How do you know you are ready for a relationship?

Former Member

Hello all,

So it's been a 2 years now since I've had a proper relationship. I've had little flings with others but never lead to anything. I'm a very independent person and could happily be alone, but I don't want to be alone forever. I'm just curious as to how others knew they were ready for a relationship again? 
I've been thinking a lot about it and realising How alone I sometimes feel. I miss the whole aspect of relationships. The physical communication, emotional connection and just social aspect of having someone. It sounds stupid I know. 

I've been in some pretty tough relationships that were utterly toxic and impact my mental well-being poorly. I just don't know if I'm ready to potentially put myself through it again, like I feel ready but is the fear and anxiety of the potential toxic relationship impacting the ready feeling I have?
I don't know.
I'd like to move on, share special moments with someone, have someone to love me and love them, I'd like to be able to create positive memories

This probably doesn't even make sense.

Former Member

Just wanted to give this a bump incase anyone has any advice

Former Member

Hi @GreenTea, 

Okay, so I'm actually still coping with a breakup at the moment, so I can't share advice about how I knew I was ready - because I'm not. However, I will share what I think I am aiming for to feel 'ready', just incase that helps in some way! And then I hope somebody who has been through this will be able to share more advice too

The way you're feeling doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like you are missing a bunch of aspects of a relationship, which seems like a good sign that you would quite like to find somebody again. For me, I want to get to a point where I am sure of myself, who I am and what I want in life. Where I'm not still thinking about my ex, and I'm ready to share my memories with somebody else. When I don't 'need' somebody to do life with me, but I 'want' somebody by my side. 

Now, you mention that you've had some tough experiences in the past, so it's totally understandable to worry whether you're ready for that again. It really is okay to just dip your toes into the water a little bit. Start talking to people, super chilled, just to really pay attention on how it makes you feel. If you discover that, actually, you aren't quite ready, that's totally fine! 

I think take it one step at a time. The right person will understand that you've had difficult experiences before, so you may need a little support through this whole thing. They'll understand and you'll feel comfortable to be supported by them

Maisy

I don't think how you feel is stupid at all.

I, too, have been thinking about relationships more. I'm content being single, don't feel jealous about others being in relationships or that I'm missing out. My last relationship was over a decade ago and I decided not to date for years, because I didn't feel 'ready'. Thinking about it now, what I actually meant was, I didn't like myself enough to feel vulnerable and share myself with someone. Relationships can be great when they are going well, but when one person has other things going on in their life or has had a history of going through toxic relationships, it can impact the relationship. And I felt like I didn't want that to happen so I waited and put myself through therapy (thinking I could 'fix' myself enough to be ready for a relationship). Turns out, I was actually a bit mistaken. 

I now feel more 'ready' to have a relationship. The two things that happened for me that made me feel this way was 1) being true to myself/rediscovering myself and  2) thinking about the future and what I wanted. This is important because for a long time I hated myself, always felt like I had nothing to offer others and couldn't possibly think of why anyone would want to be friends let alone date me. It's taken years but I've finally realised that I'm not as bad as I thought I was. I also feel that I've become more comfortable sharing my feelings, even when I'm struggling, and learning to recognising when something isn't working out and to either problem solve or leave before things get worse. I've also realised I tend to go along with things a lot and have previously felt shame about my own interests. So I started trying to be more myself and think about what I like, find interesting etc., and not judging it. The result was I feel more myself. This then leads to thinking about what I actually want for myself, in my life and for the future. I'm still not very clear on that, but I started to think that maybe I do actually want a relationship and a family of my own. This came about reflecting on the past and thinking about what I value in life. Now that I have a clearer idea of who I am and what I want, I feel more 'ready' for a relationship. 

In a relationship, it's important to be yourself and show up as who you are and not pretending to be someone you aren't. It's also important to know what you want and be able to communicate that to a potential partner. It's okay to miss being in a relationship, though not wise to get into one out of loneliness. But it seems like you are on the right track to being ready for a relationship as you realise that you want to share special moments and create positive memories  

Former Member

Hey @GreenTea

I'm just checking in to see how you may be feeling now?!

All the best