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To those who hurt you - unsent letters

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  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonDeactivated Posts: 321 The Mix Regular
    to my old happy self, before my abuse

    you took my freedom you took my virginity you took my whole life away from me. you tracked my every movement i couldn't go to school you was raping me and abusing me you used to make me be silent so that my foster carers couldn't find out, you stopped me from doing activity's and everything a 10 year old would do.
    I used to feel terrified i used to self harm each night to deal with the pain you had caused me.
    I was 12 i was in year 7 you started meeting me outside my school i used to start crying i started ending my life i felt i had nothing but to go along with you through those harsh times. you caused me a pregnancy from how horrible you were to me.
    at 13 i thought i had my partner and things were looking up, you raped me at a train station and made me suffer.
    i hope you know how much you have hurt me you are a useless lying prick and i hate you.

    the pain, the loss of Meila, the amount of grieve i had was horrible i am now dying because of you.
    want to know what you caused me?
    a eating disorder, past traumatic stress disorder, a life of suicide a whole running away and ending in hospital and getting picked up by police.
    my mum died and i didn't get to say bye because you was raping me the day she passed away.
    i didn't get to say bye you know how horrible that is?

    my dad has hated me ever since saying why didn't you say bye to your own mother? you disgraceful girl you're not my daughter if you leave i don't care you lied about loving your mother and get out of my life.

    do you know how hard that is? getting called that and knowing if i had the chance i would of said goodbye but you caused me harm that night and i didn't get to say goodbye.
    i am a failure i am 18 with no hopes of the future i am a walking dead person,

    i hope you understand one day how much you've impacted my life goodbye

    summer
    Kate_20LorryTrucklovemimoonLa_La
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonDeactivated Posts: 321 The Mix Regular
    edited September 2021
    @Kate_20 @KalekaA if you want to share yours @Millie2787 and @maryam852
    Laura_tigger82
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 621 Incredible Poster
    summerxo21 wrote: »

    Hugs summer. <3
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    XLillyXLaura_tigger82
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonDeactivated Posts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    summerxo21 wrote: »

    Hugs summer. <3

    omg you read it :'( x
    Laura_tigger82La_La
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandCommunity Champion Posts: 2,449 Boards Champion
    "Are you sober now? Is it over?" Line in a song I relate to the most. Ever. Because of him.

    Why. Why did you do it? Why did you have to hurt me like that?

    Used to think your threats were empty, meaningless. You couldn't. But at the same time, I still took what you said seriously.

    Didn't expect you to do that. Never. I love you but I hate what you did to me. How I can't tell anyone because I still care about you now, and all those around you. Because at the moment, I'm the only one hurting. If I told, loads of people would be hurt, loads. I'm doing you a favour.
    It's much easier to say "My tooth is aching" 
    than to say "My heart is broken"
    Laura_tigger82Anch0r33La_La
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 2,976 Boards Guru
    Hi all,

    What a great thread. I think it is really important to have a positive and creative outlet for our difficult experiences. What better than in such a supportive space too! Thanks everyone for helping one another. I hope writing your letters is helping you too :3
    I'm a community moderator. I represent The Mix on the discussion boards and I'm here to help guide discussions, make sure everything is within guidelines, and take care of the housekeeping. I can't send or receive private messages, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with any questions or concerns and the team will get back to you.

    Community Guidelines | How to use the boards | How to report a post | How to report spam
    Anch0r33LorryTruckLa_La
  • La_LaLa_La PLANET MARSPosts: 156 Helping Hand
    These are all really moving and powerful letters. I am really inspired by these and think its really great way to share one's feelings.
    Is it ok if I share some too? :3

    Dear [REDACTED],
    Although I am grateful to you for giving me life, taking care of me and feeding me as well as attending to my basic needs; I think it is a great shame that you refuse to work through the many traumas created in our relationship. From childhood, I was treated as if I was the problem, the strange one, the one who caused you grief and pain. But I do not think I was actually half as bad a kid as you say I was. Maybe I was more different than the typical kid. I certainly struggled severely with communication and emotional awareness. But that didn't mean I was hopeless or a troublemaker at all. I have no choice but to find closure on my own now, as I cannot force you to work through the pain with me if you refuse to even believe what happened in the first place.
    It pains me when people solely credit you for my development, even though I also played a huge role in my own growth. I am tired of my child self being treated like they were incompetent, when they were just doing their best to survive in a world that refused to accept them. Now it's my job to take care of that child and show them just how good this world really is for them.
    All the best,
    La_La

    To all the people in my family trying to tell me how to live my life,
    Please leave me alone. I have been letting too many people dictate how I should live my life, what jobs I should be applying for, how I should wear my hair and makeup, about many things from my looks to my personality; and I'm just worn out! How about you focus on your own lives instead of meddling in mines for once? I will continue to do my best to drown out your voices so that I can be the one controlling my own life instead. I'm going to die someday, so I'd rather die on my own terms instead of unhappily obeying yours, thank you! From here on out, I'm focusing on my own healing and even if you think that I'm taking too long to move forwards that's not my problem anymore.

    To the dodgy ppl online,
    I am glad I escaped before you could do anything, but I think you are very cruel. Why did you all treat young people in such a manipulative way online? I am glad I blocked you all and that the site itself got deleted. How many other people have you made uncomfortable by doing these things? I have learnt a lot about internet safety now as a result.

    And finally, to him;
    Dude, you are really annoying. There's nothing between us anymore. Give up already thank you. The damage has been dealt already. I've learnt many lessons about my own weaknesses and flaws thanks to you, but I'm done now.
    ~ Dreamer ~
    Anch0r33BrookeeLorryTruck
  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 995 Part of The Mix Family
    edited January 21
    Hey @Anch0r33 - first of all, it sounds like you have been holding a lot of complex emotions about this situation, and can appreciate how exhausting this can be, particularly if it is the case that things feel like there is no way out of it and that time hasn't helped so far in feeling a sense of closure from this hurt. It can be hard in these moments, when these feelings feel so intense, however try to show yourself some of the kindness and compassion that you show others in this space.

    From what you have written, it sounds like this situation is in relation to another user on the boards, and so I have removed the post in line with the guidelines. It may be worthwhile checking in with @TheMix team to talk the situation through with them if it is in relation to another user. Generally speaking, we encourage people to not air grievances with other users on a public forum. That all said, you do deserve a space to talk through how this situation has impacted you and there are a number of services that can offer that to you, in confidence. In particular, you may find some of the following helpful:
    The Mix's helpline (3pm-midnight) | call 08088084994
    Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
    Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email [email protected]
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email [email protected]
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
    I'm a community moderator. I represent The Mix on the discussion boards and I'm here to help guide discussions, make sure everything is within guidelines, and take care of the housekeeping. I can't send or receive private messages, but you can message @TheMix or email with any questions or concerns and the team will get back to you.
    La_La
  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 995 Part of The Mix Family
    I am just temporarily closing this thread for the evening, it's really important to PM @TheMix to talk through any concerns or feelings if these are related to another user on here.
    I'm a community moderator. I represent The Mix on the discussion boards and I'm here to help guide discussions, make sure everything is within guidelines, and take care of the housekeeping. I can't send or receive private messages, but you can message @TheMix or email with any questions or concerns and the team will get back to you.
    La_La
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