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Pregnancy - TW details of sexual violence

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
edited June 2023 in Sex & Relationships
I am pregnant. I haven’t had a period for three weeks and I was sick in school. Today I did a test it was positive there is going to be a baby soon.
Post edited by Former Member on
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I think I would be really scared seeing the doctor. I only have two choices pregnancy and give birth or terminate the pregnancy.
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,023 Boards Champion
    Hey @hastings1066, it's a really brave thing to post this, so thank you for sharing this. It's a big decision to make, so it's a good idea to consult information on your options, health considerations, and what support is available.

    The Mix has an article on your options and considerations that you might find helpful: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/abortion/im-pregnant-now-what-4468.html

    How do you feel about the situation at the moment?
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @Azziman i really nervous and scared. I feel so stupid for getting pregnant as a teenager. I didn’t intend to get pregnant. I had been having some odd feelings like sore nipples and constantly needing the loo. One day I was sick and I realised I hadn’t a period which made do a test. The test was positive and I found out that i was pregnant.

    I don’t know what to do, I am half tempted to go through with the pregnancy but I don’t know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 113 The Mix Convert
    Hi @hastings1066

    Thank you for sharing this with us, I understand moments like these can be full of conflicting and overwhelming emotions. Making decisions about pregnancy can be really difficult, we are here with you, to work through this together. May I ask whether you've been able to share this news with anyone else? You are worthy of having someone by your side throughout this journey.

    Would you also be able to share what about visiting the doctor is particularly nerve-wracking for you? You are deserving of receiving support and care, especially in a time like this.

    There are lots of factors to consider in this moment. Give yourself some grace and time to reflect, news like this can take a while to sink in. Have you been able to read through the article by The Mix? If so, please don't hesitate to share your thoughts if you'd find this helpful.

    Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @support_squad23 Nobody knows that I am pregnant. The reason going to the doctor is nevre wracking is I don’t know the doctor is going to say about a teenager being pregnant and if she would judge me for getting pregnant at 13. Yes I have read the mix article I am pretty certain that I don’t want to have an abortion I don’t feel ready for a child as I am so young but I am sure that I don’t want to abort the pregnancy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    @Past User i have decided I am going to continue with the pregnancy. The whole of my class and my guardians are going to know eventually that I am having a baby.
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,274 Part of The Furniture
    How do you feel about the idea of everyone finding out at the moment @hastings1066? We are here for you if you would like to talk to us more about this :)
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @hastings1066

    You've been really brave to share this with us so thank you for that. It's a completely personal and sensitive subject and one I have never been through so I can't really give you advice. All I can say is that we on The Mix are here for you, if you have any questions there will be someone that can help, if you need to just say what's on your mind, this is a safe space to do so.

    We got you <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @Laura_tigger82 i am quite scared of everyone finding out that I am having a baby at 13. My tummy is going to grow and everyone is going to eventually know that I am pregnant.
  • NeonBlueThunder1NeonBlueThunder1 Posts: 245 Trailblazer
    edited May 2023
    I can understand that having a baby at 13 is a rather scary situation. Bless you @hastings1066 . I agree with what the others have said, it really is brave to share this. :+1: Virtual hugs, and hope things work out for the best. <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I decided to tell my foster family that I am going to have a baby. I am really nervous about how this will go down. I am nervous that they will tell social services that they can’t cope with a teenager and baby, they don’t know that the baby’s father is there son. He doesn’t know that I am pregnant yet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Today I went to see the doctor as I am having morning sickness and I need to find out what I have to do to keep the baby healthy. I managed to persuade my foster mother to take me she didn't believe me when I told her that I was pregnant. She said who wants to have sex with you, I told her that the baby's father was her son she still didn't believe me. My foster dad persuaded her that if I was pregnant by their son I did need to see a doctor. So my foster mother made an appointment and I saw the doctor today he confirmed i was 8 weeks pregnant. The doctor has referred me to the midwife who I will see in 2 weeks.

    I told my foster mother the other day that I was having the baby she isn't pleased and she doesn't want me and the baby in the house so i am about to be rehomed. Social services have been told and they have said that for the time being I have to continue living with my foster family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 197 Trailblazer
    Hello @hastings1066,

    It's very positive that you're using the discussion boards to talk about your experiences in such an open way. We're here to give you support and whatever may happen it's important to keep in mind that your decision about this pregnancy is what's most important and should have the most bearing in this situation.

    I'm sorry your foster mother has been so dismissive, that must have been very overwhelming. Would you feel comfortable talking a little bit about how that made you feel?
    How do you feel about having to live with your foster family for the time being?

    I know that going to the doctor was very scary for you and I think it's very brave that you managed to open up to people about this situation and that you are taking steps to ensure you and the baby are healthy.
    Sending hugs, let us know how things go
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    The fact that my foster mum was dismissive of my pregnancy was extremely hard and difficult. She wouldn’t except that I was pregnant by her son. She thought that teenage boys were not interested in having sex with an immature 13 year old.

    I really didn’t have to stay with my foster family. The atmosphere is awful my foster mum is really suspicious, I get the feeling that I persuaded her son into having sex with me and getting me pregnant. She doesn’t believe that he would have done this willingly. She said yesterday you will get laughed at in school once you get a baby bump as everyone will know that you have a bun in the oven.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 113 The Mix Convert
    Hi @hastings1066

    I can see that the lack of support from your foster mum has been really challenging, her dismissal of your truth must feel very frustrating and disappointing. We are here with you, to listen throughout this journey. You aren't alone.

    I am so pleased to see that you were able to attend your medical appointment, it takes great strength to face our fears and the unknown. Your determination is visible.

    How are you feeling about the pregnancy and your options at the moment? If you'd like to explore these any further, we can navigate through this together. There can be a lot of uncertainties, confusion and sense of overwhelm in times like these. Feeling informed can help you to gain some more stability and security.

    I see that you previously expressed that you don't feel ready for a child, please know that this is a valid and acceptable feeling. Motherhood is a life-changing and lifelong commitment and dedication. It's understandable that this might feel like too much to take on. Whichever decision you take, we can support you through this and look at ways to make this more manageable. We are by your side.

    May I also ask how you are feeling about the father of the baby? I understand this might be quite a sensitive and difficult situation. If you'd like to share, we will be here.

    Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I can’t believe that my foster mum has been so dismissive of my pregnancy. It has been very hard and I would rather of had support whilst I am pregnant. I am really scared about the fact that at 13 I am pregnant I can’t believe that I am growing a baby and that in a few months I am going to give birth.

    I am suffering with morning sickness at least twice a day sometimes more. I am intending to continue with the pregnancy as I can’t see me going through with an abortion. I am really worried about the fact that in nine months time I am going to go into labour and become a mum. I don’t feel ready to become a mum but as I am not going to have an abortion I going to have to accept the fact that I am going to become at the age of 13.

    At the moment I feel like I could strangle him. Thanks to him I am going to have his baby. I really don’t feel ready to give birth but that is what is going to happen. He has no idea that I am pregnant.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 197 Trailblazer
    Hello @hastings1066

    it's completely understandable to be overwhelmed in this situation, and you've mentioned the fact that you don't feel ready to be a mum or to have an abortion yet. Being pregnant can be very nerve-wrecking and it's normal sometimes to have conflicting feelings about your future role as a mother.

    I just want to make sure that you're aware of all your options so here is a link to an article about different routes you could take at this point: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/abortion/im-pregnant-now-what-4468.html.
    One of the option detailed there is adoption, you've mentioned thinking about being a mother and about whether or not you'd want to go through with an abortion but is giving your child up for adoption something you're willing to consider?

    You're doing such a good job taking care of everything on your own and with minimal support from your foster family. Is there a reason why their son doesn't know he's the father of the baby? Is not telling him a decision that came from you or from your foster parents? and if it wasn't your decision to not tell him yet, how do you feel about it?

    Let us know how you've been doing, we're all here for you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Giving up the baby for adoption is
    something I would consider as a baby at the age of 13 was something I wasn’t expecting. The baby’s father doesn’t know because I haven’t told him but his parents don’t want him to worry about the fact that he got a girl I.e me pregnant. I hadn’t told him yet only because I hadn’t quite figured out what to say. I am not that happy that my foster family don’t want there son to know as I am having his baby. I find the fact that they don’t want him to know quite upsetting and scary. I have a feeling that if I do decide to keep the baby that I am going to be a single mum and I am going to need to use my spare time to work.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 113 The Mix Convert
    Hi @hastings1066

    I can imagine that your foster family's encouragement of your silence regarding the pregnancy must feel quite isolating. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. May I ask what sort of support you are receiving for your pregnancy outside of The Mix? You deserve to have a support network by your side.

    I am going to attach a link which you might find helpful:
    https://lifecharity.org.uk/teenage-pregnancy/

    Let us know if you're able to take a look through this. Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Champion Posts: 608 Incredible Poster
    @hastings1066 sending u hugs <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @libbystrawberry thank you ❤️
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Support_Squad23 The only real support I have at the moment is social services. I haven’t yet told my School that I am pregnant, school has links to counselling services and I hope I can access these when we go back.

    I was wondering if putting up with emotional abuse by my dad would be better to contend with instead of the silence with regards to my pregnancy that I have to contend with by my foster parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Champion Posts: 608 Incredible Poster
    edited May 2023
    @hastings1066 u shouldnt put up with emotional abuse from ur dad or from ur foster parents, could u maybe be rehomed, and have u thought more about telling their son as he's the dad, im the same age as u and i cant imagine u going through all this stuff, be strong <3 u'll get through this. we are all here for u tho sending more hugs xx

    hope the morning sickness is getting better
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I am going to see the midwife today as I am 10 weeks pregnant. I am really nervous as I am not sure what is going to happen. Social services are supposed to be rehoming me but they are not in a hurry to find me a new family. I can see me giving birth on my bed as I worry that I won’t get to the hospital in time to deliver.

    I haven’t thought anymore about telling there son that I am pregnant with his baby. I am really nervous about giving birth.
  • GemmaGemma Community Manager Posts: 1,095 Wise Owl
    Hey @hastings1066, you're doing so well to share your experiences with us. We are all here for you through what feels like an uneasy time <3

    Is there anything in particular that makes you nervous about going to see the midwife today? Feel free to let us know how you get on at your appointment.

    I hear how frightening it must be to think that you may not have the support in place with your foster parents to get you to the hospital during labour. This is definitely something you can discuss with your midwife, in terms of the support available for you during and after your pregnancy, and making plans about getting to the hospital. How would you feel about talking to your midwife about this and creating a plan?

    Please don't be hard on yourself for being anxious and nervous about giving birth. Childbirth is a major event and it is so common to feel nervous. Remember that you’re not going to be facing this alone. You'll have a midwife who will be there to support you and look after you. They have lots of experience of helping people through labour and birth and can also offer you pain relief in small or larger doses, depending on how you feel. You might find it helpful to tell your midwife how you feel as they might be able to reassure you.

    You mentioned that social services are supporting you but that they are not in a hurry to rehome you - how would you feel about telling them that the baby's father is the foster family's son?

    It is really great to hear that your school has links to counselling services and that you hope to access them when you're back at school. How do you feel about telling the support services at school that you're pregnant and your fears?

    I'm sorry to hear things have been so tough for you lately. You're being so brave <3
    ♡♡♡
  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Champion Posts: 608 Incredible Poster
    @hastings1066 totally understandable ur young and its a lot of pain to go through for anyone, hope the appointment with the midwife went ok , i wish all of us could be there with u when u give birth but u'll be in our thoughts and prayers <3

    take care hastings1066

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Yesterday I went and saw the midwife, she was lovely. We talked about if I was sure that I wanted to have the baby considering my age. I told her that I was considering adoption I couldn’t go through with an abortion. She said that I if I am going to have an adoption than I need to complete my anti natal care and go through birth. She asked if I had support to help me whilst I am pregnant and during the birth. I said not exactly she asked about the baby’s dad I said he doesn’t know. She asked why I said he is my foster family’s son, she asked if his parents knew I said yes and they aren’t happy about it.

    The midwife asked if social services knew that the baby’s father is your foster brother I said no she said they need to know. Social services won’t be pleased. After we talked the midwife did blood tests, checked my blood pressure and checked my urine sample for protein. She also checked the baby’s heartbeat which was fine.

    The midwife booked me in for a ultrasound in two weeks time. Normally she said you would see your doctor at 12 weeks as well as having the ultrasound but I will see you instead. She also said she is going to talk to social services as she is not happy with there response to my pregnancy. The midwife said that she is also going to talk to them about school.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I spent this morning in the maternity unit as my body wasn’t sure it wanted to grow a baby. The midwife said that I might be having a miscarriage but it seems to have settled down since.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Champion Posts: 608 Incredible Poster
    @hastings1066 thank god hope ur feeling better
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @Libbystrawberry I am feeling rather vulnerable. I am pregnant and I am scared of the fact that I am going to give birth. I am worried that everyone is going to know that a 13 year old is going to have a baby.
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