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I don't know what to do with my relationshipšŸ˜­

Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
edited October 2021 in Sex & Relationships
The user and all related content has been deleted.
lovemimoonLa_LaAislingDMJustV

Comments

  • jorgejorge Posts: 11 Settling in
    edited October 2021
    Hey @zaynab_5

    It's really wonderful that you are both deeply in love with each other and he is looking our for you. What I would suggest is letting him know of your feelings, thoughts and the situation, so he is aware of what is going on and doesn't worry about you suddenly not talking to him.

    Your parents seem a bit on the controlling side and violating your privacy is definitely not right or warranted, but maybe you could explain to them your feelings. how your boyfriend makes you feel and how they make you feel by treating you like a small child. Also, telling them that you don't intent to do any drugs might help calm them down, since that really seems important to them.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Bless your heart @zaynab_5 ! You must be beyond frustrated by your phone being taken, especially because, as you say, talking with him and expressing yourself to him has brought you much joy. You deserve to feel that happiness <3. I completely hear what you mean about feeling like his doing drugs doesn't make him a bad person, and you'd certainly be right! Whilst it's understandable for parents to be concerned about newer people in their children's' lives, this can become really exasperating when they are not willing to listen to how it is making you feel. You deserve to have your own space to talk with friends and partners, without your parents watching your every move. Given that your lack of access to your phone is what is causing a huge problem, I'm wondering if your parents have given any indication of when/if you will be allowed your phone back? :)

    I'm really glad to hear that you have found someone who makes you feel warm and loved, as this is what you deserve, and whilst your worries are understandable, I truly do think you do not need to panic about 'who he's talking to', as it sounds like he cares for you immensely. Perhaps speaking with him honestly about your fears could be beneficial as it could allow for open communication between the two of you?

    We are here for whatever you need, and I think @jorge 's advice was really helpful, so please do let us know how things are, if you feel comfortable to <3<3
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  • SirArchibaldSirArchibald Posts: 75 Budding Regular
    Hi @zaynab_5
    Its so nice that you've found someone you really like and have been able to connect with. It sounds like he reallyl ikes you and care for you deeply. I am sorry your parents reacted so negatively when they found out you had a boyfriend. I am glad that you can still find times when you can speak to him, even if it is just for a little bit each day. I can't imagine how frustrating it must feel for you to have your phonetaken away. Your parents don't have the right to violate your privacy like that and look thorugh your message to him. I am sorry that they did that. Although I can understand their concerns, smoking weed can be quite harmful when you are young and if you smoke it regularly. But there is nothing wrong with engaging with it from time to time for fun. I think your parents are just concerned for you and don't want you to get brought down the wrong path and they obvisously think that your boyfriend could do that. However, taking away your phone and telling you to break up with him is not the right thing for them to do.
    Perhaps you could talk to your parents about how this has made you feel and about how much your boyfriends means to.It seems they are worried about you getting into drugs so perhps reassure them that you are not going to do them.
    It might also be good to mention to your boyfriend to not mention smoking weed when you message as this seems to be what is upsetting your parents.
  • Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€ LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
    edited October 2021
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  • Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€ LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
    edited October 2021
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    AislingDM
  • Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€ LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
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  • SirArchibaldSirArchibald Posts: 75 Budding Regular
    @zaynab_5
    I am really sorry that your parents don't give you any privacy, it must be incredibly frustrating. I can understand why you feel so paranoid. Its a shame that they don't trust you not to be influenced by him and it really good that your boyfriend respects you and your decisions, it sounds like you too have a very good relationship. If you have already spoken to your parents and they don't seem to understand then there might not be much else to do but wait. With time they might see that your relationship is deeper than they believe it to be and grow to be more supportive when they see that your boyfriend is not going anywhere despite what they say.
    It might be difficult to wait for when u get a phone after alevels, but its seems like you have founds ways to talk to your boyfriend which is really good. It also a good sign that your boyfriend is reassuring you.
    From what it sounds you guys have a really solid foundation and while this situation is not ideal, it seems like you can make it work, and it wont be forever.
    I really hope you guys can make it as you both see really happy with each other.
    Past User
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Huge well done to you @zaynab_5 !! Being open and vulnerable with him cannot have been easy, but the fact that you were brave enough to do that is simply wonderful. I'm extremely glad that your honesty has paid off, in regards to him being able to reassure you =) This really reinforces how important healthy, honest communication is, which shows really great signs for your relationship more generally!

    In terms of your parents though, it must feel beyond gutting to feel like they don't trust you enough with a smartphone or your own internet access, without them supervising it pretty heavily. No one should be made to feel like they have to hide things from their parents in order for their relationship to survive. Your happiness and sense of love is super important and I know that must be made confusing when people who love do not treat you the way you need. You truly are doing so wonderfully to share all of this with us, and I'm curious about whether conversations with your parents have ever led down the path of 'can I be trusted with more responsibility?' <3 Huge hugs x
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  • Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€ LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
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    lovemimoonAislingDM
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    I completely get what you mean, and it shows how caring and compassionate you are that you are able to try really hard to see your parents' perspective and that you can still feel their love for you, even if it leaves you restricted from things that bring you joy. It's beyond reasonable that you're left feeling uncomfortable when keeping things from your parents, after all you care about them so much and you also want to feel free to be loud and proud in your happiness, which you truly deserve. Keeping things a secret must leave you feeling so strained, I guess that's why I'm glad you're talking about it on here, so it's not building up immensely with no outlet at all. I'm happy that there has been some return to normalcy in terms of your relationship with your parents, and I sincerely hope that one day they will be able to see your side of things <3 How are things in the last week? xxx
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  • Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€ LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
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    AislingDM
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    I love to hear this!! It's abso no worries, you deserve to feel heard by everyone, including your parents :) I am so thrilled that you were able to enjoy some fun activities with your parents, especially because food can be an easy thing to bond over, without convos becoming too personal or emotional <3 Omg me too!!! What did you think of the show?? x
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  • Past UserPast User RecoveringšŸ„€ LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
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  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    hahah I just love that for you guys, like enjoying a nice hot meal can actually alleviate so much of the suface-level pain, like i'm not saying it's some cure-all but it can defo make you feel warm after a hard day or period of time!!! Yeah I 10000% agree like it explored such important and interesting themes, but truly the storylines of the characters like Ali and Ji-yeong were so terribly sad and it left me with such an empty feeling just because of how much better some deserved :( Glad to have watched it though!!! xxx
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    Past User
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