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Dissociation
JJLemon18
Community Champion Posts: 2,061 Boards Champion
Okay I promise this is the last post I make this week...
I feel absolutely horrible (wow surprise, I know), but this time it's a bit different. From doing a little research and all the things people told me, I believe I'm going though dissociation. I don't feel like getting into any details but its why I might have been acting a little strange lately, everything feels weird, I'm not sure what I'm doing or what I'm thinking half of the time. Given its not that bad compared to others but I already hate it so much. I've watched someone tell their story of dissociation and it sounds so terrifying and heartbreaking. I really really don't want it getting to that point, but with how its constantly getting worse I'm genuinely worried it might get bad. I don't know how to cope, my family are annoying, nothing feels enjoyable, all my other problems just pile up and it's all so hard to manage. I've been spending way too much time here and I think I hate it. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.
I've been waiting for therapy sessions for like 3 months now and I still haven't even got my initial assessment, I'm not sure what else I can do!
So basically, I'm struggling and there's nothing I can really do about it. I'll be going on holiday in like a week and I don't want to spend all of it feeling like this, feeling like I'm not actually there
then I'll just end up forgetting about all of it anyway...
For once I'm not gonna apologise, I just needed to get this out, not even sure why.
Take care of yourself y'all, like seriously, take care of yourself. Hugs :)
I feel absolutely horrible (wow surprise, I know), but this time it's a bit different. From doing a little research and all the things people told me, I believe I'm going though dissociation. I don't feel like getting into any details but its why I might have been acting a little strange lately, everything feels weird, I'm not sure what I'm doing or what I'm thinking half of the time. Given its not that bad compared to others but I already hate it so much. I've watched someone tell their story of dissociation and it sounds so terrifying and heartbreaking. I really really don't want it getting to that point, but with how its constantly getting worse I'm genuinely worried it might get bad. I don't know how to cope, my family are annoying, nothing feels enjoyable, all my other problems just pile up and it's all so hard to manage. I've been spending way too much time here and I think I hate it. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.
I've been waiting for therapy sessions for like 3 months now and I still haven't even got my initial assessment, I'm not sure what else I can do!
So basically, I'm struggling and there's nothing I can really do about it. I'll be going on holiday in like a week and I don't want to spend all of it feeling like this, feeling like I'm not actually there
then I'll just end up forgetting about all of it anyway...For once I'm not gonna apologise, I just needed to get this out, not even sure why.
Take care of yourself y'all, like seriously, take care of yourself. Hugs :)
Believe in me - who believes in you
2
Comments
It sounds like learning about dissociation has made you feel scared and upset, and that's understandable. The good thing here is that you've recognised it. It might not feel like a big issue, but acknowledging and recognising dissociation is a good first step here. If you're concerned about forgetting the experiences, it might be useful to write some notes about how you feel and experience this - it'd also be helpful when you get seen as a starting point for your conversation with the therapist.
I'm sorry to hear that therapy sessions have taken so long - you've done the right thing to reach out for support, and all I can really say is that I hope that you receive the support that you deserve soon. It's not a substitute for professional support, but in the mean time, you're welcome to share your experiences on the forum if that is helpful for you. We're here to support you and listen to you
You're right. You do not need to apologise for this. Letting it all out is helpful for you mentally.
I can relate to you a lot on this. I am terrified that my dissociation might get worse too and I struggle with it at times. Also, I haven't told my family about this dissociation (only my counsellor and some university staff knows about this) and my family don't really help with any of my mental problems since they believe it doesn't exist, or they think it is easily solvable as if it is just a cold, or they would shame me for it.
I suppose I am lucky that I have a counsellor because my university provides it but I do hope that you get your initial assessment.
What has been helping me with my dissociation, after many many months of feeling empty and hopeless and being stuck in my own world, is to find a purpose. It is difficult that is why it took me many months (almost a year really). For some people it takes years and years. Think about what things peaked your interested before or as a child, what were your dreams as a child, what things did you abandoned as a child because you believe that you do not have the chance. Revisiting your past may help you discover something about yourself. If not, you can consult with me and I can assess your MBTI and enneagram which can help you to discover something about yourself or guide you somewhere. I can do a tarot reading for free too. Message me if you would like to do any of this.
I am continuing to research upon and discover new solutions for dissociation. It is a difficult journey but I won't give up and I will report to you if I discover something.
Overall, I am available if you want to simply rant or talk or need advice/solutions or need a friend. Walk tall and I believe we can find the light (as cringy as it sounds... yeah, looking at this, it can be seen as cringy, yeah, lol).
I'm going to Poland but you already know that lol. And thank you. What did you enjoy about your holiday in Spain?
@Azziman Thank you so much, I appreciate the advice and support!
@marcellus_beauregard I didn't need to explain myself but I'm trying to learn not to over apologise and I said that out loud to help me acknowledge that I'm getting better
Omg I'm the exact same! I'm so sorry to hear that though
My mum called me over to talk yesterday and then proceeded to cry and explain how she doesn't know what she is doing wrong and why I feel so bad (and other stuff). She insisted that I tell her what's been happening to me (basically dissociation) since all I've been telling them is that 'I'm not feeling well'. I feel so fucking bad about it but I don't know what to do or even say, it literally breaks my heart seeing my mum struggle so much because of me. My family really do think its as easy dealing with a cold lol, they say 'just get out of your room and you wont feel so depressed'.
I used to have a uni counsellor/therapist but back then I was still discovering a lot of my mental health and so the conversations were pretty random. After I'm back from summer I will definitely apply for it again.
Thank you so much for the advice! It would make absolute sense though as lately I've stopped doing a lot of stuff that interest me and I feel like I'm losing a purpose... so it might help if I work on this.
Oh right, I was supposed to check out my enneagram, I totally forgot about it. Also what is a 'tarot reading' as I have no idea?
Thank you so so much, I'm here too if you need! I guess if we stick together we can stand even taller, call it a 'piggy back' if you will xD (btw its not cringy at all!)
Big hugs to you all
Don't mention it. Thanks for offering your support too. Yeah, let's stick together! Oh, tarot readings is a method that uses tarot cards to help guide an individual/give advice. Most people think they are to predict your future but it is not. That's unrealistic and stereotypical. It gives insight into your current state, past, and if you continue a certain path/behaviour/action, what is the most likely future consequence and suggestions on how to change that. If you need help with enneagrams, I am always here.
Hugs, always here
That's fine. I have seen your posts on other threads and I acknowledge that your dissociation has been getting worse indeed. We will talk more about it through private message.