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I miss the time when I was heavily suicidal

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
It might be a weird thing to say. I miss the time when I was heavily suicidal. I still have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I miss the support I had at that time. I miss London. I miss those amazing people. I just want to escape from the life I have now.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
AifeSalix_alba_2019Chloe234

Comments

  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,066 Part of The Furniture
    You have shown so much strength and courage telling us this @Kate_20. I can hear that you miss the support, place and people you had when you were heavily suicidal.

    Would you like to tell us more about the types of support you miss when you were heavily suicidal? It is really important to us that you receive the support you need and deserve.

    You have mentioned missing London, still having suicidal thoughts sometimes, missing those amazing people and wanting to escape from the life you have now.

    Would you like to tell us more about how you are feeling at the moment? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us :)
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  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Laura_tigger82 There were people who could listen to me non-judgementally. Now I have no therapy, no medication, no life, and parents who asked me to die.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    Hey @Kate_20

    Thank you for sharing with us. What you miss about being heavily suicidal is the support you received and feeling like you had amazing people around you, so it makes total sense if you no longer have the support, yet still have the thoughts. Are you able to get into contact with these people again?

    I still get suicidal thoughts too (only occasionally now) and when I do, sometimes I feel like I'm in my comfort zone, even though I don't want to feel like that. I agree with you, it feels weird for me to say out loud too, but I think it's a completely natural feeling to have and it's important to know that you are not alone. Sometimes suicidal thoughts can be almost comforting, because it's a part of your life, and all these things you felt helped you (medication, therapy, amazing people) were all surrounding that.

    If you no longer have these people that could listen to you non-judgementally, maybe you could write down your feelings in a journal, because there is no one on the other end to judge you. This is also a form of self-therapy. Or to keep writing on here, as we are all here to support each other in sharing our darkest thoughts. How about trying other forms of medication such as hobbies you enjoy. Maybe write down a list of what makes you feel good and see if you are able to try it out when you are feeling low.

    If you are able to, can you tell us how it has made you feel hearing your parents say that?

    Take care <3
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