If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
[deleted]
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,467 Boards Champion
[deleted]
Post edited by TheMix on
6
Comments
I’m 18, I’ve never had a job, I still live at home, I’m not at uni, I’ve never been in a relationship, I’m a virgin, and I don’t have friends apart from this community lol.
There’s no rush, you’re not a failure.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and looking at what everyone else is doing can sometimes feel demoralising if we don't feel like we're in a good place. Perhaps it's true that you didn't do well at school or don't feel like you can go to uni (not everyone does!), but you have other strengths that you might not be acknowledging here. Living at home is increasingly normal nowadays for young people, so you're definitely not alone in that situation, and there's nothing to say that that will always be the case. Relationships and friends can come and go, so there's always time to make new connections!
It can be natural to look at our current situation, and without hope, thinking this is how things will always be. But we know that life doesn't work out like that. All sorts of things can happen in life, and we'll be blessed with opportunities, events, coincidences etc that can change our lives. The best thing that you can do is to start looking at where you are, where you want to reach, and figure out what you need to do to bridge the two.
You're not a failure, you do have worth, and you have plenty of time in life to achieve the things you want to do
I also still live at home and many people do, it's not something you have to be ashamed of, everyone moves at their own pace. I know of people that are living in shared accommodation/flats that are really struggling with it, so it really depends on what works for different people.
I've also never been in a relationship and I'm also a virgin, and admittedly I struggled to be kind to myself about it, mostly regarding relationships. The thing I try to remember is you don't need relationships to be happy, they're definitely nice to have, but I would argue, without sounding corny is that the most important relationship to have is with yourself.
I also don't have many friends but I've come to terms with it as I've realised it's better to have quality over quantity. I'm really happy with the friends I do have and I'm lucky to have them, so I try not to think about the numbers, but rather the support and joy they've showed me.
You don't have to go to university to be successful, but if you still want to, you definitely could, you might just have to take a different route, e.g. maybe an access route through college or entry as a mature student. Additionally, there are many forms of being smart, not just academically - there's emotional intelligence, being street smart etc so try not to judge yourself too harshly if academics isn't your strength.
It's okay to not have family, but I see family not just as those you're biologically related to, but arguably more importantly, the people you choose. I see everyone on the mix as being like a big family, some of my friends, and even some people that I volunteer with. Families don't have to look "traditional" to be valid.
It might be the case that your friends and people your age are doing this or have had experiences you've yet to have/don't have currently, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're happy. A lot of people can be very good at hiding how they're feeling, and many people are guilty of only posting the highlights of their life to social media.
I hope this gives you some reassurance about your situation, just try to be kind to yourself as much as possible, we're here for you if you need a place to talk or support
I completely understand your feelings as I have also experienced similar thoughts and circumstances. I also want to point out that even though other people can look like they have “everything” and happy, they may very well be feeling the same as you do.
Getting a job is very tough in this day and age. I have experienced this myself. When getting rejected from jobs it can be easy to blame yourself but most of the time it just comes down to other candidates having more experience. Have you ever tried some volunteering? You can get roles which are flexible or online even these days which would allow you to volunteer to fit around your schedule. It’s a really good way to feel like you have a purpose and gain relevant employable skills and also a reference for when you get a job!
As someone who went to university, I can say that I really don’t think you need to go to university to be successful. I actually think gaining voluntary experience somewhere can often count for a whole lot more than having a degree.
For reassurance, I am in my 20s as well and I do not have anything sorted. And I know that fact is true for all of my friends also. Remember what you see online in particular is people posting what’s good in their life and not any of the hard stuff.
Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing?
We are here for you
Just a checkin from me
100 percent we do really value u as part of the community