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“Favourite person” in BPD

SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
my favourite person is a supervisor. I’m really obsessed. How do I stop? I feel like a weirdo
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Oooo I honestly don't know 😅

    My BPD doesn't effect my relationships with people but I guess the only thing I would say is to remember your boundaries and don't step over the line. At the end of the day, they are a colleague and they are not responsible for your mental wellbeing, ultimately its you so try not to become depend on them as they don't owe you anything.

    Reading this back it sounds a little harsh but it will stop things from getting messy and prevent you from feeling worse if things go a bit pear shaped ❤️
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2021
    Thank you @Salix_alba_2019 I want to be friends with her but I think she sees herself as higher than me and to remain professional. Like I asked her if she has experience mental illness and she did answer but she also said oh it would be unprofessional for me to say but because you asked I’ll say. Like no police and nurses have always told me about their mental health when I haven’t even asked. And like why can’t we be friends you tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine lol. Like I didn’t know these chats where soo professional.

    I know this makes me sound like a weirdo but like this is just purely my BPD I think. Not like oh I want a romantic relationship with her or anything like that at all. But like at work all I do is think about getting her attention. Like trying to figure out when she will have her break so I can “Bump” into her when she leaves the office. Or walking past her office. Like OMG what a weirdo she probably doesn’t give me a second thought. I have also messaged her on Facebook the other day. She replied but still like In a professional way. Like omgg I know she is a different kind of supervisor but loads of sales assistants are friends with supervisors. I speak to her weekly in her office about how Iam feeling. And it’s like anyone who shows they care I like stick to them. It’s like my brain chooses someone and that’s it. And I’m scared I’ll message her again and she blocks me

    I speak to her weekly cause my BPD is affecting work. And they wanted me to speak to a manager weekly but I chose her. It’s like I was obsessed with her before she gave me any attention.

    And I’m scared I’ll get into more crisiss at work if I feel like she doesn’t like me.

    I spoke to her yesterday and she was asking me if i want to get better which I’m still abit offended by
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    @Salix_alba_2019 or anyone. Do you think I should like warn her about favourite person in BPD. But then she might become more distant
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I keep thinking of reasons to message her on Facebook
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Shaunie wrote: »
    @Salix_alba_2019 or anyone. Do you think I should like warn her about favourite person in BPD. But then she might become more distant

    I'd never tell you what to do but I would encourage you to think about the pros and the cons of you telling her. If you feel as if it would help the situation go ahead but if also regpcnise that hings might not go as planned and it might backfire leaving you feeling worse 😅
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    It sounds like this is causing you a lot of intense worry @Shaunie ! I am sure this is extremely distressing for you, particularly because you care about her and are grateful for her support. I'm hearing that you really want to connect more with her, and this feeling is augmented so much more by her having become your FP. Given how much distress this is causing you, it's beyond reasonable that you're looking for advice on how to follow on from this, particularly about whether to tell her about FPs in BPD. As, @Salix_alba_2019 has said, it's important that we try to consider what any positives and negatives of telling your supervisor could be. Beyond this, I am wondering if you've had an FP before, and if so, how did you approach this relationship in the past? (more than okay if you don't feel keen on answering this one) <3
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    You’re right I won’t tell her. Would make me upset if tries to distance. Though I think she is already doing that after my crisis last week In work where the police came to work and yeah let’s not go into it

    I’ve had a few Favourite people. It’s really hard thing to explain. I’ve read about what a favourite person means to people online with BPD. But I feel like it’s very different for everyone. I’ve read one person explaining it as “they can make or break your day” and that is the most thing I’ve related too. I only ever have one favourite person at a time. @Aife was once one of them. And for example if aife was replying to people on the boards I would really want some attention lol. And it would make me really really distressed thinking omg she doesn’t care about me when In the back of my mind I knew like oh there are other users here, like it doesn’t mean she suddenly dislikes you. But that’s what my brain would think and it was distressing. I don’t know maybe you noticed that at some point @Aife lol. I don’t know if it was obvious. I had a favourite person in CAMHS. Basically all my old co ordinators apart from one have been. And also a counsellor from rape crisis and also a nurse from when I was sectioned, But obviously that one only lasted for how long I was there for but I was very upset to leave because I liked her.

    And also my old manger was before this supervisor
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I can’t stop thinking about her asking me if I want to get better. She said it more than once. I’m trying to just stay alive like give me a chance
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Thank you so much for explaining what a FP feels like to you, as you said, I'm sure it's difficult to articulate the intensity of your feelings in these situations. I think that makes so much sense the 'make or break your day' thing and it makes it all the more reasonable that you're constantly thinking about how your supervisor is talking to and interacting with you. You've mentioned that you keep thinking of her asking you about 'getting better' and I wonder if you'd feel comfortable to talk to her about it? I'm just wondering what you feel might help your situation, because you do not deserve to feel this distressed all the time, and you certainly deserve to be understood by others and not asked 'if you want to get better'.

    Given that you've experienced having FPs before, I'm curious if there was anything that made processing those emotions easier at those times? <3
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    She is leaving friday & yeah I am very upset
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Hugs Shaunie.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    Thanks for keeping us up to date @Shaunie. You are showing a lot of strength by letting us know how you are feeling despite feeling upset.

    Is there anything that might help this to feel more manageable for you at the moment? We are here for you and listening to you :)
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  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    That must be beyond gutting for you Shaunie, I can't imagine how horrid it was for you to get that news. Big hugs to you and hoping on anything that will make this time easier for you <3
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I added her on Facebook and she accepted so I am feeling okay about it now. Normally when my fav person leaves - that’s it never see or hear from them again. But atleast will still feel somewhat close by seeing her posts lol
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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