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Taking therapy

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  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 2,058 Boards Champion
    Okay, I've had a tough meeting today. I have made a letter of sorts with everything I'm feeling right now, everything that I'm going through etc. I gave it to my therapist later in the session and as she was reading it I was feeling so much dread. I kept thinking like 'have I said too much?', 'does it sound weird' and all of that. But as she was approaching the end I saw she started getting really emotional, and when she finished she just looks at me and says 'that was a lot'. Then we talked about it for a bit and at the end of the session she told me to write these more often.
    This has helped me so much to say everything I want. Thank you so much to everyone for recommending something like this to me!

    Now, after the session. I got home knowing that this was a good session, but a few hours later I started realising that I have brought nothing home from the session, like I didn't feel any better about myself than before.
    Way too many thoughts have started to gather in my brain to the point where I just started to feel sick and exhausted for no reason. I just felt so heavy all of a sudden. I feel a lot more disconnected than I ever felt before. I was helping my mum in the kitchen and I was looking for mayo in the fridge and I couldn't see it even though it was right there in front of my face. This has happened with many other things today too. I was feeling so down that I decided to play a videogame since I haven't don't that in a while, at that point I just wanted to feel better not caring if I'm wasting time or not. It was horrible, I didn't enjoy it at all, I felt so stressed the entire time. The screen felt like it was all blurry and I couldn't see anything, I could only see the one specific thing that I was focussing on, the rest was so blurry. I just checked and there's something called tunnel visioning, oh no... I really don't know what to think about this.
    Believe in me - who believes in you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Champion Posts: 1,294 Wise Owl
    Hey @JJLemon18 I'm so glad u feel like writing the letter helped u say what u had to say! It's ok that you don't feel like u really got anything out of it today though. Maybe next time you see her you'll be able to explore some of the stuff u wrote in the letter a little more.

    Lol I do that thing with the mayo in the fridge and my mum will be like 'bro why are u always in your own world, it'd right there'. Well she doesn't say bro lol but u get the point. Sorry to hear you've been feeling so awful though, sending lots of hugs! <3 I really hope u can feel better soon! You deserve to be happy :)
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 2,058 Boards Champion
    Okay, so yesterday I had my last short-term counselling session, we came to the conclusion that I would really benefit from long-term therapy so I got recommended this service nearby and she made it sound perfect. After I left I was so happy that I'm finally making good steps to improve, I had a perfect plan of all the next steps I need to do, but first I had uni work to do yesterday so I focused on that. Then I got an email from the therapist who told me that she could organise one last meeting next week if I wanted to because she felt it would be helpful. Obviously I accepted because why not.

    Today I woke up feeling absolutely miserable. I could barely tell if I'm awake or still dreaming, up to now everything still feels so cloudy that I can barely even see my own hands. There was so much in my head when I woke up that I almost felt sick. I think all the stress plus me constantly going from one person to another just exhausted me so much that I just hit an all time low today. I hardly have the energy to breathe.
    My parents were saying a lot of things to me today morning (about my situation and stuff), and I heard them but I wasn't listening. I don't know how to explain it. Its like I could barely make out what they were saying even though they were just there next to me.

    So later I checked out this counselling service that my therapist told me about, turns out you can only refer through a call. Now I really hate calls, I avoid them at all costs, I haven't called anyone properly in a long time. But there was no other way so I got all my courage and called them (Now I'd like to mention that when I call someone voluntarily, it probably means something serious). They told me that they have no space for any initial assignments and I should call back in a couple of weeks! And that still doesn't guarantee they will have any free slots then, and that still doesn't take into consideration that I will have to wait a long time for the sessions anyway (sometimes even 6 months!) if I even get accepted. I just feel shattered.
    I'm so glad I got this last session with this therapist but after that I have no idea what I will do, there isn't really anything I'm looking forward to at the moment. This service is the closest to me and is the most affordable, that offers long-term support. I'm not really sure what to do now.
    Believe in me - who believes in you
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,291 Part of The Furniture
    It sounds like you are struggling with the conflict of feeling like the therapy would be for longer-term than one more meeting @JJLemon. Your feelings are absolutely valid.

    Do you feel able to mention you thought it would be for the longer term? It might, hopefully, be that the therapist can extend the support for longer.

    We are here for you. The change in people sounds really difficult too. What might support you in managing this change?

    The lack of support is not helpful, especially when you are dealing with so much and really struggling. Sending you huge hugs <3
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  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 2,058 Boards Champion
    edited May 2023
    Thank you @Laura_tigger82! <3
    I don't think I explained it very well. I reached out to uni for support and they gave me short-term therapy sessions (6 of them), and told me that they very rarely do more than that. So after having all 6 sessions, I was surprised when they asked if I want one more. Which also shows how bad my situation is right now.

    The idea was that if I need any more support after these sessions I will get advice from the therapist on where I can go next, and I did. I got recommended this other service that provides long-term therapy, which I believe would really benefit me. However it turns out that they have no available slots at all right now. So I'm now stuck not knowing what to do.
    Now the only thing I'm looking forward to is the last therapy session from uni (that I wasn't even supposed to have).

    I'm not sure this explains it any better, sorry.
    The change in people sounds really difficult too. What might support you in managing this change?
    Sorry could you explain this a bit more? I'm not sure I understand the question.
    Believe in me - who believes in you
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,291 Part of The Furniture
    This sounds really difficult for you @JJLemon18 - especially being stuck in the gap between no more uni therapy sessions and no availability with the service they recommended :/

    Could you reach out to them to see if they have any other therapy services they would recommend? We can also support you with looking for potential therapy options if that is something you would like us to do.

    Sure, you have mentioned struggling with the change in people (assuming not having the same therapist anymore!) and I am just wondering if anything would help you with this change. We are here for you <3
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  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 2,058 Boards Champion
    @Laura_tigger82 I have been given a couple of different services but the others are pretty expensive for me. A few days ago I applied for short-term therapy from the nhs so I hope they will contact me soon and that goes well. In the meantime I will try to keep contacting that service until they have any spaces available for me.
    But if there are some other options then I'd love to explore them, if that's not a problem?

    I guess having a different therapist will take time getting used to again, I'll need to open up to someone different and explain everything again. I'm fine with that though, I learnt a lot recently so I know roughly what to expect.

    Thank you! <3
    Believe in me - who believes in you
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,291 Part of The Furniture
    Hopefully, the NHS will contact you soon @JJLemon18 - I can hear how costly some of the other options are :/

    There are a lot of options but, as you say, largely rely on donations/fees. You might like to search for options through charities - often these can be cheaper or free.

    It does sound really difficult that you have to go through the process again of opening up to someone new, trusting them and telling them everything again.

    Hopefully, your recent experiences with this will help you to go through it again though. We are all here with you if there is anything we can do to help, even if that's just listening :)
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