Home Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

My story - what actually happened (TW: mention of SA)

2»

Comments

  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Completely, of course anyone expressing disbelief is deeply painful to any survivor, but when it comes from the people you love and trust, that type of emotional betrayal is in many ways insurmountable :( It's no wonder it has left you wanting to be more closed off from others, wondering who you can actually trust, right? @LorryTruck

    It always warms my heart so much to see how many members on here show up for one another, not only with hugs and kindness, but with advice and lots of really strong support, I'm glad to can feel this even through the screen <3

    Equally, it's a total injustice that you have been openly explaining the facts of what has happened, including the fact that he is still coming into your home (which should be a place of sanctuary and safety), and yet it takes such a severe experience to get the response you deserved months (if not years) ago. I can't even imagine how little faith this causes you to have in mental health services :( Especially when your request is so 'simple' you just want people to truly care, and it's entirely what you deserve. No one should be left to suffer the mental and emotional effects of the trauma you have experienced alone.

    In terms of the reliving that you mention, I wonder if this is kind of like flashbacks? (of course, please correct me if I'm wrong). The types of responses your body and mind will have after these devastating experiences must be so complex, and maybe even hard to understand at times. Giving yourself space to let yourself just be is very important right now, okay? You deserve to find some peace through all of this. I'd be more than happy to talk about what's going through your head at the moment and/or offer any advice if you'd like? no worries if not.

    I'm wishing for comfort for you, always xx
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
  • RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @LorryTruck

    How are you feeling about seeing your dad at your CAMHS meeting?

    Sending hugs <3
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Definitely that all makes sense @LorryTruck ! I'm sure to you it must feel like such a confusing and complex 'mess' of emotions, memories and reminders, so it's no wonder that describing all of that in one word (flashbacks) might not feel right. I also reckon we have this idea that 'flashback' means literally reliving the events themselves as if we were right there, and sometimes this is the case, but not always. Other times, it can be something as 'simple' as a smell that can trigger an inescapable and overwhelming feeling like you're right back there even though you 'know' that you're not. The whole thing must be so deeply terrifying to try to figure out. :(

    Oh, I can't even begin to imagine how soul-crushing it was to read all of that, because now you have written confirmation that the people who should love and support you are trying to use your mental health needs as a reason to dismiss the dreadful things that happened to you. The betrayal of that must feel completely unmatched. I know a lot of survivors talk about not being believed feeling like a further assault on them because when you choose to be as brave as a person can be, you are cruelly shut down and reduced to your mental health needs. Not only is this emotionally-devastating, but it also stigmatises your entire life experiences of having mental health needs and being abused. I wish so much better than what you are getting, truly <3

    In terms of the ongoing meetings about protection, what are the social workers / other professionals saying to you, yourself? Do you feel supported?
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    Past User
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • genderless_fungigenderless_fungi Moderator Posts: 156 Helping Hand
    Hey @LorryTruck
    It must have been devastating and extremely lonely to go through all of this knowing that your family is not on your side. We're all so happy you decided to share your feelings with us, it's very brave and positive that you decided to look for support elsewhere even though it's not coming from the people you want it from, whether it be be through CAHMS or here you're taking huge steps to ensure that you get the help ad understanding you deserve and that's an act of self-care.

    I hear you've been feeling anxious about starting CBT. Starting a new therapy can be very nerve-wrecking, so here is a resource with information and a video on what to expect. I hope it's gonna make you feel more prepared ad informed
    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

    I hope things start getting better for you and please don't hesitate to use the boards if you need comfort or resources
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    Past User
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    RosyRosary
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    SpaceOtterJJLemon18
  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Community Champion Posts: 717 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey lorry truck, sending lots of hugs. We're so prpud of you for talking to people and us. But everything but feel so confusing and tough right now. Its a horribke situation youre in, but its not your fault. Would you like to talk a little more about how things are right now?
    We're here for you <3
    You're awesome!
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    JJLemon18
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Exactly @LorryTruck , you're so right, I think we get this idea from TV and media that 'flashbacks' can only mean living your life totally chill and happy and then you're right back in the moment of trauma out of nowhere - this can certainly happen for people, but not everyone and not always. Often, it really is this lingering presence as you say, maybe it's discomfort, maybe it's sadness, maybe it's literally just going to a supermarket you and your family used to go to, anything can be a trigger which makes it that much more complex and painful to cope with. I'm so sorry that you have had to face more anguish than any person should in this short time you've been here :(<3

    I'm very glad you know that what they are doing is wrong, when family tries to make you feel so uncertain of your own trauma it's not only a deep betrayal but also very confusing and even without wanting to, you can begin to second-guess yourself. I need you to know, from the bottom of my heart, we believe you entirely, without question!

    I can't even imagine what it would have been like to find this all out, not only that they are saying this is untrue, but that they are using your mental health to make it seem like you're 'making it all up', it's such an awful sense of abandonment, in the moment where you need them most, it's not even like they are absent, they are actively trying to shut you down. This must make thinking about looking after yourself through this so impossible, because you're having to fight tooth and nail to merely be believed and understood.

    Certainly, it's a very big step to not only gain some help but to consider what you'll have to talk about during sessions. The important thing to remember here, is that this is all in your control, you can take the time you need to be ready, even if it's not for years. No one can take that away from you. After facing such immense trauma, we can really lose a feeling of agency in our lives, this is moment where you make your choices, and we will support them 1000%.

    Completely, I think even when mental health professionals are there really working hard to support you, nothing can quite match up to your family and friends supporting you in the way you deserve. I know we cannot match up to this, but I am glad you are always here giving us a chance to try <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    Past User
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    JJLemon18
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    So very true, that's the worst part of trying to cope, because everything can be totally perfect and a great day, laughing with friends or enjoying a TV show and even hearing the name of a character can be a huge trigger. For me, the smell of the perfume I wore was always a huge trigger, and admittedly, at first, I did not even realise that this is what it was, I just had this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, which made processing things all the more challenging. This is why (sometimes and certainly not for everyone) trying to redefine triggers for ourselves can be a worthwhile use of our time. For example, giving a go at rewearing the perfume when you know you're going to be in setting that feels comfortable and safe, so that you can eventually feel safe and not triggered about the perfume again!

    That must have been such a huge blow as well, because not only do you have so many members of the family calling you an outright liar, but you're also facing this dreadful realisation that even the people who said 'I am on your side' may not have been truthful / may have changed their minds. Hearing this about your nan must have been totally blindsiding :(

    Well, that's exactly it @LorryTruck , often family/friends seem to have this instinct to immediately ask 'so what happened?' and even at the times where this comes from a good place and they do sincerely believe you, this does not mean that you are ready to detail the extensive trauma to them. This is not casual gossip shared over coffee, this is your life and the awful things you have experienced, so it is rarely simple to share details, even more 'superficial ones' and people should never take your caution and 'unreadiness' as a sign of lying, especially when this is a very common and normal response for trauma survivors. I wonder, do your family know much about trauma? (unrelated to what you have experienced, do they know much about how trauma affects people).

    I completely agree, it's super daunting because even when you know you need the help, this doesn't mean your mind is actually set up and ready to get the most out of the sessions, especially when it can take a minute to warm up to a therapist in the first place.

    We care about you more than the words we write can even convey. You are a very beautiful and loving person and I am beyond glad you are always here talking to me <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    Past User
Sign In or Register to comment.