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Anyone Miss/remember me? :’3
Former Member
Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
(TW: Suicide, descriptions of hospitalisation)
Hey guys. Had rough days. I’ve missed talking to you all.
The last time you heard from me was when I was going to leave home, yes, it happened. Then social care didn’t let me go home, so I stayed at a friends for a few weeks, but I felt guilty. I couldn’t carry on with life any longer, so after school I didn’t go to her house. I stayed out at night, planning an overdose. I had them. Later on in the night, she found me with another friend. I told them to go home. They followed me. I walked out in front of cars to scare them off, but instead my best friend stayed by my side, walked in front of those cars and never left my side, my other friend didn’t, but my bestie did. She nearly got hit one time, and I was crying and telling her to leave. She was so upset and mad.
Someone’s had called the police, and when they came, I tried to leave, but she helped them and grabbed me. They put me in the car, spoke to her outside. One sat in the car with me. Then they put her in the car, and took us back to hers. I said I couldn’t stay there. So as soon as they opened the door, I ran. The police grabbed me, and put me back in the car. My besties mum agreed that she couldn’t make me stay, so the police put me on a protection order, and when they were talking outside of the car, I overdosed. My friend was suspicious, and told them that she thinks I’ve took something. They didn’t listen. They took me to the police station. I stayed there for hours, until I was really sick and dizzy. So they called paramedics, and they took me To the hospital.
I was put on drips, I had to stay for 2 weeks, also so they could find me a foster placement. I got one and left hospital. But during over half my stay, I escaped the ward, and was about to attempt to end my own life, but police were called and they took me back into the ward, and they didn’t open any doors after that in the ward.
When I got to the foster placement, it wasn’t okay. Then after a few weeks, I couldn’t take everything again, and the thoughts flushed my mind. So I left school, police found me, and took me to the foster home. It was on the last day of school, so there was half term. My foster carers didn’t let’s me out, they locked ‘all’ the windows. No doors to the outside were opened. I refused to eat and do nothing beside wait at the door and wait for someone to come. Just sitting there. I’d go bed late, and wake up early and sit there. That’s all I did. I wanted to go. They called a doctor to the house to check on me, I refused him. I said that I’ll just leave with the doctor, so the doctor couldn’t leave for a while, but they managed a way out, so it annoyed me, and so I checked the windows upstairs because I didn’t check them ones.
My carer ran up and grabbed me, and rang the police. They chatted, but I didn’t talk much. They left, and the paramedics came. I barricade myself in the room. They couldn’t get in. So they called the fire engine. They were going to cut through the roof. There was a tiny gap at the top of the door, and a police woman was coming over the top, I knew she was going to get in, but she was sacrificing her knee, as it was going to get injured. So I told her to get down and I’ll move the bunk bed I barricaded it with. And she thanked me so much, they were all nice. But they said that I’m going to the hospital. I really didn’t want to go. But they put me in so many leg straps, and hand cuffs. Then put more straps on from the ambulance bed. I couldn’t move, they sat on my legs. I kicked off so much. I moved constantly until I fainted because I had no more energy.
Then I remember getting in the hospital and kicking off for hours, as I was still in all the straps on a mattress on the floor in the hospital, and they were all holding and sitting on me. Then they took me to another hospital to be assessed by doctors, and restraints were used all the way. They all sectioned me, the doctors and the police. Now I’m here, in a mental hospital sending this message to you all. And no, this isn’t helping. I still want to die. I hope you are all doing well, even you @Shaunie.
(Mod Edit: Descriptions of suicide methods removed and paragraph breaks added.)
Hey guys. Had rough days. I’ve missed talking to you all.
The last time you heard from me was when I was going to leave home, yes, it happened. Then social care didn’t let me go home, so I stayed at a friends for a few weeks, but I felt guilty. I couldn’t carry on with life any longer, so after school I didn’t go to her house. I stayed out at night, planning an overdose. I had them. Later on in the night, she found me with another friend. I told them to go home. They followed me. I walked out in front of cars to scare them off, but instead my best friend stayed by my side, walked in front of those cars and never left my side, my other friend didn’t, but my bestie did. She nearly got hit one time, and I was crying and telling her to leave. She was so upset and mad.
Someone’s had called the police, and when they came, I tried to leave, but she helped them and grabbed me. They put me in the car, spoke to her outside. One sat in the car with me. Then they put her in the car, and took us back to hers. I said I couldn’t stay there. So as soon as they opened the door, I ran. The police grabbed me, and put me back in the car. My besties mum agreed that she couldn’t make me stay, so the police put me on a protection order, and when they were talking outside of the car, I overdosed. My friend was suspicious, and told them that she thinks I’ve took something. They didn’t listen. They took me to the police station. I stayed there for hours, until I was really sick and dizzy. So they called paramedics, and they took me To the hospital.
I was put on drips, I had to stay for 2 weeks, also so they could find me a foster placement. I got one and left hospital. But during over half my stay, I escaped the ward, and was about to attempt to end my own life, but police were called and they took me back into the ward, and they didn’t open any doors after that in the ward.
When I got to the foster placement, it wasn’t okay. Then after a few weeks, I couldn’t take everything again, and the thoughts flushed my mind. So I left school, police found me, and took me to the foster home. It was on the last day of school, so there was half term. My foster carers didn’t let’s me out, they locked ‘all’ the windows. No doors to the outside were opened. I refused to eat and do nothing beside wait at the door and wait for someone to come. Just sitting there. I’d go bed late, and wake up early and sit there. That’s all I did. I wanted to go. They called a doctor to the house to check on me, I refused him. I said that I’ll just leave with the doctor, so the doctor couldn’t leave for a while, but they managed a way out, so it annoyed me, and so I checked the windows upstairs because I didn’t check them ones.
My carer ran up and grabbed me, and rang the police. They chatted, but I didn’t talk much. They left, and the paramedics came. I barricade myself in the room. They couldn’t get in. So they called the fire engine. They were going to cut through the roof. There was a tiny gap at the top of the door, and a police woman was coming over the top, I knew she was going to get in, but she was sacrificing her knee, as it was going to get injured. So I told her to get down and I’ll move the bunk bed I barricaded it with. And she thanked me so much, they were all nice. But they said that I’m going to the hospital. I really didn’t want to go. But they put me in so many leg straps, and hand cuffs. Then put more straps on from the ambulance bed. I couldn’t move, they sat on my legs. I kicked off so much. I moved constantly until I fainted because I had no more energy.
Then I remember getting in the hospital and kicking off for hours, as I was still in all the straps on a mattress on the floor in the hospital, and they were all holding and sitting on me. Then they took me to another hospital to be assessed by doctors, and restraints were used all the way. They all sectioned me, the doctors and the police. Now I’m here, in a mental hospital sending this message to you all. And no, this isn’t helping. I still want to die. I hope you are all doing well, even you @Shaunie.
(Mod Edit: Descriptions of suicide methods removed and paragraph breaks added.)
Post edited by Former Member on
1
Comments
i have been wondering how youre doing and was hoping you was okay and didn't need the support but I'm sorry things are so bad right now. Dont deserve it at all
have you only just been sectioned now and in hospital again or have you been there for awhile?
i really empathise how horrible it is to be restrant like that and to be somewhere you dont want to be is never nice at all. What section number are you on?
I’m so sorry @Past User, I didn’t mean to make it triggering, I’m very sorry. I just want you to understand my situation a little. And thank you so much for the welcome back, means a lot.
have you been let out on escrote leave yet? If not that could be something to work up to. Or do they have a plan on how to move forward ? I hope it get easier x
And there’s nothing called that here, but they say therapy leave is when you go out with a member of staff, and I’m going on that today for the first time! But I have to have 2 staff, because I’m a bigger risk. And if I try to run, there’s more people to stop me, but I think I’ll get away. I don’t know if I’ll run from them. I might have a really bad and uncontrollable urge.... so I don’t know. But hopefully everything goes well and I don’t run.
And yeah, it’s a big ride, very long. And I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD. And i’m Going on therapy leave again on Monday, hopefully this time I can go outta the vehicle. And I will, thank you.
And thanks! I do enjoy anime.
I have to put everyone before me. xxx
take care.