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Struggling

13

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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Sick of people calling me and calling me on a private number😔 I have evan emailed PALS and asked them to tell my cpn that I don't answer private numbers and then my cpn has just called me on a private number and I answered it because I thought it was the HTT. She wants me to go and see her tomorrow but I'm hardly leaving the house so I'm not going to see her tomorrow but I told her I'de think about it to shut her up she said she'll call me in the morning so I just wont answer it or tell her she can come and see me if she wants.

    I don't think I am going to text my friend saying sorry for slapping her unless she texts me.

    Feeling okay after seeing the HTT. They think I need medication but I can't deal with the side affects and believing it's posion all of the time😔 they kept asking who I was talking to and stroking I said Minks the cat they said they couldnt see a cat.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Trying so hard to block them out😥 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Block block block 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I hope the girl next to my room dosent mind me blasting my music 😒
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    This scary man is following me around telling me to kill myself😭😭
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,313 Part of The Furniture
    How's the blocking out going, @Lubna? Did you manage to get any sleep last night?

    This sounds like a real battle and it's good to see you using the boards to reach out when you need to. How are things feeling at the moment?
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Not very good it works for a little bit but then they come back. I slept from 1am until 5am.

    Feeling rubbish😭 I want to die but I'm going to wales on Monday with my family so just trying to keep on listening to music and self harm to wait a bit to do my plan.

    My cpn was meant to call me at 9:30 or 10:30 but hasent either.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I don't evan feel like going to Wales though😥 but it's been paid for and I've had mine as a Christmas present.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited November 2019
    Rang my cpn because she didnt ring me she said that's fine if I don't want to go and see her and she said she hasent got a car atm so can't come and see me today. 

    I got some people coming at 3:30 and I said I want to cancel because I want to lye in bed, cry and self harm and they said I'm really sorry to hear that you arent feeling well. We need to continue using the skills you have as we know it can be effective. Listen to music maybe and drawing and writing. It is important that you keep using your skills. It will be helpful to talk through everything with me and Michelle later on today😒 I guess that means there coming😔 I havent text back because I don't know what to put. She just rang me, I didnt answer it so she has text me hi are you okay. Yeah like I'm brilliant😭🤔
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited November 2019
    Black cat with piercing red eyes Minks that no-one "can see" but you can see this cat right!? Google represents her better than my drawing 😂 I was told to draw or write but I can't draw a cat
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I spoke to Suman and they should be here in 15mins😔
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Ugh there just leaving now😔 said they'll be here soon.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    So tierd😴 had any hardly any sleep😔
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Really want my mum to pick me up after her driving lesson at 4:45 but she has a date at 6 and it's 45minute drive to mine and back to hers each way so she won't. She said she's only going for an hour on her date so she could pick me up at 7:45 tonight but then we wont be back at hers until 8:30 which is late. I could she if she could and which one she'd perfer if she would do one of them. I'm really not feeling safe to get a train down there.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I'm going to pack because if my mum dosent pick me up this evening she's picking me up tomorrow afternoon.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Packed for Wales I think sweating now😓 think I got everything. 4 outfits, 1 knighty, dressing gown, slippers, shoes, knickers and 2 hot tub costumes. I'm letting my mum pack toiletries😂 can anyone else think of anything else?
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    My mum said she didnt want to pick me up tonight because she has had a long day so Howie (my mums ex partner) said him and his mate would come and pick me up but my mum said no she has cancelled her date and is coming to pick me up in an hour. Does she not know how guilty that makes me feel!?😭😭
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    😥😥
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I should get dressed she'll be here in 20mins.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Lubna, 

    How are you doing? 

    Sending hugs :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Struggling at my mums now though we are of to Wales tomorrow.
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    Jade09Jade09 Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    edited November 2019
    Hey @Lubna

    I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, sending you massive hugs  <3

    How are you feeling about going to Wales with your mum tomorrow?  :3

    - Jade 
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Feeling okay going to Wales with my mum tomorrow (Grandma and sister too) but not looking forward to a 3 hour drive there and not looking forward to coming back on Friday. I want to let my family know whilst we are away how serious I am about ending my own life just to appologise and explain myself if I get the chance though💔 because I'de hate it to be unexpected for my family although I'm not sure if it would be or not because they know what is coming up and all my past attempts.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear



    And we are off. Your privilaged to have half a face 😂
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    30 minutes left in the car! 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear


    We've all arrived 🙂
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi Lubna,

    Looks lovely with the hot tub! Also your dogs are mega cute. I hope you have a nice time 😊

    Fully support you talking to your family about how you’re feeling while you’re there, we’re all here behind you. Let us know how you get on, sending hugs 💜

    - Lucy 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Lubna, :heart:

    Glad you arrived okay- lovely hot tub too! Hope you have a nice time while you are away. 

    Sending hugs :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited November 2019


    I like this picture idk why. Keeping a story off Wales 😂
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear


    Our cabin 🙂
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