything and stressed last night. I dont have any plans to kill myself but its just feels like as a last resort I think like if I never get a job like what do I do realistically.
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Comments
Thanks a lot genuinely ❤️
Reaching out and sharing how you're feeling with the community, especially the scary parts, shows so much strength. You're not crazy for having those thoughts – feeling that lost and hopeless after years of struggle is a completely normal and valid reaction.
The pressure to find the "right" job and have everything figured out by your mid-20s is so intense, but trust me, it's not a race and it will all work out smoothly in the end. What matters most is finding something that feels sustainable for you and allows you to build towards your goals.
Here for you, and happy to listen more if you want to talk about it. You're not alone in this, and there are people who care
@ella Hi, I feeling more better now but I think atm in terms of support with here on the mix I can keep venting here on hugs threads and join friday support chats when they're on which are always helpful. Thanks so much for all of this though too, this has been helping me through everything unless maybe if there's any extra suitable support the mix can offer me? I tried to get counselling here but it's all booked up.
We're really glad that you're finding the boards and the Friday chat threads helpful @TheNightmare - that's what we like to hear.
At the moment our helpline service is paused so our other service output besides the community is our counselling service. We know our slots are being booked up quite quickly but we'd recommend that you continue checking as new slots do get released as counsellors book them in.
What kind of counselling would you be looking for - would you prefer webchat, phone, or video counselling? As we could try to help you find an alternative service since there might be a bit of a wait with us.
@Gemma hi, yh its great, I'm grateful it's there for me. I'm grateful this whole community is here too for me not just for when I'm struggling but also for general light hearted things too.
Will the helpline service be coming back or might it be a while? I would be looking for webchat counselling and if you could help me I'd appreciate it thanks, it would have to be free though because I'm broke atm lol. I've heard of different helplines like kooth, calm, shout etc but I think they arent counselling and as my original discussion says things can be quite intense at times for me like really tough and I have been bottling stuff up for too long.
Our helpline is transitioning into a new support service so the helpline team are in the midst of planning for the launch of that new service. But keep your eyes peeled for more announcements on that this summer!
I'll have a wee look for some services and will get back to you tomorrow to see what I find. I know it can be tricky to find webchat counselling services but I'll pick the team's brains and get back to you. In the meantime do keep checking our own website for new slots
Kooth is free counselling mate with qualified counsellors. I was reading about it before..but only available for some areas in England / Scotland / Wales unfortunately
@slinky yh I was just on a chat with them now actually, I'm in England as you may know so I'm able to use them.
@Gemma Big respect for real.
Can I ask what type of service?
Thanks for checking that and I'll keep checking.
As others have said we are all here for you and glad the part of this community sending hugs
@Slinky yh it was decent I vented, it was not as good as here though lol.
@ebyrne556 I'm still struggling tbh, I have been down and stressed a bit worried I have messed up.
I'm very sorry you're struggling at the moment. I understand that you might prefer to receive support through webchat services - I second what Slinky said, Kooth could be a good platform for you: it provides emotional support and online counselling to young people aged 10-19. They also offer a range of articles and resources, discussion boards and a daily journal space on their website. Their webchat service is open Monday-Friday 12pm-10pm and Saturday and Sunday 6pm-10pm. You can find out more here: https://kooth.com/
Another option is Qwell.io, it is an anonymous support options for adults. Their team provides free, safe and anonymous online support and counselling. You can message a professional online for either a booked or drop-in chat. They chat queue is open from midday to 10pm on weekdays and 6-10pm at the weekend. Alternatively you can message online to book a slot or to just reach out at a time that is convenient for you and someone will get back to you. They have an online community that offers support and has therapeutic content. https://www.qwell.io/
I hope you get better soon and keep us updated, you're not alone and we care about your wellbeing
Hi @genderless_fungi thanks for your reply. I'm over 19 and as far as I know I think Kooth is for 11 to 25 then Qwell is the same as Kooth but for 25 plus, I remember going to Qwell and I'm under 25 so they said use Kooth. I might be wrong though. I'll have another look.
I know I replied to a lot of this last week but just to reiterate it all again: I completely understand why you’re having these thoughts, they don’t make you any less of a person or make you a failure. At the end of the day, why would we want to be suffering? If we were suffering forever and saw no hope then of course it makes sense we’d want to escape it at any way possible. But there is hope for you and it won’t be like this forever, in even half a year you’ve made so many strides forward in your job seeking journey so never mind by the end of the year or in another year etc. You’ve changed your mentality and your habits and you’re doing great. I know it feels hopeless and it’s so hard to ignore people you live with or even compare yourself to others, but they all have their own things. Either they’ve buried their heads in the sand or they also have their own insecurities or times they’ve felt like they’ve failed. Some people aren’t as open with it though, but it doesn’t mean they also aren’t feeling similar, and sometimes people take it out on others like they’re probably doing to you. You’re not doing that
I saw that you had a mix up with a job induction recently and I’m sure we’ll talk about it more on Friday, it’s not the end of the world, I’m sure they’ll be understanding and will hopefully get back to you so you can start - they wanted you to start and there’s lots of reasons you could have wanted to get back to them or call them later. But it goes to show regardless that you can do it, you can get far in the job process. A few weeks ago you didn’t feel you’d get that far but you did. Head up high buddy!
Good questions @TheNightmare - we're actually launching a new Peer Support service! You might have seen our recent post on Instagram about it but we'll be popping up an info piece on the boards shortly too.
Unfortunately, there's not many webchat-only counselling services for those over 18. I know a few people have directed you to Kooth but it looks like you might be out of their age bracket.
What it might be worth doing is looking into Youth Access which has a database of free youth advice and counselling throughout England and Wales. You can visit their website at www.youthaccess.org.uk to look for local options too.
There are more options for online counselling services if you'd be up for phone or video counselling sessions but unfortunately the webchat options are lacking for adults sadly.
Do keep checking out our counselling page too - we hope you're able to get a slot soon. In the meantime, keep reaching out here. We're here for you.
@Gemma that Peer support sounds pretty cool, what people running it will be on it will it the volunteer moderators from here or new volunteers?
I use Kooth and thought it was for up to 25s I might be wrong. You're making me feel old saying that I'm out of their age bracket though haha.
Yh ill keep checking that counselling thing too. Thanks a lot.
Our helpline team will be setting up this new service so they will be leading volunteer recruitment and training for that one.
We have a list of resources at The Mix and in terms of Kooth, this says that they offer emotional support and online counselling to young people aged 10-19. So that's why I suggested you were out of the age bracket! They've potentially updated this though so if you've been able to get through by sharing your current age then that's all good.
I think they have updated it.
Here are some lovely services you can reach out to if you’re struggling:
@jayne26 hi, thanks, Im better than I was while making this post but I'm not 100 percent, I'm still struggling. I have a link here to an updated discussion I just made if you reply I'll appreciate it but up to you.
https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/3604644/how-to-keep-sane-during-this#latest
I might check some of them helplines too thanks.
https://www.qwell.io/
Hey @Gemma I just wanted to ask about the peer to peer support service about if there's any updates about when it's getting up and running as I've not heard much about it for a while.
Heyya @TheNightmare just wanted to give you a lil update on the Peer Support Service! More information will be coming out soon about the new service, but the team are really excited to share their progress with you and invite you to join when it's ready! We appreciate it's been a bit of a wait but all for good reason! Thank you for being so keen this is great to hear
@Katie thanks for letting me know, it's good to see you round too . I'm looking forward to it all, hopefully it should be worth all the wait.