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I don't know what to do with my relationshipšŸ˜­

zaynab_5zaynab_5 Everyone's fave midget :)LondonPosts: 1,584 Extreme Poster
edited October 4 in Sex & Relationships
Hi guys

Basically I'm in a relationship with a man and we started it at the start of September.
I had my phone all the time with me, so I was able to talk to him often and we called and facetimed almost every night and I loved every single bit of it. We started getting closer and closer everyday, so I obviously got very attached to him.
He's such a calm and genuine guy, he's always looking out for me, checking if I'm okay, if I'm taking care of myself, if I'm eating well. He worries too much if I get stressed out or if I'm struggling. He's so considerate and caring and that's exactly what I looked for in a man.
Two weeks ago, my parents found out about our relationship, they were checking my phone and saw our conversations and they weren't happy with it because he smokes drugs.
Because of that they took my phone away and I can only text him on Instagram secretly on a laptop/computer, but only half an hour per day, excluding weekends.

What should I do? I don't know what to do about this relationship, my parents wanted me to end it but I don't want to because I'm like just because he does drugs (just cannabis), doesn't mean he's a bad person. And I actually love him and he loves me more than I love him. I don't want to disappoint my parents and I don't want to end this relationship, I'm so stressed.

Also I'm having doubts that coz I don't have my phone anymore and I'm really inactive, I'm worried if he's talking to other girls like that. I mean I do trust him but I have my insecurities you know? I just hope he stays loyal and patient for me because I actually have strong feelings for him. IDK WHAT TO DOšŸ˜­šŸ˜­

Any help/advice on this would be much appreciated <3
lovemimoonLa_LaAislingDMMike

Comments

  • jorgejorge Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
    edited October 4
    Hey @zaynab_5

    It's really wonderful that you are both deeply in love with each other and he is looking our for you. What I would suggest is letting him know of your feelings, thoughts and the situation, so he is aware of what is going on and doesn't worry about you suddenly not talking to him.

    Your parents seem a bit on the controlling side and violating your privacy is definitely not right or warranted, but maybe you could explain to them your feelings. how your boyfriend makes you feel and how they make you feel by treating you like a small child. Also, telling them that you don't intent to do any drugs might help calm them down, since that really seems important to them.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 394 Moderator
    Bless your heart @zaynab_5 ! You must be beyond frustrated by your phone being taken, especially because, as you say, talking with him and expressing yourself to him has brought you much joy. You deserve to feel that happiness <3. I completely hear what you mean about feeling like his doing drugs doesn't make him a bad person, and you'd certainly be right! Whilst it's understandable for parents to be concerned about newer people in their children's' lives, this can become really exasperating when they are not willing to listen to how it is making you feel. You deserve to have your own space to talk with friends and partners, without your parents watching your every move. Given that your lack of access to your phone is what is causing a huge problem, I'm wondering if your parents have given any indication of when/if you will be allowed your phone back? :)

    I'm really glad to hear that you have found someone who makes you feel warm and loved, as this is what you deserve, and whilst your worries are understandable, I truly do think you do not need to panic about 'who he's talking to', as it sounds like he cares for you immensely. Perhaps speaking with him honestly about your fears could be beneficial as it could allow for open communication between the two of you?

    We are here for whatever you need, and I think @jorge 's advice was really helpful, so please do let us know how things are, if you feel comfortable to <3<3
  • SirArchibaldSirArchibald Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Hi @zaynab_5
    Its so nice that you've found someone you really like and have been able to connect with. It sounds like he reallyl ikes you and care for you deeply. I am sorry your parents reacted so negatively when they found out you had a boyfriend. I am glad that you can still find times when you can speak to him, even if it is just for a little bit each day. I can't imagine how frustrating it must feel for you to have your phonetaken away. Your parents don't have the right to violate your privacy like that and look thorugh your message to him. I am sorry that they did that. Although I can understand their concerns, smoking weed can be quite harmful when you are young and if you smoke it regularly. But there is nothing wrong with engaging with it from time to time for fun. I think your parents are just concerned for you and don't want you to get brought down the wrong path and they obvisously think that your boyfriend could do that. However, taking away your phone and telling you to break up with him is not the right thing for them to do.
    Perhaps you could talk to your parents about how this has made you feel and about how much your boyfriends means to.It seems they are worried about you getting into drugs so perhps reassure them that you are not going to do them.
    It might also be good to mention to your boyfriend to not mention smoking weed when you message as this seems to be what is upsetting your parents.
  • zaynab_5zaynab_5 Everyone's fave midget :) LondonPosts: 1,584 Extreme Poster
    edited October 8
    @jorge I always tell them that I don't do drugs, and I'll never even try it but they just don't trust me because they think I'll get influenced when I know what's right or wrong for me. I'm going to be 18 in five months but they're still treating me like I'm 5 and it really does annoy me. They see him as a bad person just because he smokes weed but he's actually so affectionate and supportive. Thank you for the advice though.
  • zaynab_5zaynab_5 Everyone's fave midget :) LondonPosts: 1,584 Extreme Poster
    edited October 8
    @AislingDM They give me no privacy at all and it's making me feel paranoid every time because now they even always check my messages on my Nokia. They said that they won't give me a smartphone till I pass my A levels, which is a very long time to wait.
    I talked to him on the phone today and he was so reassuring about the fact that he doesn't talk to any girl other than me. I opened up to him about all my fears and I'm glad that I did. He told me that he always got me and that he loves me a million. I was so happy that we got to go on call after so long, I felt at peace. I feel like they don't care how I feel towards my boyfriend, they don't understand how important he is to me and it hurts me. And I always have to delete the messages he sends me and my call history with him so that my parents don't find out. Thank you so much for the help though <3<3
    AislingDM
  • zaynab_5zaynab_5 Everyone's fave midget :) LondonPosts: 1,584 Extreme Poster
    @SirArchibald I understand their concerns, and I've told them that he would never influence me or pressure me to smoke weed, he doesn't even want me to do that, ever, because he explained to me that it does affect my mental health. He told me that he just smokes it because it helps him and makes him feel relaxed and not aggressive at all. I told him over the phone that he shouldn't ever message me anything triggering, only on call, and he understood.
  • SirArchibaldSirArchibald Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    @zaynab_5
    I am really sorry that your parents don't give you any privacy, it must be incredibly frustrating. I can understand why you feel so paranoid. Its a shame that they don't trust you not to be influenced by him and it really good that your boyfriend respects you and your decisions, it sounds like you too have a very good relationship. If you have already spoken to your parents and they don't seem to understand then there might not be much else to do but wait. With time they might see that your relationship is deeper than they believe it to be and grow to be more supportive when they see that your boyfriend is not going anywhere despite what they say.
    It might be difficult to wait for when u get a phone after alevels, but its seems like you have founds ways to talk to your boyfriend which is really good. It also a good sign that your boyfriend is reassuring you.
    From what it sounds you guys have a really solid foundation and while this situation is not ideal, it seems like you can make it work, and it wont be forever.
    I really hope you guys can make it as you both see really happy with each other.
    zaynab_5
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 394 Moderator
    Huge well done to you @zaynab_5 !! Being open and vulnerable with him cannot have been easy, but the fact that you were brave enough to do that is simply wonderful. I'm extremely glad that your honesty has paid off, in regards to him being able to reassure you =) This really reinforces how important healthy, honest communication is, which shows really great signs for your relationship more generally!

    In terms of your parents though, it must feel beyond gutting to feel like they don't trust you enough with a smartphone or your own internet access, without them supervising it pretty heavily. No one should be made to feel like they have to hide things from their parents in order for their relationship to survive. Your happiness and sense of love is super important and I know that must be made confusing when people who love do not treat you the way you need. You truly are doing so wonderfully to share all of this with us, and I'm curious about whether conversations with your parents have ever led down the path of 'can I be trusted with more responsibility?' <3 Huge hugs x
    zaynab_5
  • zaynab_5zaynab_5 Everyone's fave midget :) LondonPosts: 1,584 Extreme Poster
    @AislingDM Yes, definitely that topic of 'can I be trusted with more responsibility' came up yesterday when my parents had to talk to me. They told me many things like not to hang around with the wrong people and that I should take my education very seriously. I know and appreciate that they love and care for me and that they just want me to be safe, but I have things that I want too. They don't understand my feelings or emotions, or things that actually make me happy. Things are going well with my parents at the moment though, we are talking normally again, watching movies, and smiling at each other. But they think that I broke up with my boyfriend when I actually didn't ofc. One day the truth will come out and I don't want to disappoint them, and I hate hiding things from them, it's unhealthy for me. I'm in a sticky situation right now..
    lovemimoon
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