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Struggling

LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
in Health & Wellbeing
I'm struggling. I've come home tonight because I'm not spending enough time here but now I feel like self harming. I've already self harmed in one way which hasent worked so now I just want to cry my eyes out.
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    PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    Hi @Lubna I'm so sorry that you are struggling to the point of self harming. You've taken a really positive step reaching out for support on the boards. We're all here to support you through this 3

    Would you feel able to say a bit more about why coming home is making you feel like self harming?  

    This article lists some distractions for self harm based on how you are feeling, such as squeezing ice or writing/drawing how you feel to get your emotions out.

    Would you feel comfortable talking to someone close to you about how you're feeling, such as friends, family or a counsellor? 

    If you think you need any immediate support, The Mix has a 24/7 Crisis Messenger that you can access by texting THEMIX to 85258
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Sending lots of love and hugs <3 I'm really sorry you're struggling. Am I right in hearing that you felt like that when you went home, or were you already feeling bad? If that's true, do you know what it is about home that makes you feel that way?

    How are you feeling now? x
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I felt like it when I went home. It's being alone I think that makes me feel that way.

    I'm not feeling that great because I twisted my ankle this afternoon from falling down the stairs so in a lot of pain😥
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey, I noticed you haven't posted in this thread for a little while and I wanted to ask how things have been? :)

    That must be painful so I hope your ankle's healed now x
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Hey Kathleen thanks for asking.

    I havent stopped overnight at mine since so I have been coping okish.

    Nope, my ankle hasent healed it still hurts a lot when I walk on it.

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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I really need to self harm but I'm at a friends house. 
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm glad you've been coping okayish. I'm sorry your ankle hasn't healed, that really sucks <3

    Are you just visiting them or have you been staying there? Would you like any coping skills for the urge to self-harm, or would you rather not/it doesn't work? <3
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I'm staying here. I don't find any coping techniques helpful. Now I've started to think about suicide again with it 3months until my rapist is released. I've started researching how to do it correctly.

    TW

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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm so sorry you're thinking about suicide again :(

    Do you know what your feelings are that make you think about it? For example, is the stress of the near release of your rapist triggering your general suicidal thoughts, which are based around feeling life is too hard? 

    I respect that it's your life, but please don't end it. Go to A&E if you need to <3 I promise it can get better and you can change your mind. 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Yes it's that 😥
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    That sounds awful for you x
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    AbiAbi Posts: 57 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Lubna

    I just thought I would check in to see how you are doing at the moment?

    I'm sorry to read your going through a rough time at the moment. How have things been since you last reached out to us? 

    I just wanted to share some links with you if you ever believe thing are getting to much and you would like some support at any point. 

    Samaritans - there number is 116 123 they are open day and night. 
    PapyrusUk - you can Call on 0800 068 4141. Text them 07786209697. They are open 9am – 10pm weekdays, 2pm – 10pm weekends, 2pm – 10pm bank holidays. 
    The Mix - the Community Boards are always here if you want to talk (open 24/7) and even on the 1-2-1 Chats and on the Helpline open 4pm till 11pm. 

    I really hope you can continue reach out here at The Mix. We do care about you. 

    <3
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Hi

    Not doing great atm. Still feel the same way. I have stopped looking up online the best way to do it for now but still thinking about doing it when I'm not at my friends house.
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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @Lubna, 

    Just dropping by to send you lots of hugs and support :heart:

    I can hear you are feeling the same way, however you have stopped researching online for now. I know that may only feel like a small step to you, but I wanted to let you know how strong that difference alone shows you are. :heart:

    I can see some supportive links have been shared above so I just wanted to reinforce that there is always support for you and that you really do deserve to feel supported. Take good care - we really are all here for you :heart:
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    AbiAbi Posts: 57 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Lubna

    I just thought I would check in again to see how your doing?

     I have stopped looking up online the best way to do it. 

    This is really positive and I just want to draw your attention to it. We always say a but after a positive thing. Its really positve that you haven't been looking online. Is there anything you could do at your friends which could you not look for way to self harm if this be physically and online? 

    Please do keep reaching out here at The Mix if you feel you would like more support. 

    <3

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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited October 2019
    I am doing ok because I know what I need to do 🙂

    I'm seeing my new psychiatrist today so I shall tell him everything.
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Lubna, 

    Just wanted to pop on to say good luck today seeing your new psychiatrist, hope it goes okay for you :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    It didnt go well yesterday I felt he didnt do a thourgh assesment and sent me home when I am suicidal and had a plan.

    I tried to end my life again earlier on (I have been checked on) and now waiting for the Home treatment team to get in touch.
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    Gemma1Gemma1 Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hi Lubna, I'm sorry to hear things didn't go so well with your psychiatrist yesterday. It's shows strength to share and we are here for you. The Mix also have a 24/7 Crisis Messenger that you can access by texting THEMIX to 85258.

    Have the Home treatment team been in touch yet? 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    No
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    Gemma1Gemma1 Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    I'm sorry they have not been in contact yet, but we are here to support you and you are not alone. Would you like to talk more about how you are feeling now?
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Like they have dangled an attraction in my face. The police left the means I used earlier in my room evan though I don't want to do the same because it didnt work they still should of took it. I'm just self harming to try and distract myself.

    TW

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    Gemma1Gemma1 Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    I can understand that the police should have taken the means with them, and it shows how strong you are to not want to do the same again when they have left it with you. Is there anyone there with you or someone close you could call to help distract and support you?
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Not really no😥
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Hey <3 sounds really hard atm. Did the home treatment come in the end? I hope you was able to keep safe tonight. Here for you <3 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    My mum has just phoned them. A nurse is going to call me in the morning.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    The Home treatment team still havent been in touch. Would they rather that I was dead😭
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Oh Lubna, it sounds like things are horrible for you <3 I'm so sorry to hear you tried to end your life again. It's awful to feel that low and to feel suicidal.

    I hope the home treatment team hurry up and get in touch with you. It sucks that your appointment didn't go well, do you think you'll want to give seeing your psychiatrist another go or talk to anyone else? <3

    I know for a fact you're awesome and loved. We all really value you here and I'd miss you if you were gone. If it's worth anything, stay safe and keep holding on, you will feel differently. Let us know if we can do anything for you and I'm always listening.

    Sending hugs <3
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    The Home treatment team have just been finally. They said the doctors think I need to go back into hospital for a bit. There coming back round tonight.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Good, I'm glad they've been. How do you feel about the hospital thing? x
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