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Pregnancy - TW details of sexual violence

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Comments

  • libbystrawberrylibbystrawberry Community Champion Posts: 556 Incredible Poster
    @hastings1066 thank god hope ur feeling better
    I was on the outside, always looking in
    hastings1066
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @Libbystrawberry I am feeling rather vulnerable. I am pregnant and I am scared of the fact that I am going to give birth. I am worried that everyone is going to know that a 13 year old is going to have a baby.
  • libbystrawberrylibbystrawberry Community Champion Posts: 556 Incredible Poster
    @hasting1066 dont worry about what people will think, its not important, here no one will judge u. its normal for u to be scared to give birth, focus on ur and the baby's health and hopefully u'll get rehomed soon, in the meantime try to speak to someone about the way ur felling, perhaps that lovely midwife u were talking about before, sending u hugs <3

    libby xx
    I was on the outside, always looking in
    hastings1066
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I hope that no one will judge me here. Some of the kids at school can be really cruel and I won’t be surprised if some really comments go round about me. I really hope that I get rehomed soon my foster mum has been really harsh over the last week about the baby.
  • HarryTHarryT Community Manager Posts: 320 The Mix Regular
    I hope that no one will judge me here. Some of the kids at school can be really cruel and I won’t be surprised if some really comments go round about me. I really hope that I get rehomed soon my foster mum has been really harsh over the last week about the baby.

    Hey @hastings1066 - you're doing so well by sharing all of this with us. It sounds as though you've potentially had some negative experiences of reaching out to others for support or being picked on by others in the past, would that be fair to say?

    You're safe here - this is a judgement free space and we can hear you're having a really tough time at the moment. <3

    I noticed you also mentioned in your last message that your foster mum has been really harsh in the last week or so. Would you like to tell us how you're feeling about that? How has her behaviour changed recently?

    You've done a really brave thing by talking about this and we really appreciate your trust today.

    Take good care and speak soon,
    Harry
    Hello amazing human (yes, that's YOU). I wish that you could see the amazing person who I see within you  ✨
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @HarryT reaching out to others for help in the past has been awful in the past. I have had comments such as you I don’t know why your bothered about this or your over thinking it. I have also been picked on by girls in my year for being interested in boys. My foster mother has been harsh over the last week or two she has said comments like I think you wanted to get pregnant and you persuaded my son to have sex with you and get you pregnant. I have also had comments such are a slut for having sex and getting pregnant. She has also had doing jobs like scrubbing the bathroom floor by hand.

    I also have a feeling that I am to be giving birth at home without help.

    Emily

    IainJammyboyJJLemon18libbystrawberryCaniceQ
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I haven’t gone into school at all this week, my morning sickness has been awful and I just feel so tired. This afternoon I have got an appointment with school and my social worker at school so I have to go in this afternoon. I am really scared I don’t know what they are going to say. This morning I am going for an ultrasound to see if there is a risk that I could be having a Down syndrome baby.

    I have started putting on weight and it won’t be long before other people know that I am pregnant.
    JJLemon18libbystrawberryCaniceQ
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    All hell has broken out since my meeting at school and with social services. They both know that I am having my foster family sons baby and they are so shocked. Social services are going to have internal meeting today to discuss my pregnancy and what happens next. School were really concerned and looking at reducing my work load due to my pregnancy.
  • genderless_fungigenderless_fungi Moderator Posts: 156 Helping Hand
    Hey @hastings1066
    I'm really sorry things have been so overwhelming for you and that your body seems to not be adjusting well to the situation. I know you were really scared to talk to the school and social services about the baby's father, how do you feel now that they know?
    You did the right thing by being honest about the situation with the school, social services, and the midwife and i'm glad she showed compassion and was understanding of your situation.
    It sounds like your foster mother is being emotionally abusive, which again shows that being open about the identity of the father with social services was a good idea.

    You are very brave, but even though you are dealing with the situation as best as you can it's completely normal to be scared. Let us know how you've been doing, hopefully social services will handle the situation differently now and you'll receive all the support and care you and your baby deserve.

    Sending hugs
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  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @genderless_fungi i am really glad that school and social services know that I became pregnant by my foster family’s son. School said there are things they can put in place to help me whilst I am pregnant.

    My social worker was really shocked and upset she said he has basically sexually abused you to the point that you are now pregnant. She asked if my family knew about the pregnancy I said that the parents did. My foster mother has banned me from talking about the pregnancy in front of him and that I get sent to my room.

    My social worker was so upset she said that they are supposed to be looking after you. She said they are worse than your parents. I had a visit today from the out of hours social worker. She was really nice and saw my room she said we are talking to legal next week about rehoming you.

    She said that she is very worried about me especially as I am pregnant and only 13. I am really scared about my foster parents reaction when they find out that social know who the baby’s father is.
    IainJammyboyCaniceQ
  • libbystrawberrylibbystrawberry Community Champion Posts: 556 Incredible Poster
    @hastings1066 it great that they r thinking of rehoming u, what will happen to ur foster parents now that social services know that their son is the father? Why dont they want anyone to know?. In a way its good that social know who the father i as they r looking at reducing ur workload and rehomng u right?

    hope ur morning sickness has gotten a bit bettter.


    take care emily <3
    I was on the outside, always looking in
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @libbystrawberry i know that the police have become involved now that social services know that I am going to have a baby by my foster brother. I am not sure what is going to happen to my foster parents.

    I don’t know why my foster parents don’t want others to do maybe they embarrassed that there son got a 13 year old pregnant. Social services are looking to rehome me and school are looking at reducing my timetable. I told the son two nights ago that I was pregnant by him he said well you will be pregnant again in a year.

    My morning sickness is still bad and the heat isn’t helping as I feel really tired.
    libbystrawberryJJLemon18
  • AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,006 Boards Guru
    You've been really brave to open up to social services @hastings1066. It sounds like you're getting a bit more support to help keep you and the baby safe. How are you feeling now they are all involved? Are you feeling safe at home at the moment?

    That also sounds really scary what you experienced with your foster parents son, I'm really sorry to hear he said that to you. Do you know if he meant that he would try to get you pregnant himself in a years time?

    We really hope you're doing okay Hastings1066. If you're feeling unsafe at any time, remember social services are there to help you and you can also contact the police by calling 999. They are always just a call away and it's important you're safe as well as your baby too. We really hope you're doing okay and the move to your new home all goes okay too.

    Keep posting here whenever you need to, we're all here for you <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • libbystrawberrylibbystrawberry Community Champion Posts: 556 Incredible Poster
    @hastings1066 what did he mean by saying that u'll be pregnant again in a year? Also how old i their son, is he 13 like u or older? ik its very hot these days, make sure to stay hydrated and tc
    I was on the outside, always looking in
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @Aife i am pleased that school and social services know that my foster brother got me pregnant. Things at home are difficult my foster mother is certain that I am going to have a home birth. I am really not sure I want to give birth in hospital since this is my first pregnancy and might need some help to deliver the baby.

    @aife and libbystrawberry The baby’s dad is determined that in a year I will be pregnant again by him. The son is a year older than
    me he will be 15 in 6 months. I am trying to drink more as I am so tired and hot.
    libbystrawberry
  • support_squad23support_squad23 Posts: 113 The Mix Convert
    Hi @hastings1066

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I can see how overwhelming this time has been, it seems like so much is going on and it must be difficult to take it all in. I am so pleased to see that you had a positive experience with your midwife and were able to have some open conversation with your social worker. Your bravery and determination is shining through. You are doing a fantastic job of advocating for yourself.

    Whether you will deliver the baby at home or in the hospital is a decision to be made between you and your midwife (or any other medical professionals). You deserve to give birth in an environment in which you feel safe and are able to access the best care for yourself and the baby.

    It's understandable that you're feeling pretty tired, pregnancy can be exhausting, especially in a situation where you don't feel fully supported. Take some rest where you can, you deserve it. Have you been able to share with your social worker the recent cleaning punishments that your foster mother gave to you? It's important to rely on your support network in times like these.

    Take care.
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    I told my social worker about my foster mother’s punishment but she denies it has every happened. She makes it out that she is caring about me and the baby I am carrying. She couldn’t care about the fact that I am pregnant and having her sons child. A couple of nights ago he came into my room and put his hands on my belly. He said I can’t believe that I got you pregnant and that you are going to have my baby in a matter of months. He then had sex with me saying I can’t get you pregnant again as you are already having a baby.
    JJLemon18
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,204 Part of The Furniture
    edited June 2023
    I've just been reading your story @hastings1066 and, gosh, it's hard to know what to say. Any one of the things you're going through would be difficult on its own - the way your foster mother is treating you, your pregnancy, and your brother abusing you. Let alone all at once.

    It's commendable that you're here, talking and trying to find a way forward. That takes an enormous amount of energy and courage and you should be proud of yourself.
    A couple of nights ago he came into my room and put his hands on my belly. He said I can’t believe that I got you pregnant and that you are going to have my baby in a matter of months. He then had sex with me saying I can’t get you pregnant again as you are already having a baby.
    Goodness. :( What was your emotional / mental reaction to this, Hastings? How did it leave you feeling? I really can't imagine how trapping this all must feel.

    Edit: also just to reiterate what @Aife said further up:
    Aife wrote: »
    If you're feeling unsafe at any time, remember social services are there to help you and you can also contact the police by calling 999. They are always just a call away and it's important you're safe as well as your baby too.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    IainJammyboy
  • HollyPearlHollyPearl Moderator, Staff Posts: 40 Boards Initiate
    Thank you for letting us know what's been happening @hastings1066, you are dealing with so much and as @JustV says, it's so brave that you're still here and sharing this, we are all here for you and you are doing the right thing by reaching out.

    It must be so difficult that your foster mother is treating you in this way and not believing you and that your foster brother is being abusive towards you. You deserve support and to be treated with care and respect.

    I would suggest contacting 999 so you can get some support from the police about what’s happened and make sure that you are getting the help you deserve from social services. Sending you hugs and keep posting in this thread so we can help you through this time <3
  • libbystrawberrylibbystrawberry Community Champion Posts: 556 Incredible Poster
    I told my social worker about my foster mother’s punishment but she denies it has every happened. She makes it out that she is caring about me and the baby I am carrying. She couldn’t care about the fact that I am pregnant and having her sons child. A couple of nights ago he came into my room and put his hands on my belly. He said I can’t believe that I got you pregnant and that you are going to have my baby in a matter of months. He then had sex with me saying I can’t get you pregnant again as you are already having a baby.

    do u feel u've been raped @hastings1066 bcz if u do u should report him to the police,

    take care emily and carry on staying hydrated <3<3
    I was on the outside, always looking in
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    do u feel u've been raped @hastings1066 bcz if u do u should report him to the police,

    @libbystrawberry I don’t feel like he raped me as he is the baby’s dad. I feel so useless at the moment, I am growing a baby and I just feel like I want to sleep.
  • StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,083 Wise Owl
    Hey @hastings1066

    Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing? We are here for you, and it's really brave that you are opening up to us on here about how you are feeling and what is going on for you.

    You mention feeling useless, do you want to talk more about what is making you feel useless?

    How are you finding the support from school and the social worker?

    Here are some services that can help if you would like a confidential place to talk about what is happening for you at home :heart:

    NSPCC - offers advice, counselling & information to those concerned about a child at risk of abuse, including children and young people themselves. They are open Monday to Friday 8am – 10pm or 9am – 6pm at the weekends on 0808 800 5000, or you can email them at [email protected]. You can also use their online form to report abuse.

    Women's Aid - is an organisation working to support the survivors of abuse. They are there for women and children to listen and understand your situation and that you are believed. They have a live chat where you can speak to an experienced volunteer. This is open Monday-Friday 8am-6pm and 10am-6pm on the weekends. You can email them on [email protected].

    we also wanted to let you know we've made a minor edit to your thread title to add a trigger warning for sexual violence. You haven't done anything wrong, we sometimes edit thread titles to help make the community safer as there may be others on the community who have been through similar experiences and wanting to know a bit more information about what the thread is about before reading it. You've shown so much courage by reaching out and we'd encourage you to keep posting.

    Sending hugs and letting you know we all care about you :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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  • libbystrawberrylibbystrawberry Community Champion Posts: 556 Incredible Poster
    do u feel u've been raped @hastings1066 bcz if u do u should report him to the police,

    @libbystrawberry I don’t feel like he raped me as he is the baby’s dad..

    yes he is the babys dad but did u let him have sex with u? or was he kinda pushy and did u feel like u owed him bcz he is the father of ur baby @hastings1066

    I was on the outside, always looking in
  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    yes he is the babys dad but did u let him have sex with u? or was he kinda pushy and did u feel like u owed him bcz he is the father of ur baby @hastings1066

    [/quote]

    He is kind of pushy and I guess I did feel like I owed him.

  • hastings1066hastings1066 Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @Stephanie I feel quite low and tired at the moment. I have spent a log of my weekend being bossed around by my foster mother. Today I had an argument with her and she sent me to my room. I spent most of the day sleeping as I couldn’t do much else the heat is so unbearable.

    Tomorrow I have school and a meeting with two social workers. I really don’t want to go. I am going to have a baby and the last thing I is social workers poking holes in everything.
    JJLemon18
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