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molmol Posts: 46 Boards Initiate
edited March 2021 in Sex & Relationships
Post edited by Mike on


  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Keep being you<3 Posts: 1,366 Wise Owl
    Hello @mol❤️
    I think the best thing you can do is write your feelings down in a diary/secret diary and write what your thinking and after keep it in a safe place. 
    Or just talk to us if you like we will all care and help you ❤️🥰
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,102 Wise Owl
    Hi @mol

    I can really relate here, I feel terrible looking back at some of the stupid stuff I did when I was younger. I think we all have that part of us tbh. It’s good to remember that none of us are perfect and it’s by making mistakes that we learn.

    I don’t think you can ever really ‘forget’ about that stuff but for me it’s more about reframing it in my mind and it becomes less significant - yes it was dumb, but nothing awful happened as a result and actually I’ve learnt from that. 

    Don’t know if that helps at all... sending hugs 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruModerator Posts: 400 Moderator
    Hey there,

    I definitely agree with @Lucy307 about remembering that none of us are perfect. We are all human, we all make mistakes and have regrets. I also wanted to emphasise that we can learn from our regrets.

    We can't go back and change the past, and if your regrets involve other people, then chances are, they may not necessarily be thinking of you as they may be focused on their own lives and their own regrets. But we can learn from our regrets.

    Sometimes our feelings are out of proportion to the situation, and in that case you can just reassure yourself- that you were younger and made some mistakes and that's okay because we all do that. Other times, you may want to think about what it is that you actually regret- whether it's something you did or didn't do, and you might want to think about how you can use these regrets as lessons for the future- whether that's something you should do more or less of. For example, for me, I've learnt that I need to assert myself more, particularly when it comes to relationships, or I may end up 'just going along' with things. I also regret not taking a chance with a particular person when I could've so I have learnt to be more proactive when approaching others. In turn, using my regrets as lessons to learn from, has also helped me to become more reflective and builds up my self-esteem. You may find that trying to forget such things doesn't work and may actually make the problem seem worse as you may find yourself thinking more about it (while actively trying to forget about it).

    The bottom line is- it's completely normal to have regrets, no matter how awkward or embarrassing they may seem. We might fixate on our regrets, but chances are, others might not. Sometimes our feelings are out of proportion with what happened, while other times we can try to learn from our regrets to prevent similar things from happening in the future. 

    Hope this helps a bit :) 
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  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,188 Wise Owl
    Heya @mol I hope you don't mind me sharing a bit of my personal experience. 

    I lived abroad for 2 years from the ages of 16-18. 

    While I was 17 I ended up getting friendly with one of my summer league teammates (I played at an academy but once that was done I played in the summer league) and he came round a lot. I'm not sure how it happened but we ended up having sex a day before I was due to leave where I lived. 

    I went to another area to visit a friend from the academy I was at and ended up having sex with him. So it was about 2 days apart. I told one of my female friends who knew both boys and she was upset at me so ended up convincing me to tell the first boy who was emotionally invested in me by this time. 

    I felt really guilty and the boy 1 kicked off at me. We rarely talk, I think he still hates me tbh. It's like 3 years later and he still hates me. 

    I do feel guilty, but I don't regret any of it. I think it's a learning experience. I didn't cheat on anyone but I hurt boy 1 and that's not something I want to do to anyone again. 

    My current bf knows about this and he doesn't like it either, but I think he knows I don't want to do it again and I don't want to hurt anyone. 

    When I was 17 I moved to a new team and a new area. I was in a bad head state and slept with possibly the ugliest boy there, who I happened to get along with really well. Slept with him twice in two different locations and didn't enjoy either time. I think I was just so mentally not there that I thought I deserved it and owed myself to whoever wanted me. Word got out and one of the other boys snuck me into his dorm room. We ended up getting caught and nothing happened but god it was so shitty. Think getting caught really snapped me out of what I was doing. 

    My long term bf and I got together a few months after this and I've never screwed about with him or done anything and I can't even imagine doing so. 

    I do think you learn from your experiences and there's no point regretting anything. Just live your life the way you wanna live it and be proud of who you are and don't let past experiences put a downer on how you portray yourself <3
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  • molmol Posts: 46 Boards Initiate
    Wanted to add - an old friend I got close with in college just messaged me and mentioned how we’ve drifted and brought up how we used to be & it instantly made me anxious, I told him it makes me feel uncomfortable. Idk why cringey and unwanted memories give me so much anxiety, the memories & thoughts of being with them makes me feel so shameful and gross but I can’t understand why 
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,102 Wise Owl
    Hey @mol it’s good you shared with him that it makes you uncomfortable talking about it, hopefully that will mean he won’t carry on if it’s making you anxious. 

    I think for me some of the regret / shame stems from feeling like I’ve grown and learnt and therefore wouldn’t dream of doing the things I did in the past again... almost like I don’t recognise myself and feel I was a different person (a person that I wouldn’t particularly like now) back then. If that makes sense? I don’t know whether you can relate to that at all or if you feel there’s something else going on for you? 

    Take care 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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