Im a failure

TheNightmare

Im 20s and currently not working


I still live with at home

I didnt do well academicly in school

I have never been in a relationship

Im still a virgin


I don't have many friends

I'm too dumb for uni

I have no family

My friends and everyone else around my age seem to have got atleast some or most or all of this sorted

AnonymousToe

You’re still young! And not everything in life is about academics, so even if you didn’t do well academically that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything.
I’m 18, I’ve never had a job, I still live at home, I’m not at uni, I’ve never been in a relationship, I’m a virgin, and I don’t have friends apart from this community lol.
There’s no rush, you’re not a failure.

Azziman

Hey @FordRanger - I can hear that you're not happy with your situation. Simply put, you're not a failure - as @AnonymousToe, you're still young and have plenty of life left, so there's no need to write it all off already!

Comparison is the thief of joy, and looking at what everyone else is doing can sometimes feel demoralising if we don't feel like we're in a good place. Perhaps it's true that you didn't do well at school or don't feel like you can go to uni (not everyone does!), but you have other strengths that you might not be acknowledging here. Living at home is increasingly normal nowadays for young people, so you're definitely not alone in that situation, and there's nothing to say that that will always be the case. Relationships and friends can come and go, so there's always time to make new connections!

It can be natural to look at our current situation, and without hope, thinking this is how things will always be. But we know that life doesn't work out like that. All sorts of things can happen in life, and we'll be blessed with opportunities, events, coincidences etc that can change our lives. The best thing that you can do is to start looking at where you are, where you want to reach, and figure out what you need to do to bridge the two.

You're not a failure, you do have worth, and you have plenty of time in life to achieve the things you want to do

lunarcat522

@FordRanger It's okay to not be working, but I understand why this may feel pressurising or like an obligation, but just take each day as it comes, I promise there's no rush

I also still live at home and many people do, it's not something you have to be ashamed of, everyone moves at their own pace. I know of people that are living in shared accommodation/flats that are really struggling with it, so it really depends on what works for different people.

I've also never been in a relationship and I'm also a virgin, and admittedly I struggled to be kind to myself about it, mostly regarding relationships. The thing I try to remember is you don't need relationships to be happy, they're definitely nice to have, but I would argue, without sounding corny is that the most important relationship to have is with yourself.

I also don't have many friends but I've come to terms with it as I've realised it's better to have quality over quantity. I'm really happy with the friends I do have and I'm lucky to have them, so I try not to think about the numbers, but rather the support and joy they've showed me.

You don't have to go to university to be successful, but if you still want to, you definitely could, you might just have to take a different route, e.g. maybe an access route through college or entry as a mature student. Additionally, there are many forms of being smart, not just academically - there's emotional intelligence, being street smart etc so try not to judge yourself too harshly if academics isn't your strength.

It's okay to not have family, but I see family not just as those you're biologically related to, but arguably more importantly, the people you choose. I see everyone on the mix as being like a big family, some of my friends, and even some people that I volunteer with. Families don't have to look "traditional" to be valid.

It might be the case that your friends and people your age are doing this or have had experiences you've yet to have/don't have currently, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're happy. A lot of people can be very good at hiding how they're feeling, and many people are guilty of only posting the highlights of their life to social media.

I hope this gives you some reassurance about your situation, just try to be kind to yourself as much as possible, we're here for you if you need a place to talk or support

TheNightmare

Thanks for the replies everyone

TheNightmare

AnonymousToe wrote: »

You’re still young! And not everything in life is about academics, so even if you didn’t do well academically that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything.
I’m 18, I’ve never had a job, I still live at home, I’m not at uni, I’ve never been in a relationship, I’m a virgin, and I don’t have friends apart from this community lol.
There’s no rush, you’re not a failure.

Azziman wrote: »

Hey @FordRanger - I can hear that you're not happy with your situation. Simply put, you're not a failure - as @AnonymousToe, you're still young and have plenty of life left, so there's no need to write it all off already!

Comparison is the thief of joy, and looking at what everyone else is doing can sometimes feel demoralising if we don't feel like we're in a good place. Perhaps it's true that you didn't do well at school or don't feel like you can go to uni (not everyone does!), but you have other strengths that you might not be acknowledging here. Living at home is increasingly normal nowadays for young people, so you're definitely not alone in that situation, and there's nothing to say that that will always be the case. Relationships and friends can come and go, so there's always time to make new connections!

It can be natural to look at our current situation, and without hope, thinking this is how things will always be. But we know that life doesn't work out like that. All sorts of things can happen in life, and we'll be blessed with opportunities, events, coincidences etc that can change our lives. The best thing that you can do is to start looking at where you are, where you want to reach, and figure out what you need to do to bridge the two.

You're not a failure, you do have worth, and you have plenty of time in life to achieve the things you want to do

I guess I need to take 1 step at a time

TheNightmare

lunarcat522 wrote: »

@FordRanger It's okay to not be working, but I understand why this may feel pressurising or like an obligation, but just take each day as it comes, I promise there's no rush

I also still live at home and many people do, it's not something you have to be ashamed of, everyone moves at their own pace. I know of people that are living in shared accommodation/flats that are really struggling with it, so it really depends on what works for different people.

I've also never been in a relationship and I'm also a virgin, and admittedly I struggled to be kind to myself about it, mostly regarding relationships. The thing I try to remember is you don't need relationships to be happy, they're definitely nice to have, but I would argue, without sounding corny is that the most important relationship to have is with yourself.

I also don't have many friends but I've come to terms with it as I've realised it's better to have quality over quantity. I'm really happy with the friends I do have and I'm lucky to have them, so I try not to think about the numbers, but rather the support and joy they've showed me.

You don't have to go to university to be successful, but if you still want to, you definitely could, you might just have to take a different route, e.g. maybe an access route through college or entry as a mature student. Additionally, there are many forms of being smart, not just academically - there's emotional intelligence, being street smart etc so try not to judge yourself too harshly if academics isn't your strength.

It's okay to not have family, but I see family not just as those you're biologically related to, but arguably more importantly, the people you choose. I see everyone on the mix as being like a big family, some of my friends, and even some people that I volunteer with. Families don't have to look "traditional" to be valid.

It might be the case that your friends and people your age are doing this or have had experiences you've yet to have/don't have currently, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're happy. A lot of people can be very good at hiding how they're feeling, and many people are guilty of only posting the highlights of their life to social media.

I hope this gives you some reassurance about your situation, just try to be kind to yourself as much as possible, we're here for you if you need a place to talk or support

Good advice, especially taking 1 day at a time, I have heard that said a few times. Also yh people hide how they feel on social media and some in real life too.

Former Member

Hello @FordRanger

I completely understand your feelings as I have also experienced similar thoughts and circumstances. I also want to point out that even though other people can look like they have “everything” and happy, they may very well be feeling the same as you do.

Getting a job is very tough in this day and age. I have experienced this myself. When getting rejected from jobs it can be easy to blame yourself but most of the time it just comes down to other candidates having more experience. Have you ever tried some volunteering? You can get roles which are flexible or online even these days which would allow you to volunteer to fit around your schedule. It’s a really good way to feel like you have a purpose and gain relevant employable skills and also a reference for when you get a job!

As someone who went to university, I can say that I really don’t think you need to go to university to be successful. I actually think gaining voluntary experience somewhere can often count for a whole lot more than having a degree.

For reassurance, I am in my 20s as well and I do not have anything sorted. And I know that fact is true for all of my friends also. Remember what you see online in particular is people posting what’s good in their life and not any of the hard stuff.

Former Member

Hey @FordRanger

Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing?

We are here for you

TheNightmare

Stephanie wrote: »

Hey @FordRanger

Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing?

We are here for you

Hey @Stephanie , good to hear from you again after a few months and thanks for checking up again. I'm still worrying about my future a bit tbh, it's on and off but I think I'm feeling better than I was a few months ago

TheNightmare

KBee99 wrote: »

Hello @FordRanger

I completely understand your feelings as I have also experienced similar thoughts and circumstances. I also want to point out that even though other people can look like they have “everything” and happy, they may very well be feeling the same as you do.

Getting a job is very tough in this day and age. I have experienced this myself. When getting rejected from jobs it can be easy to blame yourself but most of the time it just comes down to other candidates having more experience. Have you ever tried some volunteering? You can get roles which are flexible or online even these days which would allow you to volunteer to fit around your schedule. It’s a really good way to feel like you have a purpose and gain relevant employable skills and also a reference for when you get a job!

As someone who went to university, I can say that I really don’t think you need to go to university to be successful. I actually think gaining voluntary experience somewhere can often count for a whole lot more than having a degree.

For reassurance, I am in my 20s as well and I do not have anything sorted. And I know that fact is true for all of my friends also. Remember what you see online in particular is people posting what’s good in their life and not any of the hard stuff.

@KBee99 It is very true that some people can seem or look happy and all that but they're not.

It is tough getting a job, like getting one in the first place and being happy or enjoying it etc. Rejections from jobs also suck, even though tbh I have not applied to any job's so not got any rejections, I hear about it and can understand it can be tough when like you blame yourself etc. I have thought about volunteering, maybe it might be an option, I guess if its short term and is actually definitely beneficial. I really wanted to get straight into work if I can. I have done work experiance which most people have though. I hear often that university isn't beneficial, tbh I have heard from some people it's better not to go but I'm not saying no one should go. I think people mean that a lot of people go for the sake of it when they don't know what to do and copy what's normal. People go to uni as that's what's required for their chose career to obviously.

I guess we both have time to sort things out. Good luck to you and I appreciate your reply.

Laura_tigger82

As you have highlighted @FordRanger, it is really important to do what is best for you and not necessarily "what's normal". What types of volunteering and jobs are you thinking of at the moment? You definitely do have time to sort things out. We are here to support you along the way

TheNightmare

Laura_tigger82 wrote: »

As you have highlighted @FordRanger, it is really important to do what is best for you and not necessarily "what's normal". What types of volunteering and jobs are you thinking of at the moment? You definitely do have time to sort things out. We are here to support you along the way

Hi, thanks for your replies on this thread and also my other one which I will reply back soon. It is important to what's best work wise especially considering a lot of your life could potentially be spent working. I'm not actually sure tbh atm what's next. I'm never going to give up though. I just am a bit confused, disappointed etc what with hope a bit and want to do next. There are many options though

Former Member

Hiya just want to add that everyone is on their own path and journey! Try not to compare yourself to others (especially as, as much as it may seem that they have their life in order, that’s not always the case). So you shouldn’t feel ashamed of where you are in life, try to use your time productively and to your advantage I.e., understanding yourself, your likes, dislikes and becoming comfortable in your own skin before worrying about jobs and relationships. Milestones will happen in their own time, be patient and love yourself as much as possible along the way!

TheNightmare

knej23 wrote: »

Hiya just want to add that everyone is on their own path and journey! Try not to compare yourself to others (especially as, as much as it may seem that they have their life in order, that’s not always the case). So you shouldn’t feel ashamed of where you are in life, try to use your time productively and to your advantage I.e., understanding yourself, your likes, dislikes and becoming comfortable in your own skin before worrying about jobs and relationships. Milestones will happen in their own time, be patient and love yourself as much as possible along the way!

Thanjs for your reply and thats all true. Hopefully soon I'll doing good too.

Past User

The user and all related content has been deleted.

TheNightmare

Past User wrote: »

I agree with everyone else in this thread.

You’re not a failure @FordRanger , everyone’s journey is different and you’re still young, there’s no rush💙

There’s so many positive things I could say about you brother.

We’re lucky to have you as part of the community and we’re all here for you💙

@Past User means a lot bro

ebyrne556

Echoing what has been said already @FordRanger We really value u as part of the community and you give so much amazing support and encouragement to others which makes this community the lovely space it is. We are all here for u

TheNightmare

@ebyrne556 . Am I actually a valued user on the community and everything else that you said or did you just say it out of sympathy or to make me happy?

Amy22

@FordRanger Of course you are a valued user here just like everyone else. You matter a lot to us even to me. I know it's easier said than done but you are not a failure. In fact no human is a failure because we have all tried. There are times when we feel like we failed but we haven't because being human is realising that we are not perfect and that we dont need to be like others especially comparing ourselves to others too. I used to compare my life to loads of people and I know how draining that can be on ourselves. However, you feel like you are lost but that is totally okay. Being in your 20's is all about self exploration and doing the things you love. Everyone is all on a different journey and they all lead different lives. Some get jobs quite easily, where others may have more difficulty getting one. But that doesn't mean that they won't have a job forever because eventually a door of opportunity will open up and then when that opportunity comes you can take it. Im always here if you need someone .

AnonymousToe

@FordRanger we’re glad to have you here

TheNightmare

I appreciate the support a lot thanks everyone

ebyrne556

Hey @FordRanger
Just a checkin from me
100 percent we do really value u as part of the community

TheNightmare

Thanks @ebyrne556