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Feeling a bit insecure after a [rude] comment.
PetiteQuark
Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
So er. I was staying with my dad like 2 weeks ago, (my parents have been divorced since i was little i don't really feel upset about it) and my dad came to see his boss/manager.
My dad is a medical physicist (he doesn't work anymore, hes kind of retired, but knowledge and degrees could never be taken away from anyone). I'm not really close with my dad, i feel like a bad daughter because of that, but is it really my fault that my parents were divorced so i grew up with my mum?.
When i met my dad's boss, she was basically talking about how some people thought she was 40 but she was actually much older when she went on holiday abroad, i didn't really speak because i'm not sure how to contribute in the conversation, and also because im not very close with her. but then later, she said something a bit mean to me. Well i thought it was a bit mean and offensive. She basically said that i looked "unhealthy" im using speech marks because im not "unhealthy."
im also going to paraphrase keep everything to make it a bit vague. (Trigger warning just in case)
im also going to add a spoiler because i feel a bit embarrassed typing this out
Also i understand shes basically as old as my grandmother (seriously, and i dont mean it in a negative way), and that shes trying to help but i feel a bit irritated by people pointing out how i look, isn't that considered rude? I don't care if they're concerned, I'm fine. Personally i dont really care about how i look, im more focused with college (im 16 now, turning 17 next year in spring) and my second maths exam thats coming soon.
But I'm fine with my physical appearance, i may not fit society's ideals of beauty, and that's fine because I couldn't care less about society's silly beauty standards, people come in so many different shapes, sizes, colours, so why should there even be beauty standards ?
I'm actually a bit disgusted, i was taught not to point out how people look like when i was growing up, its wrong to do that anyways because you never know if they are insecure about themselves or anything. I really don't need anyone to chastise my physical appearance, and if i do see her again I'm definitely going to point out that what she said wasn't helpful whatsoever and to stop acting like shes my GP and acting all 'concerned' and to actually seriously stop rebuking my physical appearance, i have no control over the exams i do or how stressed i truly feel inside, even if i do not show my feelings (i try to not show negative emotions because i know for sure I'll be invalidated,but then i find it difficult to show other feelings too)
My dad is a medical physicist (he doesn't work anymore, hes kind of retired, but knowledge and degrees could never be taken away from anyone). I'm not really close with my dad, i feel like a bad daughter because of that, but is it really my fault that my parents were divorced so i grew up with my mum?.
When i met my dad's boss, she was basically talking about how some people thought she was 40 but she was actually much older when she went on holiday abroad, i didn't really speak because i'm not sure how to contribute in the conversation, and also because im not very close with her. but then later, she said something a bit mean to me. Well i thought it was a bit mean and offensive. She basically said that i looked "unhealthy" im using speech marks because im not "unhealthy."
im also going to paraphrase keep everything to make it a bit vague. (Trigger warning just in case)
she basically asked what do I even eat ,and that I looked 'unhealthy' and weak. I normally wear my mums clothes so they don't exactly fit me, i understand, she might be worried if i had an ED, but I have NEVER had an ED before, and I do not have an ED, im actually a little offended by that, not to hate on people with an ED,its just i dont like being 'accused' of having one when I actually, do not
My dad told her that Ive been through alot of stress at school especially because of gcse exams, that I didn't always look this way.im also going to add a spoiler because i feel a bit embarrassed typing this out
but then she also asked " have you even got your period?' That irritated me because i don't really like being asked that.(TMI) Ive had periods since i was 10. I think i know by now how that works, I'm not that silly. And then she was like "oh its not stress, its just hormones" yeah That really irritated me because ive had my emotions invalidated many times before, and for a long time and i struggle with showing emotions sometimes. I understand that she could just be concerned that ive had an ED or something but ive never had an ED and im perfectly fine, and according to my GP, I'm alright, so there's no need to point out how 'unhealthy' i look
Also i understand shes basically as old as my grandmother (seriously, and i dont mean it in a negative way), and that shes trying to help but i feel a bit irritated by people pointing out how i look, isn't that considered rude? I don't care if they're concerned, I'm fine. Personally i dont really care about how i look, im more focused with college (im 16 now, turning 17 next year in spring) and my second maths exam thats coming soon.
But I'm fine with my physical appearance, i may not fit society's ideals of beauty, and that's fine because I couldn't care less about society's silly beauty standards, people come in so many different shapes, sizes, colours, so why should there even be beauty standards ?
I'm actually a bit disgusted, i was taught not to point out how people look like when i was growing up, its wrong to do that anyways because you never know if they are insecure about themselves or anything. I really don't need anyone to chastise my physical appearance, and if i do see her again I'm definitely going to point out that what she said wasn't helpful whatsoever and to stop acting like shes my GP and acting all 'concerned' and to actually seriously stop rebuking my physical appearance, i have no control over the exams i do or how stressed i truly feel inside, even if i do not show my feelings (i try to not show negative emotions because i know for sure I'll be invalidated,but then i find it difficult to show other feelings too)
2
Comments
Unfortunately there's a tendency for older generations to be very fixated on weight and it's very normalised in today's culture and society, even though it shouldn't be, so it would definitely be worth bringing up that it's making you uncomfortable so it opens up a conversation.
There's lots of reasons people may be a certain weight or have weight fluctuations - ill mental/physical health, side effects of certain medications, genetics etc. Stress could definitely play a role. I also got very stressed around exam time 2 years ago and after I had finished them all and the adrenaline wore off, I lost my appetite completely for 2 weeks, and as a result experienced weight loss.
It's frustrating when people invalidate your feelings and put it all down to hormones, as they only seem to make this comment towards teenagers - teens do have heightened hormones and various changes/fluctuations, but at the end of the day we all have hormones, whether you're 16 or 60!
I hope you manage to work things out with your mum and don't let her comments get you down
I can relate so much to you. Im on the slimmer side like you (my arms are the same), however im not sure if its naturally, or because of stress because im pretty much always stressed, due to exams, and im retaking my gcses. But i really don't like having my physical appearance pointed out, especially since its someone im not very close with.
Ive just felt like my dads former boss just tried to make me feel stupid 'oh its just hormones' like, ive been having my period since i was 10, ive had this comment directed at me wayyyyy too many times it gets annoying. (Im 16 now, so yh 6 years of hearing that
its tiring hearing that. Its actually kind of harmful, because i remember in year 6-7, ive always felt very tired easily, ive had a blood test this year and turned out im kind anaemic, so it wasn't 'just hormones' either.
im also pretty sure like youve said we all have hormones and theres so many different types of them - cortisol, adrenaline, progesterone etc and they have multiple functions.
I understand shes 70, basically the same age as my grandma so i do have some respect but there are some things you shouldn't really point out about people, personally i don't really like being 'on the slimmer side' it doesnt help that im also a bit shorter than average and i just dont like having that pointed out.
My mum however, i dont really trust her alot, she sees me stressed, but she doesnt think i should be so stressed because, 'its not like im 40 with 3 kids and that ive got bills to pay so why do i matter?' Now i don't even think its worth it sorting it out because some people just never change.
It's never nice having your appearance pointed out, but I usually try and remind myself that it's a reflection of the other person's insecurities that they are unhappy with their own bodies. Of course, it's never ok for them to take it out on you, but it can help to rationalise things a bit.
hope this helps! sending hugs
People's weights do fluctuate, its just i get really annoyed when people scold me for my appearance. My dads (former?) boss is in her 70s! And im actually amazed by that, because shes in her 70s telling me off for my weight, acting as if she is 'so close' with me when i haven't seen her since i was in primary school i think? I don't need anyone to call me 'unhealthy' when im not. Maybe she was insecure? But a 70 year old shouldn't compare themselves to a 16 year old whos just out of secondary school anyway. Since she still works (in a different field but she still deals with patients?) I hope she doesn't point out their weights or anything. Because that can hurt alot of people.
Ive had anaemia for actually years, i used to feel very tired since i was 11, my mum actually found out something was wrong when she was doing my hair for my birthday this year (anaemia ruins your hair aswell
And yeah you're so right why care about beauty standards because our bodies do so much, our brains can preform such complex tasks, the human eye had 126 million rods and 6 million cones to detect light - its amazing! Even if our eyes aren't as sharp as the james webb space telescope, its still quite amazing nevertheless.
I remember ive heard that 'the nitrogen in your DNA, the calcium in your teeth, and the iron in your blood were all made inside the cores of massive dying stars' and i find that really poetic and beautiful.
What I would say is, it's more important to be healthy than to look it! So if you're eating and exercising well and treating your body right, then that's the important thing. People come in all shapes and sizes after all! And you're right, human bodies are capable of fantastic things, much more than something to simply look at and critique. You're worth much more than just what you look like