questioning sexuality after experiences with men

BillieTheBot

This discussion was created from comments split from: Am I gay? Or has past abuse made me not attracted to men?.

Former Member

Hi for most of my life I’ve been surrounded by women except my dad but I don’t talk to him very much and he’s never been there growing up even though we live together. Because of my up bring I’ve always been timid by men but I when I got a boyfriend it was a very emotional abusive relationship and there were times thought the abuse would become physical and now I don’t want to be anywhere near men anymore ( like male doctor’s or friends/ boyfriends ) ps I’ve been out as bisexual since the age of 13 or younger but now I’m starting to question this through my experiences with men.

lovemimoon

Heya!
Thank you for reaching out to us!
I'm sorry you went through a horrific experience and I hope you're doing well.

I identify as bisexual female and I've experienced sexual abuse as a child. The perpetrators were men, and the experience has shaped the way I saw intimacy and relationships with men. I still find it difficult to navigate through my sexuality but I'm still learning. Still healing. I still find men sexually and romantically attractive but I also feel this way towards women.
Take your time to heal from the trauma.
Take your time to explore your sexuality, as nothing is set. It's all fluid.

We're here for you, hun!

JustV

Welcome to the community @iss! Awesome to see you posting.

Just a quick one to say we moved your post and @lovemimoon's response into its own thread. Most of the time, it's best to start a new thread for what you want to talk about rather than adding to an existing one. There are some exceptions, like the hugs thread.

Back on topic, though, I want to echo what @lovemimoon has said - take your time to explore your feelings and who you're attracted to. I think it's quite normal for your past relationships and interactions with people to impact who you're attracted to (or at least make you question it).

I grew up around women too, and had mostly female friends for most of my life. I don't identify as totally straight (whatever the word for that is!) and at times I wonder whether the lack of men in my earlier life has impacted who I'm attracted to now.

I'm not sure how helpful this is. I guess I just wanted to highlight that it's normal if this isn't clear, and it's okay if your experiences do impact your sexuality or attraction to people. And it's okay to explore it all and take time to process your experiences and the impact they're having on you.

@iss how are you feeling emotionally about this?

Former Member

Hiya @iss

I'm so sorry that you've experienced an abusive relationship. Sending lots of hugs! I agree with the others, sexuality is fluid and can be an exciting journey, not just a destination. Can you recall any positive interactions you've had with the men in your life?

Laura_tigger82

Hi @Sona

Thanks for supporting our community. Your support is super valuable! How are you today? And welcome to our community by the way