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Regrets
mol
Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
mol
Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
Essential support for under 25s
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I can really relate here, I feel terrible looking back at some of the stupid stuff I did when I was younger. I think we all have that part of us tbh. It’s good to remember that none of us are perfect and it’s by making mistakes that we learn.
I don’t think you can ever really ‘forget’ about that stuff but for me it’s more about reframing it in my mind and it becomes less significant - yes it was dumb, but nothing awful happened as a result and actually I’ve learnt from that.
Lucy
I definitely agree with @Lucy307 about remembering that none of us are perfect. We are all human, we all make mistakes and have regrets. I also wanted to emphasise that we can learn from our regrets.
We can't go back and change the past, and if your regrets involve other people, then chances are, they may not necessarily be thinking of you as they may be focused on their own lives and their own regrets. But we can learn from our regrets.
Sometimes our feelings are out of proportion to the situation, and in that case you can just reassure yourself- that you were younger and made some mistakes and that's okay because we all do that. Other times, you may want to think about what it is that you actually regret- whether it's something you did or didn't do, and you might want to think about how you can use these regrets as lessons for the future- whether that's something you should do more or less of. For example, for me, I've learnt that I need to assert myself more, particularly when it comes to relationships, or I may end up 'just going along' with things. I also regret not taking a chance with a particular person when I could've so I have learnt to be more proactive when approaching others. In turn, using my regrets as lessons to learn from, has also helped me to become more reflective and builds up my self-esteem. You may find that trying to forget such things doesn't work and may actually make the problem seem worse as you may find yourself thinking more about it (while actively trying to forget about it).
The bottom line is- it's completely normal to have regrets, no matter how awkward or embarrassing they may seem. We might fixate on our regrets, but chances are, others might not. Sometimes our feelings are out of proportion with what happened, while other times we can try to learn from our regrets to prevent similar things from happening in the future.
Hope this helps a bit
I lived abroad for 2 years from the ages of 16-18.
While I was 17 I ended up getting friendly with one of my summer league teammates (I played at an academy but once that was done I played in the summer league) and he came round a lot. I'm not sure how it happened but we ended up having sex a day before I was due to leave where I lived.
I went to another area to visit a friend from the academy I was at and ended up having sex with him. So it was about 2 days apart. I told one of my female friends who knew both boys and she was upset at me so ended up convincing me to tell the first boy who was emotionally invested in me by this time.
I felt really guilty and the boy 1 kicked off at me. We rarely talk, I think he still hates me tbh. It's like 3 years later and he still hates me.
I do feel guilty, but I don't regret any of it. I think it's a learning experience. I didn't cheat on anyone but I hurt boy 1 and that's not something I want to do to anyone again.
My current bf knows about this and he doesn't like it either, but I think he knows I don't want to do it again and I don't want to hurt anyone.
When I was 17 I moved to a new team and a new area. I was in a bad head state and slept with possibly the ugliest boy there, who I happened to get along with really well. Slept with him twice in two different locations and didn't enjoy either time. I think I was just so mentally not there that I thought I deserved it and owed myself to whoever wanted me. Word got out and one of the other boys snuck me into his dorm room. We ended up getting caught and nothing happened but god it was so shitty. Think getting caught really snapped me out of what I was doing.
My long term bf and I got together a few months after this and I've never screwed about with him or done anything and I can't even imagine doing so.
I do think you learn from your experiences and there's no point regretting anything. Just live your life the way you wanna live it and be proud of who you are and don't let past experiences put a downer on how you portray yourself
(_) | ()---|---() | | __ | __ |\ /^\ /| '..-' '-..' `-._ _.-` `Lucy